I tried to lift my heavy eyelids. The world was blurry, but I could feel someone's touch. I blinked a few times, trying to focus, trying to understand my surroundings. It took me a moment.
She was sitting beside my head, her fingers running through my hair. My mother. Her eyes were still the same deep, sad, filled with worry. Her hand gently stroked the back of mine.
I was lying on the bed, and she was half-reclined against the headboard, holding me close.
I looked at her. Concern filled her gaze. My head felt heavy, sharp pangs rising within it.
After a long moment of silence, she finally spoke:
"Why did you hide all this from me?"
The same question. But this time, there was no anger only worry.
"I don't want to talk about it," I heard myself say.
She stayed quiet for a while, then simply said, "Alright," still watching me.
"Your uncle called. Your visa and passport are ready. He wanted to book your tickets… but I refused."
Her words hit me like a thunderclap.
"You… what did you do!?" My words broke into pieces.
I sat up on the bed, staring at her, trying to process what she'd done.
"I told him not to book the tickets," she said, calm this time.
"You can't do that." Hair falling over my face, I didn't care.
"I can. I am your mother."
Her words made my chest tighten.
"I'm going there." My voice was quiet, but firm.
"You're not going anywhere. You're not well!" Her tone sharpened.
"I'm fine!" I shouted. "And I will go. You can't stop me."
"You're not going."
She said it like a command, stood from the bed, and walked out of the room.
I pressed my hands to my head, frustrated.
"Ugh… she shouldn't have done that," I muttered.
"I will go there. No matter what."
The whole day passed. Mom hadn't spoken to me even once. She was ignoring me just to stop me from going to Korea.
But I had to go.
I had to find him.
Him…
A faint memory flickered in my mind.
A small boy… holding chamomile flowers in his hands. Sad. Plucking the petals one by one, murmuring something under his breath.
Knock, knock.
The sound pulled me back.
I got off the bed and walked to the door. I was still in yesterday's simple sweatshirt and trousers.
I opened the door.
"Uncle Christopher…" I smiled. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, beta," he replied softly.
I looked at him carefully.
The man who supported me and my mother when we had no one. A good man… someone fate had never been kind to.
Uncle Christopher was kind.
But his marriage… wasn't.
I didn't remember Aunt Lee.
But I did remember that little boy… holding chamomile flowers.
The one who smiled whenever someone patted his head.
A small smile appeared on my lips.
I stepped aside. "Come in, Uncle."
He entered and said, "Sorry, Judi, I don't have much time. I have a meeting. I'm just here to give you this."
I looked at his outstretched hand.
My passport.
And tickets.
I took them hesitantly.
"Tomorrow's flight?" I asked, looking at him.
"But… Mom?" I tried, but he stopped me with a gentle gesture.
"I've spoken to her. She has no problem. You just complete your studies. And if you find him… bring him back, my child."
I looked at him.
There was exhaustion in his eyes. Loneliness. And a quiet longing—to have someone close, someone of his own.
"I will find him, Uncle. And he'll come back to you."
I assured him.
He smiled.
He held my hand gently. He wasn't that old, but now he seemed older, always keeping himself busy—so he wouldn't feel alone.
"I don't know how I'll ever thank you," he said softly.
There was warmth in his tone. Respect. Kindness. A feeling that touched the heart.
"I've arranged everything. If you face any problem, call me. And if you find him… and he doesn't want to come back, don't force him. If not a son… I still have a daughter."
At that moment, a question rose inside me.
The words… the tone… the care I longed for from someone—
that person never even saw me as a child.
And here was someone who wasn't even related…
yet held a place higher than a father in my heart.
I nodded.
"I should go now. I have work," he said and left.
I kept staring at the passport and tickets in my hands.
He had done so much for me…
I will reunite him with his son.
I was sitting on the bed when my phone beeped.
A message.
"Mr. Life Savior" flashed on the screen.
Below it a list of medicines… and a small good luck note.
My life was small, revolving around a few people.
He was one of them.
Note:
I'm glad you decided to go to Korea. I want you to forget everything and start fresh. Your condition has been improving lately, which is a good sign. And I want you to make friends, Judi. Not everyone is the same.
My fingers moved over the keyboard. My hair was tied in a loose bun. A sad smile rested on my lips.
In the past few months… if nothing else… I had learned how to smile like this.
I typed:
"When good friends leave… you don't make new ones. Some people can't be replaced."
I sent it.
I knew he would try to explain, to convince me.
But unexpectedly, he only replied:
"I hope one day your thinking changes. I'll stay in touch."
I read the message… but didn't reply.
He knew what it meant.
I placed the phone aside and leaned my head back against the headboard.
There was one thing I needed to do.
Find peace.
Before starting a new life… I needed peace to forget everything.
I closed my eyes.
But a face appeared behind my eyelids.
A young girl… maybe seventeen. Black hair tied in a braid. Grey, shining eyes. Her eyes would close whenever she smiled.
I felt warmth on my cheeks.
Tears.
She was saying something to me. Laughing.
A beautiful girl… full of life.
My tears began to flow.
The scene changed.
A body… slumped on a chair in front of me.
Lifeless.
Grey eyes open… empty of all emotion.
Tear tracks on her cheeks.
That lifeless body… tied to a chair.
I jerked my eyes open.
I was in my room.
My breathing was fast too fast.
I placed my hand over my heart. It was pounding like a hammer.
My tears had stopped.
"I shouldn't remember this…" I whispered.
That night, I tried to sleep.
But every time I closed my eyes…
that lifeless body appeared again.
The next day, my flight was in the evening.
The entire day went into packing.
Mom didn't come even once to ask if I needed anything. She was upset. Maybe she agreed because of Uncle… but she was still angry at me.
I waited all day… hoping she might call, say something.
But whenever I went to her… she ignored me.
Her actions made it clear she didn't want me to go.
But now… I couldn't stop.
Until the moment I left for the airport… I kept waiting.
Maybe she would say something.
But she stayed silent.
And silence… is the harshest punishment.
Uncle dropped me at the airport.
It was crowded.
It felt strange traveling alone.
But this was life now.
I couldn't depend on anyone.
I found my seat.
Luckily a window seat.
I slept for a while.
When I woke up, I looked outside.
The blue sky… white clouds like cotton.
Peaceful.
Calm.
If only life could be this peaceful too.