#11 / 03 / 2019.
…
…
(scribble)
Well, now I'm back.
… My brain really hurts, and I'm tired.
And there are so many things to do, too.
What is that Silver Sea? What is that Starry Sky above? How does knowledge suddenly appear in my mind? How, what? Why?
There's so much to address, to plan — or perhaps not? I don't know…
But what do I actually have in my hands? What can I grasp at this moment? I don't know either.
…
Father, did you bear ignorance — or perhaps the situation was out of your control? Even if you had prepared for a moment on that day, would everything have changed?
You don't know, do you?
… But for myself, desperate to know… how to walk the world as you did…
———
#12 / 03 / 2019.
Hmmmm…
There we go, a premonition.
Right as I awakened, something that would befall this city itself.
It's just… unbelievable, no? What is this? Just as I want to put my mind into discovering my Interpretation, another matter comes at hand.
…
Then again…
The ability is surely neat — Manifestation, is it? What is the meaning of it? What is Interpretation, and what is Manifestation itself?
But one thing I'm certain of is that this ability is just using or manipulating the capacity in my brain — no… I thought it would be some Esper that manipulates mental power, but it is not…
If I'm at Page 1, then there's surely another Page later, no? Mysterious as always.
And then this morning, there is Ayato, who is the same bastard he always is.
I'm certainly curious now. How did he do in these nine months, though? I don't particularly care.
If he's always a coward, afraid to make a choice, when will he accomplish anything? He must learn from his little sister, who is a bit brave but stupid, as always.
Sometimes I have learned it — knowledge is a burden without an accompanying mind to navigate the world, so… it's not bad to turn off your brain and do what you can, no?
Also, let's hope it is just a murder case or perhaps anything in line… after everything that happened.
I don't want my guess to come true after all…
———
#16 / 03 / 2019.
…
My guess came true after all….
Adding another burden and variable — the plan that nearly formed now collapses, since this variable will cause greater interference with everything.
Now…. What should I do aside from nothing? The answer is obvious.
My ability is now weak enough to barely contribute anything.
And Irina… this little brat is seriously giving me a heart attack by going near them.
I'm powerless to do anything or to prevent it.
If I were strong enough to do everything, perhaps there would be no need for her to lift even a finger or care about this case.
But since I have to tell her about everything, the nature of this matter changes.
So… just for now, for now, let me rely on you once.
I don't want to lose everything, and I also want some capacity to prevent everything from happening.
I need to get stronger, at all costs.
…
Back to the gremlin itself — I can't disappoint her.
But then again, she learned to do many things in this long span of nine months.
Heh… if I think about it again, she is still as perceptive and stupid as always.
———
#17 / 03 / 2019.
I can't help but notice that the collaboration itself went smoothly.
Too smooth, if it had to be said.
As it is, aside from Irina, it's been a long time since I heard much of Ayato's ability.
Though again, he is always indecisive… but now, since he chose to take part in this matter, it can be said that he wants to step out of his comfort zone.
"Field", right? If my guess is correct, the two of them are correlated.
"Rhythm" is a temporal pattern, a subconscious act of inferring a pattern.
I wonder how much computational power resides inside the little brain of that little devil to infer a certain anomaly in a range of a block by just a glance — scary.
"Field" is a spatial pattern; in my opinion, "space" is an abstraction that is hard to bound, as it has many ties with other things.
So, Ayato is using it much like a radar? When an excitation or a certain signal of activity happens, he will be notified.
Regardless of its true definition, I believe that this "Field" itself… he didn't even perceive much of it.
Perhaps his brain is limiting his understanding? But since he can do it, maybe he himself is subconsciously blocking it?
Well, from this, it can be inferred that Irina's potential and talent perhaps surpass those of her two brothers — since a subconscious classification or grouping of hers could result in that terrifying ability.
…
Despite what happened… I won't forget this matter; everything is too smooth to be coincidental after all.
Also, a scream, huh? A person — are they confined down there? One less thing to care about right now… I can't even alert them at this point; I still need more information.
———
#19 / 03 / 2019.
Based on the news report, the missing cases have doubled or even tripled.
I still don't understand anything about how this new world works at all. For people like them, it's clear that they will hide their trail.
Regardless, I have thrown the bait; it is up to them to catch it or not. I don't believe this is not fragrant enough, considering the scale of this matter — if there's more, I'll throw it further too.
Bit by bit, some fish will take it in the end.
Well, I'm a bit off right now, huh.
Hmmmm, to think of it again, that useless deadbeat will graduate on the 28th — Irina will then step up to 6th grade. Good, then.
Since it is too late for me, rather than going to Elementary School at this point, it's better to catch up in Junior High School later.
Hmmm, if you think about it again, what's the use actually? I can read scientific papers as it is, so why should I learn basic maths, science, and physics?
In the end, what's the point of school, actually?
…. Yeah, whatever — it is boring enough being home all around; immersing yourself in some work can be good after all.
I doubt that life in Junior High will be all sunshine like in anime and manga, considering the circumstances of this world. Or perhaps it will fulfil some chuuni dream after all? It's not that bad, I guess?
———
#20 / 03 / 2019.
Really? What kind of joke is this? A cliché trope like this also exists in the real world? I thought it was just a manga or anime thing — so how the hell did this even happen?
Am I overthinking it, or perhaps I have misunderstood it?…
…Then again, the option of meeting up with them is crossed out for me; even then, I would not meet them at all.
But they are not inviting me — they are instructing me, no?… In the end, they are just spoiling the mood; I should lower and temper my expectations for this kind of thing.
Still, I have promised Irina to give something out of this information; if I lied to her, I can't imagine what her tantrum would be.
My waist and stomach are still throbbing from the barrage of punches she threw — not an eventful day, but I could only swallow it.
What a miserable day again, surely.
———
#23 / 03 / 2019.
I'm dead. Irina really took the promise to heart and mind, and she still remembers this matter.
I don't understand — every single time, this brat is easily bored, her mind borderline like an adult's.
At her age, they should be playing in sand — a girl her age — but the problem is…. she doesn't even want to interact with anything if it's not interesting to her.
If this devil were given power, I would doubt that she would play around with people's lives just for the sake of fun. Scary…. Well, it's not that bad actually — she is not a bad kid at heart.
Oh, right — as clever as you are, you are still below me, little Irina; after all, it is no joke, I'm a genius.
And again — if these emails could arrive faster, why did you have to wait until after I'd been beaten to a pulp and then show up at the last second?
… Still, the confirmation has arrived.
By the invitation, there's not much to learn in this forum called "Dark Network" — everything is locked behind a wall.
As if after finding an oasis and arriving, you find out there is a clear price tag on everything.
Yes, a price tag.
You need to contribute something. In their words, you have to gain enough "certainty" for your account to be sufficient to access the true "forum" itself.
While the others can only hear the "noise" — the distorted information that often comes out from the true "forum."
Hmmm, this explanation is quite good actually — and since I don't have anything to offer, or don't want to offer anything,
Then browsing through that "noise" is my only choice, proven to be the worst of it.
Though everything became clear after an hour of piecing together broken records…
(scribble)
(scribble)
(scribble)
Osaka is in danger after all.
———
#25 / 03 / 2019.
After this transaction, I finally have access to the forum, though I doubt I have much time — considering the weight of the information that Miss Takahashi gave for free.
Truly, I don't have much time; even browsing through the sea of information in the Dark Network is consuming, and everything will be delayed.
This time, the focus is entirely on the matter of Osaka at hand.
What does Bishop Marten and the Church of Chaos want to do… I have to find it out; the scale of this matter has seriously expanded now.
….
I'm really tired — a mere breather since waking up, and now I'm forced to run once again.
(scribble)
But I don't have much choice either — that warehouse is proven to be Spawn Cords it seems; perhaps they are being left alone because their job is done, to breed more creatures perhaps?
While those Acolytes and Disciples will focus on creating more — at this point, they will race against time, leaving seeds along the way, and the Officials will catch up with them.
…
Right at it — Auntie is now exposed to this matter.
The decision of days ago is annulled, as the situation took a turn for the worse.
I know she is probably confused regarding everything that has happened, and she will recontextualise everything in front of her in a new shade of colour.
But sorry to say, even if you know something extraordinary, I can't reveal what happened to the Old World — for that is a burden I have to bear….
———
#30 / 03 / 2019.
Now, all of them can be engrossed in the Dark Network for a while — this is enough as a delay or smoke screen as I work towards everything.
And they — or perhaps Aunt — know this too in this matter, which is why she swallows everything despite knowing nothing; she and I both know that after all of this is over,
That will be the day we talk about something real, though. My stance is clear.
…
…
…
It feels different when you are told by others about yourself.
But after all of it, I'm relieved enough — or perhaps… it is a reminder that I have to get back on track.
After everything — from where I've been treading through fire and ruin, bleeding, and then granted life once more.
My obsession is clear as day.
Useless as I am, I don't need them as much as they don't need me.
So now… it's time to wake up and face everything, no? By myself, since I have prepared for this at the back of my mind.
If others cannot understand me, then there's no need for more words.
There's no more pretence or decadence.