How much time had passed?
I opened my eyes and recited the promised line.
"An unfamiliar ceiling."
That was a lie.
I knew perfectly well it was the canopy of the dungeon tent I'd been staring at every day lately.
More importantly, the fact that it was in my field of vision meant I'd apparently survived that place safely.
And it seemed I'd also managed to bring down that damned, twisted, mother-like fallen spirit thing.
In more ways than one, I'd been lucky.
"But wait... don't tell me I suddenly regressed or something?"
Come on, give me a break.
I still hadn't even gotten a proper handle on that third bomb of the hand-fetish office worker, so that was still a realm I couldn't even dream of yet.
From a magecraft perspective, that thing was closer to the domain of True Magic than even that boss bastard's power.
But fortunately, looking at my own miserable state, it didn't seem like that was the case, and I let out a sigh of relief—ugh!
"Ahh, it hurts..."
Damn it, just taking one deep breath made my whole body ache like hell.
No, in this case, maybe not hurting would have been the more dangerous sign.
Come to think of it, I really had pushed myself too far this time.
Back when I made the Caliburn replica, I swore I'd never do that again.
And yet here we were.
As expected, I really was beyond saving.
"Still, this state is a problem."
I thought for a moment about what would happen next.
Then I finished thinking and nodded.
Yeah.
"Hide it. It has to stay secret, no matter what."
Hestia must never find out about this.
The moment she did, there was no way it would end with just a nice little talk.
So first I'd get back to the surface with Loki Familia's help, then I'd absolutely keep my condition hidden and return to the workshop alone...
Rustle
...I was still sorting out my thoughts when the tent flap lifted slightly and someone came in.
Sudden sunlight spilled inside, stinging both my eyes—no, my remaining eye.
Even so, I squinted and opened it a little to see who it was.
Sure enough.
"An! You're finally awake?!"
My lovely first disciple.
Lili was standing right in front of me.
...Why?
"Why?"
Why are you here, Lili?
With that question in my eyes, I looked at her.
Meanwhile, Lili stared back at me in shock.
"Waaah, An nii-i-i-i-iim~!"
"Whoa!"
Before long, her eyes welled up with tears and she ran straight at me.
Then, with a tearful face, she buried herself in my arms and cried out loud.
From that heartbreaking, adorable sobbing, I could guess exactly what she was thinking and feeling.
Well, well. As her teacher, I'd apparently made her worry for no reason.
Let's really reflect this time, you trash heap.
Still.
"Lili, how on earth did you get here?"
"Sniff... Well..."
Once her crying had calmed down a little, Lili told me everything that had happened.
That day, after the bloody battle with the Minotaur, Bell Cranel had become Level 2.
After that, they'd formed a new bond as party members with Welf Crozzo of Hephaistos Familia.
The three of them had been hunting near the entrance to the middle floors when they'd been unlucky enough to get caught in a Pass Parade.
So, to survive, they'd descended to the 18th Floor with their lives on the line.
And then Loki Familia had happened to meet up with them by chance and joined them.
"So that's how it was."
"Yes. I never imagined the floor boss would pop out again at that timing. Thanks to that, I really thought I was going to die. And now we've ended up meeting again like this, An."
"Yeah. You really went through a lot, Lili."
"That's not something you should be saying while looking like that, An."
"Ah, this? Hahaha..."
"This is not the time to be laughing!"
I was about to pat Lili on the head, thinking how admirable it was that she was telling me their adventure so coherently.
But at the same time, I remembered that I no longer had an arm and felt awkward.
Reading my expression, Lili scolded me with a sulky face for my recklessness.
Then that anger soon turned toward Loki Familia for no good reason.
"What is this, anyway! This is Loki Familia's expedition, isn't it! So why is An the one in this state... Why is it An and not those people...!"
"Now, now. Don't get so angry, Lili. In the first place, all of this is the result of choices I made myself. Blaming those people would be pointing the finger at the wrong place from the start."
"But still...!"
"More importantly, Lili. You're smart, so you've probably already figured it out, haven't you?"
"An..."
"This is my 'Magecraft.' And this is the price of that recklessness."
I slowly checked the condition of my body.
My left eye, not the Mystic Eye, had burst, leaving the socket empty.
Both arms were completely gone up to the shoulders, making me feel absurdly light and hollow.
One leg was missing everything above the thigh, so I couldn't even walk properly.
And although the holes had been somewhat patched up by the effects of potions, my insides still felt horribly off, making it obvious that I was missing several organs.
By any ordinary standard, this body was so wrecked and broken that surviving at all was a miracle, and there was no chance of ever recovering from it again.
Showing her my body exactly as it was, I spoke to Lili the way I always did during lessons.
This was essential instruction and teaching that I, the one who had taught her magecraft, had to give her as her master.
"Never forget this. Magecraft isn't just a convenient tool. It's a proper technique, knowledge. And while it may be fine in and of itself, depending on who uses it, it can become dangerous in all sorts of ways. In fact, it's an excellent weapon.
Especially for mages like me who require a 'sacrifice.' Because of the nature of the magecraft itself, it's surprisingly easy to use power beyond your means, and people often cross the line. This is the result. Keep that firmly in mind, understood?"
"I already... I already knew that. I knew it."
Yes, Lili was a very smart girl.
Because she was that kind of girl, I believed she understood the danger better than anyone, even without me telling her separately.
But that was that.
This was this.
My lecture continued.
"There's a world of difference between only knowing something in your head and actually seeing a living example of what not to do. That's how dangerous magecraft is as a discipline.
The surest way would be for you to experience it yourself and understand it firsthand... but since I ended up like this, there's no need for you to go through the same thing. Take this as a good opportunity and carve it into both your body and your heart. Understood?"
"A good opportunity? An, please don't say things like that."
Lili glared at me with a reproachful look.
She was scolding my recklessness while also worrying about me.
At that ordinary, natural reaction, I gave a bitter smile.
When had I stopped being able to make such a natural reaction myself?
Unfortunately, that was something from long ago, so long ago that even I no longer knew when it had happened.
"Yeah. I know exactly what you want to say. But Lili, make sure you understand this clearly while you have the chance. This is what people like me, 'mages,' are."
So never become like me.
Ignoring Lili's reaction, I kept speaking in a firm tone.
"I've said it many times before, but mages are a breed whose standards of humanity are on a completely different level from the magicians you usually imagine. Me treating myself as a resource, like I did this time, is actually a rather mild case.
Racism that doesn't even treat anyone outside themselves as the same kind of human is just the basics, and using blood relatives as sacrifices for magecraft or as spare parts is practically everyday common sense for mages.
Family heirs tearing each other apart in bloody struggles over succession is also an annual event in any household. The loser, of course... well, I'll assume you can imagine the rest without me saying it."
As I spoke, I fell briefly into thought.
The many mages I had met in my previous world.
One of them had used his own son as material for magecraft experiments simply because the boy lacked talent.
Another had kidnapped the daughter of a fallen mage family and turned her into a lump of flesh meant only for producing heirs.
Those were the kinds of human garbage mages were—people who, upon hearing such unethical stories, wouldn't get angry, but would instead nod and agree as if it were perfectly natural.
I, too, had my own standards to some extent, but in the end I was still one of the same kind.
"Of course, there are plenty of exceptions among them. In the end, it's still a matter of people. That's only natural."
As I said, there were definitely human mages too.
But the reality was that they made up only a tiny fraction of all mages.
The more one came into contact with this thing called 'mystery,' the more it had a strange charm that drove people toward extreme madness.
In fact, the ones who didn't get corrupted were the strange outliers.
"So, Lili, never become like me. You don't need to become a mage like me. I'm not going to teach you to become a mage, either.
I won't let you destroy yourself or the precious people around you. I'll only teach you the magecraft that's worth learning. Anything beyond that is unnecessary for you.
So, Lili, become a 'mage user,' not a mage. Learn magecraft from me, but don't offer yourself up to magecraft itself. Instead of offering yourself, dominate it and make it nothing more than a tool."
That was what a mage user was.
Those who made magecraft a means, not an end.
Those who, despite touching the same 'mystery,' had not abandoned their 'humanity.'
Twisted in the same way, yet still with the possibility of returning to their original place.
"Lili, my first disciple. Stay human. As a person, as a 'human being,' become an adventurer who is a mage user, not a mage. That is the duty and responsibility I can, and must, give you as your teacher."
"...Then what about you, An? Can't you become like that too?"
"I can't. Because I'm already a mage. Look at my body. Could any human, even a first-class adventurer, do what I did?"
I shook my head in place of Lili and answered myself.
The absurdly unreasonable, nonsensical idea of treating others as sacrifices only if the professor's teachings allowed it, while treating myself as a resource and sacrificing myself without hesitation.
That reckless, twisted, and thoroughly warped standard of judgment was proof that I had already become a mage beyond the point of no return.
From experience, this was a part of me that could never be fixed, even if I died.
In that case, all I could do was accept it quietly and enjoy it, wasn't that right?
Until the day my end came, when I would die and die again and this personality would be cleanly erased.
"That's... that's weird, An."
"Yeah, I know. That's why we're having this talk."
Fresh tears welled up again in Lili's eyes as she looked at me.
As expected of a kind girl.
A precious talent who, even through that difficult past, had not abandoned her kindness, even if she had gained a sharp edge.
That was why I chose this child as my disciple.
It might be pointless, but perhaps through her growth I might even get to see a different version of myself.
"I've already said it several times, but this is the result of my own choice. That's why I can say I'm fine."
"An..."
In any case, calming the crying Lili came first.
Thinking that, I answered her in an intentionally calm tone.
"It's fine. It's not as if I hate myself. If I did, I wouldn't be dragging out my life like this in such a pathetic way."
"But... doesn't it hurt?"
"What a strange thing to ask. Of course it hurts like hell."
"Then, from now on at least...!"
"And yet I still can't stop. That's what I am—a mage. There can be no compromise here. My goal is a dream that can't be reached with such easygoing feelings."
My tone was firm, as if I had no intention of yielding even an inch.
At my answer, Lili lowered her head.
For some reason, I felt like I could hear a small sniffle from her.
"...You really are idiots. You and Bell both. You're both the biggest fools in the world."
"But you don't hate it, do you? Men like us who are such fools."
I said with a playful smile.
But no answer came.
In the end, unable to hold it in any longer, Lili left the tent.
As expected... I always think this, but a woman's heart is impossible to understand.
I don't really understand the heart of a child who acts so grown-up, either.
"Ahh, I made her cry."
Well, in the end, no matter how you look at it, the only one at fault is me.
I'll make it up to her later.
Thinking that, some of the tightness in my chest eased.
For now, I should welcome the next visitor.
"So. How was the eavesdropped impression, princess?"
"It was nauseating."
The tent flap opened slightly, and a new figure stepped inside.
Loki Familia's vice-captain, Riveria Ljos Alf.
The famous strongest mage in the city, the Nine Hells, had personally graced me with her presence.
"My apologies. As you can see, my body is in such a state that I can't even offer you a simple cup of tea."
"Hmph. What a lot of empty words."
That was a pretty rough way to start.
Looks like I'd earned quite a bit of her dislike.
But what was so displeasing?
I looked at her in confusion, and she glared back at me with what seemed to be disgust and anger.
At that familiar look, I could roughly guess what she was here for.
Apparently, she...
"I'll be blunt. Don't come down here to the Dungeon anymore. More importantly, don't use that magecraft of yours any further."
Riveria cut straight to the point, saying it was a waste of time to beat around the bush with me.
As if my answer was unnecessary, she kept talking.
From her angry voice, I could tell.
"Do you understand, Hans Christian Andersen? Whatever your purpose or thoughts may be, they have nothing to do with me. I have no interest in them, and no connection to them.
But don't you dare make Tiona, or the precious people around you, shed any more tears because of such absurd methods. If you do that one more time, I won't stay quiet. Do you understand?"
Ah, so that was it after all.
She was scolding me, rebuking me.
She was angry at me, condemning me.
In other words, she was...
"I know your type very well. There's no way you'd stop with just a few words like this. Even if your body ended up in that state, it would be the same.
You'd surely dig in your heels and come up with some other means. That 'girl' was the same once upon a time, after all. She gave me a fair bit of trouble because of it.
Well, in terms of severity, you're even worse. But that doesn't give me any reason to leave you alone. Speaking as an elder, you need to learn restraint. In that sense..."
She was worrying about me, lamenting my recklessness.
Her sharp, irritated words were a kind of nagging.
In other words, she was being a tsundere.
So that was why Tiona had called her "Mom."
That was certainly a nickname I could understand.
What a considerate princess she was.
By some coincidence, this was turning into a good bond as well.
Come to think of it, that Firvis too, and that "shop girl" as well.
As a race, elves were generally not my thing, but some of them were interesting.
No wonder everyone goes weak in the knees over elves.
"Hey, are you even listening to me?"
"Yes, of course. I'm listening to every single word, Mom."
"Yes, if you're listening then that's fi—who are you calling Mom!?"
"Oops, my apologies. I'm from Daedalus, you see."
"...Ahem. You're more sly than I expected."
Riveria coughed awkwardly, her face slightly red.
But unfortunately, her lecture still wasn't over.
"In any case, remember what I said. If I ever see a case like this again in front of me, I won't leave you alone. Next time, I'll sew up even that remaining mouth of yours and tie it shut, so behave yourself."
"Yes, yes. Understood."
"Answer only once!"
"Yessir."
"Hmph! I'm leaving now. You must be tired, so don't do anything pointless and just rest properly."
And so, after what felt like a long, long hour of nagging, I finally managed to escape that hell by using my still-unwell condition as an excuse.
But even as she left the tent, the way she kept glaring at me made me think something frightening and annoying all at once: her warning that she'd be watching my future actions might not have been empty words.
In other words, I'd gained another watcher.
It was enough to make me wonder if this was really why I'd thrown my body on the line to save them.
I honestly felt like crying.
"Haa, honestly."
One "mom" in this world should have been enough.
Still, somehow...
Tingle
Grin
"Ehehehe..."
It had been a while since I'd felt this way.
Maybe it was a little vulgar, somehow.
"Oh, man."
Even without touching my face or looking in a mirror, I knew.
My face right now was probably a complete mess, grinning like an idiot.
Wow, how embarrassing, and not even age-appropriate.
"Well, I guess sacrificing myself did have some meaning after all."
That strange, ticklish feeling I'd forgotten for so long.
Holding that faint sense of longing in my chest, I drifted back into sleep.
My battered body still demanded rest.
"Ah."
Then, all of a sudden, one thought flashed through my mind.
"Uh, uh...?"
I steadied my breathing and carefully searched through my memories again.
But...
"Huh?"
Unfortunately, "that" was nowhere to be found.
No matter how hard I tried, "that" wouldn't come to mind at all.
"Professor, sir."
What did your face look like again?
In that instant, I bit my lip without even realizing it.
The taste of blood spread through my mouth, and the excitement I'd felt just moments ago sank back down into gloom.
Was that why?
For some reason.
"Ah..."
A single tear slipped from my remaining eye.
Fatigue and exhaustion.
Before I knew it, they had vanished far, far away, out of sight.
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