It was a beautiful day in Hyrule, the bids where chirping and it was partially clouded. The Princess, Zidane and Robert were left standing in front of Lon Lon Ranch as the carriage left.
Zelda wore a knee length flowy auburn colored dress, with the white corset on top and white kitten heels. Her hair was tied in a side braid. Zid and Rob had agreed on wearing a maroon sleeveless tunic, a gray trousers and brown boots since they thought that attire was appropriate for a day at the ranch.
The three of them were standing at the entrance trying to look in, but none of them dared to just enter the ranch. A cuckoo suddenly appeared clucking and walking around them. It then started pecking the ground eating small rocks.
Li sighted and went down on a knee to pick it up.
ROBERT POV
This dumb hen is not fat, but doesn't look malnourished either, so why is it eating rocks? I guess I see now how calling someone ¨a bird brain¨ is considered an insult.
Zelda watches wide eyed her brother as he stands up, cuckoo in hand. She had been a little scared of the him causing a cuckoo attack, but was now amazed by the sight. The farm bird was relaxed and at peace, not fighting her brother hold at all. She shakes her head and points at the ranch.
"Let's stop being cowards and head inside" Zelda exclaims and walks into the ranch, followed by her brothers.
As they entered Zid immediately notices the horses running around in the corral area. He runs to one that was standing by a tree, but that chased the horse away. the Pirate immediately runs behind the horse trying to catch it.
Zelda rolls her eyes and runs behind the monkey boy to stop him. Robert sighs and looks around noticing a storage shed.
That should be where the hen's cages are, since the only other places are the house and the stable. Let's return you there cute but utterly stupid hen.
Li continued walking leaving Zid and a screaming Zelda behind. Once in the shed, he immediately frowned noticing there were no cages. There was only a hand cart leaning on a wall, some hay on the floor, and lots of boxes that contained feed for the cows and the horses. There was also one with grains for the chickens. Rob walked around to search around the boxes, still hoping to find something similar to a cage where he could place the hen, but got distracted examining some glass bottles that seemed to hold medicine. Then a red head hurriedly enters the shed and starts talking to him without making eye contact.
"Who are you? and are you planning to steal that cucco?" Malon bluntly asks finally looking at him.
Li slowly turns to look at her, earning a gasp from the rancher girl since the resemblance with Link was uncanny.
Robert frowns "If you already think that I am a thief, wouldn't giving you my name put me in disadvantage with the law? And what is a cucco?" he asks lifting an eyebrow.
Malon points at his arm holding the cucco "The white bird clucking in your arm is a cucco, didn't you know that?"
"This is a hen, a very dumb one if I must say" Li answers.
Malon sighs exasperated "THIS IS LON LON RANCH, we sell horses, caws, and cuccos. THAT ONE IS A CUCCO"
Li raises both eyebrows and asks "We sell? Are you the owner of this ranch?"
She looks young, but she does carry the bossy attitude of the owner. she either is the owner, or a knows him or her.
The rancher breaths in "My name is Malon daughter of Talon, and co-owner"
TaLON, MaLON... LON LON Ranch. Hahaha, cute.
"Hen, cucco, whatever you wish to call it. It's a really dumb bird if it thinks that small rocks on the field are food"
"Agh" the rancher turns away frustrated, walks two steps and then turns back.
"First of all, let's call things by their name. A cow is a cow, a dog is a dog, and a cucco is a cucco, NOT A FUCKING HEN. Second, the dumb one here is YOU. Cuccos don't have teeth; they eat small rocks to help themselves chew their food during digestion. Put her down already."
They do that to help themselves digest? That I didn't know. Nice, I learned something new.
"Put it down where? There is no cage" the engineer asks.
"Other ranches may do cages, but we don't do that here. Cages only causes stress to the bird, making its meat and eggs taste... wrong somehow"
I suppose they do taste better this way, eggs or chicken meat from free range farms is quite expensive back home. Link wasn't shitting; this really is a top-quality farm.
Robert holds the cucco in front of his face, the bird turns its head around and clucks, Li just smiles at it.
"I now understand that you are not stupid, I AM. You are very wise and healthy" Li says before lowering himself to put it on the ground.
Malon stares at the cucco half closing her eyes. She bends down to pick it up but the cucco starts squawking, then begins flapping its wings all around and leaves the shed in a hurry.
"I… am sorry, I should have asked if you needed her before letting her down." Li apologizes.
"You did what I told you to do, don't apologize for that. I was just wondering how you picked it up to begin with. I can never just pick up a cucco without it running off like crazy"
That is fairly easy if you understand where you stand in the food chain.
"Since the cucco resemble hens, a farm bird from my world, it must be a natural prey animal. That means you can't just bend over and reach for it; it will run off scared since it perfectly knows you are a predator. You need to go down to its level"
Rober goes down on a knee, Malon tries to look away… she completely knows the Link lookalike is doing this only for demonstration, but the image still made her feel butterflies.
"This will instill curiosity from the bird and an air of friendliness between the both of us" In that moment, the previous cucco comes back clucking and approaches Li proving his point. Robert swiftly grabs it and stands up handing it to Malon.
The red head grabs it smiling and goes down on her knees to place it back on the ground. Surprisingly, the bird doesn't run off, it pecks the ground around her a little, jumps on her head clucking and then leaves.
"I guess I just learned something that will definitely cut the time it takes to vaccinate or de-worm them… thanks"
Li smiles and nods at her before adding "You know what else could help? Tagging those glass bottles"
Malon groans and shakes her head "I don't see the point, most of the temporary workers we hire can't read"
Robert widens his eyes briefly "That means you have to supervise every fucking dosage, with every fucking animal" shakes his head "Further proving my point that you need to place appropriate tags. If they can't read doesn't matter, I will draw pictures instead"
"But I don't see that working either" Malon states still incredulous.
Li drops back on the ground and draws the silhouette of a cow head next to a syringe with his finger on the ground.
"Can this be understood as the cow vaccine?" Li asks the rancher.
Malon actually manages to smile and writes a number 1 to the left of the cow.
"The cows receive several vaccines… If you can draw a cucco and a horse too, and you are willing to help me with this, I will tag my bottles"
Robert smiles and opens wide the door to the shed for them.
"Perfect, how about you tell me what you want for each tag, I will draw it"
Malon smiled pleased "Sure… I have a question. Have you worked with animals before? I mean you didn't know cuccos eat rocks, but you knew how to pick it up without it running in panic, or calling the other cuccos to attack… I have seen men almost pecked to death and it's not pretty"
Wait what. Cuccos do that? Ok, they resemble chickens, but are definitely not the same.
Li negates with his head "Have never even been close to ranch animals before, but I belong to a species that is considered the apex predator due to its intelligence. I just behaved in a way where I am not perceived as a menace by the prey"
The rancher girl raises an eyebrows "I see… though, comparing us to animals is not fair for any of us"
Robert laughs softly "Why not? We all are animals anyway"
ZIDANE POV
The Pirate was sitting on the ground inside the stables, massaging his forehead and staring angrily at the white-maned horse.
Apparently, Epona heard the distress neighing from the other horses and came to help. The mare got in between Zy and the horse he was chasing and proudly stood on her rear legs using her front hooves to strike the threat. And she did manage to hit Zid, making him fall back on his butt. Epona neighed and circled the Pirate, bit on his tunic and pulling him into the stable.
Zelda was narrating everything to Link who had just arrived wearing a purple colored tunic and grey breeches. She was having trouble containing her laughter while she did. Link laughed at Zid and caressed the proud mare.
Fucking equine bitch… it is a mare right?
Zid slowly stands and looks at Epona to determine her sex while he pats on his trousers.
Of course it had to be a female, AND LINK'S HORSE.
"That mare is a menace" Zid blurts out pointing at Epona.
Link looks at the pirate whit a blank expression "She was just defending her comrades, in her eyes YOU where the menace… She is strong, smart and stubborn; be glad she opted to just put you in time out instead of stomping you to death"
Link pulled out a carrot and Epona started prancing happily.
She would do that? No… of course not. The species avoid stepping on humans.
"I am missing one… where is he?" Link asked Zelda referring to Robert.
The Princess had no idea; she had lost sight of Li when she ran out trying to stop Zid. But in that moment, they heard Malon approaching them while talking to someone.
"Then there is also Equine Encephalomyelitis… You know what? This is pointless; you are not going to remember all of them"
The engineer counters raising an eyebrow "I happen to have excellent memory"
Malon smiles rolling her eyes "Still, we are not done with horses, and there are the cows, and the cucoos… and then the dosage for each"
The redhead walks in the stable, Zid widens his eyes and whistles. The red head ignores the Pirate and walks to a corner of the stable to grab a notebook. She comes back and hands it to Rob.
"I keep registry of all my animal's medical needs there, all the vaccines and pills are also written with their dosage"
Li smiles and quickly flips through the notebook.
"It's more than what I initially though; do you even have enough glass bottles?" Robert asks.
Malon chuckles at that "Currently I don't. But we sell milk in glass bottles, don't worry about that" she said smiling.
Link suddenly stands between Malon and Robbert staring straight at the red head. "What exactly are you doing? That notebook has sensitive information about the ranch's animal. You can't hand it to a guy you just meet?" he says trying to take the notebook back, but Li expertly avoids him.
"I may be a guy she just met; she may not even know my name… Robert Li by the way" Blast dsyd as he winks at Malon "but I though this big ass Lichtenberg mark we share meant that she could blindly trust me… or are you backing down on all of this like the fucking little pussy you are" Robert ends carking a smile.
Ziel smirks dangerously "I am going to show you what this pussy is capable of doing"
Zelda starts to panic, but the rancher girl rolls her eyes and points outside.
"TAKE IT OUTSIDE TO THE PADDOCK. No broken bones and no hidden blades… just the fists. And once dad gets back, you wash your hands to help him prepare the meat" Malon says with authority.
This girl is ordering my brothers around… damn. Gotta follow them, I will not be siding any of them since that would be unfair. But they may need a referee.
The three of them headed out. All of them were excited about starting the fist fight, not just Zid.
The first punch landed like a hammer against Li´s jaw, snapping his head sideways. He staggered, boots scraping the dirt, but his hands shot up in time to block the next swing. Knuckles slammed into his forearm, a dull thud vibrating up to his shoulder.
They circled, breaths ragged, sweat stinging their eyes. "Why are we fighting?" Robert suddenly asks.
"Because of boredom" Link honestly answers.
Hahaha, are you comparing humans to dogs Kid? It's not like you are wrong, we DO need to occupy ourselves with some type of work at all times. Cuz if we are not occupied working; we are fighting each other or destroying something out of boredom.
I mean, I realize we humans are also animals… but of the extremely cruel, hypocrite and betraying type. Comparing us to dogs is kind of insulting to the dogs.
"Boredom… I think you hit the nail right in the head" Li said before delivering a jab to the ribs that made Link stagger back. The Time Hero was about to counter when Zid yelled.
"FOUL!!!"
"What? But I just…" Li starts to argue.
Zidane shakes his head "None of you did anything wrong, I just needed to let you know that I perceived strange movement from the girls. I think those bitches are plotting something, but look behind my back to make sure"
Link casually shifts his weight to be able to looks behind Zid, while pretending to be reprimanded by his monkey brother. He noticed the girls giggling as they started aiming the water hose.
"The girls are going to spray us with water… Damn, I kind of liked this tunic"
Blast chuckles "I say let them… that gives us the opportunity to illustrate them on why a mud fight is sexy, but only when females are involved" he says as he bounced his eyebrows.
Raziel nods "Fair, they think they can participate… Let's show them how a mud fight between boys and girls looks like"
"We are doing this? I thought I was the only pervert here" Li says smiling.
Zid closes his eyes hard as he suddenly feels the water spraying on his back. He falls dramatically on his knees, and starts rubbing the newly formed mud all over himself. Face, arms, clothes and turns to the girls with an evil smile "GIRLS, ITS ON" he screams before slowly walking towards them with a mean grin.
Malon yelped. Zelda's face went pale; she just grabbed the rancher girl's hand and ran stumbling a few times.
Robert and Link laughed loudly at the girl's panic and started to stain themselves with mud too.
"I will close the water thank, then force open the house's main door since I know how. Zid and you find other ways of entry; I want them terrified" Link says.
Robert smirks "Consider it done"