What does it feel like to leap from a four-hundred-meter cliff while holding a beautiful girl in a princess carry?
The wind howling up from the gorge whipped through his hair. Ren Uchiha struggled to keep his eyes open against the gale, his crimson pupils darting left and right. He was desperately searching for a foothold—anything to kick off from and dampen the terminal impact.
"Eeeeeeeeh?!"
In his arms, Mei Terumī was a picture of pure terror. She instinctively grabbed onto the only thing she could reach; one hand latched onto Ren's face while the other dug firmly into the soft flesh of his waist.
Yank.
"Awoooo!" Ren let out a pained howl as her grip tightened. He hurriedly released one hand to pry her fingers off his face. "Hey, princess! Stop shaking! You're blocking my vision!"
"You're crazy! You're crazy! You're crazy!" Mei shrieked, watching the ground rush toward them. Even as shinobi, hitting the earth at this speed meant zero chance of survival. "Brake!! Hit the brakes!!"
"Calm down!" Ren roared. "Listen to me! When I count to one, I'm throwing you! Catch the cliff face yourself! If you miss, you're dead!"
Mei looked back at the boy. In this life-or-death moment, she forced herself to stay calm... calm... absolutely calm.
Like hell I can stay calm! We're jumping off a cliff! Why did I jump with this guy?! We've known each other for less than a day—even the wildest romance novels wouldn't write a 'suicide pact' script this fast!
Just as Mei was about to lose her mind, Ren's gaze turned fierce. He unsheathed a kunai and slammed it into the cliff wall with everything he had.
Screeeeee-crunch-crunch!
Rocks shattered and dust sprayed everywhere. Ren forced his eyes to stay open, the whites of his eyes quickly becoming bloodshot from the irritation. The kunai embedded in the rock carved a long, jagged line downward, slightly bleeding off their momentum.
Ren calculated the timing in his head. When the kunai finally snagged in a deep crevice, he yanked with his single free arm. His chakra exploded, exerting a force that threatened to snap his muscle fibers.
"One!" He roared, using the pivot point to hurl Mei upward.
"What-what? We're at one already?!" Mei cried out.
The next moment, she felt herself launched through the air. Her landing point was perfectly aligned with a tree growing out of the cliffside. Wrapped around the trunk was a bandage, one end weighted by a kunai, and the other end...
Well, the other end was currently occupied by Hidan.
The boy Ren had kicked off the cliff earlier was somehow still alive. He was dangling mid-air, clutching a strip of bandage and trying to climb up with a face full of terror.
Hidan looked up just in time to see Mei flying straight at his head. His face twisted in horror as his eyes bugged out. "I swear to Jashin... DON'T COME OVER HERE!!"
Fortunately, Mei was no ordinary kunoichi. After the initial shock, she regained control of her body like a nimble cat, landing softly on the trunk. She didn't even cause the branch to sway much, and she even had enough presence of mind to reach down and haul Hidan up.
On the other side, the kunai Ren had wedged into the crevice snapped with a sharp CRACK. He began to plummet rapidly again.
However, seeing that his teammates were safe, the weight on Ren's heart lifted. He turned his head to face the rapidly approaching ground. Ren's hands blurred into a sequence of signs before he thrust his palms toward the earth in a stance reminiscent of a Kamehameha.
"Wind Style: Great Vacuum Blast!"
A massive amount of chakra condensed between his palms, transforming into a titanic wall of air pressure and ultrasonic waves that slammed into the ground.
Whoosh! Whoosh!
The downward gale was so strong it bent the dense forest below. Birds screeched in panic, taking flight in a chaotic flurry. Using the recoil of this blast, Ren didn't just stop his fall; he was actually propelled back upward.
Immediately after, a brilliant trail of crimson light—the glow of his Sharingan—streaked through the night sky.
Like a professional gymnast, Ren performed a series of flashy mid-air maneuvers: 360-degree single-arm rotations, giant swings, tuck-jumps where his hands touched his knees, and back-hip circles.
Then—Splat!
He slammed face-first into the cliff wall, embedding himself into the rock.
"Ow!"
Nearby, Mei and Hidan stood on the tree branch, watching him. They both felt a silent urge to clap, though mostly out of amusement.
"As expected of an Uchiha," Mei remarked, walking horizontally along the cliff face to pry Ren out of the rock. "Is this your 'elaborately designed' escape route? I have to say, it's the first time I've heard a mountain cliff make a sound like that."
"Pah! Pah!" Ren spat out a couple of pebbles and wiped the blood from his forehead. He exhaled a long breath and gave Mei a cocky grin. "Standard procedure, don't overreact. Except for that last part where my eyes couldn't keep up, I'd give the rest of the performance a ninety-eight."
He distributed chakra to the soles of his feet and stood upright on the vertical wall. Looking down, he saw the twisted, shadowy face of his "little brother" Hidan.
"Hahaha, you bastard!" Hidan's eyes burned with fury as he waved the bandage in Ren's face. "You actually have the nerve to talk?! I'll kill you! Do you have any idea what would've happened if I hadn't caught this bandage?!"
Ren said nothing. He snatched the bandage from Hidan's hand, retrieved the kunai from the end, and tucked it back into his pouch. After a long silence, he spoke gloomily:
"You better be glad you caught that bandage... or that tree."
Hidan blinked, sensing that Ren's words carried a deeper, darker meaning.
"By the way," Mei suddenly asked, recalling the heart-pounding scene from moments ago. "Was that passbook you gave Kakuzu real?"
"Of course not. It was a fake."
Ren turned around, looking up toward the top of the cliff with a heavy gaze. "There was only enough money in there for a 'Set Number Three' meal. I doubt... it's enough to buy our lives."
Mei was confused, the term hitting a blind spot in her knowledge. "Set Number Three? What is that?"
Before he could answer, eight massive black tentacles erupted from the top of the cliff. With a casual swing, they pulverized the rock and tore through the cliff face. A moment later, the tentacles burrowed into the wall, bending like a drawn bow.
SHOO!
A figure with a face as dark as the bottom of a burnt pot shot downward like an arrow. Kakuzu, carrying those eight terrifying Earth Grudge Fear spears, descended with an aura of pure, unadulterated rage.
"You penniless brat... how dare you play me for a fool!" Kakuzu roared. "DIE!"
Ren was momentarily at a loss for how to explain the "Set Number Three" to Mei. He gave a dry laugh, scratched his head, and watched the approaching Kakuzu with a sharpening gaze.
"Well... it's basically a 'scraping' massage package that men tend to like."
He turned his head, his hands forming seals as he flashed a quick smile at Mei. "Are you ready? The real battle is about to begin!"