Let me tell you something about Harlow City.
It doesn't care about you.
I figured that out at midnight on a Tuesday, staring out of the car window at a skyline that looked like someone had taken every city I'd ever lived in, stacked them on top of each other and lit them on fire. Towers. Glass. Neon signs reflecting off wet roads. And people - even at that hour there were people, moving through the streets like the night was still early.
I pressed my forehead against the cold window and just watched it.
Mom had been talking since we got on the highway. About the house. About Crestwood
Academy. About fresh starts and open doors and how this was the kind of opportunity
that didn't come around twice.
"This is once in a lifetime opportunity that you can't miss out on honey" She said with her eyes glued onto the GPS.
I nodded when she looked at me. Smiled in the right places just so she won't feel bad.
I didn't tell her that my chest had been hurting since the moment we reversed out of our old driveway.
The scholarship was real. A full ride to one of the most prestigious high schools in the
country - letter, wax seal, the whole thing.
When it arrived my mom read it three times
at the kitchen counter before she started crying. The kind of crying where you clamp
both hands over your mouth and your whole body shakes.
I said yes before I even sat down. What was I supposed to say?
My phone buzzed in my lap. Four messages from Jade, two voice notes from Priya.
I opened Jade's last text.
"okay i'm not going to be dramatic BUT i'm going to be VERY dramatic. you literally
cannot just disappear on us like this. i'm not okay. none of us are okay."
I laughed even though my throat felt like sandpaper. Typed back something short. Put
the phone face down.
We turned off the main road into a residential street that looked like it belonged in a
different universe to everywhere I'd ever lived. Wide roads. Old trees lining both sides.
Houses sitting back from the road like they had room to breathe. Everything quiet and
still and expensive-looking in that way that doesn't announce itself.
We stopped came to a halt in front of a double-storey house with the porch light on.
I got out slowly. The night air was cool and sharp and smelled like rain that was coming
but hadn't arrived yet. I stood on the pavement and looked at the house.
It was the nicest place we had ever lived.
By far.
I don't know why that made me feel worse.
"Help me with the bags, Mila," Mom said while she pooped the trunk open. The movers will bring in the furniture later.
We hadn't packed much. Fresh start, she kept calling it. I carried two bags inside and
tried very hard not to think about all the things we'd left behind.
The house smelled like fresh paint and something warm underneath it - like she'd been burning a candle in here the week before when she came down alone to set everything up. She'd taken three days off work to do that. Driven down by herself, sorted the whole house, and driven back.
She never mentioned it.
That almost broke me.
"Come honey. I want to show you something." She held my arm.
She took me upstairs, down a short hallway, and stopped at the second door on the left.
"This is going to be your room, come on check it out".
I puushed it open and stepped aside.
I walked in and I gasped immediately.
The wall was painted deep burgundy. My favourite colour - the one I mentioned to
her once, three years ago, and completely forgot I'd ever said. Fairy lights were strung
above the bed in a soft arc. My desk was by the window with a small lamp already on.
And on the bookshelf against the wall, every single book I'd left behind because they
wouldn't fit in the car.
She'd made a second trip for the books. I guess so.
"Do you like it?" She asked leaning against the door with her arms folded.
" I love it mom, thank you" I replied.
I don't know what happened but I began to get teary. "Mom- "
"Don't." She held up one hand. Her eyes were already bright. "If you cry I'll cry and I just redid my mascara."
"You're not wearing any mascara." I said.
"I know. I lied so neither of us would cry." She replied.
I laughed it off, walked across the room and hugged her properly. Both arms. Face pressed into her shoulder.
She held on tight and for a while neither of us said anything at all.
"This is going to be good, baby," she said quietly. "I need you to trust me."
I pulled back and nodded sniffling and wiping the remnant of what was about to be tears.
After she left I sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room that was now
mine.
I decided to unpack my bags because I didn't feel tired at all, I didn't want morning to come because the long day ahead entailed me to be the new girl at school.
After I finished unpacking, I went to the bathroom to just wash my face. I was too lazy to shower. I splashed the cool water on my face and then took a towel and wiped the water from my face.
I looked in the mirror and saw that I was a mixture of my mother and father.
I had luxurious black hair, a small nose and smoldering brown eyes. People complimented me often on her looks but now I just felt like the "new scholarship girl".
I went back to my room and lay down underneath the blankets. I listened to the wind blowing but sleep still evaded me.
I still couldn't help but wonder what types of people I would encounter at my new school.
I finally took her phone and decided to check for messages.
I texted Jade and Priya in the group chat. Told them the room was actually insane and that our new house was kinda cool.
Priya replied with seven question marks and a crying emoji. Jade sent back a voice note that was just her screaming.
I smiled at my phone in the dark. By the time I put it down on the dresser, it was past one in the morning.
I closed my eyes and succumbed to sleep.