[I seemingly forgot Gintoki lost an eye in the first world war. My bad.]
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I walked through the front door with a big bag in my hand. The kind of bag that makes your arm hurt after carrying it for more than five minutes if you were a normal dude.
And what's inside the bag? It contained 10 million ryo.
The other 90 million will be deposited to my clan account in the capital.
After a while, I found my dad in the living room, lying on his side on the tatami mats as usual, one arm tucked under his head, staring out at the garden like some kind of depressed samurai in a period drama.
$Thud!$
"Yo." I said, dropping the bag that smelled of money on the floor with a heavy thud.
"Fuck off," He said with a snort, clearly in a bad mood.
"Get up." I said.
"Nahh." He replied without even looking at me.
"I said get up bastard!" I shouted at him.
"Why?" He asked as he lazily glanced at me which made me annoyed at his lazy ass.
"Just get up and find out!"
"Gghgghhhh" He groaned as he slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position, looking like I had asked him to run a marathon or something.
His hair was a mess.
Then he looked at me, then at the bag, then back at me, then back at the bag.
"What's in the bag Zombie? You kidnapped some chicks? Just so you know, we don't do that around here. It ain't our speciality, go to the Shimuras." He asked as he suspiciously watched me.
"Stop with the nonsense and open it."
He stared at me for a second, then reached over and pulled the bag open.
$Wooooooooooooshhh!!$
The money inside caught the evening light filtering through the window.
Gold, Silver, bundles of notes and gold coins stacked in neat little columns. Ten million ryo worth of pure, untaxed, beautiful and juicy currency.
The reaction was instant, Gintoki's eye went so wide his eye socket a little away from coming out with his mouth hitting the floor and his pupil literally turning into Ryo symbols and little bit of drool started forming at the corner of his lip.
"Da... da... da..." He stammered.
"I can't hear, speak clearly." I said with a smug smile.
"Daaaaaa..... daaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!" He began to shout and stutter.
"Daddy?" I grinned.
"DADDY'S LITTLE BOY!" He lunged for the bag.
I pulled it away quickly and he fell flat on his face.
"Not so fast you peasant! This ain't charity!" I reached into the bag and pulled out a thick stack of bills.
It was about two inches thick...
$paw$
I slapped his dazed face with the stack of money which made a sound.
He blinked.
$paw$
I slapped him again.
"You know what you gonna do from now on, right?" I said with a smile that made his goyim ass shudder.
"What are you–"
$paw$
"Shut up goy! From now on, I won't tolerate bullshit from you!" I said with an arrogant smirk.
I dropped the stack on his chest and walked away. Behind me, I heard him pick up the stack and hug it like a teddy bear.
"I am a goy! I am a goy! I am a goy! I am a goy..." He whispered to himself.
I pretended not to hear.
*muah muah muah muah!*
"What's a goy though?" Gintoki asked himself while drooling over the money and kissing it.
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I was lying on the couch now, feet up, one arm behind my head, my dad was kneeling behind me, and his hands were working on my shoulders like he was some kind of professional masseuse.
"Higher goy!" I ordered with a frown.
"Yes! Young Master! I am sorry!" Gintoki replied in a soft, gentle voice that I had never heard him use before.
"Hmmm, yes just like that. If you stop then don't dream of seeing money again your entire life." I threatened but Gintoki just brushed it off gracefully.
"As you wish, Young Master!"
He dug his thumbs into my traps... and It was actually pretty good, not gonna lie. It's like he was made for this.
I guess being a ninja for twenty years gave you strong fingers.
Around us, three shadow clones were busy also. One was trimming my fingernails, another was fanning me with a large paper fan, creating a gentle breeze, and the third was holding a small tray with grapes and a glass of juice, ready to feed me anytime.
My dad had gone full butler mode.
It was disgusting to look at.
Can't he turn into a cute maid using Henge no Jutsu?
Maybe I should ask.
"Young Master, would you care for a grape?" The clone with the tray asked.
"Shut up, I am in the process of thinking about something very important that may go against my hate for certain mentally challenged hobos." I said in annoyance for interrupting my thought process.
"Sorry Young Master!" The clone bowed slightly and stepped back.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the service while I thought. This was what money can buy... Not only houses, or not only cars or fancy clothes, but this!
Total submission from the man who used to mock me every second for no reason.
"By the way, when using your Henge, how does it feel like turning into a girl–"
*Slide!*
The door to the living room opened before I finished what I wanted to say.
"Gintoki, have you seen the–" My mom stopped.
Her eyes went wide in shock as she looked at me lying on the couch like a king and looked at my dad kneeling behind me, massaging my shoulders like a loyal servant.
She then looked at the three shadow clones fanning, trimming, and holding a tray of grapes.
"..." ×3 The room went silent.
Then my dad spoke, still in that soft butler voice while
"Welcome home, Madam. Young Master is currently relaxing, so would you care for refreshments too?"
My mom's eye twitched.
"Gintoki, what the hell are you doing?!" She said slowly, but the anger couldn't be hidden from us which made us shudder.
"Attending to Young Master's needs, Madam."
"Your son's needs?"
"Yes, Madam."
She looked at me and I just shrugged. "I didn't even ask, he offered himself to me like a good little boy."
She looked back at my dad because he was still massaging my shoulders, his face completely serious, like this was the most important job in the world.
"Gintoki." She said again.
"Yes, Madam?" Gintoki replied with a gentle smile.
"Stand up." She ordered.
"I cannot, Madam. Young Master has not dismissed me."
My mom's face went red from anger "GINTOKI, STAND THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW!"
Gintoki flinched.
The shadow clones poofed away immediately and then he scrambled to his feet and stood at attention with eyes forward like a soldier.
My mom marched over to him and grabbed his ear. "OW! Ayaka, not my ear!"
"You are letting your son order you around like a servant?! Have you no dignity as a man?! As a father?! You should be a good example, not whatever this is!" Ayaka reprimanded.
"But...but.. but–"
"But what?!" Ayaka shouted again.
"But He has money Ayaka! Lots of money! 10 million ryo! I saw it with my own two eyes I swear to the Sage's pure ass!"
"One eye... You have one eye." I corrected the cyclops.
Her grip tightened. "I don't care if he has 10 million Ry– wait a second!! What did you just say?!" Ayaka shouted in a high pitched voice with sudden surprise.
"As you heard me, this Zomb–YOUNG master just brought back 10 million into our home like he owned the damn house! And I don't blame him." Gintoki said with excitement, ignoring the fact that the man of the house is now Garou.
"10 million ryo?"
"That's right. 10 million delicious and juicy Ryo! We can now buy whatever we want and live like kings babe!!" Gintoki shouted in excitement as imagined the rotten and spoiled life he will have.
She stared at me for a moment then her eyes narrowed, "No joking?"
"Dead serious, It's in the bag over there, you can check!" I pointed at the bag.
She looked at the bag, then back at me, then at my dad, who was still massaging my shoulders with that stupid butler face.
"Gintoki." She said.
"Yes, honey?"
"Keep going." She said.
"What?"
"I said keep going, lower, use your thumbs more, his shoulders must be stiff because of training and working really hard." She ordered with a suddenly sweet smile while also thinking about every womanly stuff she could buy for herself.
Both mother and father have already entered the la la land with no possible way to return.
"Yes, honey!" Gintoki replied with a happy and delusional smile as he danced around gracefully.
Then went back to work with renewed energy, and the shadow clones poofed back into existence and resumed their duties. The fanning started again, the nail trimming continued, and the grape tray was raised back in front of my face.
My mom walked over to me and sat on the edge of the couch, she had a gentle smile on her face now.
"Cupcake, my sweet baby..." She said softly.
"Yeah?"
"What would you like for dinner? Ask anything you want and I will cook it for you."
"Anything?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Anything."
"Then Katsu curry with extra sauce, and those little pickled radishes on the side. Some steak will be nice too."
"Done cupcake. And for dessert?"
"You don't have to–"
"I asked what you want for dessert." I think she is dedicated to spoil me rotten, and who am I to refuse then?
"Cheesecake." I said.
"Cheesecake it is." She stood up and patted my head while approaching the bag with a drool coming down her face but she controlled herself with great difficulty at the last second and went to the kitchen
Then stopped at the door and she looked back at my dad, who was still massaging my shoulders like the good servant he is.
"Gin."
"Yes, honey?"
"After you finish, clean the bathroom too."
"But–" His face fell.
"No buts, the bathroom!"
"Siiighhhhhh. Yes, hun." Gintoki said as he cursed under his breath.
"The things I do for money. Now I have to clean your shit too Zombie!" He said under his breath with sudden anger.
"Keep going or you won't see a penny goy! My other shoulder is sore." I smirked.
"Young Master is too demanding."
"Young Master pays the bills now goy."
He grumbled but kept massaging.
I closed my eyes and smiled.
This is it, I finally won against Gintoki.
Life is good.
The End
[Shorter chapter than usual cuz of time skip and stuff.]