SORRY FOR A BREAK IN THE MAIN STORY YOU GUYS, BUT Sometimes YOU GET AN IDEA THAT YOU JUST CAN'T SHAKE AND THE HILARITY OF THE IDEA IS TOO MUCH. SO SIT BACK AND ENJOY THIS SIDE STORY WITH FUTURE PLOTLINES INTWINTED THAT WILL FEED INTO THE TV SHOW...ENJOY!
RJMH Presents: ROOPOCALYPSE 4-HOPAGEDDON.
FADE IN
INT. THE HANGOUT
RYAN is passed out on the POOL TABLE in his BAR AREA of THE HANGOUT as RYAN farts before stirring awake as he looks about.
RYAN
...Goddamnit...I think I sharted...
RYAN gets off the table as he winces and pulls up his vile of COCAINE as he takes a few bumps, RYAN cracking his neck as he looks to see TWO AGENTS standing by his DESK.
RYAN
How long have you been here?
AGENT
About sixteen minutes.
RYAN
Why the hell didn't you wake me up?
AGENT
We tried, you seemed to sleep through anything we did...until you apparently shitted yourself.
RYAN
Yeah that happens after I take horse tranquilizers...Anyways...I gotta go change my pants so just...give me a few minutes.
RYAN hurries into the bathroom as the AGENTS look at each other before RYAN comes out with lace pants on.
RYAN
So what's going on that the GOVERNMENT has decided to come to me and not SAMANTHA...
AGENT
Oh we went to SAMANTHA, but she seems to be on a mission and currently unavailable. However, you seem to be the best option giving your...history with the persons in question.
RYAN
Is that so?
AGENT
It's...KANG and the ROOS...
RYAN
...No...
AGENT
They're back.
RYAN
...Goddamn ROOS!
AGENT 2
So you remember them?
FLASHBACKS
A MONTAGE of RYAN being kicked through WINDOWS by KANGAROOS flashes about.
INT. THE HANGOUT
RYAN balls his fist as the AGENTS hand RYAN a FILE full of REPORTS, RYAN looking as the AGENTS then turn and head out.
AGENT
We have reason to believe KANG may be plotting another self proclaimed ROOPOCALYPSE...this would be his 4th attempt...do not let it come to fruition...I'm sure you know how and where to find him.
RYAN
...Yeah.
The AGENTS exit THE HANGOUT as RYAN opens the FILE to see a picture of THE HOPAGEDDON...
EXT. THE HOPAGEDDON
RYAN stands outside of THE HOPAGEDDON, a NIGHT CLUB surrounded by CLOTHED KANGAROOS who only snort and stare RYAN down as RYAN looks about.
RYAN
(O.S.)
KANGAROOS became monsters about thirteen years ago...no one really understands how they grew such intelligence and their ruthless tenacity but they have spread across the states like wildfire. They're extremely fast and pack oriented, and trust me, their kicks hurt like shit. The females are especially the scariest as their pouches carry an acidic goo that nurtures and raises the JOEYS but causes massive damage to us humans.
RYAN walks through the club as he notices ROOS and HUMANS mixing about on the DANCEFLOOR a WOMAN is being violently GANG BANGED by a group of SIX ROOS as a ROO vomits after downing a large SHOT of WHISKEY.
RYAN heads towards the back end where TWO ROOS in SECURITY SUITS stop him, RYAN raising his .45 as he pops the TWO ROOS in the SKULL, the MUSIC over the PA SYSTEM drowning out the SHOTS as RYAN steps over the ROOS and pushes the DOORS into the VIP OPEN.
RYAN
(O.S.)
The one thing about ROOS...if you give them anything...they'll take...everything.
RYAN steps in as he is suddenly immersed in a ALL WHITE ROOM full of WOMEN swinging off of swings that were in the air, a few KANGAROO WOMEN were dancing in CAGES that were also lifted as PAINTINGS and EXOTIC VASES and FOOD were spread about as a KANGAROO was smoking from an OPIUM PIPE as RYAN walks past it all, RYAN stopping a few feet from the JACUZZI.
RYAN
KANG...
KANG, the ROO KING and LEADER of the ROOS sits in the JACUZZI surrounded by NAKED HUMAN and KANGAROO WOMEN, KANG smirking as he takes a drag from his OPIUM PIPE as he presses a WOMAN'S HEAD down under the WATER where his LARGE KANGAROO ERECT PENIS was awaiting attention.
KANG
RYAN JAMES...You're still alive...?
RYAN
You didn't think I'd get myself killed before I saw to it that you died right? I mean shit I had three chances and I failed to blow your fucking head off each time you RAT fuck.
KANG
We are not RATS, RYAN.
RYAN
You're giant rats that hop around, smoke opium, fuck our women, and plan revolution.
KANG
Why have you come here RYAN? Care for another kick through a window?
RYAN
I've come to be sure you're not planning on starting up another ROOPOCALYPSE again, KANG...because trust me if you are...
KANG
You'll do what?
RYAN
...I'll fucking cut your nuts off...I'll burn you alive, I will fuck your children to death, you piece of hopping shit!
KANG
Tough talk from a man with no back up.
RYAN
I don't need fucking back up.
KANG
Is that because of the first time?
FLASHBACK
RYAN is kicked through a WINDOW as CHARLES is crying as KANGAROOS are beating him senselessly with their TAILS as one HOPS and squats over CHARLES'S FACE, shitting a large mound of feces onto CHARLES'S FACE.
PRESENT
RYAN
No...
KANG
Or how about the time after that...
FLASHBACK
RYAN SHOOTS a ROO in the HEAD before he turns and is dropped kicked through a WINDOW, RYAN reeling as a FEMALE HUNTER is violently raped to death as RYAN lay unconscious.
PRESENT
RYAN
I should have killed you for that alone...
KANG
Yet you didn't...
RYAN
Just a yes or a no, KANG? Are you planning on starting another ROOPOCALYPSE or am I just going to have to take preemptive measures this time?
RYAN pulls up his .45 and aims it at KANG who doesn't flinch as everyone else in the room does.
KANG
So what if I am?
RYAN
Don't tempt me, KANG...I will shoot you dead, you know I will.
KANG
Take out the trash, please...
RYAN raises an eyebrow before TWO ROOS hop up and seize his arms, RYAN trying to get a shot off but a ROO slaps the GUN out of his hands with their tail.
RYAN
Let go of me you stinking piece of...
EXT. THE HOPAGEDDON
OUTSIDE, RYAN comes sailing out of a WINDOW onto the STREET a few HOOKERS screaming and jumping aside from RYAN'S body as it rolls a bit off the sidewalk as he is covered in GLASS.
RYAN stirs as he coughs up blood as the TWO ROOS slap hands and head back inside, RYAN shaking as he winces and scrapes some GLASS off of his arms as he checks the gash on his head.
RYAN
Goddamn hop kicking bastards...
RYAN grabs hold of his ribs and spits out some blood before he limps back towards the FRONT, pushing his way past PEOPLE and KANGAROO as he barges inside.
RYAN
(O.S.)
I'm back motherfuckers! Come and get...
EXT. ALLEYWAY
RYAN comes sailing out of the WINDOW that leads into the ALLEY, RYAN being kicked so hard that as he flew out of the window he hit the ADJACENT BUILDINGS BRICK WALL with near full force, a good three meters away.
RYAN lays motionless for moments before stirring as he screams as his arm is clearly broken, RYAN crawling with his good arm to sit up as he winces and grabs hold of his arm, snapping it back into place as RYAN screams and looks about, RYAN taking a moment to catch his breath as he feels his stomach and shakes his head.
RYAN
Another broke rib...fuck...
RYAN stands up as he slowly limps down the ALLEYWAY, RYAN beginning to head back towards the front of THE HOPAGEDDON
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
EXT. STREET
RYAN lays surrounded by GLASS as another WINDOW has been busted out thanks to RYAN being thrown through it, RYAN doesn't move or even seem to be breathing as a FEW HOOKERS stand over him before each of them take a hold of him and drag him across the STREET towards a CAR.
INT. DEN
RYAN awakes as A HOOKER jumps back as she was dabbing his cut wounds, RYAN quickly leans over and slaps her across the FACE.
RYAN
Hoe, you should know better.
HOOKER
Sorry...
RYAN
It's alright.
RYAN winces as he lays back on the COT he was propped on.
RYAN
I smacked you with the broken arm anyways...
HOOKER
You took a helluva ass whipping man, why'd you keep going back in there?
RYAN
Why are you not on the street doing your goddamn job for your employer? We could both be asking stupid fucking questions all night, but that would get us no where, would it?
HOOKER
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
RYAN
Why'd you bring me in?
HOOKER
Seemed like the right thing to do, I mean you're a hunter...
RYAN
Hospitality is still alive, how lucky for me.
RYAN sits up and the HOOKER helps him as he bats her hand away and smacks her across the FACE again.
RYAN
I got this! WHORE!
The HOOKER nods as RYAN screams in agony but manages to sit himself up.
RYAN
Why are HOOKERS even on that block? I mean that's ROO territory?
HOOKER
We...cater to ROOS...
RYAN
What?
HOOKER
Our pimp found that there was an untapped market out there...the ROO MARKET, so he put me and some of the other girls on that beat to get some new investments. ROOS are horny, and AUSTRAILIANS, they're pretty much always willing to get down, and it's nice that they have the cash flow to handle such...expenditures.
RYAN
You fuck ROOS? How disgusting and immoral.
HOOKER
We're not exactly in the most moral line of work...
RYAN
Are you back sassing me?
HOOKER
No sir...
RYAN
Cuz you know what us MEN folk get to do when we get back sassed by some limey no good STREET HUMPER!
HOOKER
Yes sir...
RYAN
What do we get to do?
HOOKER
Hit us...
RYAN
You're goddamned right...now come here...
RYAN pulls his pants off with aching agony and screams as he spits on the floor.
RYAN
I need some servicing...to my penis...
HOOKER
I see...so your ROO DICK needs some tending too as well.
RYAN leaps off the bed and grabs the HOOKER by her throat, slamming her down onto the ground as RYAN looks at her deranged.
RYAN
NEVER...! Compare my beautiful human male cock to those furry disgusting ROO dicks! You ever make that comparison again and I will fucking murder you!
HOOKER
Yes...sir..
RYAN
Now...
RYAN reaches down and spreads her legs as he smacks his penis against her bare vagina.
RYAN
I ain't got no condom but I don't care, I'm just going to fuck you without it anyways...probably cum deep inside of you too, but If you get pregnant and you don't abort it I will do it for you am I understood!
HOOKER
My daddy covers all abortions, and I'm on the pill.
RYAN
Then prepare for the thunder...
RYAN begins to engorge his giant 13 inch penis inside of the HOOKER but as she begins to wince and scream, RYAN hears a sound and stops.
RYAN
The fuck was that?!
HOOKER
must have been a client downstairs...
RYAN
You service ROOS, here!
HOOKER
Yeah?
RYAN
Well then...
RYAN gets off of the HOOKER and stands up.
RYAN
You wouldn't happen to have a HAMMER would you?
EXT. ROOM
A KANGAROO is tied to a CHAIR, it's face is badly beaten in as RYAN twirls the HAMMER in his hand before spinning and slamming it across the ROOS MOUTH, RYAN screaming in joy as he begins laughing as the ROO is crying in pain as more of its teeth is knocked out of it's mouth as RYAN grabs it's head and looks at it with his normal deranged look.
RYAN
Is KANG planning another ROOPOCALYPSE!?
ROO
I don't know...he just...He just parties it up nowadays man...that's all I know...
RYAN
Lies!
RYAN smacks the HAMMER into the ROO'S ARM, hearing bones snap as the ROO screams in pain and then shits itself, the poo sloshing on the floor as RYAN points at one of the HOOKERS who was standing in the corner looking on clearly frightened by RYAN'S actions.
RYAN
Bitch! Clean it up!
RYAN stands back as the HOOKER comes over crying, RYAN watching as she grabs a MOP and BUCKET, RYAN eying her confused as she comes over and dips the MOP into the SOAPY WATER of the BUCKET only for RYAN to grab the MOP from out of her hands and snap it in two across his leg, before he kicked the bucket over.
RYAN
Did I say clean it with a mop and bucket?! No I did not, clean it...with your mouth.
HOOKER
Please...
RYAN
CLEAN THAT KANGAROO SHIT WITH YOUR MOUTH OR I WILL HAMMER YOUR FACE IN WITH A HAMMER!
The HOOKER begins to cry as RYAN just stares at her, The HOOKER nodding as she drops to her knees and vomits before she sticks her tongue out and begins lapping the ROO SHIT off of the floor.
ROO
You sick bastard!
RYAN
Now tell me what you know!
ROO
Please...just make her stop and I'll tell you whatever you want...
RYAN pulls out a 9MM BERETTA and aiming down, he shoots the HOOKER in the back of the HEAD, the other HOOKERS begin screaming in horror as the ROO does the same as he is in clear shock as RYAN pistol whips the ROO across the FACE before grabbing it by it's cheeks and forcing it to look at him.
RYAN
I don't have to tell her shit now! So you tell me what I goddamn need to know or so help me I will shoot more HOOKERS and I will make you shit yourself with more hammer hits! HOOKERS won't save you, they're owned by MEN and therefore I am their master...and you...you're just a stinking smelly no good goddamn ROO!
ROO
Please...I just wanna go home and see my family...
RYAN
Then answer the question...and you will see them...
ROO
Okay...Okay then...yes...KANG is planning another ROOPOCALYPSE...we haven't gotten a where or when, but it's been in the works since the last one...
RYAN
That's all I needed to hear...
RYAN aims and fires three shots into the ROO'S HEAD, the HOOKERS scream again as RYAN wipes some of the blood from off of his shirt.
HOOKER
You said you'd let him see his family...
RYAN
I am letting him see his family...in hell...or..whatever hell is for ROOS...ROO hell...point is...It was really more of a metaphorical type deal...now come and dress my wounds and dress me as well, I also acquire drink and some food you foul harlots...I got some more ROOS to go kill...
The HOOKERS do as they are told as RYAN closes his eyes and breaths in deeply.
INT. THE HOPAGEDDON
RYAN heads inside as he is adorned with straps of MACHINE GUN ROUNDS as he holds a M16.
RYAN
HOP HOP MOTHERFUCKERS!
The ROOS and PEOPLE inside the CLUB all turn as RYAN begins randomly opening fire as ROOS and PEOPLE are gunned down as RYAN watches a few ROO charge him as they HOP large distances, RYAN rolling but winces as he feels his cracked ribs rack pain through his body.
RYAN
Bad idea that was...
RYAN turns as a ROO slams it's TAIL into RYAN'S STERNUM RYAN going flying a few feet across the DANCE FLOOR.
RYAN rolls onto his back and quickly hops up as a ROO had jumped and had tried to mash RYAN'S HEAD IN, RYAN aiming up as he pumps the rest of the CLIP into the ROO, RYAN standing up as he pulls out TWO BERETTAS but not before a ROO dropkicks RYAN in the chest.
RYAN goes flying and his back slams into the BAR TOP before the force flips him upwards and then behind the BAR.
RYAN winces as he watches a PAIR of ROOS hop onto the BAR Top, RYAN scooting backwards as he opens fire, dropping the ROOS with kill shots as RYAN stands and coughs up blood, RYAN watching as more ROOS hop towards him as RYAN opens more fire and begins DROPPING ROOS left and right, RYAN firing wildly but accurately as ROOS drop until none were left on the MAIN DANCE FLOOR.
RYAN comes around the BAR TOP and limps to the VIP area as he drops the MAGS out of the BERETTAS and reloads them before he tries to kick the door open, but screaming in pain his foot only gets about a foot upwards before he farts and falls over onto his back in pain.
There is silence for a moment before RYAN grunts as he forces himself to stand, RYAN grabbing the handle to the DOOR as he pushes it open as hard as he could.
RYAN
TWINKLE TWINKLE, MOTHERFUCKER!
RYAN never takes a step inside as TWO ROOS were waiting by the door and both deliver KICKS that send RYAN flying to the DANCE FLOOR, RYAN shaking as he feels his arm re snap as another rib was broken at least, RYAN spitting out large amounts of blood as the TWO ROOS hop towards him before stepping aside as KANG appears between them, RYAN glaring at him with hatred in his eyes as RYAN tries to stand up.
KANG
That won't be necessary.
KANG slams his tail down and hits RYAN across the back, RYAN wincing in pain as KANG hits him a few more times across the back, RYAN listening as his shoulder was whacked so hard it dislocates.
KANG steps back as he spins around and surveys the DEAD BODIES of fellow KANGAROOS.
KANG
Now was all this really needed? Did so many innocents have to suffer because of your racism?
RYAN
RACISM? You're planning on starting another...(spits out blood) goddamn ROOPOCALYPSE you fucking hopper!
KANG
HOPPER...Such a racist term.
RYAN
You better kill me now...
KANG
Come again?
RYAN
You better kill me now...KANG...I mean...I'll fucking cut your nuts off...I'll fuck your children to death...
KANG
Threats, RYAN useless vile threats...
RYAN manages to spin onto his back and holding up the BERETTA in his good hand he fires TWO ROUNDS, each ROUND being shot into the TWO SECURITY ROOS HEAD'S, RYAN looking to see KANG'S face had dropped into a look of panic, RYAN wiping some blood from off of his lips as he begins to stand but wobbles and falls back down, RYAN still managing to keep the GUN leveled on KANG as he wills himself upwards.
KANG
You're going to kill me finally, RYAN? After all this time?
RYAN
Don't start...
KANG
Even after...what I did to save your life?
RYAN
That was a long time ago KANG! You don't get to use that against me anymore! I will put you down!
KANG
Go ahead then...
RYAN
KANG!
KANG
I'm not stopping you, RYAN! If you're a real man you'll pull the goddamn trigger and stop me from ever hatching or planning another ROOPOCALYPSE again...but in the end...you just won't do it...cuz you can't do it...because of what happened those years ago...
RYAN
KANG...why won't you just stop...why do you keep pushing me to this point...why...!
KANG
Because eventually one day, one of us will have to kill the other...it's just a matter of what line one of us will have to cross for that day to happen...
RYAN
Goddamnit...
RYAN lowers the gun as KANG smiles, KANG helping RYAN stay level as KANG leads RYAN to the VIP.
KANG
Hospital?
RYAN
Yeah...got any blow?
KANG
Of course I do.
RYAN
The government came this time...
KANG
So they took notice? Seems I'm still highly regarded.
RYAN
They seemed to mean business KANG, they're not going to be happy I just let you live.
KANG
Well what shall we do about that?
RYAN
Just...hold off of any ROOPOCALYPSE planning for at least half a year this time...
KANG
I can't promise that...
RYAN
KANG...
KANG
But I will do my best, how is that?
RYAN
...is it really going to have to end with me or you killing the other?
KANG
I am afraid so.
RYAN
Strange isn't it...how we can save each other's lives and wind up having to eventually be the ones to put an end to the other.
KANG
I do not find it that strange. I suppose I find that it is commonplace.
RYAN
Maybe between you fucking HOPPERS.
KANG
No no, I see how things are with you hunters...people of your Ilk...you all live a lifestyle that will ultimately get you killed by one of only two things...a monster, a creature you hunt...or one another...take SAMANTHA for instance...one day...I fear you two will be left with a choice...and choice where one of you will have to choose one over the other...It is sadly...I believe...the fate you are destined to have RYAN JAMES...
RYAN looks at KANG who just stares forward as he helps RYAN into the VIP.
INT. THE HANGOUT
A FEW DAYS LATER
RYAN opens the GATE into the HANGOUT, his ARM and SHOULDER in a SLING as RYAN heads in and stops cold.
SAMANTHA sits in his CLIENT CHAIR, SAMANTHA looking at RYAN as RYAN raises an eyebrow and comes over and sits down.
RYAN
SAMANTHA...
SAMANTHA
You look like someone who just got his ass kicked.
RYAN
I did, thanks for noticing that.
SAMANTHA
A sling? Really? You that much of a pussy now?
RYAN
Goodbye SAMANTHA, I think you know the way out...
SAMANTHA
Oh trust me I sure as fuck do, but I didn't come all the way out here to be kicked out within the first 30 seconds of you actually being here, so as foolish as that may seem, I do have business.
RYAN
Yeah, and what's that?
SAMANTHA
We know you didn't kill KANG...
RYAN
By we you mean the GOVERNMENT...
SAMANTHA
Point is RYAN...he may have saved your life once...
RYAN
You will never understand what that ROO did for me...for all of us...
SAMANTHA
I do, RYAN, I am grateful for what happened just as much as the next person...but he's a domestic menace now, RYAN...he's trying to kill our kind off, maybe not like HITLER...but in steps...the ROOPOCALYPSE can only succeed if KANG is alive to run it.
RYAN
You're wrong...you can't just cut the head off a hydra and expect that the other heads won't come out just because the first one got cut off.
SAMANTHA
If I see KANG, RYAN...I will kill him.
RYAN
That's not your right...it's mine.
SAMANTHA
If that's the case why the fuck didn't you!
RYAN
It wasn't his time! Just like it wasn't mine...
SAMANTHA
RYAN...you don't owe KANG anything anymore...what happened happened, it's in the past...keep it that way...or else you or me or anyone else won't have a future.
RYAN
Don't come in here to lecture me about what should stay buried in the past, don't because you of all people have no right.
SAMANTHA
Perhaps I don't, but I said it anyways, because you needed to hear it apparently. Anyways, that's what I came to say, I've got a case a few hours from here so I should be hitting the road.
SAMANTHA stands as RYAN tries to avoid looking at her but as she leaves RYAN calls for her to stop, SAMANTHA huffing as she turns.
RYAN
Do...do you think my cock is comparable to a ROOS dick?
SAMANTHA
Is this a serious question?
RYAN
Life or death serious.
SAMANTHA
Jesus Christ...No...I don't know, I've never seen a ROO cock before so, no RYAN, your dick isn't like a KANGAROOS...goodbye..
RYAN
Okay..thanks...
SAMANTHA storms out as RYAN nods and leans back in his chair.
RYAN
...She still wants me...want's me so deep inside of her...
RYAN begins humming to himself with a large smile on his face.
FADE OUT