"I'm telling you, I really don't remember anything from last night!"
Naruto knelt in the center of the Hinata Group's main hall in a full dogeza, and the dead-last looked genuinely aggrieved. From his perspective, he'd been ambushed and beaten senseless by a mob for no reason whatsoever. Then, to add insult to injury, they'd stuck him with the dinner bill and dragged him back for a formal dressing-down. Hard to argue the whole thing wasn't at least a little unfair.
"We can't just take your word for it. You've always been a prankster—pulling some stunt that hurts everyone including yourself is completely within your character."
Hinata picked lazily at her teeth with a toothpick, her tone perfectly relaxed. Given that nobody had come to haul Naruto away so far, the Third Hokage had apparently decided to let last night's incident end where it lay. That meant the Hinata Group's standing within the village had just risen another invisible notch—they were now tacitly recognized as an organization permitted to handle the Nine-Tails.
"Hmm. Judging by his current attitude of remorse, this does appear to be the real Naruto."
Shino, in his role as staff advisor, pushed the sunglasses up the bridge of his nose with one hand and gave a small nod. "However, we cannot rule out the possibility that some creature is impersonating Naruto to exploit our sympathy."
"So what do we do? Rough him up again?"
Sakura eyed Naruto with a smile that didn't reach her eyes, cracking her knuckles. Honestly, ever since the female lead role had been snatched out from under her, her desire to pummel this particular individual had been building up to critical mass.
"Let's just drop it. Naruto's had a rough enough time, and besides, he's the one who paid for that whole roasted bull last night."
Choji—who knew better than to bite the hand that fed him—spoke up in Naruto's defense. Shikamaru, meanwhile, clicked his tongue in idle thought. "With all that commotion last night, it's pretty lucky nobody came looking for trouble."
Naturally so. The terror the Nine-Tails had inflicted on the village still lingered to this day. As long as the beast remained stable, it was better for everyone to pretend last night had never happened.
Kakashi and Asuma, seated off to the side, had stopped bothering with their disguises. They'd swapped their civilian outfits for their proper shinobi gear—since last night had blown their cover anyway, there was no point keeping up the act.
"All right, Naruto. You say you don't remember, but the fact remains: you not only sent a Shadow Clone to an important organizational meeting in your place, you caused an enormous mess. And yes, you've shown good faith by offering to cover the damages out of your own pay. But..."
Hinata raised her head to look down at Naruto, still prostrated on the floor, and her tone shifted on a dime. "A little disciplinary action is still in order. Your choice: scrub toilets for two weeks, or spend one week in women's clothing?"
Naruto, whose expression had been relaxing through the first half of that speech, went ash-grey the instant the second half landed. Both punishments were exquisitely calibrated to torment him.
The graduation exam was only two weeks away. If he was still scrubbing toilets on the day he became a ninja, his forehead protector would practically reek of the job. For a man who intended to become Hokage, that was neither auspicious nor dignified.
The alternative lasted only a week, which meant it wouldn't interfere with graduation day. He'd still be able to hold his head high and accept his forehead protector with pride. But... cross-dressing... that was a bit...
"Um... can't you pick a different punishment?"
Naruto stammered the words out, making one last desperate bid to preserve whatever shreds of masculine dignity he had left. "These are both kind of..."
"The punishments are perfectly reasonable. Neither involves excessive physical burden—they're purely psychological warnings and mild deterrents. Personally, I consider them entirely proportionate."
Shino—now officially confirmed as the group's resident airhead savant—analyzed the situation with clinical rationality. "Naruto, the graduation exam is in two weeks. If you're still scrubbing toilets on that day, it would be deeply disrespectful to the occasion. Therefore, my personal recommendation is that you choose the second option."
"You don't have to tell me that!"
Naruto, practically steaming from every orifice, finally surrendered with a face like a funeral. "Fine... the second one... cross-dressing..."
"Hm, very good. Ino, Sakura—take him away and dress him up. No Transformation Technique shortcuts this time. I want him to learn what the word 'shame' really means."
Hinata snapped her fingers, waving a hand. Ino and Sakura flanked Naruto from behind, cracking their knuckles with undisguised glee. "Don't worry, we'll take excellent care of our leading lady."
"Nooooo!"
Tears streaming, Naruto clawed at the floorboards with both hands as the grinning pair each seized a leg and dragged him out of the hall. Watching the long scrape marks on the floor, one could almost hear "The Injustice to Dou E" playing in the background for full dramatic effect.
Once Sakura and the others had left the hall, the atmosphere shifted instantly. Kakashi and Asuma both sat up straighter, spines rigid. With Naruto dealt with, it was their turn.
"Now then, would our two esteemed Jōnin care to explain themselves?"
Hinata turned toward them with that same smile-that-wasn't-a-smile, her pale eyes glinting with undisguised mockery. "Such as, oh, your real identities?"
"Well... how should I put this..."
Cold sweat broke out across both men's foreheads in unison. Despite outranking Hinata in both age and combat ability by considerable margins, those advantages applied to the ninja world. Within the Hinata Group, they were—for all intents and purposes—her subordinates.
"You see... being a ninja is tough work, so when we happened to learn that Lady Hinata was looking into investment opportunities, we thought we'd try to earn a little on the side..."
Kakashi scratched the back of his head, doing his best to fabricate a plausible cover story. The truth—that the Third Hokage had sent them in as undercover agents—was absolutely off the table, so improvisation was all he had.
"Me too. I've finally started dating someone, so I wanted to save up as much as I can before the wedding. For a home, you know. But shinobi aren't supposed to engage in commerce openly, so I had to use a false identity..."
Asuma pressed his palms together and squeezed out a smile, looking thoroughly strained. There was no escaping this. Both men had sunk substantial savings into the Konoha Publishing Factory. Pulling out was impossible, which meant they had to toe the line with their boss, Hinata.
"Be that as it may, having two Jōnin embedded in our crew this whole time is... quite the surprise."
Shikamaru rested his chin on one hand, though he didn't look particularly shocked. With his intellect, a moment's thought made the picture clear enough: every major clan heir in the village was gathered here, so dispatching a few undercover bodyguards was perfectly logical.
"Hmph. Boring."
Sasuke leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, cold as ever—but his eyes never left Kakashi. He clearly hadn't forgotten the silver-haired man who'd provoked him last time. He'd wondered where that broomstick-head had come from, and now the answer turned out to be: right under his nose all along.
"Enough talk. I understand your circumstances, but you've still hurt everyone's feelings. So you two are getting punished as well."
Hinata flipped through the script she'd just finished writing and glanced up at the two Jōnin. "Pick one. Cross-dress alongside Naruto? Or take a cameo role in the next production?"
"Ah, I'll pass on the cross-dressing. Cameo role it is."
Asuma scratched his head, declining the first option without a heartbeat's hesitation. He was dating Kurenai—showing up in women's clothing would obliterate whatever masculine dignity he still possessed. Besides, the mental image of a bearded man in a dress was the stuff of nightmares.
"Very well. Then you'll be playing the monster that appears in this scene. Only three lines: 'Roar,' 'Grargh,' and 'Urrgh'—corresponding to 'entrance,' 'getting hit,' and 'going down.' Just remember those and you'll be fine."
Hinata nodded, her expression perfectly neutral. She had no intention of pushing these two too hard. They were Jōnin, and soon to be squad leaders—antagonizing them served no purpose. Moderation was key.
"Right, three lines, shouldn't be a problem."
A bead of cold sweat trickled down Asuma's temple as he cast a sympathetic glance at Kakashi beside him. He had a sinking feeling that his colleague's punishment wouldn't be nearly so simple.
"And now, the silver-haired gentleman."
Hinata looked up at the thoroughly sweating Kakashi, her tone dripping with ill intent. "What'll it be? Cross-dressing, or a cameo?"
"Well... um... I think a cameo might be the safer option?"
Kakashi's instincts screamed that both choices were traps, but he settled on the latter anyway. Cross-dressing was simply too much to bear.
"Oh, a cameo? Wonderful. Well then, since you're going to play a character, we'll at least need to see your face. How about it? Pull down that mask for us, hmm?"
Hinata propped her chin on one hand, thoroughly savoring the moment. In the original story, this man had kept his face hidden all the way to the finale. But now? Now he was in the palm of her hand, and she refused to believe she couldn't peel that mask off this time.
"That's... not really a great idea, is it? I was thinking I could just play a three-line monster too..."
Kakashi scratched the back of his head, sweating buckets, but Hinata shook her head with malicious delight. "Unfortunately, there's only one monster role and it's already taken. So if I'm going to cast you, I need to assess your face first. Come on now, stop being shy—a grown man acting coy is not cute. Just take it off!"