The next morning felt different.
Not peaceful.
Not light.
Heavy.
Very heavy.
I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the floor.
Last night kept replaying in my mind.
The prayer.
The tears.
The words I couldn't say.
For a moment… I felt close to Allah.
But now—
All I could feel was guilt.
A deep, suffocating guilt.
Memories started flooding back.
One after another.
Every sin.
Every mistake.
Every moment I chose the world over Him.
I remembered the nights I wasted…
The things I watched…
The lies I told…
The prayers I ignored without a second thought.
I pressed my hands against my face.
"Ya Allah…"
My voice was weak.
"How do I face You after all this?"
The more I thought about it…
The smaller I felt.
Like I didn't deserve forgiveness.
Like I had gone too far.
"Maybe… I'm not meant to be forgiven."
The thought slipped in quietly.
But it hit hard.
Very hard.
I stood up and walked toward the mirror.
My reflection stared back at me.
Same face.
Same person
But now I could see something I never noticed before—
Shame.
"I've changed overnight?" I whispered.
"No… I haven't."
I was still the same person who sinned yesterday.
The same person who forgot Allah for years.
So what changed?
Nothing.
Or maybe…
Everything.
I clenched my fists.
"This doesn't make sense…"
Last night, I felt hope.
Now, I felt like a hypocrite.
I wanted to be better.
But my past was too dark.
Too heavy.
It was pulling me down.
Dragging me back.
"What's the point of trying… if I'm just going to fail again?"
The room felt smaller.
The air felt tighter.
I sat back down, my heart racing.
For a moment—
I almost gave up.
Almost.
But then…
A quiet thought appeared.
Soft.
Gentle.
"If Allah didn't want you back…"
"Why did He wake you up last night?"
I froze.
My breathing slowed.
The thought stayed.
"If He didn't care…"
"Why did you feel that peace?"
Tears slowly filled my eyes again.
Not from pain this time.
But from something else.
Hope.
A small, fragile hope.
Maybe…
Just maybe…
This guilt wasn't meant to push me away.
Maybe it was meant to bring me closer.
I wiped my tears and looked up.
"Ya Allah…" I whispered.
"I don't know if I deserve Your mercy…"
"But I know I need it."
Silence filled the room.
But this time—
It didn't feel empty.
It felt… listening.
I took a deep breath.
"This is not the end," I said to myself.
"It's just the beginning."