I was a forty-year-old man with no job and nowhere to live. I was a weird man, living rock bottom while failing to get up, my life had taken a much darker approach, the world l dreamt of had been robbed from the face of the earth.
l'd been homeless for twenty years, before that, l used to have everything. Money. Intelligence. A future people envied.
Now?
I sit where flies gather. Begging for coins people pretend to not have.
Funny thing is...
I've witnessed such scenarios back at my uprising.
A man.
Sitting by the side of garbage begging for coins.
What did l do?
I ignored his pleading and went my seperate ways.
I remember my mother's words.
"This will happen to you if you don't push harder."
I thought she was joking.
Reality struck hard like thunder.
Walking past grocery stores, it brought shame l couldn't afford my needs.
As the saying goes...
"You never truly know a moment until it becomes a memory."
Sipping on a bottle of water while replaying that quote on my head, l realised, everything changed because of my decision. I thought life was all sunshine and rainbows, having to worry about the "if" wasn't something in my bingo book.
I thought my future was already placed at arms length, till this day, l wished l had taken life so seriously back then.
I wish l had more time, to spend with my family and friends.
Then maybe. Just maybe. My "today" would've been a lot different.
All l did was fail a few points then get called a failure, my siblings even had a glimpse of hatred beyond their fake smile. Couldn't they appreciate what l have than lost? That situation still bugs till this day.
My mother was my biggest supporter, my dad was my financial advisor, while my two younger siblings were my number one hater. Could it have been because mother and father always kept an eye on me? Talk about favourites.
Rethinking those happy moments, and, the darkside behind the scene...
My whole family had been killed by unknown masked looking people, while l got home depleted from my afternoon class, l witnessed the gruesome scene. It was horrific and to tragic to describe, it was something out of a horror movie.
I honestly don't know, till this day, who those guys were. Could my family have signed a contract with strick conditions that they broke? Who could say, they're all gone now. That was the moment my life took a wrong path of hell, leading me to more despair.
I remember at that exact moment, my father laying on the ground coughing out blood trying to reach me, while his eyes were wide open. He said something that l wished l'd taken action earlier, "Save your mother." He said, drawing his last breath. I don't know whether he was crazy or something, but, those masked looking guys were still raiding our house, if l stepped in the house then l would've been caught and killed.
My heart raced. Face scrunched. And body paralysed on the spot. Even uttering a single word became an impossible attempt.
And yes.
I ran away at that exact moment ignoring my father's request. I loved my life. I didn't want to die. Those were the words ringing my ears, running away like a sore loser.
It was a rainy day.
Stepping as far away from home as l could, l laid by the side of a dumpster across the road, while it reeked of expired milk and bug infestation.
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Several years had passed. I adapted to my new profound environment, hoping for someday to change, hoping for someone to aid my useless bum.
Fast forward to ten years being homeless, l encountered my classmates going on a field trip. Talk about worse timing, they saw my useless ass lying on ground with a cup stretched out. I wet my pants, while they kept gazing at my humiliating appearance, it took them seconds to even utter a single word. I was the type back in high school, to judge others based on their status, because l had it all. Harsh isn't? I looked down upon those that tried reaching my height, l would shame them. Humiliate them. Talk trash about them. Judge them.
They even stopped looking my direction. Can't blame them honestly, those were my foolish actions afterall. Now, they are confronting me at my lowest, drained, and, worthless form.
Wasn't he wealthy? Didn't he grow up in a stable home? Wasn't he a genius? I reckoned, those words rang their mind in a frenzy.
What did they do...
A girl with blonde hair, dazzling smile, ocean blue eyes and pure white skin approached my direction with a box on her hand. She was the girl in high school that l humiliated the most by calling her names like: cheap, old fashioned, and, all the hurtful stuff. Seeing her approach my direction was something piercing my heart, at that moment.
"Happy birthday, Ethan Carter." She said, handing over the box at my arms.
"Uh?"
I honestly couldn't say anything, she was being kind? That wasn't part of the plot, wasn't she meant to get her revenge about the savage moment l made her go through? And, how'd she know my birthday. I had completely forgotten about it.
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Till this day, age forty, l remember that moment like it was yesterday.
Feeling drained from the sitting, the sun had left my company and replaced with its enemy. It was a time l wouldn't like, because l would always remember my life back then. How much of a devil l actually was to society.
Getting up from the pile of garbage, l called it, coin collector. It was time to move to a new destination. "I'm hungry." I mumbled, my stomach growling at me like an untrained puppy.
The nearest convenient store wasn't far away, it would approximately take fifteen minutes. I thought of grabbing something big today, probably a soda or half piece of cake. They were so many options to choose, yet, limited.
As soon as l reached the third street, l spotted a little girl, all by herself with sweaty body. It was odd witnessing a girl her age outside all alone at this dead of night, if l had to guess her age, she could be ten or eleven. I didn't want to start any nonsense thinking and simply walked away, minding my own damn business.
As soon as l walked passed her, my trouser had been tightly gripped, the little girl held them while sobbing. I was feeling overstimulated at this moment, her annoying squeaky voice sounded like a plead. "P...please help me sir..." She said, wiping tears off her face. It had seemed l was right, she was pleading something, but, why a grumpy looking old man with a mysterious stanch on his body, why did she ask me? Couldn't they be anyone around the area to call for help, even the cops...
She still hadn't let go, l annoyingly dragged her away from me, and, continued walking straight. Turning my head back seeing her reaction, she quickly dashed at my back and head butted my back. It was that point of the meter, that my body completely lost it. "What do you want? I don't have time for your shenanigans, go play somewhere else or even go home!" I yelled, dragging her away from me with brute force hoping she would leave me alone.
I don't get it, what kind of kid would look at a guy like me and think about sunshine and rainbows? Did earth get an update? Nonetheless, l refused to turn around this time, l didn't hear her footsteps so l assumed she went away just as l instructed her too. Although, l felt bad for betraying her, what if she actually needed help with something, but, did that really concern me―no, not in a slightest.
"It took longer to arrive today, hope it's still open....?"
I entered the convenience store with a stunned reaction, the place was filled with ghosts, not a single human in sight. It was nighttime, but, not this dead at this time.
I didn't actually know the time.
There wasn't a single soul of workers, the service counter was empty as well,it was like facing an aftermath of an apocalypse.
"Did l hit a jackpot?"
Exactly.
This was probably a blessing from the heavens l couldn't ignore, couldn't let this chance slip away right of the bat. I hurried at food section and packed a bunch of food on a trolley, taking food like a man who hadn't didn't eat in days, the excitement was brimming.
Packing a month supply of food would be worth it, even if l get caught by the security camera, they wouldn't bother arresting a homeless man, would they? Nonetheless, l needed this more than anyone else. As l kept filling the trolley, l caught a glimpse of a man by the corner of my eyes. I froze in place, thinking l got caught, slowly turning my head sideways, my soul left my body as l stood pale as a statue.
"Aren't you...? What the hell!." I whispered, teeth chattered uncontrollably. My voice slowly fading, and, my heart beat ponding fast as a speeding train.
There was a man standing by the counter, wearing all black suite and a white mask on his face, he stood frozen in time without making a single sound, probably gazing at my soulless body right now. I wasn't afraid of being caught by a regular cashier or other workers, this guy infront of me was something different.
An assassin.
Having faint memories of my parents passing. The people that took them down. The monsters that brought me to hell. A glimpse of darkness stood in my path. My only ray of satisfaction, rendering my enemy on sight.
....
"What am l even saying, l don't have time for all this nonsense." I said, facing my head downward with a scrunched face.
I'm stupid
That's what l thought. I didn't have the courage nor strength to move one step, neither, the balls to bark at him. This uneasiness wouldn't leave my body, thus, taking a step away. Avoiding unnecessary business, was the only route to peace. That didn't mean l forgave this guys for what they did, they could rot in hell for all l care.
He said nothing.
No words were uttered by his demonic mouth, words couldn't comprehend my hatred, boiling in a pit of rage was all l could say.
"Good evening, Sir! Fancy meeting ya at this part of town."
"Huh!?"
"Cat got your tongue?"
"Eeek!"
This was a strange, arguable, worst encounter of the century, my eyes engulfed in rage.
There was a young girl, blonde hair with ponytails, her Crimson eyes gazing at my body, and a grimacing smile slowly widening. She looked like a devil in person, a devil coated in human clothing. I was speechless, why did she follow me all the way through the convenience store? Hadn't she heard what l said to her earlier? This situation was getting even ridiculous. My life was in complete mass, my brain clouded with mixed up scenarios, l thought l was going to die.
"I asked for help, you rejected. Now l want to play tag with you."
"I don't give a damn about you needing rescue, just leave me alone. Out of my sight."
"You big meany, blah!"
"This genuinely might be rage bait, stop following me you creep."
"Please save... Mother!"
What?
What was that sudden phrase about? Why did she put it so bluntly, l'm already drained from starvation. I didn't want anything more to do in my life. If she wanted help rescuing her mother, then that depended on her own act, l'm just a nobody to put your trust on. I feel sorry rejecting her, it almost reminded me of the day l rejected my father's plead.
I walked away the alley way of the food section, and, headed for the exit leaving all the food l packed behind, that girl could take all l had. I didn't really care at this point, my mind was fed up, completely fed up. As l reached the exit, l spotted the masked man lying on the ground bleeding from head to toe.
Huh? What happened?
His body had been ripped open, the sight was unbearable that my stomach started making weird noises. Fluid begun pouring out from my mouth, l was completely disgusted at the scene. Who killed this guy? Who just randomly kills someone off the bat? "I ain't sticking around to find out." I said, running out of the store while covering my mouth with a piece of clothing.
It was supposed to be me taking my revenge, l wanted to end their lives, l wanted them to taste misery, watching their loved ones get brutally killed. Why didn't l accomplish such a task? Murder had become a habit, l crossed the road with an engulfed rage that struck my mentality. I had completely lost myself at that moment.
"Can't l have a normal life anymore?!"
"Tag!"
I felt a touch behind my back after hearing a whisper, my body froze in space, l couldn't hear anything or feel anything. My vision blurred out till it went completely dark, my body was at a walking posture stopped in time. Even, emotions weren't letting out―yes, l wasn't even thinking about anything, just clear as the blue sky.
Thud. Splash.
After what felt like forever, my body dropped on the ground like a sack of potatoes, l could hear the sound of liquid as l fell, it was raining, but, something about this fall felt off. My body begun heating up so fast, l could hardly breath, even, trying to scream was an impossible task. It was like liquid being stuck on my throat.
I couldn't scream, felt tremendous pain, my body rejected my commands, and, my eyes kept twitching. Right in front of my eyes, l saw the little girl from before appear with a slow and steady pace, she seemed to be whistling, judging from her mouth looking like she's blowing bubbles. I tried stretching out my hands for help, but, couldn't reach.
"This might be a nightmare curse to her perspective, although, tag!" She said, touching my head with her finger.
At that moment, my head exploded like a smashed tomato, l couldn't fully comprehend what exactly was going on at that single moment. The little girl, the masked looking guy, the empty store, my head getting exploded. Talk about random event, this was something straight out of a dream. I don't know whether those questions will be left unanswered, my case would be one serious one.
I just wanted to purchase something to satisfy my desires, l didn't ask to get dragged at the gates of hell, why had my life been cursed? Who am l to complain, this probably might be a happier ending than living in a world not in my favour. Mother, Father. Can l even reach where you are right now? Please help me, mother...
At the age of forty, during the time heading to the convenience store, Ethan Carter's life was taken away, his identity left nothing in the face of the earth.
I realised one thing, l had been killed.