"So today is going to be the big day?"
Senne asked, taking slow steps toward the window, as she always did. I found it eerie at the beginning, but now I found it kind of amusing that she had a certain elegance in her stride when she moved. It was a jarring contrast to how she sulks like a six-year-old when she doesn't get what she wants.
"Yeah."
"But you already told your viewers that you were dying," Senn said. More curious than skeptical, probably wondering how things would go any differently today.
"I don't think anybody really believed it."
Maybe, just maybe, my sincerity would come across today. Somebody had to take me seriously at some point.
"Yup. All seven of them."
"You don't have to remind me," she was making me grumpy again.
"And that was a good day."
Adding insult to injury.
"Why do you always have to be so negative?" I snapped. A little.
"Oh, believe me, Bree, there's no one in this world who wants you to be successful more than I do, heaven or hell."
That got me curious.
"Do those places actually exist?"
"It was a figure of speech."
I shook my head. Surely she knew. If anybody would, then it was her.
Never mind. I would end up in either one of them anyway. I would find out. Soon.
"I feel a tingle on the back of my hand, Bree. That's not a good sign," Senne whispered, looking out of the window, her eyes fixed on the sunset.
"What could go wrong? According to you, at worst it's just going to be another seven people—at best—not believing me again."
"I have a feeling it will be different today."
"How?"
"I don't know, I'm getting the creeps."
"Do devils get creeped out?" I was curious. Genuinely.
"Sometimes."
I checked my phone. It was past seven already. My heartbeat started to pick up. This couldn't be good for my health, but I'm probably past the stage where I should be worried. I was scheduled to go live at nine.
My brain was telling me I should probably eat something before the stream, but I had no appetite. I was nervous. I always got nervous before the stream, but this time I felt this extra weight in my heart. Not because of what this silly devil was telling me, but because I was about to make a public statement. Yes, the audience is going to be small, but the Internet is what it is—once anything is posted, it can never be taken back. It will always be out there. No regret will undo the mistake.
At eight forty, I went downstairs. Mom was drinking wine in the living room with the TV on, watching news that I knew she had no interest in, while on a video chat with people I probably wouldn't want to know. I just hoped she wasn't looking for yet another Mike or whoever appealed to her bad taste.
I saw Brian in the kitchen doing the dishes when I went to grab some water from the fridge.
"You skipped dinner, Bree."
"I wasn't hungry."
I took out the bottle and poured myself a glass.
"What did you guys have?" I asked, half-interested.
"Some pasta."
"Again?"
"We don't have much else to eat at home. We need to do some grocery shopping again. Soon."
"Did Mom give you any money?"
"Just about enough for us to survive."
I felt like running out of the kitchen and throwing the glass at her.
Was I being entitled? Technically, I'm an adult now, living in 'Mom's house' while not making any money, which leaves my younger brother, still in school, to manage family finances.
Did I have any right to be angry at my mom in this situation?
I probably didn't, but that won't stop me.
I shook my head, drank up, poured another glass and headed out of the kitchen.
"Good luck tonight," Brian said.
"Just don't barge into my room."
Back in my room, Senne was still standing by the window as the sky had now turned dark. She was rubbing the back of her hand, impossibly pale.
I turned on the light, walked over to my desk and put the glass down. I moved the green screen over to position it behind my chair, and did a quick video and mic test. Everything seemed to be in order.
"I'm gonna start streaming soon."
Senne said nothing, but she did come closer to stand next to me.
"You know, that really bothers me. I can't concentrate when you are literally breathing down my neck while I stream."
"I don't breathe though."
"I was speaking figuratively."
"You said literally."
"I meant literally, figuratively."
"Humans," she said, shrugging, and took a step away.
I interlocked my fingers, stretched my arms above my head. I felt like every joint in my body was cracking.
It was 8:59. Time to start. I looked to the side to see Senne. She nodded, and counted down from five with her left hand.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
"Hi, Chat! This is Bree! Thanks for joining!"
I greeted the full house.
Seven viewers.
At least all of them turned up for my big day.