After this stretch of "plot," Hanabi noticed that the Dimensional Popularity Stage's feed had shifted to follow someone else.
Kurenai had gone to visit her "bonus dad"—Hyuga Hiashi—since Hinata had been placed on her team, and Hinata was the Hyuga heir. She had mentioned Hanabi during the conversation, but the feed cut away almost immediately after she brought it up.
Hanabi wasn't particularly bothered. She could just ask Hiashi when she got home and find out what had been said. The only ones who suffered were the viewers.
Then the feed showed Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji having a discussion together.
In the original, these scenes were meant to serve as flashback filler. But with Hanabi in the picture, the third episode's second half had already shifted considerably—Sakura wasn't there, which meant the entire romantic subplot had been cut.
The Stage, apparently understanding this, had filled the runtime with daily-life content instead.
"Hanabi."
She was still in the classroom, half-watching the feed and half-reading through the viewer comments, when Hinata appeared beside her.
"Nee-sama." Hanabi stood.
"That, um... would you like to eat together?" Hinata asked, a little shyly.
Because of Hanabi's presence, the childhood dynamic between Hinata and Naruto had never developed. But perhaps because of something from back then anyway, Hinata always seemed somewhat tense around her—a little avoidant, even. Still, every single time, Hinata pushed through the nerves without running.
"Of course~"
That quiet, stubborn refusal to retreat—Hanabi found it utterly endearing.
And so, in the middle of this unremarkable daily routine, episode three ended.
[Key storyline unresolved—reward will be issued after completion]
Episode three had been slice-of-life content, so even the reward was deferred.
Almost immediately after, the comment section lit up with "first!" and "just in time!" and similar chaos.
From Hanabi's side of things, barely a morning had passed. For the audience on the other side, they had been counting down for a week.
After eating with Hinata and resting for a bit, the afternoon arrived and it was time to gather. The Jōnin instructors for the other teams had come and gone, taking their students with them—but Team Seven was being stood up entirely.
"This is taking forever." Naruto, bored out of his mind, glanced at the door, saw no one coming, and his face split into a mischievous grin. He picked up the eraser and balanced it on top of the door.
"A Jōnin won't fall for something that obvious," Sasuke said flatly.
[He's definitely going to fall for it]
[That's literally the whole point—it's a contrast gag]
[Classic setup]
[lmao]
[Unless the Third Hokage wanders in by mistake and it lands on him]
[That'd be even better honestly]
The comments were enjoying themselves thoroughly.
"He'll fall for it," Hanabi said, unprompted.
Sasuke looked at her. "Really."
"Let me put it this way—if a Jōnin showed up late and then walked straight into the most obvious prank in existence, Sasuke-kun, what would you think of that Jōnin?"
"I'd... underestimate him." Sasuke's expression shifted. "But why would he want that?"
"And then if that same Jōnin announced a training exercise or a test right after—what would you think?"
"...I'd assume it was going to be easy." A beat. "Wait. Is that the point?"
"What I can tell you," Hanabi continued, "is that not every graduate ends up becoming a Genin. You must have noticed certain familiar faces still lingering around the Academy?"
Naruto was completely lost in the philosophical fog of who am I, but Sasuke had caught up. "Right—if they'd failed to make Genin, they'd never admit it. They'd avoid us out of embarrassment. So does that mean... we're not actually Genin yet?"
"Who knows~"
[6666]
[So Hanabi's the strategist of the group]
[One's a knucklehead, one's a show-off—neither of them is particularly clever]
[They're like the comic straight man and the funny man—classic combo]
[My wife might not be dressed like a ninja at all, but her intelligence-gathering ability is the real deal]
[Kakashi, from layer five. Hanabi: stratosphere]
—That was precisely the effect she was going for.
Hanabi didn't actually care about outmaneuvering anyone's schemes or winning psychological chess. Early-arc Kakashi was just that—listless, a little slovenly, not particularly on his game. The anime had a filler episode implying he'd been watching Team Seven the entire time, but she'd already done a sweep with her Byakugan. He wasn't anywhere nearby.
Who knew why Kakashi was late. Maybe he'd genuinely dozed off after lunch and lost track of time.
Hanabi's goal was to make the audience feel that "I don't get it, but it sounds impressive" reaction.
She didn't need Kakashi to think the way she'd described. She needed the audience to believe Kakashi was thinking that way.
It wasn't Kakashi she was directing. It was the viewers.
I don't want what you think—I want what I think.
I, the famed director, Hyuga Hanabi.
"No way," Naruto muttered, completely derailed. He wasn't sure whether he should take the eraser down now or leave it up. Both felt wrong.
Just then, the classroom door slid open from outside. The eraser tipped off and fell directly onto a head of silver-white hair, then dropped to the floor.
A dead silence fell over the room.
"—He ACTUALLY fell for it?!" Naruto let out a strangled sound.
"..." Sasuke said nothing. His expression was profoundly troubled.
Kakashi picked up the eraser from the floor without particular urgency.
He had been the one hit by the eraser. So why did it feel like Naruto was the one who'd just been ambushed?
I'm the victim here.
"Well. My first impression of you all is... oddly hard to categorize," Kakashi said in that familiar, slightly dull drawl. He led the three of them up to the rooftop.
"Let's start with introductions." He settled onto the railing and looked at them. "Come on, don't make that face."
Kakashi was genuinely baffled.
Both Naruto and Sasuke had the expressions of people bracing for something catastrophic. How on earth had it come to this?
"Um—shouldn't you introduce yourself first, sensei?" Naruto piped up. "Like your weaknesses, how to beat you, stuff like that."
"Weaknesses? I see. So that's how it is."
Kakashi looked at Hanabi.
Naruto and Sasuke had both grown up largely on their own. Their understanding of standard ninja protocol was limited. Hanabi was different—she would have known this process from the start. In the upcoming exercise, anyone who failed to make Genin would be sent back to the Academy. She'd already mentioned the three-person squad structure during Hiruzen's crystal ball scene.
—So his walking into a prank eraser had somehow made them think it was intentional, and put them on high alert?
Kakashi wanted very much to clarify: he simply didn't consider children's pranks worth dodging. That was all.
Why had things come to this?
Hanabi only smiled.
She had seeded the suspicion in Naruto and Sasuke. When everything was over, she would explain the reality.
First, create a mismatch to build tension. Then, at the very end, deliver the reversal.
That made for more interesting storytelling.
A supporting role who doesn't want to be a director isn't a good idol.
"Relax," Kakashi said, exhaling. "Essentially—your name, what you like, what you hate, dreams for the future. Things like that."
A beat, then he continued in his characteristically listless tone: "My name is Hatake Kakashi. I'd rather not say what I like and dislike. As for future dreams... interests... quite a few things."
"That wasn't an introduction at all!" Naruto had been hoping to extract useful intelligence—some clue about the upcoming test, per Hanabi's warning. But Kakashi had given him absolutely nothing.
"I'll go first, then."
Picking up right after Naruto's complaint, Hanabi stepped forward.
"My name is Hyuga Hanabi. What I like is hanabi—fireworks. What I hate is anything dull. My dream is to bloom as brilliantly as a firework. As for interests—too many to list."
"Bloom as brilliantly as a firework, huh..."
Kakashi filed that away. Her striking outfit was part of the same image—vivid, spectacular, larger than life.
Is it because she can't see them that she's drawn to something so luminous? He kept the thought to himself.
"Me! Me!" Naruto launched into his own introduction. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! My favorite thing is—actually, my even-more-favorite thing is Hanabi and the Ichiraku ramen Iruka-sensei treats me to. My hobby is ramen-eating contests. My least-favorite thing is the three minutes you have to wait for instant ramen. And my dream for the future is to surpass the Hokage!"
[Hanabi: EXCUSE ME?!]
[She's still being outranked by ramen 2333]
[In the history of this series, Hanabi has never successfully paid for a meal]
[Nonexistent main-story scene: Hanabi treating.]
Oh, that's what they were taking from this.
THE MEAL THING. They weren't letting it go.
This goofy audience always focuses on the strangest things.
Genuinely worried about this audience's state of mind