Remember that other people may be totally wrong. Bru they don't think so. Don't condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerans exceptional people even try to do that.
There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does, Ferret out that reason and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality.
Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
If you say to yourself, 'How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?' you will save yourself time and irritation, for 'by becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.' And, in addition, you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships.
"Stop a minute,' says Kenneth M. Goode in his book How to Turn People Into Gold, 'stop a minute to contrast your keen interest in your own affairs with your mild concern about anything else. Realise then, that everybody else in the world feels exactly the same way! Then, along with Lincoln and Roosevelt, you will have grasped the only solid foundation for interpersonal relationships namely, that success in dealing with people depends on 2 sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint.'
Sam Douglas of Hempstead, New York, used to tell his wife that she spent too much time working on their lawn,pulling weeds fertilising,cutting the grass twice a week when the lawn didn`t look any letter than it had when they moved into their home four year earlier.naturally ,she was distressed by his remarks,and each time he made such remarks the balance of the evening was ruined.
After taking our course, Mr Douglas realised how foolish he had been all those years. It never occurred to him that she enjoyed doing that work and she might really appreciate a compliment on her diligence.
One evening after dinner, his wife said she wanted to pull some weeds and invited him to keep her company. He first declined, but then thought better of it and went out after her and began to help her pull weeds. She was visibly pleased, and together they spent an hour in hard
work and pleasant conversation.
After that he often helped her with the gardening and complimented her on how fine the lawn looked, what a fantastic job she was doing with a yard where the soil was like concrete. Result: a happier life for both because he had learnt to look at things from her point of view-even if the subject was only weeds.
I have always enjoyed walking and riding in a park near my home. Like the Druids of ancient Gaul, I all but worship an oak tree, so I was distressed season after season to see the young trees and shrubs killed off by needless fires. These fires weren't caused by careless smokers. They were almost all caused by youngsters who went out to the park to go native and cook a frankfurter or an egg under the trees. Sometimes, these fires raged so fiercely that there fire department had to be called out to fight the conflagration.
There was a sign on the edge of the park saying the anyone who started a fire was liable to fine and imprisonment, but the sign stood in an unfrequeme mounted policeman was supposed to look after the park part of the park, and few of the culprits ever saw it.
continued to I rushed up to a but he didn't take his duties too seriously, and the fits spread season after season. On one occasion policeman and told him about a fine spreading rapidly through the park and wanted him w notify the fire department, and he nonchalantly replied that it was none of his business because it wasn't in hi precinct! I was desperate, so after that when I went riding I acted as a self-appointed committee of one to protect the public domain. In the beginning, I am afraid I didnt even attempt to see the other people's point of view When I saw a fire blazing under the trees, I was 50 unhappy about it, so eager to do the right thing, that did the wrong thing. I would ride up to the boys, wam them that they could be jailed for starting a fire, order with a tone of authority that it be put out; and, if they refused, I would threaten to have them arrested. I was merely unloading my feelings without thinking of their point of view.
Tomorrow, before asking anyone to put out a fire or buy your product or contribute to your favourite charity, why not pause and close your eyes and try to think the whole thing through from another person's point of view? Ask yourself: 'Why should he or she want to do it?' True, this will take time, but it will avoid making enemies and will get better results and with less friction and less shoe leather.
1 would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview, said Dean Donham of the Harvard business school, 'than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person-from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives-was likely to answer.'
It is enormously important to think always in terms of the other person's point of view, and see things from that person's angle, as well as your own.
RULE
Try to see things from the other's point of view.