Pulse – Chapter One
Have you ever been outside?
I haven't.
The wind has never brushed against my legs. The breeze has never touched my cheeks. I've only ever looked through the window… never stepped beyond it.
I have epilepsy.
That's what my mom says.
She says if I go outside, I could die.
A knock pulls me from my thoughts.
Mom walks in and sits beside me. We both stare outside in silence.
"Am I ever going to be okay, Mommy?"
"Yes, sweetie. You're going to be fine," she says softly, brushing my back.
Tears fill my eyes.
"Mommy… my friend has epilepsy too. She goes outside. She studies like a normal person…"
I look at her.
"Why can't I?"
Her expression changes.
"Is your friend a doctor? A neurologist? No. But I am."
Her voice rises. I flinch.
"You don't feel what I feel!" I shout. "This imprisonment—you don't feel it! You get to go out there and live your dreams. What about me?"
Silence.
My chest tightens.
"Leave my room, Mom."
"Kania… you're throwing me out?"
My hands shake as I push her out and slam the door.
"Kania! You can't do this!"
The banging slowly fades.
Then… footsteps.
Walking away.
She's gone.
I slide down against the door, tears falling.
"I didn't mean it…"
A soft scratching sound breaks the silence.
"Zoi?"
I open the door and he rushes in, jumping onto me. I laugh a little as I hold him close.
We understand each other.
He's trapped in here… just like me.
And he's not the only one.
Mary—my nurse—is always around, checking my temperature, watching me… making sure I'm "okay."
Zoi licks my face, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Oh boy… you missed me, didn't you?"
He barks excitedly.
I take that as a yes.
We take silly pictures together.
He's the only one who makes me laugh…
The only one who makes this place feel a little less like a prison.
"Let's go say sorry," I whisper.
I stand up and head toward Mom and Dad's room, Zoi following behind me.
As I get closer… I hear voices.
Arguing.
"We need to be emotionally there for her, John!" Mom shouts.
"But Mia, what if she breaks our trust and sneaks out one day? We could lose our jobs!" Dad yells.
I freeze.
Jobs?
I slowly push the door open.
"What job?" I ask.
Silence.
Too quiet.
"Our job—" Dad starts, then stops.
Mom quickly steps in.
"He means our responsibility as parents," she says, forcing a small smile. "You know your condition, Kania. You can't go outside."
I nod slowly…
But something about the way they looked at each other—
It didn't feel like the truth.
Later that night, lying in bed, I stare at the ceiling.
Sometimes… my body doesn't feel like mine.
Sometimes it freezes.
Like something inside me is… glitching.
I close my eyes tightly.
Maybe Mom is right.
Maybe I really am sick.
…Right?