My little brother, Han has always been a mischievous child since his birth. He's clumsy, loves to trouble and annoy people and often throws tantrums.
And yet none of those things could stop people from loving him and being affectionate towards him.
"It's a child... Children make mistakes and they often look pretty adorable doing it, don't they?", they say.
Our family has been suffering a severe financial burden ever since he joined school. Yet, they don't complain, they don't talk to him about it. Even if he brings a failing grade in class, they just smile at him and tell him to do better next time. For some reason, they choose to make my brother oblivious to the problems they're facing.
I would often hear them talking to each other through my room about how my father might have to sell his shoes and mother might have to sell her ornaments and stuff just so they could afford my brother's school fees.
My father, who was once a well reputed man in the entire town now has to go to houses asking for loan from people just so he could get us a living.
I try to help my mother in the kitchen and in the farm.
My mother's always been a tough nut to crack. She always has this some sort of impervious poker face and she only changes it to a slight smile when she's in the farm.
I look at the sunflower in the garden and ask my mother
"Ma, do you think the sun also gazes back at the sunflower the same way the sunflower does?"
My mother looked at my face and gave a slight chuckle. I had never seen my mother even chuckle in my entire life. Watching her smile couldn't make me stop grinning as well.
In the moment, I persisted her to answer it. I decided that I wouldn't stop bugging her until she answers it just because, I truly felt like she dropped her guard in front of me.
This time, she looked at me dead in the eye and answered it.
"Would the sunflower stop loving the sun if it didn't?"
I act frustrated and tell her not to answer my question with another question but deep down I knew it was because her answer made me speechless.
I went back to doing my work in the farm and just as I was watching my mother drink water, a petal suddenly fell onto my face. It was a vibrant purple petal with a powdery and somewhat sweet smell. I noticed it wasn't from any flower of our garden.
My mother looked at me picking the petal from my face and exclaimed in surprise
"oh that's an iris petal- wonder where it fell from, it's not even the right season for it"
For all that's worth, I still decide to keep it, just because I loved the smell. And for some reason, perhaps due to the stench of that flower, my mother asked something that I never imagined would even come out of her mouth.
"Linn, do you hate us?"
That question sent shivers down my spine. Was it not only something that was completely unnatural for my mother to say but that question just came out of nowhere. In fact, I couldn't even joke about the question because her face seemed even more serious than her usual face.
Even within all the panic, I decided to pick myself up and answer her question.
"W-Why are y-you even asking this q-q-question?... W-Where is this coming f-from?.... I d-don't of course... I would never"
At that time, I cursed myself for stuttering so much but I couldn't help it since that question caught me off guard.
My mother, without a change in her expression, says, "Oh, is that so?" and decides to go back to her work like nothing ever happened.
That question scared me to death and yet, my curiosity got the best of me so I took the courage and proceeded to ask
"Why did you ask me if I hated you, Ma? Have I done or said something wrong that disappointed you?"
My mother didn't look at me and seemed invested only in her work. I simply thought she didn't want to answer my question so I continued with my own work until suddenly, she spoke
"Well, we've given everything to Han to the point our family has gone into an immense and most probably unrecoverable financial ruin. I don't think we can even survive at this point and yet, we give you nothing and ask you for everything so it'll make sense that our daughter hates us.... maybe it's just my guilt speaking to you"
At that time, I remembered a line that I once read in a book. It went something like "Make sure to love your favorite flowers, even when they're off season". At that time, it hit me, I thought I finally figured out the answer to my mother's question about the sunflower.
Just as I was about to tell her about it excitedly, my mother interrupted me
"I know what you're thinking but I'm better not knowing the answer right now"
My excited face automatically turned into a frown. She saw my frown and chuckled again. This time, I was more confused than surprised.
Suddenly her face shifted to being serious again, back to that same old glare.
"Listen Linn, the truth is Han is not our real son..."
I couldn't believe it. Do I even blame the smell of the Iris this time or is it actually my mother's guilt of keeping things hidden from me finally taking over her speech?
"M-Mother, please t-think about w-what you just s-said... D-Do you even h-hear yourself?"
This time, my impulse took over and I slapped myself really hard for stuttering.
My mother gives me a pensive look this time and suddenly, a drop of tear falls down her eyes. I look at her eyes in disbelief realizing that everything she said, she was completely serious. That one drop of tear screamed more in that one second than she ever has shared to me in my entire life.
"I-I'm sorry Linn, just don't tell your father that I said this to you... I'm sorry for hiding things, I couldn't-"
Before she could even complete her sentence, she broke down in tears. At that time, I had multiple questions running through my mind but confronting her was my top priority. I couldn't stand to see my mother cry like that but was somewhat relieved- relieved that my mother, who seemed like she had a heart made of stone could cry too, like a normal human being.