One day, my maths teacher suggested that I take part in a science camp with another student, Waren.
Waren ultimately decided not to do it. I, on the other hand, got caught up in my teacher's excitement and my love of science.
She asked me to write a cover letter to be considered for the camp. I wrote one, but my teacher said I had to rewrite it.
While she was teaching her class, I sat at the back of the room, alone at a table facing the wall. I concentrated on rewriting the text.
I noticed the repetitive words in the first version of the letter and the obvious mistakes. It's true that I wrote it without really putting my heart into it.
So, to prove my motivation and my love for science, I rewrote my letter with more depth. I paid attention to every sentence, every word, every comma, every full stop. In short, I paid a lot of attention to what I was writing and tried as much as possible to show my love of science through this letter.
I finished the letter, gave it to my maths teacher and left the classroom. I closed the classroom door and left, leaving behind the spark that would initiate a great change in me. But it wasn't time yet.
Not yet.
Since the others were still in class and I had no more lessons, I left without seeing anyone.
The sky was clear.
It was certain to be a good day.
As I walked towards the gate, my mind began to wander.
I had a foreign language competition in a few days.
I didn't know why, but when I turned around and looked at my school and my surroundings, I was overcome with a feeling of immense nostalgia. My heart was so heavy.
It was one of many moments when I recognised that, one day, I would no longer be at this school. I would no longer have my so-called friends around me. I would never have to worry about the things we currently consider important. Just childish nonsense.
I turned my head away; it wasn't yet time for me to mope about myself.
I decided not to take the bus and to walk home instead.
The immense nostalgia deep within me was still there. I've always had this thing. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. I then started thinking about my past actions that I could remember.
I remembered that I told Océane, a friend from secondary school, about something that happened, even though I didn't want to talk about it. I opened my mouth and immediately regretted it, but not wanting to dwell on my regret, I try not to think about it too often.
I told Océane about my 'first kiss', although I don't even know if I can call it that.
I like to think that I haven't had my 'first kiss' yet, but that would be hypocritical of me, because I'm the one who caused it.
I regret my actions so much, so labelling it my 'first kiss' and talking about it so casually is now gnawing me up inside.
I knew that some 'childish mistakes' could affect a person for the rest of their life. I hope she has been able to forget. I haven't had the chance to apologise yet. And I disgust myself more and more every day. I don't even try to imagine her reaction when I apologise. I try not to think about it, but I promised myself that one day I would apologise for my despicable behaviour, even if it can be considered a childhood mistake.
I'm afraid of being judged for it because I've mutilated my heart and mind every time I think about it. A 10-year-old can be both perceptive and stupid, I swear.
And I tend to repeat these mistakes as if I didn't learn my lesson every time I hurt us. I kept going blindly, as if to escape the darkness in my heart.
But it was my insistence on getting out of it that pushed me even further into it. And when I finally let go, it was too much. I was completely overwhelmed.
What I didn't know was that this year, in addition to the new spark, I would have the opportunity to redeem myself, but I completely destroyed that opportunity by falling back into my old ways. And many other things would happen.
I continued on my way home. I felt like a puppet. I was walking, but it was as if I were somehow a spectator of my surroundings. Even the person who bumped into me couldn't snap me out of my state, but I know I apologised unconsciously. I think that person was crying, but I wasn't sure, and I continued on my way.
It's the pain that gradually appears in my feet that brings me back to reality, freeing me from the prison of my thoughts.
I've always had this problem. Even if I walk for less than 10 minutes or stand up, I feel like I've run several sprints because of the pain in my feet. It really annoys me sometimes.
But I quickly arrive home. All I have to do now is climb the eight stairs to my flat.
At least I can say I'm getting my daily exercise.
I arrive home, say hello to my mother, who is on the phone in the kitchen, and head to my room. There was very little space in the room. The bunk bed took up most of the space, with the bottom bunk being a double and the top bunk a single. It's a metal bed.
I put my bag on the floor. I take off my shoes and lie down on my bed, exhausted. I feel a deep tiredness wash over me. I also feel sleepiness wash over me.
But I make the effort to take off my clothes, even though I'm lying down. I cover myself with my duvet and end up in my underwear under the duvet.
I finally welcome sleep into my body with joy.
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It's the day of the language exam, and I'm taking the Spanish one.
The questions seem easy to me, but I know that's just an impression.
I answer the questions quickly and then wait after finishing. I look around and see that some others have also finished.
And we wait for the allotted time to elapse.
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We're done, and I get ready to go to maths class.
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At the end of the class, my maths teacher takes me aside and tells me that she has sent the letter and that we are waiting for a reply.
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A few weeks ago, my maths teacher told me that I had been accepted for the science camp.
I was in Spanish class at the time, and the teacher had arranged our desks so that it felt like we were sitting around a round table.
We were answering quizzes when suddenly she announced that two people were in 4th and 6th place in the school rankings for the Spanish exam.
I thought to myself that I was surely the one in 6th place, as I had taken the competition too lightly.
But I was wrong when she announced that I was in fourth place. I was hopeful that I might receive a prize, but in the end, I only received a pencil and a "certificate" with my ranking on it, just like everyone else behind me.