Did I want to give in to Lucius and his raw strength? Of course I did. I wanted it desperately, my dear friend. But it's one thing to feel this overwhelming passion for him the moment I catch a hint of his cologne, and something entirely different to walk away from what I love. Today, I can say with certainty that I am completely in love with Killian. Is that going to stop Lucius? No. Is it going to stop me? Honestly, I don't know for how long.
He's so close to me that I have to tilt my head all the way back to meet his eyes—blue, hard, and dominant. I can feel all of his masculinity pressing against me, and it's driving me insane. I want to do the same, to press myself against him just as hard so there's no doubt that he could take me right here. But I don't. I push him back with one hand.
"You know things have changed," I tell him. "And it's not because I want him more than you. It's not about who gets to have me anymore, because you both could, and you know it. But Killian… and this is the only thing I'm going to say about it… he loves me. And I'm in love with him, too."
When he hears that, he doesn't even flinch. It means as much to him as if I'd told him I had strawberry cake for breakfast. Nothing. Not a single emotion crosses his face—just that crooked smile and the overwhelming gesture of lifting my chin so I have to look him in the eye.
"What am I going to do with you, little girl?" he whispers. "You never learn. Why do you refuse to truly live? To cross lines, to lose yourself in passion, and write a page in the book of those who truly loved? I thought I should punish you, but believe me, Carmilla, you're already doing that to yourself."
Deep down, I know there's truth in his words. I remember the time he told me, "I'm the only one who can really see you." Damn him. He sees me and reads me like no one else. Of course I want to give my body over completely to his masterful hands. I crave crossing every known limit of madness, sex, and love with him. But my heart refuses.
"What comes after?" I ask. "What happens after that page is written? What is there beyond those limits when all you want is a hug? When you need to rest and cry, or laugh with your whole soul? Tell me—what is there?"
He doesn't hesitate. "Nothing. That's the truth, Carmilla. Beyond passion, there's only more passion. There's no final shore to reach. There are always more islands to discover, and that's the reward. Sometimes it's lonely. Sometimes—like it's happened to me in dreams—I just want to see you as my woman, pregnant in my bed, reading a book, looking at me for what I am: a real man who will never give up."
I start to cry and plead with him. "Stop! Enough. Don't say another word tonight. Let's pretend we're both out of our minds. Let's play a game where only one thing connects us: that we care about each other and neither of us will ever hurt the other. Let's have a cup of coffee. Tell me about your week, what you've done since the last time I saw you, or let's talk about how you think the world is going. Just… stop."
"I accept," he says. "You make the coffee, and I'll tell you that the only thing I've done is think about you on my bed, obeying every movement of my hands and every bite of my mouth on your body and your breasts. I'll tell you that I think the world goes to hell every time someone walks past you without realizing you're worth more than all the gold on the planet."
I go to make the coffee through my tears. Every word of his hurts, because he's speaking directly to my body. His voice echoes along the walls of my skin, which aches to answer his call. Lucius knows it. He steps closer, slowly, as he continues.
"In his mind, my brother has always competed with me. It's a race he can't win, because we're playing different sports. He is love, and I am desire. We might cross paths or overlap, but the goals we're chasing are different—and they're so far apart he can't even imagine them."
I beg him not to talk about Killian. I want him to talk about himself. I snap, "Can we just have one damn normal conversation?"
Far from stopping, he senses my weakness. Like a wolf, he's right back in my space, taking my face in one hand and commanding me.
"Listen carefully, because this is the last thing I'll say about him. He competes with me all the time. Why do you think I treated you the way I did the first time I saw you? So he wouldn't realize I felt every spark of hell the moment I saw your eyes. I don't think I hid it very well, because I'm sure he noticed. And without even knowing why, I can guarantee that same night, without wasting a second, he went running after you. Tell me—did he never mention that he wanted to beat me and take our empire?"
I tell him the truth. "Yes, but he wasn't talking about the three of us. He meant business."
He continues. "I want to be clear: I don't doubt that he loves you. I'm just warning you that the seed of envy is already growing inside him. He knows he competed against me, and before long, you'll see him start to get confused. His mind, poisoned by my shadow, will make him question whether he's really in love with you—or if he just wanted to beat me."
I ask him to let me go and insist again on what I feel for Killian.
"Look at me one last time tonight," he orders.
I obey. He takes the coffee, sips it, and walks to the door. Before opening it, he speaks.
"Carmilla, you're mine. I don't care how much you lie to yourself—your body tells me the truth. Right now, you're trembling, and you want to run to me and kiss me. Every night from now on, I'm going to tell you the same thing: 'Little girl, come here.' And sooner or later, you'll free yourself from the lies in your heart, and you'll come to me. 'Little girl, come here' every night for the rest of my life until you do. It's not a matter of if you'll give yourself to me—it's a matter of when. 'Little girl, come here' every night, and you will obey me, and finally you'll be whole and true to what you desire… 'Little girl, come here.'"
He leaves, closing the door without looking back, not seeing that I had already taken two steps to throw myself into his arms. Don't leave me, girl—he had me completely hypnotized. He had shattered my defenses. I was about to obey my body, which responds to his voice.
Five minutes later, Annia walks in with a suitcase. Lucius is staying in that cabin tonight, and she came to sleep with me. She asks what the hell happened. I tell her everything in full detail, and she hugs me before asking the million-dollar question.
"Do you want him out of your life?"
I answer honestly. "I want to give myself to him completely. But I'm in love. Aren't a woman's body and her heart supposed to go together? Novels lied to me, Annia. They made me believe you can only desire one person, and that a man's love numbs everything you feel for anyone else. I knew the moment his scent reached my door that this would be an impossible battle."
She whispers something in my ear that feels like a revelation. "Listen, Carmilla. Aren't you living something you could actually enjoy if you learn to play the game? It's clear they're experts, but Lucius just showed you the weak point of both brothers: their rivalry. It started long before you, and it's not your responsibility to fix it—but it's probably never going away. Think about it—you could find real happiness in all this. Playing doesn't mean lying or hiding behind manipulation. It means putting yourself at the center and allowing yourself the pleasure of being desired by both."
"But I don't want to hurt them," I tell her.
"I think they were already hurt long before you came along," she replies. And there's some truth to that.
When I finally understand that I don't want to be just another symptom of their rivalry—that I just want to be Carmilla, someone learning how to deal with all this—I calm down.
Annia notices, and we get ready for bed. I wear a long T-shirt as pajamas, but she lies down in just her underwear. We sleep curled up together, her breasts brushing against my body. I know it excites her, and I let her. When we wake up in the morning, we go to breakfast. No news from Lucius, just the assumption that he went to close that deal.
We walk through the streets, looking at the snowy mountains in the distance. In the afternoon, Annia gets a message from Evangelina: "My presentation left them humiliated—both of them and their fifty lawyers, who are now trying to find something wrong with it or they'll have to resign for not thinking of it first. Killian is more than happy; he stayed inside just to watch their faces. I'm out here thinking about how much I miss you. Give Carmilla a kiss for me—give her more than one." It's accompanied by a photo of her in her room, naked, legs spread, with a suggestive bottle of champagne near her mouth.
I wait until the sun goes down. By then, Evangelina has already sent four more messages. She even says Killian texted her that the meeting ended and the lawyers asked for 48 hours to review everything in depth. But not a single message for me. I start thinking about what Lucius told me—that power and victory seduce Killian more than anything else. Just before dinner, he finally sends a short message: "We have to wait, but everything went very well. I think we're going to win."
I think: That's it?
Evangelina and Annia won't stop talking about me through photos and messages on their phones. She doesn't even try to hide it. I snap, "Come on, tell me—why are you laughing while you look at me?"
She replies, "It's Evangelina. She's sending me erotic videos, saying how much she'd love for the three of us to be together."
I don't believe her. I swear, girl, I think they're joking, or saying something bad about me—or about Killian. I don't know why that thought even crosses my mind. Annia notices and sends her girlfriend a voice message.
"Can I show that last video to Carmilla? She's right here with me."
She replies, "Of course. I made it for both of you."
Annia hands me her phone. On the screen, I see three conversations where they're telling each other everything they'd do to me in bed—things like each of them biting one of my breasts or using their tongues on me together. I shouldn't press play on that last video, but I do. Evangelina is on camera, perfectly framed, visibly aroused, on the verge of climax. She's touching herself, repeating my name: "Carmilla, we love you." Over and over until she breaks, then blows a kiss to the camera. I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life. It turns me on—of course it does—but I hide it from Annia and hand the phone back.
"There's no doubt she's beautiful," I say. "Am I wrong for expecting at least some sign from Killian?"
She tells me not to expect anything—that I should be the one to start the conversation.
And do you know what I do, girl? I ask Annia for two hours alone in the cabin. I go there and—I'll admit it before you say it—I do something pathetic. I set up my phone, copying the same framing and position Evangelina used, and I start touching myself to get bolder. When I'm turned on enough, I text Killian: "I'm here in bed thinking about you."
What was I expecting? At least a hint, something. But nothing. He sees it and doesn't reply.
So I keep going, imitating what Evangelina did. Just as I'm about to climax, I stop to send him an even bolder message…
I wait for his response, and when the phone buzzes, I almost climax right there. I press play without looking and hear that deep, overwhelming voice say:
"Every night, I'll be waiting for you. I'm right next door. Little girl, come here."
It isn't Killian. It's Lucius, keeping his promise at the worst possible moment—when my body, trembling with pleasure… can't say no.