Two years ago, from that painful night, March 15th, the moonlit night, was a
favorite night for my dearie, the love of my life. We were in a relationship for
four years and in love for six years. To be honest, we liked each other since
high school, but I should admit that there are seven impossibilities in the
world, and convincing her father was the eighth one. Why? I had no idea.
He didn't even ask about me in my neighborhood. I sent half of my family to
him so he would accept our wedding. Well, after seven months, he accepted. It
was one of our best moments, me calling her and screaming, "He accepted
finally!!!" She started jumping and crying like a little girl. The more she tried to
speak, the more she cried. I almost died from laughing. So, we've been
engaged for over a year.
My dearie, I always called her that. Why? I don't know. It seemed perfect to
her. This girl was distinguished by one thing: her love for nature, especially
the moon. She was obsessed with it; she used to call it her best friend. I alwaysfelt weird when she told me that. I mean, how can a person have feelings for a
thing? I always got furious on this night (the night of the full moon) because
she never answered the phone. I always got mad and worried because of that.
The reason is she had an illness, so a lot of scary thoughts came to my
mind. Sometimes I called her dad or some people who worked in the hospital
to make sure everything was okay. She was simply stargazing or, in this
situation, moon gazing and talking to her stupid friend all night. That bothered
me for so long. So, every month for two years after the moonlit night, we had a
fight over that, but my love for her made me forgive her because I knew she
kept things from me. My only regret was that I never did my best to make her
open up to me completely. I even used "him" instead of "it" so she wouldn't get
mad. That stupid shiny ball in the dark sky. I always wondered why she talked
to him and not to me. Am I not her love, her universe? Why is he better than
me when he is not doing anything except floating in the sky? She used to
swear that he spoke to her. Honestly, I used to smile all the time when she said
that, but at that moment, I realized I was getting married to a little girl. At
that moment I knew I was going to raise a girl instead of having a wife.
I remember she used to cry when the winter season came, and it rained on her
favorite night. Because of that, she would close her phone and lock herself in
her room for two days. Strange girl, hahaha. Sometimes I imagined
my family's reaction when she would be with us as a new member of our
house. They would totally say, "What have we done? We wanted our son to get
married so he could be calm and responsible," but they didn't know I was
bringing a crazy girl. Hahaha, two crazy people under the same roof, it's like a
tornado meeting a volcano. But all I know is that instead of destruction, we
make a beautiful view. Although we pranked each other every time we went
out together, so what if we were in the same house forever? It would be the
third world war for sure, but what could be better than two crazy people in
love?
I was so in love with her. I eternally wanted her as a mother to my kids, but
destiny had another thing to say. <
honest, I never knew where she was buried. The only thing I know is that I fall
over the smell of orchid flowers. Why? (Laughing) The answer is simple. She
used to wear perfume with the same smell. For six years, she never changed it.
I sometimes believed that it was her natural smell. When I arrive at the
cemetery, I close my eyes and start following that smell, walking between
graves, following that smell until it gets stronger. When I feel heartburn, only then do I open my eyes and smile and say, "Hello dearie, I missed you last
night when I left." Yes, for the two years after her death, I still go every single
moonlit night to sleep beside her grave. I sat beside her grave and talked to
her until I fell asleep. Only then did I understand what she was doing. Every
time I see her in the moon form, talking to me, every full moon night, I get the
same feeling: happiness, sadness, anger. I feel happy because I can see her, sad
because she left, and angry because of what she has done. She left a lot of
things in me, like now I close my phone on this night just as she used to do.
One day, on another full moon night two years ago, I was getting ready to
sleep because I knew she wouldn't answer my calls, and I had already talked
with her father, who said she was fine. After putting my phone in the charger
and trying to sleep, I received a message notification, but I didn't care much
about it because she never did that on her night. But she did it. It was her, and
I didn't know. I couldn't sleep, so I took the phone after 30 minutes. When I
opened it, I found a message from her. I was surprised. This was the first
time in two years she sent me something on that night. It took me one look to
run as fast as I could to her house. I called her father in the middle of the way,
telling him I was coming. I tried to hold my breath when I was talking to him.
I couldn't tell him. How could I?!! It didn't take me much time to arrive at her
house. I started knocking on the door like a crazy man. It didn't take him long
to open the door. He came as fast as he could because of the noise. When I
called him, he thought that I needed to talk to him or to check on his daughter
because he knew her behavior on that night. But when he saw me running
into the house when he opened the door, seeing me running like that directly
up to her room, he was shocked by my behavior. But he knew there was
something wrong, so he came as fast as he could. At first, he thought that we
had canceled the wedding until he saw me on my knees beside her bed,
hugging her body, screaming her name, crying like a child who had his toy
taken from him. Even the moon cried that night. It cried blood; it was red. He
knew that the fairy God sent from the heavens years ago had left this earth for
good.
The dad couldn't bear the shock. He had a heart attack and went into a coma
for 32 hours. When he woke up, he couldn't move his legs for two weeks. He
did not attend his daughter's funeral, and neither did I. I couldn't accept the
fact that she was gone. Why? What happened to her? Her father had told me
months ago that she was getting better. So, what was the problem then? The
funeral was quick because my lover passed away at night, so they buried herat 11 am that day. Of course, my family told me everything because they were
there that night, and they arrived ten minutes after me. The reason is they saw
me leaving the house like an insane person. I was drunk for the whole 28
nights after her death. Each day of that period, I went to her grave, yelling at
her and crying, thinking of only this and remembering that night when I
opened the door of her room and saw her lying on the bed. It was very
cold there, and it was decorated with the color of the red moon. There she
was, my girl, lying on the bed like a little angel, shining with a beautiful white
light that took my breath away when I was walking to her. With every step,
her perfume smell got stronger, but this time it seemed like heaven. There she
was, holding her phone in her hand, hanging from the bed, and sleeping in a
deep sleep, so deep that even my screams calling her name when she was in
my arms did not wake her. After a lot of thinking, I realized it was the first
time I hugged her. Even her family and mine couldn't take her away from my
hands, at least for 15 minutes, as they said. And like that, it was my last time
hugging and seeing my beloved dearie.
Here I am, walking on the night of the 28th day of that
period, walking between the graves, closing my eyes but knowing where I am
walking simply because the smell guides me to her. But this time, when I
arrived at her place, I couldn't scream at her. I just cried. When I tried to
speak, I cried more and more, and I suppressed the pain of yearning, yet my
eyes revealed me, and my heart spoke through my tears. Everyone hears her
longing in my words, but the honest words are unheard. I pleaded with my
eyes to halt my tears in that moment, beseeching them not to weep. I closed
them tightly to prevent the overflow, yet they rained. At that moment, I
realized I no longer had control over my tears. Then, only then, I asked
her, "How could you do something like this to me? How could you be selfish
like that and leave me?" Suddenly, I looked at the sky, and there she was
on that cold, dark night. She was staring at me. I looked at the moon and said
something I hadn't said for 29 nights, "My dearie, I-I-I missed
you." At that moment, everything stopped, even time. There she was, my fairy.
She was beautiful. She was crying, but I saw her smile through those tears. She
was sad because she saw me like this, miserable. At that time, I remembered
the promise I gave her years ago, "I would never smoke weed or drink alcohol
ever again, I promise." That was my word to her. Then what am I
doing? This is not right. What was I thinking? She's the one who made me stopeverything bad I used to do. She made me what I am now, a better man. After
that, she made my life better.
I realized that I broke my promise to her, but she also broke one. She told me
once that she would never leave me. She broke her word first, but... if she
really broke her word, then how do I see her now?! She didn't!!! I did? Am I
the one who broke his promise? She didn't. She's here. I can see her. I can feel
her. I started crying, asking her why she left me here alone in this world! She
looked at me and said while her shade was fading in the moonlight, "Just
because you can't see me doesn't mean I can't hear you, sweetheart. And
remember, forgetting hurts the dead in their grave, so don't hurt me. And I am
sorry about the secret I kept from you." Her words hit me like a lightning bolt.
I couldn't understand why she apologized and what secret she was talking
about. Was I right when I thought she spoke all her secrets to that stupid
shining ball?! There was something I had to know, and I knew where I would
find the answer to my questions...