Severus Snape practically fled the library.
He clutched a heavy stack of books to his chest. His footsteps were so fast it felt like he was outrunning a dragon.
He avoided the main halls. Instead, he ducked into a dark, deserted corridor. He plunged down the cold, damp stairs leading to the dungeons.
The icy stone walls of Hogwarts Castle radiated a deep chill. It tried to seep through his robes, but he didn't feel it.
His entire body was burning.
An uncontrollable, strange heat rose from deep within his limbs. It made his blood feel like it was boiling.
He could feel his heart hammering against his ribs. It was like a Golden Snitch trapped in a cage, frantic and wild.
The center of that heat was on his left calf.
It was the exact spot where her toe had brushed against him.
The touch had been through thick trousers and a layer of lining. Yet, it felt like a bolt of lightning had shattered his defenses.
The soft sensation and the tingling shiver that followed remained vivid. It pulsed through him in wave after wave.
His whole body felt numb.
He had never felt anything like this before.
Severus strode through the corridor toward the Slytherin common room. Torches cast flickering shadows across his face.
His mind was a mess. It kept replaying everything that happened in the library.
He had walked to his usual seat, clutching his books. Then, he saw her.
Ileana Thorne.
She sat across from him. She was bathed in the soft, orange glow of the setting sun. She looked like a beautiful, distant oil painting.
Her head was bowed as she focused on her notes. Her long black hair fell like a waterfall, hiding her face. Only a sliver of her pale neck and a delicate ear were visible.
His first instinct was to turn and run.
'Is this a trap?' he wondered. 'Is she finally going to mock me and call me Snivellus to my face?'
His feet shifted back half a step.
But in that moment, a feeling he refused to admit grew in the darkest corner of his heart.
It was... joy.
Yes, a secret joy.
It didn't matter why she was there. It didn't matter if it was a coincidence or on purpose.
The small, greedy monster inside him felt uncontrollable happiness because she was there.
He liked the way she looked at him.
Over the past month, he had grown used to her pure, focused gaze.
Those amber eyes were too beautiful. They were like two pieces of pure honey melting in the sun.
When those eyes looked at him, he felt a strange, tingling sensation. It spread from his scalp to the soles of his feet.
It made him nervous. It made him restless. But he was also... hopelessly addicted to it.
So, he hesitated.
That brief hesitation was a war between his logic and his instinct.
In the end, instinct won.
He sat down. He hid behind a wall of books. He forced himself not to look up. He didn't want to respond to the gaze that made his heart race.
He tried to focus on his book. He tried to analyze the explosive effects of mixing Acromantula venom with Bubotuber pus.
But his eyes wouldn't listen. He kept glancing at her through his peripheral vision.
He saw her frown in concentration. She tapped her lower lip with the end of her quill. She seemed stuck on a difficult problem.
He saw her expression soften when she found an answer. A faint light flickered in her amber eyes.
He could even hear her breathing. It was soft and nearly silent.
'Maybe she just sat there by chance,' he told himself.
Ravenclaw was full of eccentric people. She was probably just looking for a quiet place to study.
He told himself this to calm his wild heartbeat.
He forced himself to dive into his work. The world of Potions was his only sanctuary.
He began to build a magic matrix in his mind for a modified Draught of Living Death. For a moment, he forgot she was there.
Until... that sudden touch.
It was light. It was through the fabric. It felt like a feather brushing against his leg.
But in that second, it felt like he had been hit by a spell. His entire body froze.
A current of electricity, stronger than their skin contact a month ago, surged up his spine. It hit the top of his head.
His whole body went numb.
Then, he heard her panicked voice. "I'm sorry."
He looked up. He saw her face. She looked flustered, and her cheeks were slightly red.
He wanted to say "It's fine." But he realized he couldn't make a sound.
His throat felt blocked. It was dry and painful.
He was afraid that if he spoke, his voice would sound like sandpaper. He was afraid he would expose how pathetic and flustered he was.
So, he chose to run.
He looked down. He packed his books to hide his shaking fingers and racing heart.
But as he stood up to flee, he saw her face. She looked stunned.
She stared at him blankly. In those beautiful amber eyes, there was no disgust. There was no mockery.
It was just a gaze he couldn't read. It made his heart flutter.
She kept looking at him. She was focused. She didn't even blink.
In that moment, he thought she was... cute.
The thought flashed through his mind and startled him.
He didn't know what he was thinking. Maybe the light in her eyes was too bright. It made him want to respond.
His gaze fell on her notebook. He saw the step in the Felix Felicis recipe that was bothering her.
So, he walked over.
He suppressed his heart, which felt like it was about to jump out of his chest. He used every bit of strength to keep his voice from trembling.
He pointed out the improvement he already knew by heart.
When he finished, her eyes grew even brighter.
It was as if stars were twinkling inside them. The light almost sucked him in.
He couldn't stay any longer.
Before he melted under that gaze, he had to get away.
...
Severus used his wand to open the door to his private dormitory. He rushed inside and slammed it shut.
This was a privilege he earned from Professor Slughorn as a Potions genius. It was a private space where he could study without being disturbed.
Right now, he was incredibly grateful for it.
He threw his books onto the table. He stumbled into the bathroom and gripped the edge of the cold sink. He gasped for air.
He looked at himself in the mirror.
The person in the reflection was as pale as parchment. His black hair was messy from running. A few greasy strands stuck to his forehead.
His hooked nose looked too large and out of place.
His lips were thin and looked bitter because they were pressed tight.
His whole face was plain. Aside from his deep black eyes, he wasn't handsome at all.
He was ordinary. He was even... a bit ugly.
He thought of James Potter. Potter always had that arrogant, handsome smile. He thought of Sirius Black, who was chased by countless girls.
Then he looked at himself in the mirror again.
Finally, he thought of Ileana Thorne.
He remembered her elegant, refined face. He remembered her amber eyes that were full of starlight.
Severus looked at his reflection and let out a mocking smile.
"Severus Snape," he whispered to himself. His voice was raspy. "What are you expecting?"
'At most, she only cares about your knowledge of Potions.'
'But you are acting like an idiot. Your heart is racing just because of an accidental touch.'
'It is... pathetic.'
He stopped looking at the mirror. He turned on the tap. He splashed ice-cold water on his burning face over and over. He tried to put out the fire inside him.
But he failed.
The biting cold of the water only made the skin on his leg feel hotter. It felt like an invisible brand had been burned into him.
He stripped off his clothes. He turned the water to the coldest setting. He let the freezing spray wash over him.
He thought this would wake him up. He thought it would help him forget.
After the shower, he thought he was finally calm.
He wasn't.
He didn't bother to dry his hair. Water droplets dripped from his black hair. They formed tiny streams on his pale collarbones.
He collapsed onto his cold, hard bed. He didn't even pull up the covers.
The chill seeped into his body, but the heat inside him continued to rage.
In the darkness, he forced himself to sleep.
But he couldn't.
The feeling of those two touches became incredibly clear in the dark.
The first time was over a month ago in the library.
Her fingertips had been soft and warm. They had covered the back of his hand.
That feeling was like a warm current. It had smoothed out all the wrinkles in his soul.
The second time was today.
The tip of her shoe had accidentally brushed his leg through his clothes.
It felt like an electric current. It made him go numb. It almost made him surrender.
Both times were accidents.
Yet, both times made his heart spiral out of control.
He had touched other people by accident before.
He had bumped into other Slytherins. He only felt annoyed.
When he studied with Lily Evans in the library, their hands had touched by mistake. He didn't feel anything special. It was like touching a wooden table. He just moved his hand away.
Why?
Why did only she... cause such a violent reaction?
Only Ileana Thorne...
In the darkness, her bright amber eyes kept appearing in his mind.
He even started to wonder if she would sit in that same spot tomorrow.
As soon as the thought appeared, he crushed it.
'What are you expecting?'
'Are you expecting another accident?'
'Are you expecting her to look at you again with that unreadable gaze?'
'Stop dreaming, Snape.'
'Next time, she will look at you with disgust. She will find out about your filthy thoughts. That is the look you are used to.'
He rolled over. He pulled the blanket over his head, burying himself in the dark. He tried to block out his wandering thoughts.
In the stuffy darkness of the bed, he finally grew tired. Lack of oxygen and exhaustion started to take over.
But he knew he wouldn't have a peaceful sleep tonight.
In his dreams, there would be no warm orange glow.
There would only be a pair of eyes as bright as stars, watching him forever... and an electric current that he could never escape.