life after 10th

So, I am now a 17 year old and a 11th grader student.when I was in a class 10th and 9th 8 I wish to go in next class like 11th, 12th and I wish to come big very fast but now I am pretending that I was very good when I was in first second standard 5th standard and then the life after 10th is going very tough now I am slowly slowly going into depression and now slowly slowly thinks are getting tougher and tough and I am doing many mistake I am hurting my loved ones so this is how the life is going after the 10th so the life was wearing good before the 10th.