Chapter 18 – The Truth
The kisses didn't become a habit overnight.
For the next week, after dinner, Adrian would stay at the table, look at me, and ask, "Can I kiss you tonight?"
And I would always say, "Yes."
They were soft, short, respectful — his hand on my cheek, my hand on his arm. Nothing more.
It felt like we were learning how to be close without erasing Nadia.
On Sunday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi."
"What are you making?"
"Chicken with rice."
"It smells good."
"Thank you."
We ate.
After dinner, he stayed.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Can I kiss you tonight?"
"Yes."
He came to my side of the table and kissed me.
When he pulled back, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 85 – Can I kiss you tonight?*
Under it:
*She's Lila. Yes.*
Monday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
At 4 p.m. Mrs. Cole texted: *Layla is asking for you.*
I replied: *I'll see her tomorrow.*
*Mrs. Cole: She's counting the hours.*
I smiled.
At 8 p.m. Adrian came home.
"You went to see Layla?" he asked.
"No. Tomorrow."
"Thank you for respecting the rule."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 86 – She didn't go see Layla. She respected the rule.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She's reliable.*
Tuesday at 4 p.m. I was at Mrs. Cole's apartment.
Layla ran to me and hugged me.
"Lila!"
I hugged her back.
We played, we read, we laughed.
She drew the house with three people again.
"This is Mama."
"This is Baba."
"This is Lila."
I hugged her.
When the hour was over, she said, "See you next week, Lila."
"I'll see you next week, habibti."
I kissed her forehead and left.
When I got home at 5:15 p.m., Adrian was there.
"You went to see Layla," he said.
"Yes."
"How was she?"
"She's happy."
"Good."
"Thank you for letting me see her."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 87 – She went to see Layla for one hour.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She's part of our life.*
Wednesday night, after dinner, Adrian stayed at the table.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Can I kiss you tonight?"
"Yes."
He kissed me.
When he pulled back, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 88 – Can I kiss you tonight?*
Under it:
*She's Lila. Yes.*
Thursday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He looked pale.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
He sat at the table.
"I got a call from the detective today," he said.
My stomach dropped. "About Nadia?"
"Yes."
"What did they say?"
"They found him."
"Found who?"
"The man from the van."
I felt my hands go cold.
"Do they know who he is?"
"Yes. His name is Karim Hassan. He used to work at Nadia's company. She fired him six months before she disappeared."
"Why?"
"He was stealing money from the company."
I sat down.
"Did they find Nadia?"
Adrian looked at me, his eyes wet.
"They found her body."
The room went silent.
I felt like the floor had dropped out from under me.
"She's… gone."
"Yes."
"Where?"
"In an abandoned warehouse outside Cairo."
I stood up and walked to him.
I put my arms around him.
He buried his face in my shoulder and cried.
I held him.
I stroked his hair.
"It's okay," I whispered. "I'm here."
He cried for ten minutes.
When he stopped, he pulled back, wiped his eyes, and looked at me.
"Thank you for holding me."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 89 – The police found Nadia.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She held me while I cried.*
I closed the notebook and lay in bed, my arms still feeling the weight of him.
Nadia was gone.
Not missing.
Gone.
I cried too, quietly, for the woman I'd never met but who had shaped every rule in this apartment.
Friday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking, moving slowly.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He looked exhausted, his eyes red.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
He sat at the table.
"I'm okay," he said, but his voice cracked.
I sat across from him.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not now."
"Okay."
I served the food.
We ate in silence.
After dinner, he stayed.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for holding me last night."
"You're welcome."
He looked at me.
"I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here."
"You would have been okay."
"I don't think I would have."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 90 – I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here.*
Under it:
*She's Lila. She was here for me.*
Saturday morning Adrian left at 7 a.m.
I spent the day cleaning and cooking.
At 8 p.m. he came home.
He saw me and said, "Hi."
"Hi."
"What are you making?"
"Molokhia with rice."
"It smells good."
"Thank you."
We ate.
After dinner, he stayed.
"Lila," he said.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for being here for me."
"You're welcome."
He hesitated.
"Can I kiss you tonight?"
"Yes."
He kissed me.
It was longer this time.
His hand was on my waist.
When he pulled back, he whispered, "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He went to his office.
I went to my room.
That night I opened the notebook.
*Day 91 – Can I kiss you tonight?*
Under it:
*She's Lila. Yes.*
I closed the notebook.
I lay in bed and thought about the man who had just learned his wife was dead, and how he had cried in my arms.
I thought about the woman I was becoming to him.
I whispered to the dark room,
"Maybe I'm the person he needs now."