Lin Yao and I had just wheeled the shopping cart to the base of our building when she suddenly remembered she'd forgotten to buy the little biscuits Xiao Chuan had been asking for. She told me to haul the rice upstairs first, then spun on her heel and charged back toward Pangdongdong Supermarket — apparently forgetting that just that noon I'd been so weak I had to brace myself against the wall to stay upright.
I stared at those two bags of locally-grown rice, each one stamped with "20 kg," and felt like crying. If I'd known it would come to this, I should've bitten the bullet back then and bought a place with an elevator. Either way you're a mortgage slave, either way you're tightening your belt — at least with a lift, moving things up and down wouldn't be such a workout. That said, the complex is a bit run-down, but the old folks around here are decent enough. A lot warmer than those backstabbing ex-colleagues of mine, I'll give them that.
What could I do — just get on with it. One bag at a time if I had to. A little embarrassment never killed anyone. I bent down, hooked the handle of the nearest rice bag with my right hand and reached my left hand under to support the bottom — and then I heard it: a sharp snap. Not the bag bursting. It was the drawstring on my tracksuit bottoms, the ones I'd been wearing for five or six years, finally giving up the ghost. My waistband went slack, my body pitched backwards, and on pure reflex I heaved the rice upward — forty pounds of it flying two or three storeys into the air. Old Wang, who happened to be passing by at that exact moment, was so startled he dropped all the edamame from his bag: "Young Lu! You quitting the grilled fish trade to haul cement now or what?"
No time for Old Wang. I scrambled to catch the rice on its way back down — if it burst open on the ground, there was no telling what Lin Yao would do to me. I'd braced myself for the impact to sting like mad, but when the bag landed on my forearm it felt no heavier than one of Xiao Chuan's exercise books drifting down from a table. Light as a feather. Nothing.
That's when it hit me. Wait — I was hugging the wall at noon, barely making it to the toilet, so how am I running on rocket fuel right now?
The little old man's voice crackled out from the ring: "Obviously. The Body Tempering Pill has kicked in, you dunce. Did you think you suffered through three days of hell for nothing? You've got the strength of an ox now. Quick, try splitting a brick with your bare hand—" He didn't even finish the sentence before my arm gave a little flex, and the rice bag went whoosh — sailing straight up and slamming into the third-floor balcony railing hard enough to make the whole thing rattle.
Li Auntie from the fourth floor heard the noise and leaned out over her balcony, craning her neck every which way: "Which inconsiderate so-and-so is throwing things? Nearly knocked my cured meat right off the drying rack!" I tilted my head back to apologise and saw the rice bag sitting perfectly wedged on the third-floor clothesline rack, as if it had always lived there. The little old man cackled with delight: "See that? That's the power of the Body Tempering Pill. And don't think I can't detect you mentally calling me out for swapping croton seeds in place of actual pills. You used to wheeze carrying a water cooler jug. Now you could hoist a wild boar on your shoulder and barely notice." He was still mid-boast when Lin Yao came back around the corner, biscuits in hand. She took one look at me standing at the stairwell entrance holding the rice, trousers sagging halfway down: "I was gone for all of five minutes to buy biscuits — and you already got mugged by some hooligan woman?"
"What hooligan woman — the drawstring's just been going for years, finally gave out. Here, watch this trick."
Pleased with myself, I gave the bag the lightest flick of my wrist, tossed it up into the air, caught it clean with one hand as it came down, then launched it back up again one-handed: "See that? Your husband here could now carry an elephant with his bare hands—"
"Pfft. Shameless." The little old man's voice came through the ring again. "You're a worse braggart than I am. I said wild boar, and in your mouth it's turned into an elephant!"
Old Wang, never one to miss a spectacle: "Young Lu, you reckon you built up all that strength eating your own grilled fish? When are you setting the stall back up? Can you save me a few? Every time I come for fish, I'll throw in an extra one for free — your Old Wang here wants to carry elephants too."
"I don't think it's elephants you want to carry, Grandpa Wang," Lin Yao said with a grin. "More like that Liu Auntie who leads the square dancing, isn't it? Don't listen to my husband — he's spinning tall tales again. Him carry an elephant? As if. But when we do set up the stall again, we'll definitely save some for you!"
What I'd actually been about to say was: Grandpa Wang, if you want to carry an elephant, I'll need to grill you a couple of blue whales first.
Only once Lin Yao said that did Old Wang trot off satisfied, humming to himself, edamame swinging at his side.
"We should head up too," Lin Yao said, running her eyes down the shopping list one more time. "Hang on — where's the second bag of rice?"
"It's already up on the third-floor clothesline rack, isn't it?"
"If a single grain has spilled out of that bag, I'll show you what happens," Lin Yao said, making a show of knocking me on the head. But seeing that I was no longer looking pale and haggard, she was happier than she'd been finding a good deal on something we actually needed. "If you can carry elephants now, carrying this whole shopping cart home should be nothing, right?"
"Yes, boss." I plonked the rice bag back in the cart with a loud clang, then hoisted the entire shopping cart with one hand and jogged up the stairs.
"Hey, slow down!" Lin Yao called after me from below, biscuits clutched to her chest. "Watch you don't let anything fall out!"
We got home, unpacked everything, and I'd just tossed my keys onto the shoe cabinet when Lin Yao's sudden interrogation made my heart seize. She settled back against the sofa, arms folded, legs crossed, one foot swinging: "Alright. Tell me everything. What's going on?"
I could have kicked myself. I'd gotten carried away showing off, and now the trouble had walked right through the front door.
My mind raced. "It was — well — just now, while you were out buying biscuits, a wandering Taoist happened to pass by and gave me a Mighty Strength Pill."
Lin Yao sat bolt upright, stopped swinging her leg, and gave me a smile caught somewhere between belief and scepticism: "So this Taoist was staking out the building waiting for me to go buy biscuits? Who'd believe that?"
She leaned in closer. "Come on, be honest. Have you secretly been going to the gym to impress some young woman? Cooking up this rubbish about Taoists and immortal pills." She started circling me slowly, eyes scanning me up and down, then suddenly reached out to yank up my shirt: "I want to see for myself — have you been going behind my back to get an eight-pack?"
I dodged on pure instinct. Lin Yao lunged into empty air and nearly walked face-first into the shoe cabinet behind me. She stared at me, eyes wide: "You actually dodged?! Since when? Whenever I used to sneak up on you, you'd just stand there like a wooden post and let me grab you!"