Chapter 40
The next day, the sky remained clear.
Two figures arrived at the plum grove from different directions, one after the other.
Before they could even greet each other, their gazes froze simultaneously on the familiar figure beside Tomomu Kanzaki's tombstone.
She sat quietly in the snow, leaning against the stone tablet with her eyes half-closed.
"Ruan Mei?"
"It's her..."
Surprise washed over the faces of both Yu Qingtu and Black Swan.
This surprise did not last long. It soon transformed into a more complex emotion.
In those complex gazes was a hint of relief at finally seeing the main person appear.
Only, they had not expected this wait to last for centuries.
The two slowly approached.
A layer of light white frost had condensed on Ruan Mei's long eyelashes and her cascading black hair.
Clearly, she had been here for at least a night.
It had not snowed last night; otherwise she would have been covered in a thick layer of snow.
Right now she was motionless, her eyes dull and lifeless, her breathing so faint it had nearly vanished.
If they could not still sense the aura of life from her, Yu Qingtu and Black Swan would have almost thought she had followed Tomomu Kanzaki in death.
Loneliness shrouded the surroundings, separating them into two different worlds.
Ruan Mei seemed not to have heard or seen the arrival of the two.
"How much do you know about the rest of Tomomu Kanzaki's life?" Yu Qingtu stepped forward and asked abruptly.
She was certain that Ruan Mei would understand perfectly.
As expected.
The moment she heard that name, a switch in Ruan Mei's body seemed to be flipped.
The frost on her eyelashes trembled slightly, and her lifeless gaze turned stiffly toward Yu Qingtu.
"He excised his own Remembrance..." Ruan Mei's voice was hoarse, reduced almost to a whisper.
Yu Qingtu and Black Swan exchanged a look.
The latter wasted no time and did not hesitate, tossing the memory bubble she had prepared centuries ago toward Ruan Mei.
"The final moments of Mr. Kanzaki's life are all in there."
She was so forthcoming in giving the Remembrance to Ruan Mei out of her own selfish motives.
The most direct of which was wanting to see Ruan Mei's regret with her own eyes.
But... she had already seen it in advance.
The phrase "if only you had known then what you know now" hovered on her lips but ultimately remained unsaid.
Looking at Ruan Mei's current state, Black Swan felt none of the satisfaction she had anticipated. Instead, a faint sense of sadness welled up.
Perhaps it was because she knew that Tomomu Kanzaki had never hated his teacher. His gentleness remained unchanged until the very end of his life.
Ruan Mei reached out to catch the floating memory bubble and pressed it against her forehead.
Scene after scene of Remembrance images flooded into her mind, and the familiar voices brought a hint of warmth to her frozen heart.
She saw Tomomu Kanzaki telling a young girl a short story about a couple about to be separated forever.
She understood his interpretation of the story and finally realized why he had chosen to leave alone.
It was she — she had personally crushed Tomomu Kanzaki's attachment to the mortal world and pushed him into the shadows of Nihility.
Fate works in mysterious ways. That day happened to be the day Yu Qingtu came to visit her.
That day, she had said: I have done nothing wrong, so why should I regret it?
Looking back now, every word was like a knife, yet they could never be taken back.
Just like the words she had hurled at Tomomu Kanzaki back then, which were like a final sentence.
Every cause and effect was of her own making. Now she could only taste this heart-burning, bone-searing pain herself.
But this pain was not even a fraction of what she had inflicted upon Tomomu Kanzaki.
She saw Tomomu Kanzaki tell Clarisse that he had never resented the unfairness of fate.
She heard Tomomu Kanzaki say that meeting his teacher and finding salvation was the compensation that an unfair fate had granted him.
But... did Tomomu Kanzaki live the life he wanted?
She didn't know.
Ruan Mei fell into a daze.
Tomomu Kanzaki's whole life was always being pushed along. The only time he took initiative resulted in a declaration of completing his apprenticeship and a final farewell.
He had forgotten that unforgettable period of emotion from age sixteen to eighteen.
But how could it be easily erased from the depths of his consciousness and soul?
So he still composed that song where lyrics and melody merged.
Tomomu Kanzaki was waiting in loneliness for her to look back.
Within those one hundred and eleven years, she had countless opportunities to turn back.
But she didn't.
His deep affection, sealed away for three years, was never spoken. She had one hundred and eleven years to dispel his despair and sorrow and not let his waiting be in vain.
But she didn't.
Tomomu Kanzaki's heart had long been broken. He could only numb it with wine, entrusting his obsession to the bright moon and asking from afar if she knew.
But she knew nothing, traveling far away alone and never looking back.
He sighed over his deep love while she remained unaware, only able to watch as everything turned to nothing.
Through countless late autumns, Tomomu Kanzaki had always been hoping she would look back.
He never spoke up, trapped in an abyss, until finally he no longer clung to the mortal world and chose a silent farewell.
The past became a curse. He and she were like strangers, and after many years he still could not wait for a single glance back.
Even if a thousand cups of burning wine went down his throat, it was to no avail.
"In this life, looking back suddenly, waiting through life and death, are you willing to stay together..."
"Sighing that the deep love is known, love finally results in holding hands..."
Softly singing the lyrics Tomomu Kanzaki had once sung, Ruan Mei's eyes welled up once more.
How could she not know? This was the vision that Tomomu Kanzaki could not completely erase, even after losing those Remembrances.
He hoped for a glance back, to spend a lifetime together, for both to realize their deep love and walk hand in hand.
But... he never got it.
Not even until his death.
It was all her fault... all her fault!
Why, when she wasn't even angry back then, did she insist on driving him away with cold words?
Why, when Tomomu Kanzaki pleaded like that, did she still not soften in the slightest?
Ruan Mei gave a miserable smile.
It was only because she could not face her own failure toward her parents, could not accept her own incompetence, and delusionally tried to mend that broken past.
That was all.
To mend the past, she lost the future forever.
She deserved it. She had it coming.
She watched Tomomu Kanzaki's physical condition weaken day by day, watched him pick plum blossoms to brew plum blossom brew for her one last time.
She watched him remember the recipe for preserved plum soybean cake and make it one last time, leaving it for her future self.
She watched him bid a silent farewell to Clarisse and a regret-free eternal goodbye to Longjing.
He said he had no regrets, which was why he did not cling to the mortal world.
It wasn't that... it was that he knew deep down that the regrets could no longer be mended.
Short-lived species are different from long-lived species.
To a long-lived species, a century is but a moment. To a short-lived species, it is a lifetime.
Tomomu Kanzaki waited for one hundred and eleven years.
He waited a lifetime. He will wait no longer.
He chose the day himself and arranged his affairs, wanting only to leave alone, not wishing for anyone to be sad because of his departure.
But on the final journey of his life, there was someone who loved him deeply to see him off.
Only, that person wasn't her.
Finally, Ruan Mei saw the final moment before Tomomu Kanzaki's departure.
"Only pitying that you do not see the joy and sorrow, only sighing that our fate lies on separate sides."
"The north wind swirls the snow and blows down the blossoms. The past flutters by, disturbing the heartstrings."
"Endless words cannot be fully spoken. Only Remembrance remains in empty, lingering affection."
"In the end, a lone plum tree braves the cold years, unable to find the youth of that time..."
The memory bubble dissipated into points of light. Ruan Mei instinctively reached out to grab them, but it was in vain.
Her Tomomu Kanzaki... had never hated her.
Ruan Mei knelt weakly beside the stone tablet, her head bowed as she murmured.
"Why were you so gentle to a teacher who hurt you like this..."
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200 Stones
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