Everyone's eating breakfast, Anthony currently regaling everyone with a story about one of his and Cherri Bomb's battles together before Charlie started the Hotel, when Calli's phone rings. Checking the caller ID, she hits the accept button, asking "Leo? What's wrong? …a bunch of kids? I hate when it's kids…no, yeah, I'll pick 'em up and bring them to Charlie's Hotel. No way am I going to leave…how many…you lost count. That many kids? …in soldiers uniforms? What, did Halloween pass by…what do you mean they were real?"
Glancing at everyone's expressions, Calli puts a hand over the phone and says "One minute, guys…" She then sprints out of the room, but everyone still hears her outraged shriek of "WHO THE FUCK DECIDED TO TURN A BUNCH OF SIX-TO-EIGHT YEAR OLDS INTO LITERAL CHILD SOLDIERS?!"
The silence is so thick, everyone could hear a pin drop from anywhere in the room. Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael in particular look like they're about to be sick, right along with Emily, even as everyone hears a litany of hissing they're all sure is actually a litany of swearing.
Lucifer claps his hands together, even as they hear the sound of Calli Apparating away, and pastes a wide smile on his face while saying "Well, seeing as my sister is obviously going to be occupied for the time being, what's the group exercise for today?"
Emily blinks, asking "Why was she so…ready to kill someone?"
Lucifer chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his head, and says "She's got a bit of a thing about kids being forced to fight…"
Charlie gives her dad a deadpan stare, and says "C'mon, Dad, I've figured out by now that Aunt Calli's childhood wasn't that great. Was she made to fight, to?"
Lucifer sighs, running a hand along his face, and says "The short version…yeah. Calli once told me, way back before Humanity was a thing, that her entire existence until she died was pain, blood, and death."
Pretty much everyone in earshot turns to gape at Lucifer in abject horror, and Jesus flatly asks "What do you mean Calli died? She just ran out the door!"
Lucifer groans, then eventually says "I mean she died at seventeen. She just so happened to have unknowingly obtained three magical objects that made her immortal - before that, she'd been manipulated and controlled by her school headmaster, she called him…Albus Dumbasadoor? Dumbassdoor?"
Angel promptly spit-takes the drink in his hand, and starts cackling in hysterics like a hyena.
Lucifer shrugs at all their incredulous looks, even as Arackniss mutters a line in Italian while Molly tries not to crack up as well, and says "She's used a few different names for him. But the first name is always Albus, so…let's just call him that. Albus, he…there's no not-horrifying way to put this, really. He looked at her as a fifteen-month old baby, and decided she was a sacrifice he was willing to make for whatever reason. He used spells and potions on her, manipulated events so that she'd be put in harm's way every year…she nearly died a lot because of him, because of things that he did…and didn't do, for that matter. All because he thought he knew better than everyone else, and saw the world as his chess set." At least, that's how Calli described it once.
Moses breathes out a phrase in Egyptian, and Charlie looks like she's going to burst into tears. Anthony sobers up fast, and says "So, when she said she knew what not to do…he left her with people that hated her." At Lucifer's grim expression, he incredulously asks "On purpose?! Alright, where is this fucker? I've got a high-speed present for him, to be delivered straight between his eyes." Every single time he thinks he has Calli figured out, some new, horrifying aspect of her so-called 'childhood' gets brought up and he wants to go find a gun and shoot several people with it!
Lucifer shakes his head, saying "Doesn't exist anymore. At least, that's what Calli was told - all the souls from her world ended with that world, they were…bound to it, I guess is one description." On the bright side, his daughter is never meeting this 'Vernon Dursley's' soul in ever. He'd kill the guy himself before letting him anywhere near Charlie or Calli.
Emily frowns, asking "Did…did he make her fight? Because, she was feeling like ripping someone apart…literally."
Lucifer nods, running a hand over his face, and says "Yeah, at the end of it all. It's a really fucked-up story, Em, and not one Calli ever wants to get into…like this is getting her into." He's absolutely no doubt whatsoever that a bunch of pre-teen children having been killed in the line of some kind of fighting is dredging up pretty much every memory Calli has of being forced to fight no matter how much she never wanted to do so.
About two hours later, Lucifer checks his phone when it buzzes in his pocket only to see a text from Calli saying 'It's bad, Luci. Really, really bad. Don't tell M, G, and R anything more than you absolutely have to, H CANNOT find out about this.' Teleporting himself to his office, Lucifer quickly calls his sister up - thankfully, she picks up on the first ring. "Calli, just give me the important details, alright? What's going on?"
"The short version? Some government conspiracy theorists got undeniable proof that they weren't crazy after all. It's almost out of control altogether. Our only saving grace is that Heaven seems so busy with their own shit that they haven't noticed this."
Lucifer nods his head in silent agreement, legs feeling like jelly at Calli's words - if Heaven found out that demons were on Earth, they're sure Sera would send down all of Heaven's legions to raze Hell to the ground. They only have a few rules they enforce across all the Rings - they leave most of that up to the other Sins, letting them rule their Ring the way they want, after all - but the most important one was 'Hell's residents don't leave Hell unless specifically authorized.' If Sera got word that Demons were coming and going from Earth as they pleased, then she'd likely have a fit and all of Hell would pay the price, after all! Swallowing a couple times, he asks "Can we contain this?"
"At this point, I'm going to have to put it under a Fidelius. It'll alter everyone's memories that were involved in it all, along with any video footage of those damn idiots, but we're still going to have to deal with them personally. Why did it have to be them, I actually like them…"
Lucifer frowns, asking "Them? Calli, who was seen and how did this even happen?" "I'll give you all the details after dealing with these morons. I've gotta make it seem like they died on their own. As for our idiots, we'll meet them once I'm done and figure out what to do about them then. This is…I can't FUCKING BELIEVE they'd all be so stupid!"
The call disconnects while Calli's still ranting and raving about a group of demons' utter stupidity, leaving Lucifer a confused, nervous wreck. Now he gets why she said not to tell his brothers anything about what's going on, if even a whisper of this mess got to Sera…she nearly killed him because he didn't nod along with humanity being magically enslaved. What'll she do about this?
The answer's simple, really, she can't ever find out. Delegation or no, 'peace talks' or no, she'll take the excuse to invade Hell down to the deepest reaches and raze everything to the ground...and make him watch as it happens, most likely.
It's a solid three days later that Lucifer finally gets a text from Calli saying to meet her at Asmodeus' office, and he quickly Materializes down there without a second's hesitation - when he gets there, he sees a very tall Goetia with a top hat, a shorter one that's obviously his daughter, three imps, a Hellhound, and Asmodeus with Fizzarolli sitting on his shoulder out of the way…as Calli paces and gestures almost frantically, yelling "-all the stupid things you could've done, did you have to pick going up to Earth and interfering with mortal lives?! Stupid, stupid, how could you possibly be this stupid?! We only enforce, like, five laws across all of Hell, the rest is at the discretion of the Sin who rules whichever Ring you're in, so the ones that we do have in place - they're there for a reason! It's Demon Law that Hell's residents aren't allowed up on Earth so that Heaven doesn't decide to finish what they started!"
Octavia timidly asks "So…when I ended up in LA…"
Calli freezes, looking slightly manic for a moment, and Lucifer quickly asks "Was it an accident?" At Octavia's nod, he adds "Were you seen?" When she shakes her head, he sighs in relief and says "Then, that's different. You ended up in the human world by mistake and nobody up there knew you were there. That's not something we're going to punish you for. Calli, sis, sit down, you look like you're going to have heart failure…" Plus, she's got a nosebleed - her nose actually started bleeding at Octavia's question. That's also the moment he notices she's got a real good bruise all across her left cheek, her clothes are burned and torn up, and there's blood under her fingernails - she got into one hell of a battle, apparently.
Once Calli's sitting in a chair he created, Lucifer looks around and says "Someone, from the beginning, tell me what happened so we can fix this."
Blitz clears his throat, and says "I started a business based on…well, finishing up someone's business up in the mortal world, to put it one way." Given the way Calliope's been yelling at everyone but Asmodeus and Fizz until Lucifer showed up, he's got no illusions that this isn't really bad. Is this why Stolas said to avoid Calliope up there?
At Lucifer's half-confused, half-disbelieving look, Loona flatly says "We go up there and kill people that someone wants dead. We get a contract for someone, we kill them."
Lucifer quickly chokes back a scream, now he gets why Calli's in the state she's in - her blood pressure alone is probably through the roof, and he can feel his own spike at just that simple sentence.
Calli says "They were also seen. Multiple times. Once, Blitz ended up on live tv. Another, they ended up in a government facility and didn't delete the video camera footage after Stolas summoned himself via possessing a bunch of corpses." She's not mad about them being up in Earth, per se - she's absolutely livid that they were up there without taken any precautions, without disguising themselves, without cleaning up after themselves so that Heaven couldn't find anything. They put all of Hell in danger with their carelessness, all of them! They gave this D.H.O.R.K.S. organization everything they needed to get a massive amount of funding, backing, war-priests, all of it - all because they gave them exactly what they needed on camera, dangerous and hostile demons that are out to cause nothing but pain and bloodshed...after Blitz and Moxxie broke down under the influence of truth gas and spilled their guts to each other, anyway.
Lucifer facepalms, feeling his head starting to throb at the implications, and says "One moment. Be right back." He quickly Materializes in the Palace, grabs the chest of Potions Calli made and has under heavy-duty Preservation Charms, and heads back to Asmodeus' office. Yanking the lid open, Lucifer skims the color chart Calli Stuck to it before grabbing one of the Extra-Strength Calming Draughts she made specifically for when he's having an extra-bad Panic attack. Handing it to her, he says "You need to take this, Sis." Thankfully, Calli rips the stopper off and downs it all in one gulp, quickly followed by a Headache Reliever.
Grabbing one of the milder Draughts for himself, Lucifer downs it then asks "What made you think that was a good idea? Any of it?"
Blitz opens his mouth, but Stolas puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it while saying "Not right now, Blitzy…"
Calli deadpans "I swear, if you say it was for sex…" After a beat of awkward silence, Calli facepalms and then starts hissing in Parseltongue.
Moxxie asks "Does it make it any better that the time on Tv was when we were looking for Octavia? Blitz got mistaken for an actor and was dragged on stage."
Lucifer pinches the bridge of his nose, Calli's Parsel-swearing increasing exponentially, and says "A little, for that specific incident. Calli, you said this government group was a problem?"
Calli just points to a corner of Asmodues' office, still hissing incoherently, where there's several battle suits lying dismantled and clearly fried by her magic in a corner. And a helmet that looks an awful lot like Loona's head sitting on top of the pile.
Lucifer just buries his face in his hands for a minute, creating an ice pack for his head as he does so. Yes, yes that is a big problem.
Blitz asks "Why's it such a big deal? Asmodeus' demons go to Earth all the time."
Asmodeus facepalms, and says "They aren't killing people, Blitz. Generally, the Succubus' become pop stars up there - they sing, they dance, they have thousands of adoring fans…they get laid a lot, but you know. But they don't get found out as demons! Do you have any idea how long it took me to get it legal for anyone to go up there in the first place? I had to work with Calli here for years to get the crystals working right! The runes are literally ingrained in them, they grow that way! Took ages to get the magic right to get them to grow like that, and just as long for me to learn the magic to activate them! And, even then, she gave me the most explicit warning of my entire existence to date on what would happen if even one of them were caught!"
Blitz crosses his arms, shifting so he's between Calli, Lucifer, and the rest of I.M.P. After a moment, he asks "So…what happens now, then? You guys just gonna…what, make us disappear?" It'd be the smart choice, the easy choice. Cover this all up, get rid of them so that they can't make anymore trouble.
Calli snorts sardonically, and says "If only it were that simple. Since a high-ranking Goetia is involved, and one as powerful as Stolas, we can't." She would, this isn't the first mess she's cleaned up and buried in her extraordinarily long lifetime after all, but with Stolas so very connected to everything it's out of the question.
After a moment, Stolas asks "Is this going to trial or anything?"
Lucifer groans, and says "We can't do that either. Truthfully…we need to bury this. If Heaven gets word of it…it'll absolutely spark all-out war." And a trial would be all over the news within a day, there's no way to keep something this big quiet. With the Delegation from Heaven in the hotel…well, with all the cell phones in the building alone, it would get out way too fast to head off.
After a moment, Calli says "Luckily, there was actually a spell from my old world that'll bury the information, even alter the memories of everyone involved that isn't part of the ritual itself. So, nobody outside this office will remember any of it. Any video evidence will get corrupted irreparably, and nothing will ever see the light of day unless Lucifer tells someone about it. It's called the Fidelius Charm - I would be the Secret Keeper myself, but you can only have one secret concealed in your soul and I've got one already. So, Lucifer it is." She also spent the past three days getting rid of everything that's sprung up thanks to them getting caught on video in that government facility, and she's utterly exhausted after it all.
Lucifer nods, saying "I'm not telling a single soul about this. Ever."
Blitz shifts in place, asking "So…that's it, then? We're free to go?"
Calli shakes her head with a humorless laugh, saying "Not even close. You are so fucking lucky I actually like you guys, because otherwise I would be making all of you disappear bar Stolas and Octavia." And she'd likely Obliviate Stolas and Octavia of everything to do with Blitz and his business. She wouldn't like it, of course, but two demons' memories of one small part of their lives vs all of Hell's safety is not a hard decision to make no matter the bad taste it would leave in her mouth. She wouldn't be controlling them, manipulating them, or forcing them to do anything they wouldn't want to do…but, still, the very idea reminds her too much of Dumbledore and his 'Greater Good' bullshit.
At least she has an alternative that doesn't make her feel like a complete hypocrite.
Fizz clears his throat, and says "You know…Blitz was a really good bodyguard at Mammon's clown contest…"
Calli nods, saying "I'm aware. He was good at helping me with getting Mammon to leave you guys alone, to. So, here's what's going to happen. We clearly can't leave you guys unsupervised, but we also cannot let anyone in on the actual reason why you're going to be staying at the Hotel with us for the time being." Glancing at Lucifer, she adds "You thinking what I'm thinking, Luce?"
Lucifer nods, saying "Congratulations, you guys are now the Hotel's personal security team…" Lucifer trails off when his phone starts ringing, and he checks the Caller ID before biting back a swear - Paimon, yet again.
Calli takes one look at the name, and mutters "This feathered kiss-ass, I swear…"
Lucifer puts the ice pack on Calli's head, saying "I'll handle him, bet I know what this is about." Hitting the accept button, he says "Paimon, for the last time, I do not need twenty of your descendants 'serving' me - I'm not helpless, I'm well over ten thousand years old, I can take care of myself." Glancing at Stolas and Octavia, his face lights up for a moment and Lucifer quickly says "Know what? I'll compromise. I'll pick one or two Goetias - I'll pick them - and I'll think of something for them to do, alright? I'll send the contract over once it's written up. Great, bye!" Quickly hanging up, Lucifer silences his phone and then says "I choose you two. There, done deal. I'll text him in a few hours and say I asked Calli for some suggestions. You deal with him often?"
Stolas nods his head, saying "My father, if you can call him that, is…difficult, I'm aware."
Lucifer raises an eyebrow, then says "You have my sympathies."
Calli mutters "Make it conditional that he can't order them around or anything. Or force Octavia into a marriage like he did Stolas. So long as they work with us, then he has no say over what they do or who they're with."
Asmodeus runs a hand over his face, and says "Welcome to politics, Fizz. Gods, this is exhausting." When Stolas came to him asking for Blitz to have an Asmodean Crystal, he'd thought the book-loving Goetia Prince knew all the rules for going up on Earth! He'd thought the intelligent bird would know just why the crystals function as both a gateway and a camouflage spell!
Calli runs a hand over her face, and says "No kidding."
"You know, Stolas was a big help when Fizz got kidnapped in Greed. He sped-read through contract after contract Crimson's lawyer tried to have me sign for Fizz's release. Remembered every detail, to."
Lucifer nods, rubbing at his temples as he does, and says "Great, fantastic. Thanks, Ozzie. Stolas, you're officially my advisor. We'll work out what exactly that entails beyond helping me with paperwork and such later. Octavia could be Charlie's, and Loona their personal bodyguard?"
Calli adds "Plus, it'll make it a lot easier to help teach you magic and your own powers if you're at the Hotel…and like fuck are you going to your mother."
Calli does the ritual, presses a glowing ball of magic - the secret that Blitz, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona were regularly going up to Earth via Stolas' Grimoire - into Lucifer's chest, and then says "Combat training starts the day after I get back. I've gotta pick up a bunch of kids that died to this…D.H.O.R.K.S. organization. Is there anything else I should know about?"
Millie says "Well…there's the three Cherubs up there. They were on Earth trying to save someone, but he ended up dying to one of them…"
"Shiiit-sakes, it's a good thing I did the Fidelius. We can talk about the secret with one another as we were all part of the ritual, but nobody but Lucifer can talk about it to anyone else. So, the Cherubs won't remember your involvement. But, fuuck…I've gotta pick up sixteen kids and get them to the Hotel, get a group of Cherubs there was well…"
Once Calli's gone again, Lucifer looks at the group of demons that are coming with him and asks "Do you all understand why you guys are now working for the royal family? Just nod or shake your heads."
Everyone nods.
"Do you understand why this is still a punishment, even if we can't make it look like one?"
Everyone nods again.
"Do you understand why we won't be bringing this up ever again?"
Everyone nods one last time.
Clapping his hands together, Lucifer says "Excellent. C'mon, we're about to do some world-class acting. Stolas, you and Octavia were recommended to me by Calli in response to Paimon's insistence on sending some of his descendants to serve me, and are now my trusted Royal Advisor. Octavia, you are now filling the same role for Charlie - less of a punishment in your case, and more keeping you safe from Paimon's plans. I've heard enough about Stolas' marriage with your mother to know it's not unwarranted. Blitz, was it? The four of you are the security team Stolas personally recommended, as now there are important, high-ranking members of two of Hell's royal families and nobody is stupid enough to not think we might make a good enough combined target for someone. Is everyone clear on their stories?"
All of them nod, and Loona says "Let's get this shit-show on the road."
It's about four in the afternoon when Calli and Azrael finally come back to the Hotel, each of them with a bunch of kids hanging off them. Calli looks around, asking "Is that everyone? We didn't lose anyone? One, two, three, four…" Azrael sets his own pack of children down, saying "…eight, nine, ten…"
A head of blue hair with a pair of small glasses and a very 'I'm so done with this' expression appears, saying "Here's six more. That should be all sixteen."
Azrael runs a hand through his hair, saying "Thanks, Leo. Alright…Calli, you've dealt with kids more than me…"
Calli gives him a disbelieving look, and says "The last time I had anything to do with children, Az, was when Charlie was still their height! Actually, she was shorter!"
Raphael buzzes over, Gabriel hot on his heels, and asks "What happened to them?! Why would sixteen children be down here?!"
Calli runs a hand through her hair, saying "The short version is Sera. You remember that call I got three days ago?" At Raphael and Gabriel's nods, she adds "A group of government conspiracy theorists managed to get a rich backer, somehow or other. They were half government organization, half cult. Convinced Hell is real, along with demons, etc. You hear about cults trying to summon demons every now and again, but that's specifically why I made sure any information about summoning rituals was just inaccurate enough that it wouldn't work. At any rate, they somehow managed to technologically open a portal to Hell…about two feet wide. Or, at least, close enough to Hell that anyone who went in would be tainted by Roo's energy. And, of course, can't have anyone up in Heaven who might possibly be corrupted, no matter what they did or didn't do. These kids were told that they'd be protecting and serving their country, going in and fighting things they had no idea about."
Michael stares at the group of sixteen kids in horror, then turns to Calli and asks "You killed them all, right? Every last one of them that sent these kids to their deaths?"
Calli nods, saying "Every last one of them. I also destroyed their portal, and any blueprints or schematics of it." Turning to the group of chattering children, who obviously knew each other, she pastes a bright smile on her face and says "Hey, kids, who likes pizza?"
That last word clearly got all their attentions, because they all stop talking and stare at Calli for a moment before bursting out into more talking.
"Yes, please!"
"Ooh, can it have Pepperoni?"
"And Sausage! Sausage is the best!"
"Extra cheese, to!"
"With stuffed crust!"
"YES, STUFFED CRUST!"
Calli claps her hands together, saying "Pizza night it is…oh, thank gods, Charlie! Can you get everyone into some rooms?"
Charlie nods, Emily, Octavia, and Loona coming over - and Loona gets a brief look of guilt at the sight of sixteen kids down here when they're only up to her knees - and Charlie says "No problem! Dad filled me in on everything…"
One of the kids, a boy that looks like he's the oldest, steps forward and says "We've been bunking together for three months now in Basic Training. It'd honestly be weird to stop now."
Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael all swear they see Calli's eye twitch at the words 'basic training,' but her voice doesn't give anything away as she says "I'll start making pizzas for everyone. Kids, we need to at least separate the boys and girls, alright? We can put you in rooms near one another, though. Would that work?" She also needs to find the three Cherubs that are apparently stuck on Earth after accidentally killing someone. At least that explains why there was a faint Angelic energy in the last compound she destroyed. If Heaven really won't take them back...they can stay with Emily? Be her own versions of Razzle and Dazzle?
They all nod their heads enthusiastically, minds clearly still on stuffed crust pizza.
When Calli gets back at eight at night, she's got three sobbing Cherubs in her arms and looks dead on her feet. "Alright, we're here. I'll call Sera up tomorrow, alright? But you're safe in the Hotel, the spell I cast on you will last for thirty-six hours." She wants nothing more than to just crash in bed...after putting some bruise salve on her face and cleaning up all the cuts and bruises she got over the past few days hunting down all these 'D.H.O.R.K.S.'
And then, of course, the three Cherubs see Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael and burst out into a fresh round of wailing, each of them picking an Archangel and sobbing about how it was an accident, how they didn't mean for the old guy to die, how they just want to go back home to Heaven - they apparently took him to an opera, and a rope failed holding up some old iron scaffolding, causing it to crash into the floor and fling the piano into the air...where it then landed straight on top of the old guy they were supposed to save.
Emily walks over right then, taking all three Cherubs in her arms and rather forcefully calming them down, and Calli sighs in relief before saying "Thanks Emmie." Her head's throbbing once more, and she really needs some food and sleep. Plus, she's pretty sure the foundation she used to cover up the bruise for Charlie is starting to smear - damn rifle getting shoved into her face, and she's too tired to heal it right away. Most of the rest she had when she got back to the Hotel was spent making the pizzas for everyone!
Raphael glances at her, asking "You alright, Calli? You look like you're about to drop."
Calli blinks at him for a moment, then asks "Do I look like I've been running around the US like a chicken with my head cut off, destroying secret facilities, interrogating agents, sabotaging equipment and otherwise removing all trace of what happened to those kids, all on zero sleep, no food, a little water, fueled by adrenaline and desperation?"
"Uh...no?"
"Oh, good, then I was hiding it well enough from Charlie."
Almost as soon as she gets to her room, Alastor shadows in with one of the top five most concerned looks she's ever seen on his face before. Taking her chin in one hand, he tilts her face this way and that before wiping at the makeup she spent a minute applying to conceal the massive bruise on her face from Charlie. At his unimpressed look, Calli says "I didn't want Charlie to worry. I'm fine, though, just...took the butt of a rifle to my face. The other guy got blown up, though, so it's all good."
Alastor's staticky sigh is the only warning Calli gets before she's unceremoniously dropped onto her bed and Alastor's shadow pushes a nearby chair over. Just as he's about to start wiping the makeup off so he can see just how big this bruise of hers is, there's a knock on the door before Lucifer's voice floats in. "Calli, it's me! Can I come in, or do you need a minute to get dressed?"
Fuck... Calli groans, then says "Yeah, no, I'm decent, Luci. I'm also fine, really, so-"
Lucifer materializes in the room before Calli can get another word out, arms full of stuff, and sighs in relief when he sees Alastor standing there. "Oh, thank Satan you're already here. One of us has to hold her still, the other gets to try and put all this on her." At Calli's offended, indignant noise, he flatly adds "You're a terrible patient and we both know it, Calli. You literally covered half your face in makeup to hide that bruise, and who the heck knows what kind of marks you've got under your shirt."
"I put the makeup on so Charlie wouldn't worry, that's all!"
"And the thought that I'd believe you healed already and wouldn't worry either never crossed your mind?"
Yes it did, and they all know it.
Lucifer dumps all the stuff he brought onto Calli's bed, then picks up the jar of bruise salve and a washcloth and says "Hold still, Sis. Really."
Alastor very quickly learns Lucifer wasn't joking or even exaggerating when he goes to start wiping at Calli's face and she tries to scoot away - apparently, she's usually on edge after getting hurt, always waiting for another shoe to drop after a lifetime of being kicked when she was already down on the ground bleeding. Something Alastor can relate to all too well, even back when he was alive. She keeps insisting that she can do it, but they can both see she's moving stiffly now that she's back at the Hotel - much more hurt than she's letting on, or at least far too sore to move much.
Lucifer sighs once he finally gets what looks like the last of the foundation off Calli's face, and flatly says "It's us two or Raphael, and I can promise you he'll mother-hen you to death. He was checking up on me for a straight month once, because I had a sniffle. For a day."
The two of them eventually manage to get Calli mostly cleaned up, with most of the jar of bruise salve getting used up on her face, two large bruises on her abdomen, and one on her right thigh - Alastor eventually ends up holding her still on his lap while Lucifer rubs the salve in and bandages her up rather than taking her word for it that she'll heal overnight. Because, knowing Calli, if they take her word for it that she'll heal overnight, they'll never see those injuries again whether they're actually healed or not.