"Why?" Ishi demanded, his heart racing in a way that made his chest feel tight. "Why would you do that?"
Chika had kissed Ishi, and Ishi was more disturbed by the reason than by the fact that another guy had just kissed him, flushing with what looked like anger... But was it really?
Chika didn't answer. He couldn't. His brain felt like it had been wiped clean. He looked at Ishi's red face, looked at the papers he was supposed to deliver, and then back at Ishi.
Then, without a single word, he turned on his heel and sprinted out of the library, cursing and beating himself up, asking why he made such a foolish move.
He felt so embarrassed and lost and... Why was Ishi going to think of him now?
The next morning, the classroom felt different.
Chika was at his desk, but he wasn't leaning back or laughing. He wasn't even talking to his friends. He just sat there, his chin resting on his hand, staring blankly at the back of Ishi's head.
"Hey, Chika, you okay?" one of his friends asked, waving a hand in front of his face. "You've been a zombie since you got here."
Chika didn't even blink. He was too busy thinking about the incident at the library. Every time he looked at Ishi, he felt that same jolt in his chest.
He was overwhelmed by a mix of embarrassment and a feeling he couldn't quite put into words yet. He found himself unable to move, unable to even think about pestering Ishi like he used to.
On the other side of the room, Ishi was struggling just as much.
He always avoided Chika, but now, he was avoiding him down to his very breath. He wouldn't even turn his head in Chika's direction. He kept his eyes glued to his books, but for the first time in his life, the words weren't making sense.
He could feel Chika's gaze on him. It was heavy and constant, but he wanted to ignore it. Wanted to pretend like he was the only one in the room with no distractions... Wanted it to be like before where his priorities were set and nothing could shake them.
But... Nothing felt right anymore.
Whenever they passed each other in the hallway, Ishi would hold his breath and walk faster, his heart rate spiking the second he caught a glimpse of blonde hair.
He was terrified that if he looked at Chika, he'd see that same look from the library and his face would catch fire all over again.
He doesn't even understand it. No math equation or quantum physics explained exactly what this feeling and reaction were. And it got him lost.
Whenever Ishi was confused about something, he confided in books. And when he did not get that answer, he confided in more books, believing there is an answer for every question in a book.
But this time, he wasn't finding it. Was it because there was no answer, or was it just because he wasn't looking into the right book yet?
Ishi closed the third book with a dull thump. He realized he could read every psychology paper in the world and still not find a graph for the way his pulse jumped when he saw blonde hair in the hallway.
He checked his watch. Passing period. Chika would be at his locker or loitering near the vending machines, probably surrounded by the usual noise he brought with him.
Observation, Ishi told himself, his fingers trembling slightly as he adjusted his glasses. I can't solve an equation if I'm missing the primary variable. I need to see him. Up close.
He forced himself out of the library and headed toward the lockers. He kept his head down, clutching his bag strap with white-knuckled intensity.
Even if he didn't want to, even if it felt super awkward and he stood to lose himself once he stood in front of Chika, he must know.
Meanwhile, Chika was at his locker, but he wasn't really seeing the books inside. He was just standing there, his forehead leaning against the cold metal.
I'm an idiot. I'm a total, Grade-A moron, he cursed himself.
The words looped in his head over and over. He had spent so much time replaying the library scene that he didn't even have time to think of anything else. He just... couldn't get how he had leaned in like that.
He felt like a fool, and the worst part was that he had no idea why he'd done it. Now, every time he saw a glimpse of dark hair, his stomach did a nauseating flip.
"Yo, Chika! You still having a mid-life crisis over your locker?" Kenji's voice cut through the fog, followed by a hard nudge to Chika's shoulder.
"Drop it, Kenji," Chika muttered, not moving.
"I'm just saying, you've been acting as if someone died. But hey, look alive," Kenji whispered, leaning in closer with a grin. "Your favorite target is heading this way. Looks like he's actually looking for someone for once."
Chika froze. His heart didn't just skip a beat; it felt like it stopped entirely. Ishi? Coming here?
He slowly turned his head, and sure enough, there was the 'Robot' of Class 2-A. Ishi was walking through the crowded hallway, but he wasn't looking at a schedule. He was looking straight ahead—straight at him.
Chika's grip on his locker door tightened until his knuckles turned white. He wanted to run, but he was paralyzed. He was trapped in his own 'moron' realization while the person he was most terrified to see closed the distance.
Ishi stopped three feet away. He looked like he hadn't slept either. His face was set in that familiar, rigid mask, but his eyes were wide.
"Nuronami," Ishi said.
The sound of his name made Chika's brain completely short-circuit. Don't say it. Don't ask why, Chika pleaded internally, even as he straightened up.
"Ishi," Chika managed to say, his voice sounding thin. "What... what do you want?"
"You're distracting me," Ishi interrupted, his face heating up until it felt like it would catch fire. "I can't study. I can't focus. My grades are going to slip because I'm spending too much time wondering why a delinquent decided to... to do that."
Chika blinked, a bit of his old spark returning as a defensive frown. "Is that all you care about? Your focus? Your perfect little GPA?"
"It's the only thing that's supposed to matter as students!" Ishi countered, his voice cracking.
Chika stepped away from the locker, closing the distance just an inch. "Well, sorry for being a 'distraction.' I didn't mean to mess up your precious routine."
He turned to walk away, his heart sinking, but Ishi suddenly reached out. His fingers brushed Chika's sleeve before he quickly pulled back as if he'd been burned.
"Wait," Ishi said, looking down at his shoes. "I... I didn't say I wanted you to stop."
Chika froze. He turned back slowly, his eyes wide with total disbelief. "What?"
Ishi's face was a deep, burning red. "I said I don't understand it. And I don't like not understanding things."