Chapter 5: Did I Have a Great Ambition? As a man in his twenties from a prestigious Imperial family, it was only natural that I was practically engaged. There had been quite active marriage talks between our houses. However, she was a woman who, in many ways, didn't suit me. In fact, she wasn't the type to get along with any man.
"How was it? Your first kill."
Her name was Ezel. With sharp, cat-like features and the signature ash-gray hair of her lineage, she was the eldest daughter of House Luncelot—a family that rivaled the Ebenholtz name.
"I don't know. I'm not really sure."
I had liked her once. And she could have 'liked' me, too. She said so herself, so you can take her word for it. But our paths were destined to diverge.
"But Max, do you really want to marry me?" Ezel asked, looking genuinely fed up. I let out a short laugh.
It had been like this back then, too. In the past, I was always anxious, my nerves on edge as I hung on her every word. But not anymore.
"Do you hate the idea?"
"Obviously. You don't even act like a man. Your personality is too soft. And what's with that hair? It's too long. You should get it cut short."
Ezel was a citizen of the Empire, but the scales of her heart had already tipped toward revolution. It meant she was a good person.
I threw a question back at her.
"How was it? My killing, I mean."
"…Well. I don't know."
Back then, I thought Ezel was an inscrutable woman. I thought she was just playing hard to get. That was how pathetic my experience had been.
"I wonder if it was really necessary to kill him… but I guess since he was a demi-human, it makes sense?"
Right now, the slight quiver of her lips and the tremor in her voice betrayed her true feelings.
"Ezel. To tell you the truth…"
I leaned toward her. I whispered the truth as if sharing a secret.
"That guy turned into a monster first and tried to kill me. All Izenheims are monsters."
"…Huh?"
Ezel's face went blank.
Most people in the world would probably make that same face. Unless they were a raving, lunatic racist, it would be hard to agree with such a statement.
I quirked an eyebrow.
"I'm joking."
"Wow… Hey, you should go to a hospital."
"I said it was a joke. I just killed him because I was angry that he deceived me."
"You should still go to a hospital for that. That's an anger management issue."
"...."
The mention of anger management struck a chord. For a moment, my pulse quickened violently. I picked up my knife.
"It's not anger management."
Rage surged from the depths of my chest. Memories of the distant future flashed before my eyes like a revolving lantern.
The Empire had already fallen; my father was beheaded, his head hanging in the capital's central plaza for months; you became a pillar of the revolutionary army and formed the Council; all while I fled like a madman, only to be caught and rot in prison for decades—though it felt like only a few years; I watched Edmond grow old in real-time, and in the end, I witnessed the world's destruction…
"…It's just."
Even if I told you all of it, you wouldn't believe me. To be honest, I wouldn't have believed it myself if it weren't for the virus inside my body. So, no one knows what's in my heart. I shouldn't even expect anyone to understand.
"Just eat your food."
I pointed at her plate with my knife. Ezel gave a sly smirk.
"Ah~ so transparent. The moment I say I like the macho style, you start acting like this?"
"Before I punch you in the mouth."
Ezel chuckled softly and focused on her food.
In truth, if we actually fought, I would lose a hundred times out of a hundred. Yet, she never once bragged or showed it off in her life. It was likely because she knew of my inferiority complex. Ezel was always a good friend who would ultimately let me win.
When the Empire fell, it was Ezel who let me go as I fled. It was likely Ezel who kept me alive in that dungeon. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have even been given the chance to regress.
So.
"Lunch is on me today."
"…You're really being transparent, aren't you?"
"Then you pay."
"I'll enjoy the meal~"
As she carved her steak with her knife, I added nonchalantly. This was the main point of today's meeting.
"Let's not get married. I'll tell the family as much."
Ezel's hand shook minutely, but she soon looked at me with serious eyes.
"Yeah. I think that's for the best."
I think that's for the best.
Only now did I understand the true meaning behind those words she had said once before.
*
Returning home, I trudged into my room and shed my clothes. Leaving the cumbersome suit discarded in a heap, I stood in the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
In the end, the essence of everything is strength.
Thanks to Ezel, that conviction had become even firmer today. I must become strong. Both in body and mind.
Edmond had said, 'If the Empire had remained, humanity would have lasted longer.'
That was because the Empire did not seek understanding. Because the Empire was synonymous with iron and blood. Even if it was rotten to the core, the Empire's bonds and mortar were sturdier than any external enemy on this continent. They crushed their own interior to become a lethal weapon capable of tearing down the exterior. The Empire was a chimera golem created for that very purpose. I was born near the apex of the pyramid that constituted such an Empire. House Ebenholtz stood at that height.
If, as an Imperial, I had to exterminate an entire race, my position made it entirely possible. The justification was more than enough.
'To prevent the end of the world.'
An ending only I knew. It was a perfect goal, the kind found in tales of legendary heroes. To achieve it, I had to become strong.
But was I ready?
I, who had been frail in the Empire's final years, terrified as it declined, and always running after its fall. Was I ready?
"I'm asking you, Maximilian."
I questioned the man in the mirror.
"Are you ready?"
If I was ready, then it was time for a change.
*
From the next morning, I started running. I ran until I felt like vomiting blood, all while persuading the virus inside me. I was convincing it to be of use to me.
This is for your benefit, too. If I die, you die.
I must have run about twenty laps when I saw him.
"…Engie?"
Engie was standing at the starting point. He beamed and handed me a towel.
"What's going on?"
"The Head of the House wishes to give you a gift. He said you finally acted like a true Imperial."
The Head, Zebestian. He was my father, but he was a man I felt awkward calling 'Father.' He was praising me for killing a fifteen-year-old cadet.
"What's the gift?"
"He told me to have you speak with him directly. He said he would grant you whatever you desire."
"…I suppose so."
That stiff, middle-aged man loved to pass judgment. He used to judge everything I did according to his own whims, crushing me under his impossibly high standards.
The gift I wanted this time was clear.
"A swordsmanship instructor."
"Swordsmanship? But… House Ebenholtz is a prestigious family of swordsmen?"
"It doesn't seem to suit me."
The foundation of Ebenholtz was longsword techniques. I didn't use longswords. On the contrary, I found that a style using a light sword in one hand suited me better. In many ways, House Ebenholtz was a family that didn't fit me.
"Father isn't exactly conventional either, is he? Also, follow up on the three remaining friends."
The three cadets left after Jacob Meon's death. I only remembered Hannah's name, but I hoped their futures wouldn't be ruined. The Empire fell because it was too cruel.
"I'd prefer it if there were no disadvantages for them."
"And the reason?"
Engie's gaze sharpened. I had prepared an answer in advance. Engie, too, was a loyal Imperial.
"Gaps only appear when people are comfortable. If you bind them too tightly, they won't reveal themselves even if they are traitors or demi-humans."
My words seemed reasonable enough, as Engie gave a thin smile.
"Understood. I shall do as you ask. Now, please rest comfortably."
"Yeah. Thanks."
Engie bowed and departed. The butler's every movement, even his gait, was impeccably refined.
"Phew."
I let out a sigh of relief.
"…I got lucky."
Jacob Meon. It was a stroke of immense luck that he was careless. If he had been even slightly stronger, I would have been the one who died.
I must not forget.
The Izenheim are strong. Furthermore, the current me is weak. Therefore, I must not let it be known that I know them, or that I can interpret their language.
The enemy of humanity is the Izenheim. That is all I need to know.
The worst and the lesser evil. The worst would be the destruction of the world, and the lesser evil would be the survival of the Empire.
'The Empire was right. They defined them as a demonic mutation and isolated them thoroughly. We… we viewed them as subjects to be liberated and protected.'
In the distant future, Edmond regretted not choosing the lesser evil. I decided to trust his regret.
I, too, now had a great ambition.
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