Benji stood motionless in front of tall gates. His face strangely subdued. He felt a raging turmoil of emotions the more he stared at the building beyond the gates. The building was wider than it was tall, and had a pale shade of green. The building was empty, considering it was summer break. He had also been here, few years ago, and now he is back.
He had returned to his former high school.
He pushed the gates open and entered. The security guard took one look at his military uniform and did not say anything. Yeah, he definitely knew better. Benji slowly approached the building with measured steps, suppressing the desire to throw bricks at the windows. That would terribly uncouth, even by his petty standards.
The doors were opened, so he just walked inside. The familiar hallway stretched far into the distance, with several dozen doors on the sides. The air was cold and devoid of a lny warmth, just like he remembered it. Memories came flooding in as he stood motionless, staring into the empty hallway. He walked towards his previous locker and stood in front of it. Of course it was owned by someone else now, but he still could not help but feel nostalgic...
Not in a good way.
He remembered everything. He remembered being dragged like a ragged, worthless doll across the hallway by his bully. He remembered feeling like his existence was a mistake, and maybe the bully was not lying. He remembered thinking that maybe he did not deserve being among the rich brats. Maybe he really did not deserve to breathe the same air as them. To exist in the same world as them. Which ultimately led him to attempt suicide...
He remembered feeling worthless and weak. He remembered watching the looks on their faces as they watched his frail body being dragged on the ground along with his dignity and pride. Some laughing, pointed at him, looked at him with disgust... pity, while others just simply turned away like cowards. He remembered seeing Madison rush over to stop Michael before he did more damage to his already battered body.
He remembered falling for her even more.
How naive and misguided he was...
He remembered feeling lost and out of place. He remembered feeling out of touch with reality and even existence itself. Feeling abandoned and ignored despite having done nothing to the world. He remembered closing his eyes and praying to the God he was not so sure existed anymore. He had reached out for so long, only to be ignored even by his creator...
He could not forget the sounds of laughter and fake panic from his classmates. The fake looks of concern as he picked himself up from the ground. He remembered seeing his Chemistry teacher passing by and doing nothing. He looked at his teacher with a sad smile... silently asking for help, but received none. The teacher just looked at him, then Michael, and simply walked away. He remembered abandoning all hope.
He remembered being shoved into his locker for hours, without food or water... or air for that matter. The feeling of almost losing consciousness did not feel alien to him anymore. He had gotten used to it by then. His thoughts were hazy and his heart was numb... numb from all the aching. All the bleeding. He remembered the sweet embrace of cold nothingness envelop him, before the locker door opened with a loud clang.
He remembered gasping desperately for air before falling unceremoniously to the ground. He looked up and saw the same Chemistry teacher who had ignored him before, looming above him with a complicated expression on his face. The teacher must have noticed that something was wrong because Benji never skipped class. He felt a strange emotion boil inside him. Hatred, sadness, contempt... maybe. He was still confused and disoriented. But he did feel the warm embrace of teacher as he whispered something his ear.
Something about everything being okay.
For a moment, he almost gave in, but he knew better. In that instant, he felt reality kick him right on the guts. It felt... familiar. He knew that everything was not okay. Everything would never be okay until he got out of that cursed school. He remembered feeling more and more detached to people each day. More reclusive. He stopped participating in class and even stopped socializing altogether. He did not try to make friends anymore, it was pointless anyways.
He wiped a tear he had subconsciously shed, but another came, then other, until they were streaming down his pale cheeks. He crouched down on the smooth polished floor and just let it all out. He placed his hands on his face and let out a muffled scream. It was silent and raw, but because the hallway was empty, it still echoed into the distance. He heard running footsteps and looked up. In the distance, he saw vaguely familiar face running towards him..
The man was old, probably in his early sixties by now. He had grey hair and grey - strangely attractive - beard. The old man was looking good for his age, just as how Benji remembered him. He carried a broom on one hand and a small empty bucket on the other. He reached out for Benji and crouched next to him. He felt the warm embrace as old man hugged him tightly. He just broke down even more this time.
"Oh Benjamin my boy."
This old man was a janitor in his school. He mostly cleaned the school on afternoons and weekend, but just because it was summer break did not mean the school did not need maintenance. He had worked in the school for as long as Benji could remember. He was the only nice person in the whole school, probably even the nicest Benji had ever met. Even though Benji had no one to talk to, the old man always offered to be his friend... his only friend.
He had no nepotism and certainly did not care who was rich and who was not. Mainly because Michael used to talk trash about him as well, so they joined forces and endured him together. They did not exactly hate him, at least not yet. Benji was a pure soul, incapable of hatred back then. Incapable of harming a single fly. The old man was just a nice person in general.
#
After some time, they were sitting across each other on a table. The environment felt awfully familiar. He remembered the scent, the table arrangement... everything. It was the cafeteria, the place where he was beaten until he had to be hospitalized. Not one could ever forget such an experience, certainly not him. He looked around the cafeteria - which had not changed at all - and took a bite of the sandwich he held with both hands. He was calmer now and not crying anymore, he still felt the turmoil of emotions raging inside of him though, ready to burst.
"I have not seen you in a long time, Benjamin. How are you holding up?"
Benji looked at the old man and shrugged.
"Ah you know same old. I am doing comparatively well for myself thanks for asking.'
He looked at the sandwich in his hands and sighed.
"I am really sorry Mr Anderson for taking your lunch, because of me it will no longer be enough."
Mr Anderson waved his hand in the air and grinned.
"Ahh don't be, it is my pleasure really. You know I would welcome any chance I get to take care of you. And besides, it was not going to be enough anyways."
He chuckled and took a bite as well. He looked at Benji with a dubious expression and asked:
"What brings you to this place anyway? After so many years."
Benji's smile faded, revealing an unexplainable emotion underneath.
"As you know, tomorrow we will be leaving for Australia on an important mission. But because of different circumstances i cannot disclose, for obvious reasons, we are not so sure we will survive anymore."
He sighed and looked around.
"So almost every soldier went to see their families and say goodbye to them. Not exactly a permanent one, but spending quality time with your friends and family before embarking on a dangerous mission is a precious gift. You are the closest thing i have for family so I came here first. Then I was thinking of visiting my uncle's grave next."
A bright smile appeared on the old man's face and then disappeared again. He looked at Benji's military uniform with only sadness...
"You are so closest thing to family i have too, so I am really glad to hear you say that. I am also happy so see that you have made a life of your own, and you are now a high ranking government official. But please Benjamin promise me one thing..."
Benji titled his head a little.
"... promise me you will not die. No matter what happens you will fight and persevere until the very end. You will come back and tell me stories of your adventures, like you always did in the past."
He forced an unconvincing smile.
"At least the stories will be more realistic now."
Benji was silent for a few long moments and just nodded after that. They continued catching up and enjoying their sandwiches. Benji was glad he came.
He had not felt happiness in a very long time.
***
After a few hours Benji returned from the cemetery and decided to walk back to the Base because he had a lot to think about. Meeting Mr Anderson after so many years, and the confusion he's been having in the past few days. Just that morning, Major had given him a glass bottle he did not recognize, and thanked him for the coffee.. The bottle had a pinkish color and a beautiful floral design. But he certainly did not remember bringing Major coffee in that bottle.
'Mhmm weird. Argh must be the lack of sleep.'
In the end he dismissed the idea and walked towards his headquarters. He had a splitting headache so he certainly did not care to entertain his colleagues this time. He had barely even noticed that everyone had come back from visiting their families, so the compound was chaotic again. He did not care though, he just wanted a good long sleep. He probably was not getting any for a long time.
He dragged his feet and walked towards his resting chamber. Slamming the door shut behind him, he did not even bother to take off his uniform and jumped onto the bed. Soon, he was fast asleep. Just as he was falling deeper into the embrace of sleep, his comm suddenly made a loud irritating sound. He groaned and picked it up.
What he saw on the screen made him pale.