Europe / Austria (Vienna): August 8th, 1975.
My name is alfred benjamin astor and while some might know of me by titles like the scourge from my time as a former special forces captain in the early to mid 1900s, I am but a lowly old 75 year old butler that has served one fallen king and three archduke's thus far. But this isn't the real reason why I am telling my side of this story, now about a week ago the third archduke who some of you may know by the name of amenadiel elias von habsburg-guinness-windsor, great grandson to the last king of austria, charles I of austria, grandson to the first founder archduke of the habsburg-guinness-windsor leopold franz von habsburg, and son of samuel von habsburg-guinness-windsor the second archduke of austria that was born out of wedlock from lady helena guinness-windsor has been acting very strange as of late, he has been exercising for the past week and all throughout the night nonstop during that said past week without any sort of rest, he has also freezed the action of thee entire government on the account that he dosn't like them in simple minded easy terms, he has also gotten all of his teeth in his mouth replaced which I could have never even dreamed of him doing in my entire life but what surprised me most of all is that he has kicked out all of the prostitutes and stopped doing drugs. Indeed he has and it all started a week ago when his highness ordered me to bring in some prostitutes.
(FLASHBACK: A week ago / Alfred's POV)
*Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck* *POP* *Gluck* *Gluck*
"GUH~…d…damn bitch slow down my cock ain't going nowhere, anyways, alfred don't you ever, you know, wanna get some pussy or something one day, you can't go on being this incompetent to not even be able to get your dick up and going." Asked amenadiel gruntingly with a curious smirk on his face while moving a rather toned bodied woman's head up and down slowly.
Alfred stared at the woman giving amenadiel or rather his master a blowjob and said calmly and surprisingly very logically "Your highness with all do respect, I could care less about such activities that aren't apart of my world or who I am as a human being."
"Tch…what a dumbass, how did my lousy ass father even tolerate someone so overly stuck up and incompetent like you, do you think your better than me or something, huh, do you, if you think you are your mistaken, just look at all 10 of these beautiful women in this room hahahaha." Said Aamenadiel clicking his teeth and laughing arrogantly as two women worked their mouths on both of his joysticks.
"Your highness, your father is indeed a lousy ass but he was far from stupid like you." Said alfred calmly while glancing at 5 passed out women on the floor with white powder on their faces and cum stains on their body's.
*Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck* *Gluck*
"OHHHHH~…y…yeah whatever you say." Said amenadiel moaning loudly with a pleasured look on his face as he sniffed up some white powder from one of the grinning girls hand.
Alfred watched as amenadiel sniffed up the white powder and thought with a sigh "How sad, your so called lousy ass father was by far a man of stride and although he wasn't a man of exceptional talent and intelligence. He never gave up and he would most certainly order me to whoop your crackhead ass if he was still alive and with us"
Alfred adjusted his throat at his own intrusive thoughts and bowed while saying calmly "I'll excuse myself your highness, I'll be outside if you need me."
The room was silent of any type of speech, the deafening silence not bothering alfred in the least but it did only leave him with sounds of sucking and kissing lingering in the air throughout the bedroom.
Alfred stared at amenadiel's sad and miserable state and remembered the times that he had to change his diaper and make him drink milk and just shook his head and started leaving the bedroom, knowing deep on the inside that this wasn't his battle to fight but amenadiel's own. Alfred's had already long since been won.
"I need to pet a fluffy kitty, I wonder if the head maid would let me pet hers" thought alfred, a big black fluffy, fat cute cat flashing across his mind as he closed the door softly to the bedroom.
"M…MR ALFRED." Said a woman's voice loudly from out of nowhere.
Alfred looked to his left and saw a woman in a maid outfit running his way and raised his right hand and put his pointer finger by his mouth, the sign immediately making the woman stop running and hurriedly walked her way over towards him and saying stutteringly while catching her breath "T…hah...the vice chancellor is in the guest room and wants to meet with his highness urgently."
"Why is she here." Asked alfred calmly yet confusedly, not seeing a reason for why the vice chancellor is here personally.
The maid took another deep breath to finally calm herself down and said with a shrug "She didn't say and only told me that she wanted to personally talk to his highness but she did say that it was imp…."
"Escort her out now, we don't have time to pamper the government." Said alfred calmly yet instantly while sitting down in a chair that was located by amenadiel's bedroom door and grabbed a newspaper that was beneath it and opened it up and started reading over it, it having detailed information on the current sad state of affairs of austria like the high tax rate, economy etc.
While aldred was reading over the newspaper the maid had a confused look on her face at his laid back attitude but just sighed and started taking her leave to carry out the order that alfred had given.
Alfred flipped the page of the newspaper and thought while spotting a delicious looking picture of a pasta dish on it "Hmm…this looks delicious, I wonder what restaurant they serve this pa…"
"EXCUSE ME." Said a woman's voice suddenly screaming loudly from inside the room.
"Huh" Said alfred confusedly while getting up from the chair and dropping the newspaper on it.
"Keep it down woman, your voice is ugly and it's making my head hurt." Said amenadiel with a groan from inside the room.
Alfred pressed his ear against the door and listened intently, getting his left hand ready in a knocking gesture to interrupt at just the right moment.
"JUST BECAUSE YOUR A ARCHDUKE DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN OPENLY DISRE…" Said the woman screaming at the top of her lungs from inside the room, only to be interrupted Immediately from alfred's sudden knocking on the door.
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
"Your highness, is everything alright in there." Asked alfred calmly, his glancing and longing eyes wandering back towards the newspaper on the chair
"No alfred you actually came just in time, I need you to bring a broom, mop, garbage bags, and some cleaning supplies and don't forget the stretcher, it's time to get rid of gold diggers." Said amenadiel calmly from inside the room.
Alfred stared at the door for a moment and suddenly thought with creased eyebrows "His highness is speaking strangely"
"Yes your highness, I will be back at once." Said alfred calmly while taking his leave hurriedly in the direction of the guards.
TIMESKIP: A couple minutes later.
"Mr alfred, if I may ask, what is the meaning of all these cleaning supplies." Asked a very confused man's voice.
Alfred sighed, his pace towards amenadiel's bedroom not slowing down in the least and said calmly "His highness has ordered for me to bring these so I will do so without asking any questions."
"Is he talking about the ugly crackhead archduke, I heard that he sleeps with just about anything that walks and has a hole." Said a maid whisperingly towards another maid.
The other maid flinched and glanced at alfred and saw the look of unemployment in his eyes and immediately held the maids mouth and said with a nervous laugh "Hahahaha you must be new and foreign, it is austria 1st law that you are not allowed to smear the archduke's name, by doing so you are to be put to death since that is a stain on house habsburg- guinness-windsor."
The maid had pale look on her face and said stutteringly while trembling "I…I am…s…sorry sir."
"It is fine, I'll let this slide since your new and a foreigner." Said alfred calmly while stopping in front of amenadiel's bedroom door and pressing his ear against it to listen.
"Y…you damn bastard, what do you take me for." Asked a woman's voice stutteringly from inside the room
"A woman who's expiration date has come and needs to find herself a proper job to settle down with instead of leeching off of someone else's money, also I'm a man who finds big full bodied women attractive, the type that can cook and put you to sleep and you definitely don't fit the standards." Said amenadiel uncaringly from inside the room, even I the narrator have to give him logical credit for his brain, reasoning capacity.
"Y…y...y…you" Said the woman inside the room stutteringly, not being able to get any of her words out.
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
"Your highness, I've brought everything you've asked for, along with some guards." Said alfred calmly while glancing at the 10 guards behind him along with the two maids that were holding the cleaning supplies.
"Come in." Said amenadiel calmly from inside the room.
*BOOOM*
Alfred slammed the door open and made his way into the room leading a team of 10 bulky men in suits and 2 maids holding the cleaning supplies and stretchers.
Amenadiel watched alfred lead the 10 men and 2 women into the room and took a sip of some whiskey and said uncaringly "Throw them onto the streets with their clothes and also pay elizabeth a penny for her and the girls services."
Suddenly the men in suits started going over to the girls, some doing their job, others getting a little to handsy for their own good.
"CHOP, CHOP DIPSHITS IF YOU WANT YOUR CHECK TO LOOK AS GOOD AS YOUR FUTURE." Said alfred loudly at the top of his lung while going over to the shocked woman who he now realizes is the famous madame elizabeth mary goodall and yanked her off of the bed and onto a stretcher.
"G…GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME YOU OLD ROACH, AMENADIEL PLEASE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME." Said elizabeth screaming desperately at the top of her lungs as the guards started dragging the women out of the room, elizabeth being one of them.
"Did this expired mop shaped gag just call his highness by his first name" Thought alfred, his eyebrow twitching in irritation at how unrefined the prostitutes were.
"Finally some peace and quiet." Said amenadiel with a loud relieved sigh while chugging down the rest of the whiskey that he had in his hand and after he finished the rest of it he sat kg back onto the table next to him, his eyes wandering back to basically nothing in front of him.
Alfred stared at amenadiel while glancing at the whiskey and thought "His highness has indeed gone mad"
Amenadiel stroked his fat double bearded chin while looking around at nothing and saying with a sigh "Ok now let's see what the hell these health conditions are about."
"Should I mention that I am here in this room. I could be looking at that pasta dish I wanted to try, right about now" Thought alfred with a soft sigh that contained absolutely no emotion behind it.
"Tch…not even suprised by this one, I'm in a family with generations of incest so what do you expect the outcome to be, hell I'm at least glad I don't have the habsburg jaw." I said amenadiel muttering with another sigh while clicking on thin air.
The room was silent for a moment.
Alfred's eyebrow twitched and thought "What a absurd thing to say your highness, your a human oddity that shouldn't exist in the first place"
Suddenly amenadiel opened his robe a little while moving his juniors out of the way and saw exactly four testicals.
"Why am I even witnessing this" Thought alfred while wondering if he should have brought popcorn for this very moment.
"Huh…wait, what the hell." Said amenadiel with a sudden what the fuck look on his face.
"What happened now" Thought alfred, a plate of chocolate chip cookies in his and started eating th while watching amenadiel.
Amenadiel leaned his head back against the chair while closing his eyes for a moment to calm himself down, only to suddenly open them again and said while clicking on thin air "Well…at this point I might as well look at all the conditions since there might be something I haven't discovered yet, though something is telling me that I should look at them because I might end up regretting it later on if I don't."
Alfred cookie stained mouth was open in bewilderement and thought while shoving another cookie into it "Wait…am I witnessing a protagonist moment, I'm 75 years old and I'm witnessing protagonist syndrome, this is amazing"
"Tch…not even surprised." Said amenadiel clicked his teeth and turning his attention to absolutely thin air.
Alfred had a lost look on his face and looked at the dresser behind him and grabbed a champagne bottle off of it while sitting the huge plate of chocolate chip cookies down, quietly popping open the champagne bottle and started watching the show again.
Amenadiel sighed very loudly while grabbing the whisky bottle, only to discover it was empty and clicked his teeth again in irritation while sitting it back down and looking back at thin air and saying "Tch…I'm not even surprised anymore, I'm a biological oddity powered by plot armor and designed by a perverted rob."
"Duhh…get on with it you dumb fuck" Thought alfred while grabbing a cupcake off the dresser filled with sweets and tuned back into the show.
Suddenly amenadiel froze, the room went absolutely silent with only the sound of his breathing being heard within it at this very moment.
"What happened" Thought alfred with lost, confused eyes, wishing internally that he could read minds for moments like this.
"This won't do, this whole situation stinks of conspiracy and the only entity I can think of in a situation like this is the government." Said amenadiel muttering while grabbing the bell from the table next to himself and ringing it.
*DING* *DING* *DING*
"I guess this is my butler entrance" Thought alfred while setting a cupcake and cookie down, wiping his mouth with a napkin and adjusted his attire and silently going by the door to pretend he was coming into the room while knocking on it.
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
"Your highness, I'm here." Said alfred's calm voice from outside the room, though actually being in it.
"Come in." Said amenadiel immediately while resting his face in the palm of his left hand, watching alfred come into the room.
"You called for me your highness." Asked alfred calmly with his arms behind his back, military style.
Amenadiel stared at alfred intently for a moment.
"Why is he staring at me like that, dose he like old men now" Thought alfred, his mind wandering back to the sweets and champagne on the dresser.
"You called for me your highness." Asked alfred calmly again with his arms still behind his back, military style.
"Yes, yes I did, I want you to tell the lord chancellor of the archducal office to freeze the government. Block them. Close every door. Cut their budget. Stop their movement.
Freeze the entire government's ability to function inside my territory." Said amenadiel calmly while reaching for the empty whiskey bottle, only to switch to the lined up cigars on a tray on the table next to himself and pick one up and put it right into his mouth.
Alfred swiftly pulled out a lighter from his tuxedo jacket and lit it while saying calmly "As you wish your highness, but might I advise you to run a investigation on the government as well."
"Please order me to kill them" Thought alfred while still holding the lighter close to the cigar, his other hand blocking air from making it sway.
"Yes do that as well, also how much money is in my bank account." Asked amenadiel calmly while inhaling and exhaling the cigar, most likely having a rough estimate in his mind on how much he had.
Alfred put the lighter back into his tuxedo jacket and said calmly with his arms going back into military style behind his back "You have 5,832,769,728 in your bank account your highness."
"So I was ri…huh, what the fuck did you just say." Said amenadiel with a ugly what the fuck look on his face.
"I said that you have 5,832,769,728 in your bank account your highness." Said alfred calmly repeating himself again, his arms still behind his back in military style.
"So you better hurry into action or your gonna lose everything" Thought alfred, his arms still behind his back in military style.
Amenadiel sighed loudly while putting the cigar back into his mouth and inhaled and exhaled it while looking back at alfred and saying "God…now I'm broke compared to some hidden and public billionaires, anyways do you know why I can't remember 3 years of my life."
Alfred's mouth was open in shock and bewilderement and thought "Is his highness messed up in the head, that isn't no small amount and your far from being poor even amongst the billionaires"
"Yes your highness, they drugged you so that they can use austria without your approval and also your money for the funding of their current and future projects, this is also why your father became the chancellor to protect the family but was taken out because of it, may he rest in peace." Said alfred calmly without a ounce of emotion behind his words.
Amenadiel snickered and asked with cold eyes "Yet you didn't think to try and help me."
"Not at all your highness, I wasn't ordered to help you." Said alfred calmly, the calm look on his face not changing or moving a inch in the slightest.
"Why would my old ass rush to save your fat overweight ass" Thought alfred, the calm look on his face not changing or moving a inch in the slightest.
"Good to know, now carry out my orders, your dismissed." Said amenadiel with a sigh while setting down the cigar on the ash trash that was on the table next to me.
Alfred bowed and asked calmly "Yes your highness, should I bring you anything to eat or have a housekeeper prepare you a bath."
"Yes, also call for my dentist because my breath smells like ass and I need to make sure that I don't have STDs, and if the government refuses to follow my orders the archducal office is permitted to use force." Said amenadiel calmly while looking at a huge painting of the egg built former owner on the wall sitting cross legged between two beautiful white women one being of a tall beautiful mature woman with long platinum blonde hair, blue grayish eyes, a square shaped face and about 5'10 in height with a slim figure, the other one being of a beautiful young woman with long blonde hair, dark brown eyes, a diamond shaped face and about 5'11 in height with a evened out voluptuous figure.
"Yes your highness." Said alfred while bowing once again and taking his leave from the room, not forgetting to snatch the chocolate chip plate of cookies and the champagne bottle and most definitely his magazine on the chair outside the room.
Alfred sighed and said calmly while walking into the distance in the huge luxerious hallway "What a eventful day it was."
…
THE END…