Copyright © 2026 by [Perceus O.]
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed without permission.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or used fictitiously.
To Oishi. For loving my soul–always.
To jump. His strands versus the abyss.
☆ ☆ ☆
"You need to finish dental school! I will not raise a daughter who can't even bring in a decent income. What? Do you expect to rely on a man for the rest of your life?" said the annoying silhouette of a man.
"It is my life. I am 20! I need to live—" The words coming from his daughter were thwarted with a slap to the face. A woman, another silhouette matching her husband's in the background, screamed at the abuse.
"What? Finally taking action after all these years?" The daughter spoke to her mother, taunting her as she kneeled on the ground with blood dripping from her mouth.
The mother caught her attack. With the sad turning of gears in her head, the ones that made her angry and prideful, she stepped back, not allowing her daughter to belittle her, and allowed her husband to continue.
"Figures."
"I am not your friend… You will address me as Sir. I still control your life at this age and every other age! You're MY child. You do whatever the fuck I say, and that's final! You think you're all grown and shit, don't you? You know nothing," said the father.
"You don't seem to understand that I am 20–" Another strike was delivered to her face, this time putting her to the ground. The mother sucked her teeth and threw her hands up.
"IT IS SIR TO YOU! YOU don't seem to understand—SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The father said over his crying daughter. "I WORKED TOO HARD TO PROVIDE A LIFE FOR YOU! YOU OWE IT TO ME. ALL OF YOU. YOU'RE FINISHING DENTAL SCHOOL, OR YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF THIS FAMILY."
The girl looked down at the floor, getting up to kneel once more. The world around her faded in a wave along with her parents, but the feeling of her pain remained.
She blinked once, and she was in a new world, or rather, a new environment; bright and colorful. Her knee was now touching the rubber of a track field, digging into her skin. She was wearing black shorts with a red T-Shirt.
"Hey! Are you even listening?!" A voice screamed at her, coming from yet another silhouette. "GEEZ, you never listen!" The girl had not realized she was about to race until an announcer gave a countdown for the dash to begin in 1 minute.
"W–What? I'm sorry I zoned out–"
"Whatever." The silhouette said. "I'm so sad Mia broke up with me… She was lovely… I'll never get over her."
"Ah… Yeah. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so don't give up hope. I think you'll find someone nice." She tried shaking off the hopelessness she felt, and instead tried replacing it with kindness with what little energy she had.
"Haha, yeah, I suppose." The silhouette said in a sad voice, before it turned into a big smiling grin, with a tongue coming out of its mouth, circling the girl. "Hey… why don't you and I get together? It would really help me."
"I'm–I'm okay," She said, scared to defend herself. "I am too busy, but thank you."
"Why? What? Don't you think I'm attractive? I listen to all your problems… You listen to me. Why don't we 'diffuse' together?" The monster-esque mouth with its long tongue then came close to the girl's ear, whispering in it, breathing in it.
The girl felt shaky and threatened. The whole track and field was watching… a bunch of dark figures, none of them doing a thing to help. Though her fight or flight was always trained to fail, she still fought and pushed the monster away.
"Fuck off, you. You're disgusting and just looking for a rebound."
"Tsk… I should've known you were fake. You're just so full of yourself. You never care about my problems. You only care about whatever is happening in your perfect life. You would have only been good for a night anyway. Good riddance."
The girl, still standing, watching the monster edge away, was stunned and hurt… a part of her crumpled. In the haze of her thoughts, she heard the blast of a person's yell.
"On your mark. Get set. GO!"
Blast went the starting pistol.
When the girl flinched at the blast, she was now in a dim, cramped closet. She had dropped a tower of boxes containing glasses, causing a loud, horrible clashing to ensue. Her heart became frantic.
"What the fuck was that?!" A voice said outside the closet, before busting the door open. "Oh my god, what did you do?!" Another dark silhouette spoke.
The girl was annoyed and tired, wanting to scream and punch her manager, but the idea of being slapped to the floor came over her.
"I– I just dropped some glasses. I'll clean it and reimburse you…" She said, going to the floor and picking up the mess. The manager's silhouette picked up a glass with a misty, pointy hand and slammed it to the ground, nicking the girl's back hand with its shrapnel.
"FUCK! YOU CAN'T JUST DO YOUR JOB PROPERLY, CAN YOU? YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO MESS UP, DON'T YOU?!" He screamed and yelled before his misty appearance dissipated.
The girl sat down on a nearby chair, squeezing her pained and throbbing hand. She screeched in pain and squeezed her eyes closed.
She then opened them, looking at her bleeding hand… and suddenly the feelings of panic, tiresome attitudes, and any defense she had within herself fell.
A numbed, aged face fell over her.
There's no point. My life is not mine.
And that's when a clock appeared over her head, starting a countdown. She blinked… then blinked again, and finally, with the world fading one more time, she found herself sitting at the balcony edge of her apartment, legs dangling off, looking at her now scarred hand.
The fall from this balcony would do it… a long journey to the ground, but an instant death upon impact, thought a dashing yet exhausted girl as her brown hair, curling at her ends, blew in the wind, with her legs hanging off the ledge that sat her behind.
The streetlights and cars, white and pale, combined with the warm lights of bars and late-night lounges, created an inviting exit from this world.
Two worlds existed: The outside world that tried its best to comfort her, and the inside of her apartment, holding, inside, a party with loud music, the smell of alcohol, and lots of people she knew and didn't know.
She was tired… So incredibly tired these days. Her legs were constantly saving her, always running across a bridge made up of tiles that fell behind her with every step; she could never stop running or even trip… that would mean her death.
All she really knew was running ever since her track and field competitions, but now it was killing her. She never had an option to stop.
She lived for reasons that meant nothing to her: Her parents expected her to finish dental school. Her friends expected her to be at their beck and call. Her managers at the diner expected her to act without emotion as the customers demanded her reassurance, all the while making no mistakes.
She was just… so tired.
And the fall called her.
It was not her life anymore. She was just a vessel for others to live through. Any spirit or destiny she had was swapped with those around her, stealing her potential, duping her soul to get to her body.
Just one lean will do it, she thought, before taking a big breath.
I'm so tired.
"Geez, it's hot in there. Oh, hi there. Interesting choice of seat." A voice said from inside. A sandy-haired young man dressed in denim came out with two red cups in his hand, offering one to the girl on the ledge. He had a silly, drunken smile plastered across his face.
For some reason, he wasn't a dark silhouette, but instead, a person with a slight white outline around his body.
"No thanks, silly man." She had lost all the formalities she had learned from her parents and turned back to the scenery. "I think I've had enough for now."
"Oh… Well, more for me, I guess." He took a sip from his cup, placing the other on the ledge, and came next to the girl. She took notice but continued looking down, leaning forward.
…
"So, ugh… You come round here often?" The sandy-haired boy asked, crossing his arms over the ledge, taking in the sight of the horizon.
"Well…" The girl, though numb and broken from her act of self-saving, could not help but think of the question as cliché. "I do, considering, well, I own it." She said dully. The boy swigged his drink around.
"Ah… wonderful. Well, cool place you got," He took a sip. "Your toilet might bring down the value of it, though… Marvin was throwing up in it last time I saw him."
"That's great, I guess…" She didn't care; today felt like the day anyway. Her countdown clock was coming close to reaching zero. What point was there in worrying about something as simple as a dirty toilet?
…
"What are you thinking about?" He asked while looking out at the world. The girl did not say a word. Instead, she tilted her head downwards, hiding her face with her hair. The sandy-haired boy pressed on. "Oh, come on, Ms. Landlady… We all need someone to confide in. What better than a drunken stranger you've never met before?"
…
"What is the meaning of this world?" She asked in her hushed voice. The boy stopped mid-drink and took a big breath in. A minute passed before she felt it enough to categorize it as a rejection. She leaned forward once more.
…
"Honestly?" The boy started. "I do not know…" She hoped for an answer, but nothing came, and so she leaned forward more. "But I only answer that way because it is different for you and I." His drunken spirit had temporarily sobered up during this time of hurt.
"Life fucking sucks, and it doesn't make sense… and we, as a people, in my opinion, try to find meaning to tame the spirit inside of us, looking for answers… Keep in mind, we were only meant to survive in a world of scarcity, not thrive in a world of abundance… and on top of that, we now have rational thought? Heh…" He took a sip from his cup again. "I hate waking up every day because of it."
The girl clutched the ledge with her hands again, reminding her of the track and field she used to run freely on. Her voice broke a little when she spoke. She wore a pearl bracelet around her wrist… one that her parents gave to her as a gift for staying in their city and going to college rather than moving away.
"But why do you keep going if you hate it… If no one believes in you?" She asked.
"I do it because in some way, I know I was placed here for a reason… maybe it was to play soccer… maybe it was to design clothes… maybe it was to help people get down from high places." He chuckled, then continued. "But I know that I have to do it my way… and though it hurts some days, it feels satisfying when that feeling of anxiety… stress… even the fucking chaos of my life calms and disappears."
…
…
"I'm so fucking tired," The girl finally said, looking up to the sky, with some tears running down her face, drying up in the night air. She was sniffling slightly.
"I–I just want to relax… To just pause." The stars blurred through her tears as she became shaky. The boy gave her a look from the side of his eyes.
"I understand… who am I to stop you? If you are meant to go, it will happen."
Something about his giving her permission confused her mind and body. She thought back to her parents and how they helped her with everything, making every achievement feel worthless.
This stranger gave her permission and assisted her decision. Because of this, she felt that her suicide would be in vain… but at the same time, she just wanted the racing thoughts, confusion, and numbness to go away.
He helped make the decision. So finally.
She leaned, and her timer had reached 0.
But before her body could topple over, two arms covered in denim caught her, pulling her inwards away from the ledge… she remained seated.
"H–Huh?" She said aloud.
"It seems like you aren't meant to go right now." His hands stayed rested and wrapped around her tummy. His forehead was pressed into her lower back. "Listen… I don't know you… hell, I'm fighting a lot of anxiety right now to even be doing something as daring and outgoing as this… touching a woman? Ugh… scary… but please listen."
…
"I can tell you're tired… and that you're exhausted… but I can also tell that you're more than special. Maybe you're overwhelmed… maybe people haven't been very nice to you?" He waited for a response, to which the girl nodded. "Everyone needs a chance to slow down. I think you deserve a gap of breathing room, too. Is this okay?" He asked as he pressed into her stomach more.
…
She nodded.
"Thank you." The boy said, bringing her off the ledge more, then acknowledging her bracelet. "The pearls needed to make your bracelet had to be found and harvested from clams. Just like them, I think you just need to find your clamshells to find those pretty pearls of comfort… and one day, let them brighten your life. Come on, trust the drunken bastard." He pushed himself into her lower back more.
Suddenly, the girl felt tired, but not exhaustion from being overstimulated for weeks upon weeks; instead, she felt a tiredness for sleep.
Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed. Anyone from the inside could not hear her through the loud sounds of the party. Her body caved in, but leaned back toward the boy…
He caught her in his arms, holding her gently like a princess. They both fell to the ground, but she remained safe in the warmth of his arms.
She sobbed for a while, holding onto him for support. He remained silent as his denim jacket warmed the parts of her body it covered. He did not move other than to hold her head, always asking for permission.
A drunken stranger and a hopeless soul, two people at different stages of sadness, coming together in order to counter each other's despair.
She sobbed… the flashes of screaming heads coming into her mind, all of them demanding a part of her soul. She sobbed harder as they wiggled their way in, prompting her to grab and hold onto the boy with enough strength to kill.
Though her body was cold, her head was warm in the crevice of the boy's arm, her sorrowed sobs warming and permeating a wet spot on his jacket. She clung to him as he did her. The noises of celebration from inside clashed with her sobbing.
Weeks… no… months of emotional buildup were now allowed to come out.
"Shh. It's alright, strange Landlady…" The boy whispered. "Your tenants will pay their rent very soon." He chuckled and then apologized.
Ten minutes passed with her sobbing. She just needed a break, but the action of her leaning backwards into the boy's arms instead of forwards into the abyss of the sky meant surrendering, specifically to the people and demands that grounded her to this world, forcing her to suffer more.
If poetry were words organized to symbolize beauty, this boy was a sheet of it blowing in the wind, somehow, someway coming to this balcony.
The anxiety slowed and left a feeling of uneasiness, but no longer because of the weight of the world crushing her. It was physical exhaustion… one releasing pain and sorrow.
The boy was leaning back as she lay in his lap, removing the hair from her face that was soaked in her tears.
Then, the girl fell asleep, drifting off finally after being permitted rest, finding a safe and secluded nest in the blizzard she knew as life.
Her dreams were blank… no color existed in them. The weavers of her imagination had retired completely, leaving nothing but a tired, opaque black resignation image plastered everywhere in her mind.
But she was still allowed to rest, and rest she did.
The boy looked down and stroked her hair.
"Rest easy, Landlady."
…
When the girl woke, she was nose-close to a dark wall. After a second, she realized she was lying on her side. After another second, she realized her head was supported by the arms of the boy, her leg crushing and cutting off circulation in his other arm.
She backed her head away sharply, but stopped midway, realizing that he, too, was now sleeping. His head was tilted to the side, leaning down towards her, giving him a silly-looking double chin.
Instead of moving, she stayed… the call to act on her leap still lurked in her mind, but like the fading sound of bells as you drive away from a church, the ringing faded.
The clock had paused.
He slept peacefully as she lay in his arms, snoring slightly. She folded her arms and looked to the ceiling of the floor above her, passing him.
She pondered.
"The pearls needed to make your bracelet had to be found and harvested from clams. Just like them, I think you just need to find your clamshells to find those pretty pearls of comfort." She thought of what he said earlier.
He had a way with words, and some… questionable analogies, looking back at it, but would it really be worth it to stay and give life a bigger chance of working after doing so many times in the past?
What about everyone in her life? The trials and tribulations that she faced every single day?
She was bound to it. She couldn't just leave; her moral compass and expectations would not release her from their grips.
But her soul had already left… now, her body was looking to follow.
How could it do so if it were chained?
She breathed a deep sorrow now, her suicide clock restarting at the thought of suffering more, building up over time at every pained image.
"I wonder how long it will take now." She said. "How long can my clock run before it alarms my body to jump?" She peered to her side, looking to the night sky. Now, the world was a deeper, darker blue. Looking at her phone, it was 1 a.m. The noise from the party had diminished.
Sigh.
"Wake up, strange man." She said, pushing on him, but he didn't flinch, nor did he wake. "Oh, come on, please don't be a heavy sleeper." She removed herself from his grasp and, after prodding and poking at his body, concluded he would not wake.
The night sky called to her. The boy would stay asleep, and she could jump, leaving without a goodbye, saving some hurt… as if he'd care.
It's cold out here. She thought, looking at the boy… What if he froze overnight? Who would be there to help him? With her moral conscience still intact, she went to help him, attracted to his glowing silhouette.
Sigh. Fuck it.
"Get! In! Here!" The girl said, dragging the boy across the bottom of the doorframe, his shoulder caught on the raised platform of the entrance leading back into her house. A loud bump sounded as the boy's shoulder banged into the doorframe. "You've gotta be kidding me!" She looked at the bottle and put two and two together. "Jesus Christ, get in, you drunken bugger!"
There were beer cans scattered everywhere in her apartment. Pizzas and boxes were placed in every corner, someone's vape had been forgotten on the TV stand, but the remote was missing.
With every ounce of her worn-out strength, she managed to bring the boy to her couch, laying him on his side.
"Well… That's my workout for the… forever." She said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to my balcony and continue from where I had left off." She began pacing back, but heard the distinct sound of teeth clattering from the cold. The boy was shivering.
Well… She thought. What difference would it make if I'm gonna die anyway? He'll survive… She continued her pacing before stopping once more.
But… he's cold and shivering. I could at least cover him before I go.
"Ugh! Fine! Shut up." She said to her brain before finding a quilt and covering the boy, sealing him in warmth. She stayed by him for a moment. His hair was fluffy and extremely beautiful, golden in the ceiling light. Her hand, intrusive, reached and looped a finger through it.
One strand was felt, but a million different emotions were experienced. She curled and looped her pointer finger through a strand of gold that came from the boy, sometimes brushing it with her thumb.
It was… nice when nice wasn't allowed to live in the girl's world. It felt warm, calming, and in a way, empowering… taking initiative and being allowed to touch and make contact with another person on her terms without any expectation to give herself up.
And, well, the girl felt, in a way, that she deserved to take solace in his hair as he had held her, taking solace in her body, anchoring him to the ground. An eye for an eye.
She relaxed closer to him as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. Soon, he began to let out happy noises of relaxation.
The heart that was once numb, grey like stained water, was now given a drop of color.
She felt a breath rush into her as if someone was giving her CPR… the dread of the world and her life still ate at her, but this feeling restored part of what was taken.
No! She thought.
The girl, in her heart, felt that she didn't deserve this… the ability to get close with another human and feel safe with them was unattainable for her. She felt that she deserved to suffer for the rest of her life until she could appease everyone…
Only then could she allow herself the proximity… no, the permission and happiness that may come from another person.
People were distractions to her progress. Therefore, the gifts of their hugs, affections, and affirmations were tantalizations to her progress and inevitable doom.
The Golden Boy shouldn't distract her, and he wouldn't care.
But as she got up, the boy whimpered slightly… he was still asleep and drunk, the alcohol granting a peaceful slumber, while the drinks the girl took only made every problem worse.
"H–huh?" The girl asked, still sitting on the couch next to the boy, her hand apprehensive and close to her chest. He was moving his head, scuttling to the girl's finger. His brush-like hair grazed the girl's fingers, and when contact was made, his head found a pillow in her thighs.
"U–Um… drunk guy… you're on my lap," But he was not waking. He snored, with one final whimper escaping before whatever consciousness he had left.
That feeling of color, a sort of red and pink feeling, dyed her numb dark grey soul, bringing a small warmth starting from her thighs, spreading slowly.
The countdown clock to her death was delayed… she could feel it. It was almost like she could hold the brilliant life she dreamt of for just a mere second when the boy moved onto her lap.
"W–Well… I guess you did help me… but I'm only using a finger! Nothing else." She pouted and protested, conceding to the boy's subconscious. She bit her lip as she thought about her parents' faces, disappointed in her that she had a strange boy in her lap.
But… she owed it to the boy, in a way. He was there for God knows how long in the cold, covering her and keeping her body warm when her soul was shivering.
The words he gave unlocked the floodgates of her sadness, allowing her to let out the buildup of chaos and catastrophe that had been ongoing for months.
Ever since her last attempt, that is.
It was this, or the balcony. Yes, the balcony with its perilous views called to her, beckoning her leap, loving her with the gift of escape… It plagued her like an addiction.
But for once, she chose to sit and relax rather than dream of that sweet escape, enjoying the fruits of her labor that only she had decided on without assistance.
In her mind, any actions or events that altered her progress or decisions stole their value, and therefore, she did not deserve the reward.
If a tutor assisted her, her high school degree meant nothing. If she was given a ride to work from a friend because she was late, she was a horrible worker and did not deserve compensation.
If she could not stop herself on her own from jumping, she didn't deserve to live.
But for a second, for a tiny second, her brain finally allowed itself to choose…
No. She chose.
And she chose to stay here with this golden boy, and she was going to play with his hair.
With one finger.
Time passed. The boy shifted slightly in his sleep, but nevertheless, he was at peace in the lap of the girl. She wrapped his strands around her finger, taking refuge and indulging in his beautiful locs.
The beating pressure of her heart was no longer apparent; in fact, it had calmed, being replaced by an urge to lock his hair around all her fingers. His hair tickled the rest of her fingers, and with every tickle led a greater buildup to act out.
"Mmm—" Said the boy in a light, soft voice, followed by some gibberish. He then pushed his full head into the palm of her hand.
She had promised herself one finger, but she could not deny her Golden Boy's wish after he had so graciously saved her life.
Come here.
His hair felt like the magnificent feather flowers of a giant greenland. The girl found a home in it; the warm sensation had spread more, now interlooping through her bones and their joints. Her ribcage was being dressed in euphoria. She looked down at him.
Such a pretty boy. I'll hate it when you leave…
When I leave you.
…
Just then, the boy had shifted. The girl had her eyes closed, not noticing. Where was he? And what was this sensation he was feeling?
He went to let out a groan from the alcohol he had consumed, but before he could, he noticed the girl, beautiful as a princess, looking down at him, her fingers locked into his hair strands, fidgeting with them.
He let out another sigh of enjoyment at the girl's massage. The girl smiled with her eyes closed, catching the boy's attention, and he became enchanted by the regal expression of the princess he was lying on.
Ugh… Well, at least I wasn't left outside.
A pain in the boy's back had now appeared wildly, his shoulder also throbbing.
"Err…" He said as the pain rushed in. The girl jumped, coming out of her sweet haze, becoming alert again, looking down at the boy. "You're not the floor of the balcony." He said, eyeing her deeply.
Her smile had faded as his had entered, and as her body depleted of emotion, his filled.
…
"I'm sorry…" She said, motioning to get up. "I didn't want to wake you." She dropped the boy's head with a thud on the couch, after which she moved back toward the balcony.
"So what? Ow!" He rubbed his head. "You think you can just violate me in my sleep?" He said as the girl faced away from him.
"I said I was sorry." Her voice was deadpan as before. She did not turn back to face the boy. "Please. It is late… You should go. I have things to do." Her posture hunched at these words.
"What? You think I'm stupid? Firstly, my head hurts now… secondly, I'm not letting you step out onto that balcony. And three, if you wanted me gone, you would have said it."
"How do you know that?" She said as a poisoned thorn was sent into her side, condemning her to yet another person demanding she should live.
"You were knuckle-deep in my hair, Landlady… Smiling. If you wanted me g—"
"Not that, you vegemite sandwich… How do you know I won't step onto that balcony?"
"Because." The boy stood up now, motioning to her. "The world decided you are not meant to die."
The walls tumbled in.
"Who are YOU to decide whether I am meant to die or not?!" She screamed, shaking the already shaky ground around her. "You are in my apartment, and I want you out!" She stood tall, pointing towards the front door.
"I am not a decider. But if you were destined to die by your own hand, it would have happened."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing… He had no idea what she was going through. He stood there, staring at her as she seethed with rage.
The outline that once glowed white was now darkened, pitch black… his face was fading and turning grey.
"What? Are you trying to call me a bitch? An incapable, stupid, inconsistent bitch?" She screamed and called him out.
"What?!" He responded with slight anger, adding to the collapse of walls. "Do you hear yourself?! I stopped you from killing yourself! I'm stopping you right now!"
"FUCK YOU!" She stomped her foot on the ground. "You know nothing! You're just trying to get into my pants… LIKE ALL THE REST OF THEM!"
All rational thought was lost, and instead, what had replaced it was her survival mechanism, one built up from previous experiences of people attempting to defile her through ruses and words of affirmation.
"LANDLADY! If that were the case, don't you think I would have done something out on the balcony?!"
"My name is AUTUMN! And yeah! You could have, but you were too DRUNK! What? Did you spike my drink, too? Too scared to admit it now that you're caught!" She moved toward him and shoved him. "HUH?! SPEAK UP!"
But the boy did not back up. They eyed each other…
She waited for his response, her pain taking refuge in a corner of her brain while this new fight response took over, granting her a devious smile and colors of war.
Finally, she was allowed to fight without fear of being hurt… he was too nice to fight back and too kind to think of hurting her.
But no response came. He tilted his head down instead. The silence that followed showed how much she overreacted.
"Come on! You were trying to use me the entire night. Just admit it." She said as the anger in her voice left. "C–Come on." The girl was almost begging at this point, but she had lost all access to the boy's world.
…
"You think you get to pass on the pain you received in life? Do you think that makes you a better person? Does it make you feel safe? He said.
"What? I already told you… you know n—"
"WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING LISTEN!" He screamed, no longer the handsome, calming boy that Autumn once knew. Autumn's fight had switched to flight, escaping among the cloudiness of her brain.
"I don't know who hurt you… fuck, I barely know you…" He began hitting his chest in unison with his sentences. "But I. I am not. YOUR ENEMY!" He spoke with such power that it overtook the faces of her parents, the boy from the track field, and her manager.
"But I–"
"I have been nothing but nice to you." He spoke. "And you curse me, telling me my intentions are foul, and then you try to kick me out?" He backed away.
The girl's head tilted down in shame as the boy's rose in pride. She looked at her arms and hands, marked with memories of harm. She was now outlined in black and covered in grey.
"Fine. I'll take my leave, but don't you dare curse my name and take out your frustrations on me."
The girl spoke no words.
"Call 988… clearly, I cannot help." He took one final gaze at her. "May you live a happy rest of your life, and I hope you find a good one."
…
The boy walked away.
The girl watched as he paced farther from her, his eyes upturned.
They were two sides of the same coin at that moment, both wanting to say so much, pained and tortured.
The difference that split them apart lay in their coping mechanisms.
One communicated and mended,
But the other threatened and killed.
Not because of a craving to do so,
But because that's what they were taught.
How they learned to protect the souls within them.
But for this night, they were one, countering each other… and bringing each other what the other didn't have.
If I do anything with help, I do not deserve the reward.
"Wait!" The girl spoke as the boy reached the door, his back still turned. He waited in place for whatever plea she may have had. She hesitated, indulging in her pause, shaky and fearful to admit her faults.
But she felt something… that same call, and the idea that the boy might leave if she did not speak quickly taunted her, luring her into action.
"I… I'm sorry." She spoke, holding her shoulder, trying to get any fragment of comfort she could from the time he was in her lap. "I… I just…"
…
"Please stay." She asked, pleading for his presence. "I just… no one believes in me. No one lets me take up space. No one has seen the light within me without wanting to… well… be in me…"
Why did I say that?! The girl thought to herself, but it was overridden by her mandatory duty to be honest, one bestowed upon her by fear of the boy leaving.
"I'm sorry for the way I came out… and… I don't want to jump." The boy looked over his shoulder, still with his back turned.
…
"I… I want to play with your hair again…" The girl did not understand why she would admit to something so childish and trivial. She blushed slightly at the thought of her silliness.
Stop. Just act.
"If it's not a problem with you, I mean… I would like you to stay for a while…"
She looked up to the boy, seeing his chin peek over his shoulder, taking in the deal that she had put forward.
Click went the door lock, and she felt once again that she was defeated. All her effort was going into this last plea for humanity, and yet nothing came up. She tilted her head down in shame.
She was unfixable in her mind, and now, the only person who could bring color to her life will leave.
"I'm not cleaning up this mess." Spoke the boy.
"W–What?" The girl lifted her head, shocking the countdown clock into paralysis once more as the boy's face came back into view, his silhouette lightening.
"I will stay, but I am not cleaning anything…" He turned around to face the girl, hands in his pockets now. "I know your tricks… trying to get me to clean up for you."
"Excuse me?! Why would I ever do that?!"
"You're gonna play with my hair, try to get me relaxed enough, and then violate me by making me do your dirty work."
"Oh, you asshole. What kind of woman do you take me for?!"
"The kind that is scared and petrified of herself." The boy's words struck deep, but they were true. She backed down slightly. The boy noticed and let go of his narrowed, angered gaze. "Don't look like that, Autumn; I'm staying, but I'm not cleaning no matter how much you butter me up."
A small noise came from the girl… a shriek; not one of fear, but joy.
Was she… giddy? Excited?
The boy smiled slightly as he caught her blushing from embarrassment.
"Plus… I will admit it was fun tricking you."
"What do you mean trick—" The boy rubbed his neck, looked to the ceiling, and began whistling. "You were awake?!"
"I mean… Anyone would wake up from being dragged across a wooden floor, AND banging their shoulder against a door frame." The girl was seething with mock rage, but a strange, familiar feeling returned. One she hadn't felt for a long time.
"AGH! I should have kicked you out when I could've…" She said, convincing the boy that she had no choice. "I'm gonna get you back one day."
"Uh huh… Well, I can't wait to see that day, Autumn." He moved to the couch, lying down, making himself at home. The girl looked offended that someone would just ruin her furniture all willy-nilly. "What? You put me here originally… even got me a blanket. Don't look at me like I'm some homeless man."
"Tsk." She crossed her arms. "With the way you fell drunk while I was in your arms? You and a homeless man would be indistinguishable."
"Oh yeah, for sure." He said again. Each time he did, the girl became excited for yet another comeback… another challenge for her to respond to because SHE wanted to. "But you wouldn't want to play with a homeless man's hair, would you? Your finger would get stinky, wouldn't it?"
"Well, at least I'll still have my dignity."
"W–Well… I guess you did help me… but I'm only using a finger! Nothing else." The boy said in a mocking high-pitched voice. "Couldn't help yourself, huh?"
"Haha, very funny. I can still go to the balcony." She said, threatening him falsely.
"Or." He started, fixing a pillow behind his head, "You can come here and pet me to sleep so I can at least escape the trauma of your screams."
"Heh. 'Pet,'" She said. "Suits you since you whined so much like a puppy." The boy became blushy and stammered slightly.
"What… Alright then." The girl threw a grin at him, knowing that she got him. "Look… are you gonna come here or not? I'm getting sadder by the minute."
She took his permission and savored every second of it, removing his pillow and replacing it with her legs. His head felt like an anchor to her life, one that she may want to live.
"Crowley." The boy spoke before the girl drifted off into a wonderland within his strands.
"Huh?" The girl asked.
"You gave me your name… I never gave you mine. It's Crowley."
"Like…"
"Mr. Crowley? Yeah, like that guy… You know about Ozzy?"
"Of course, I do," The girl said, "his first album 'Blizzard of Ozz'. Randy is one of my favorite guitarists… Mr. Crowley captured his playing really well. Oh, oh." She got giddy again. "What do you think of 'Goodbye to Romance'?"
The boy smiled. "One of my favorites, too… although I haven't listened to it in a long time."
Just then, the girl got another idea. She got up, removing herself from the boy, walking to her TV. She cursed at herself as she realized her remote was missing. She then ran into another room and came back holding a remote to a different TV.
"Hey! Come back! I was just getting sleepy again." He protested. "I'll whimper again if you want it!"
If I get assistance, I do not deserve the reward.
The girl came back, placing the boy back on her legs.
"Play 'Goodbye to Romance'"
"You know, you shouldn't just leave somebody like me alone for too long. What if I got sad and went to the balcony?" The girl looked at him, becoming saddened at the idea, realizing that exact feeling may plague another if she had followed through with her latest attempt.
She had every right to leave this earth, and no one, in her mind, should be allowed to stop her.
But right now, she just wanted this.
"Well… I would have pulled you away." She spoke. "This world can't lose you either, Crowley."
And with that, the guitars faded in, starting the ballad that would tie their bond together in a knot.
"Yesterday has been and gone
Tomorrow, will I find the sun
Or will it rain?"
The two souls intertwined with each other, learning and discovering things about themselves that filled each with hope.
"Everybody's having fun
Except me, I'm the lonely one
I live in shame."
When one joked, the other laughed. When the other saddened, the one comforted. Both, through some type of weird connection, found a safe place in the other's eyes.
"I say goodbye to romance, yeah.
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet,"
And together, through gentle cares and acts of tenderness, ones that highlighted their humanity, both their silhouettes learned to glow brighter.
"We'll meet in the end."
Afternotes:
Thank you for reading. You are loved.