The oil lamp flickered like a dying bean, its dim light floating in the dark, quiet room.
Heavy shadows covered every corner, and even the air felt heavy and oppressive.
Shen Ruo Wei sat in front of the bronze mirror, lost in a trance for what felt like an eternity.
The polished mirror reflected her blurry face. Her brows were soft like distant mist, her eyes clear yet empty, her skin pale and smooth in the dim light, and her lips a faint pink, like a tender flower blooming quietly in the dark. She was not breathtakingly beautiful, but she had an innocent, approachable charm—gentle, timid, with a hidden softness she did not know herself. She sat motionless, like a figure from an ancient painting, beautiful but strangely still.
She stared blankly at her reflection, her soul no longer within her.
All she could think of, over and over, was one person—
Qin Ru Hai.
The man in the green linen robe, whose presence outshone the entire town in the misty rain. Handsome, elegant, with calm, distant eyes. When he smiled, he was gentle; when he was quiet, he was cold. One glance was enough to make a woman lose her heart.
Shen Ruo Wei bit her lip lightly, her fingers curling up unconsciously.
Memories surged up through the darkness, bit by bit.
Her home had never been warm.
Her parents had been arguing for years because they had no son. All she had heard since childhood were cruel, stabbing words.
"What use is there in raising a daughter like you? A waste of money!"
"Without a son, what's the point of living!"
"I should have abandoned you long ago, and saved myself the trouble!"
She huddled in the corner, crying silently.
In the entire Shen family, only the old scholar renting the backyard and the young man he had taken in showed her any kindness.
That young man was Qin Ru Hai.
Later, the old scholar fell ill and died. Qin Ru Hai stayed alone, still renting the small room behind the Shen house.
Her parents complained about his poverty and forbade her from going near him, but they were too busy arguing to care what she did. Qin Ru Hai found an excuse to teach her to read.
"I'll teach Ruo Wei at no cost," she told her parents softly.
Shen Wan Shan waved her away impatiently. "If it's free, do whatever you want. At least she won't be in the way."
Her mother only muttered, "I can't be bothered with you."
Such was the coldness of ordinary families.
After she learned to read, Qin Ru Hai often gave her storybooks to read.
The books were filled with tales of love. In every story, women gave everything to the men they loved, as if that was the only way to prove their devotion.
She held the book, looking up at him innocently. "Brother Ru Hai… what is love?"
Qin Ru Hai sat in the lamplight, his voice soft.
"Love is when a woman gives her whole heart to a man, giving everything she has. Only if you give him all you own will he treat you well."
He paused, his gaze falling on her blushing cheeks, and asked gently:
"Do you love me?"
Shen Ruo Wei's heart raced. She lowered her head and whispered, almost too quiet to hear:
"I… I love you."
After that, Qin Ru Hai often sighed in front of her.
"I have no parents, no family. I live alone in poverty."
"You still have your parents. I have nothing."
"If you truly care for me, save what you can and help me get by. Will you?"
Her heart ached for him. She thought he was truly pitiful.
From then on, she saved every scrap of silver, every coin for snacks, and secretly gave it all to him.
She thought this was love.
As she grew older, the storybooks he gave her changed.
Some lines made her face burn, her heart race, and her whole body feel restless.
In the stories, men were passionate and gentle.
But Qin Ru Hai was always distant, calm, showing no emotion.
She could not help but overthink.
Her parents always said no one wanted her. Was it true? Was she too plain, too stupid, to be loved?
One day, while her parents were home, she tidied herself quietly, imitating the girls in the storybooks.
She wore no makeup, no bright clothes. She only looked flustered and innocent, her cheeks pink, her eyes timid, with a quiet hope she did not understand.
She walked to the backyard and pushed open Qin Ru Hai's door.
"Brother Ru Hai…" Her voice trembled, full of unease.
"Am I ugly? Am I really… no one could ever like me?"
Qin Ru Hai looked up at her, his expression calm and unreadable.
He stood up slowly and walked toward her.
In the next moment, he reached out and held her in his arms for the very first time.
His embrace was gentle but unbreakable. In the dim lamplight, their shadows overlapped tightly.
Her body tensed instantly, her fingertips shaking. This was the first time in her life she had been so close to a man—strange, flustered, helplessly innocent. The excitement from the stories, the warmth in her heart, the years of feeling unloved all rushed out at once. She was at a loss, clinging to him instinctively.
The closer she got, the more worthless she felt.
All the while, he spoke softly, gently, like he was comforting her, yet his words cut deeper than ice:
"You know it's true, don't you?"
"Your parents don't love you. No one cares about you. Even if you were thrown in front of a crowd of men, not one would look at you."
"You're plain, weak, and never meant to be truly loved."
He held her while pushing her deeper into despair.
With every word, she hated herself more. Until only one thought remained:
Only he wanted her.
Only by giving herself completely could she keep this tiny bit of mercy.
It happened naturally, yet cruelly.
This first, unique surrender was carved permanently into her heart. Every word he said weighed on her like a brand.
Afterward, she leaned weakly against him, flustered and shy, afraid even to breathe too loudly in case she upset him. She only wanted to please him.
Qin Ru Hai brushed the wet hair from her forehead gently. His eyes were cold, his tone certain and icy, stabbing straight into her weakest spot:
"This is simply what you are.
To everyone else, your obedience and gentleness are just an act.
Only I know what you're really like inside—
worthless, shameless.
If others saw the real you, they would only be disgusted.
I'm the only one willing to keep you. The only one pretending not to mind."
Shen Ruo Wei listened in a daze, tears falling silently.
But they were not tears of sadness or anger. They were tears of terror and submission, as if the truth had finally been exposed.
Yes, she was already this pathetic.
She was lowly, shameful, unfit to be seen.
Only Brother Ru Hai did not despise her for what she was.
Only he was willing to take someone as broken as her.
She clutched his clothes lightly, her voice trembling but sincere, grateful in her humiliation:
"Thank you… Brother Ru Hai.
Thank you… for not hating me."
Her thoughts suddenly snapped back to the present.
The room was still dark. The lamp still flickered.
The girl in the mirror had empty eyes and a pale face.
She spoke softly, her voice like a wisp of smoke:
"Yes… someone like me doesn't deserve to be loved."
She opened her dressing box, took out the small bag of silver she had saved for so long, wrapped it tightly, and tucked it inside her clothes.
Night had fallen deep. She stood up, her eyes filled with stubborn, humble determination.
She was going to find Qin Ru Hai.
Only by giving him everything could she hold onto that small, merciful warmth.