The cold air immediately stung Eric's skin as he and Arop exited the mall. Nyangdeng was sitting on the ground, hugging her legs as she steered off into the distance, shivering uncontrollably, but that all stopped when she turned around, snot coming down her nose as she layed her puffy eyes on her brother. For a moment her eyes were lit with joy, but she remembered her and her brother weren't on the best of terms at the moment. She quickly got up and wiped the snot on the sleeve of her orange sweat shirt, trying her best not to take another glance at the 2 boys behind her.
"Please tell me you remembered where they are." Arop said hopefully.
"I remember."
Arop smiled.
"Well I thank your lady nature." He said, mockingly.
Eric did not respond. He reminisced about what he said to Arop, trying with his entire will for Arop to see the light, his light. But just as usual when he wants to do something heroic, it always ends in failure. But this time it's different, Eric didn't feel like he was close whatsoever in eliminating Arop's philosophy, but he did felt like held his ground and defended his views with the entire force of his will. And because of that Eric felt proud of himself for once in a long time.
Eric's face cracked into a light smile.
"Eric, when do you think might be a good time to apologise." Arop said, whispering.
"Right now."
"Why now."
"Because later you won't have a chance to apologise. Unless you want to apologise in front of everyone."
Arop chuckled.
"I'll see if I can find that chance."
Moments later Nyangdeng finally realised she had no clue where she is going so she stopped and allowed the 2 boys to lead, seeing this Arop withheld a laugh. As they walked past her.
"She's so silly." He said, whispering right before a chuckle.
"Why were you so upset with her."
Arop paused.
"I was just annoyed and frustrated with her. She didn't do anything wrong. I was the one acting immature, and should have handled the situation better. That's all there is to it….Thinking back on it now, I really shouldn't have pushed her into that glass cabinet, and I definitely shouldn't have brought up our father… It wasn't her fault, nothing was."
Eric's mind flashed with a memory of a man getting torn apart by bullets. Could it really be him, he thought.
"Was your dad a part of the protest?"
"How did you know?"
"I was there."
Arop looked over at Eric, before returning his gaze forward.
"Oh,.... so we're both witnesses."
They both took a moment of silence before Arop asked.
"What exactly happened in that store?"
"Store." Eric said, looking over to him.
"Yes, you said that you and Thon were searching for supplies in a store and something happened. I'm curious to know what exactly happened."
Memories flooded Eric's mind. He had been trying his hardest not to think about what happened inside that store, or rather, he was trying not to think about what he failed to do. Eric knows the decision he made was the right one, benefiting only himself, he knows that any attempts to save the woman and her child were futile, it was impossible and would only have resulted in his early death. But still, he still carries the guilt and shame from the moment he turned his back on them. And not just the woman and her child, but the people that got executed. He remembered there faces as they realised they were all about to die. But something strange within him that he can't escape, always made him feel guilt towards the people that died right before his eyes. It's like a curse that always creeps up on him, quietly whispering words of non existent power to him until he is met over and over again with the realization that he is just a boy, a boy with no power over the world around him. He can be still and stop resisting as the world unfold before his very eyes, as he is carried along by the flow of time. Sometimes he dreams for the authority to stop time, and live in a heaven of his own, a heaven filled with the things that made him feel the happiest human being in the world, but on the other side there is hell, staring right back at him, letting him know that it still exists and it is ahead of him. But Eric always ignored it and buried it deep within him, constantly telling himself, don't think about it, don't think about it, it's not real, it's not real, because it cannot exist in my world.
They both stopped walking as Eric turned to him, his eyes unflinching as he made eye contact with Arop.
"We broke into a store and we weren't the only ones who were in there….You understand?"
Arop steared back into Eric's eyes, his gaze unrelenting and piercing. It was as if he was puncturing and unraveling the mental wall between them, and invading Erics very mind.
He maintained this until he finally blinked and nodded, before resuming their walk.
Few minutes later.
The chilling air seemed to get colder and colder each time it stings Eric's skin. He tries to rub his arms to warm himself but the cold would immediately replace the brief moment of warmth. This was all unusual. Eric remembers bentiu's summer nights were always plagued by heat, even to the point he had strip naked and store a bag of ice under his pillows to get a chance to even fall asleep. But for some reason it's cold, much colder than a normal cold night in December in Ghana. How strange, he thought as he lead the way for the 2 siblings. Occasionally Eric would stop and listen out for any military vechiles nearby before crossing the street. After tonight this nightmare will finally be over. Yeah,....I just need to get through tonight, he told himself.
"How much closer are we." Nyangdeng whispered, her tone the embodiment of annoyance.
"We are close."
She was about to say something, but loud engines could be heard coming from down the street, they quickly hid in in the dark, where the street lights could not reach them. The vehicles past by, as usual they were maned with soldiers armed with heavy fire arms, but a major differents from before, is that at the trunk of the vehicles there was a black blanket covering something, at first Eric past it as just weapons or supplies being transported, but in a split second the cold rush of wind returned and lifted the black fabric only to reveal a pile of corpses, some of the corpses eyes were open, stearing right back at Eric. But the fact that they were dead wasn't even the most frightening part to him. It was the fact that he saw some of those corpses before, he saw them when they were alive and breathing. The corpses he recognised was the same boys from before who smashed Adut's car window. Suddenly Eric was hit with a realization. If they are able to kill teenagers is he even safe, is Arop, Nyangdeng, Akeer, Atem, and thon even safe. It was all so mind blowing to Eric, he could actually die, if he is ever caught by them he could take a bullet to the forehead and die just like that, lights out. He is no longer protected with his innocence, his life is no different drom the average adult male. Eric finally understood that he is alone. His own life is in his hands and he is responsible if he lives or dies. Eric's mind shifted back towards the teenagers, he could clearly picture them from just a day ago. Before they were all so full of life, they could feel anger, they could feel fear, they could feel pain, they could suffer, and they could feel truly alive, but now they couldn't feel anything, they have been stripped of life, the life that has been given to them since birth, they have been stripped of the right given to them by god to exist in this world. Why would man defy, no violate the natural rules of life. The black art called murder should not exist, but then what gave humans the authority to defy nature. Shouldn't it survival of the fittest and kill or be killed, why does murder exist? Unless…, nature is not one but multiple, maybe there is a separate nature for man with it's own laws, maybe that nature is called… human nature, Eric thought.
Before the vehicles were rushing by with insane speed, but to Eric they werent in even moving anymore, time was at a stand still. He couldn't move, all he could do was process and reflect and through his reflection a second crack was formed.
The vehicles rushed by. Eric looked over at Nyangdeng and Arop, but there expressions were the same as before. They must've not seen it, he thought as they rushed across the street. They ran until they were several buildings away from Akeer and Atem, but all of a sudden Arop stopped.
"What are you doing. Did you drop something? We have no time to go back." Nyangdeng said.
Eric looked at Arop in confusion, unsure what exactly he is thinking, but whatever it is Eric is confident it isn't something dumb.
"I need to go back to mother to tell her something."
"You can tell her tomorrow. Whatever it is it can't be as important as Atem. She said, stearing into her brothers eyes, pleading for him not to go.
Arop took the bags off of Eric's shoulders and his, and tossed it to Nyangdeng.
"Eric, where is the building?" Arop asked.
Eric pointed towards the third most building at the end of the street.
"Run over there and bang at the door and tell Akeer your there so she can let you in."
"W, what is wrong with you. Are you stupid. Why do you always do the most stupidest things. It's dangerous. Don't you realie you can die."
Arop sighed and turning around, prepared to take the risk. But Nyangdeng stopped him, pulling his Arm towards her. Her grip was tight.
"Don't go." Tears slipped down her closed eyes, as her grip grew tighter.
Arop turned around in annoyance, but as soon as he saw the tears leaking down his sisters face, he embraced her tightly, giving her a kiss to the forehead.
"Don't worry. I will come back." He whispered in her ear.
Slowly her grip on his arm loosened. She looked up at him with faltering eyes, before nodding, taking the bags and rushing towards the building.
Eric turned towards Arop and asked.
"Where are we going?"
"I'm going to show you where and how they dispose those corpses."
He saw, he thought.
Arop gestured to Eric to follow him as he began to run down the street. He took a second to mentally prepare himself as he watched Arop charge towards something that Eric can not even imagine, without so much of a hint of fear. But unlike Arop Eric is afraid, he is a afraid of what the future will unravel before his eyes. But he knows there is no use in running, he cannot stay stagnant in time or travel to the past, there is only one way, one path forward, and that is the future.
Eric began running, trying to catch up to Arop.
15 minutes later.
Eric and Arop hid under the cover of darkness, out of breath. Eric lungs began to burn with each time he inhaled the cold air, but luckly he managed to catch his breath.
"They took this part of the town as there camp." Arop said.
Eric remained silent, he steered up at the buildings, some lit with artificial lights and some lit with fire. He could hear the gunshots and loud engines rouring throughout the air. Eric touched his heart, a beating evidence that constantly reminds him he is alive and that he wants to live. Eric was once again tempted with the idea of running, of running back to Akeer and the others and sleep throughout the night knowing that he is safe. But of coarse Eric rejects this. I have to do this, he tells himself. I have to. Even if I might die.
They rushed across the street, stepping foot into the militaries territory. They ran from street to street, to alleyway to alleyway, trying their best to move swiftly so to not be spotted by anyone. In every corner a red marking of the South Sudanese military logo was sprayed unto the wall, letting them know that this is their territory and death might await them the deeper they go. And the deeper they went, bard wires started appearing more frequently, some blocking off roads and alleyways. Realising this, they knew they had to be extra cautious about there moves. Luckly for them some of the bard wires were not that tall so they were able to jump over it with minimal difficulty.
The deeper they went the more Eric's heart beated violently. It wasn't just because of adrenaline, but the creeping fear getting larger and larger in size the closer he gets to those roaring engines and the blasting sounds of gunshots ringing in the air. What are they firing at, he wondered, but he already knew the answer.
Arop stopped abruptly, gesturing Eric to stay as low as possible. They finally reached it, the heart of the military's camp. It was guarded by a fence that spanned all around the camp. Eric estimated it's height to be 20 feet. He and Arop watched as soldier after soldier exited a church with a tray of food in their hands, chatting and laughing with their fellow soldiers. Some sat together, forming a circle with a bawn firing warming them. The others who weren't eating, stood on guard. Some at the gate and some beside the fences, ready to carry out any command at any moments notice.
Arop pressed his finger against his lips firmly, reinforcing the fact that if they are caught they might be one of many bodies at the back of those vehicles. They crouched down, taking caution in every step. Eric could swear he could some how hear his ear drumbs beating along with his heart. But he tried his best not to pay it any attention. Instead, he stears at Arop's back as he careful manuvers through garbage, trying his best to ignore the situation, until finally they were given a opportunity to rush across the street into a dark alleyway.
"Give me that metal rod next to you." Arop pointed towards the rod.
Eric quickly gave it to him, too out of breath to ask any questions. Arop took the rod and smashed it into the window of a building beside them. Then he pointed up, Eric's eyes followed and what he saw was a cloud of black smoke ascending up into the sky.
"We will be able to see everything upstairs." Arop said, jumping in the building.
Eric followed him, and they both ascended the stears. With each step Eric took, fear crept up on him more and more until his entire body was one big instrument of fear, beating rapidly with it's rhythm. He wondered what monstrosity will he see, what great act of black will he see, these wonders kept wondering in his mind until his eyes and body were devoided of consciousness, only moving forward thanks to another more haunting fear he has, a fear he sees himself becoming if he doesn't stop running away from what faces him.
Some how, Eric's trembling body managed to drag him to the 4th floor of the building, just high enough to overlook the roofs of smaller buildings and have a view of a part of the town. At some parts were ascending black smoke ascending to sky and at there source were a orange bright flickering light.
"Eric look over here." Arop said, whispering from across the room.
Arop moved aside, sitting on a table watching as Eric looked down from the window. And what Eric saw sent his heart plummeting straight down to his gut. Down below them were soldiers throughing corpses into a huge furnace. The way they did it was so unsettling to Eric, it was as if they did this many times before, as if this isn't their first time doing something so atrocious. "They tossed the bodies of people that were once alive, and once could feel. Tell me Eric, is there really a difference from humans and beasts? I don't think so." Arop said, now standing right beside Eric, his expression calm and composed, just as it was before.
Eric turned to him slowly, his eyes wide, burning with emotion. He could feel them watering up, getting ready to pour down, but Arop pointed down at something.
"Do you see them Eric."
It took a while for Eric to see what Arop was taking about, but when he did he had to to take a step back. Looking right at them were the eyes of those infants, the same infants that were playing in the underground camp, it was them, but it's not. What Eric and Arop saw was not the same children from before, it was their lifeless corpses, completely stripped of their innoscence. Eric didn't even want to imagine what they saw and felt when they died, he couldn't, it would be far too painful for him.
One after the other the soldiers disposed their lifless bodies into the fire. Eric watched, unaware of the tears flowing down his eyes. He could swear, he could hear the cracking of the fire as their clothes and body burned, erasing the last piece of evidence of the people they were before, making them no different from the pile after pile of corpses people have sculpted throughout the human lifetimes.
"Do you see them Eric. Men, women, and children alike are getting burned to ashes until they are completely forgotten. How do you think they feel, knowing that the did not get the chance to finish their lives with the already short time that they got. Really think about it. How would you feel 3when you realise all that you have ever worked for, all that you ever cared for, all that you ever loved is meaningless and it will eventually turn into ashes and blow away with time. How would you feel that the same fate is awaiting the people you love, the same people who will mourn your death. How would you feel when you find out that there will be nobody alive to remember you, making you trapped in the the past, unable to advance to the future…. What I would feel would be rage, a unending burning rage towards man, a rage that is far larger and mightier than that fire. Eric this is the truth. The reality you refuse to accept."
Eric remained silently, eyes unblinking, until something caught his attention. It was teenage girl, hiding under the covers of the shadows of the alleyway. She held a pistol in one hand, her eyes glaring at the soldiers as tears streamed down her eyes, ready to execute her vengeance. She rushed out of the alleyway firing shots at them. She managed to shoot one soldier at the side of the head and another in the neck and the chess, before being immediately being showered by a hail of bullets. She fell to the ground, somehow still alive, but barely. She coughed up blood as she shakliy rose up her gun, trying to take one more with her, but it was kicked out of her hand. A soldier pointed the barrel of his rifle to the girls head, ready to end her. But as Eric was witnessing this, the guilt, the fear and the anger mixed boiled within him, resulting in a sudden burst of emotion. He slammed his fist on the glance window, alerting all the soldiers. Arop tryed to forcefully cover his mouth and pull him away, but Eric pushed him off and yelled.
"Leave her alone. Don't you fucking pull that trigger." But just as he yelled that, a shot rang out.
Then for a second, silence, the only thing that could be heard was the cracking of fire. As for Eric, he was in shock, his mind didn't understood what had just happened. He steered out the window at the lifeless corpse before his eyes, a trembling smile appeared on his face, followed by a chuckle as tears glided down his eyes. Then all of a sudden Arop pushed him, and as he did, a orange light quickly came crashing through the window, it only took seconds until a hail of bullets followed, completely shattering the window.
"Get them, they're in that building."
Eric quickly crawled under the hail of bullets before, getting back up to his feet and began running with Arop as if his life depended on it. Because it did.
They jumped out of the the broken window and began running out in the street. They no longer had the privilege of looking and be quiet, it's either they run for their lives or die. And that's what they did. With each street they crossed and with every alley they turned in, they could hearing the growing sound of soldiers chasing them.
"They just turned this corner."
Eric looked back and saw a soldier pointing his gun at them. Eric heard the roar of the soldiers gun, almost as a orange light zoomed just centimeteres away from his eye. They turned another corner, and just as they did a hand appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Eric by his shirts sleeve, but Eric frantically kept running until his shirt was torn away from his body. They ran and ran until Arop spotted a manhole. He quickly removed it and let Eric jump in first before he did, covering the manhole on his way down.
Now they were running through the sewers of Bentiu, Eric of coarse is unaware of where he is going, but for some reason he trusts the boy that seems to be fearless more than he trusts himself.
"You Know Eric. This is a terrible time to say this,... but, you are the most supidiest, the most idioctic person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Hell your even more idiotic than Atem." He said chuckling, followed by his restless breathing.
Eric remained silent.
"I won't ask you why you even did something so stupid. …But anyway, we survived, that's all that matters at the moment. …By the way, I memmerized Bentiu's entire sewer system, so I know exactly where we're going."
Eric still remained silent.
10 minutes later.
Arop lifts the cover of a manhole. Both him and Eric came out coughing, from inhaling the burning cold air of sewage. But they didn't even got a second to rest, because almost immediately the roaring of military engines, gave extra weight to the air. Both of them immediately got up and rushed to the building where the others are and banged on it.
"Akeer open up."
The sound of military engines began to get closer and closer, until the window that was bared off with heavy furniture was moved revealing the 2 girls faces, beckoning them to jump.They quickly went inside and began moving the furniture to seal off the broken window, but just as they almost completely sealed it, someone fell through. Eric's heart almost lunged out of his chest before he relised it was Thon and he was bleeding from his right leg. They sealed off the window and Akeer and Nyangdeng quickly hoisted him, and took his arm over their necks so he can use their body's as acting crutches. Meanwhile Eric and Arop steered outside behind a window, using a curtain to hide there faces. The vehicles slowly patrolled the street, much slower than early, it was as if they were looking for something, or someone. They eventually turned a corner and disappeared down the road. Seeing this Eric and Arop immediately took a breath of relief. It's finally over, Eric told himself. As they turned, they were immediately surprised by 2 girls hugging them. Nyangdeng was hugging her brother and Akeer was hugging Eric. Even though Eric only met them yesterday, it feels as if he had known them his whole life. Eric embraced her in a thigh hug, normally he felt shy about doing those things with girls and people in general, but form some reason he didn't, all he could fell was warmth, warmth of another human being. Tears flowed from his eyes as his eyes were closed, his hug tightens.
"Amm,... are you ok."
His eyes opened and he pulled away, revealing the lines of his tears path.
"Yes, yes I am."
Eric could hear the snickering of Nyangdeng, at the side of him, but in that moment he didn't care, because he had just been saved, he had just been reminded of why he even fights against Arop's philosophy, and that reason is her, Akeer, a goddess of love and meaning incarnate. He considers her as such because she is. She is his entire argument, that with love you can build your very own reason for living and fight against black the thing that plagues humanity. Love can come in many different forms, be it purpose, a love of a hobby, or love for a person. It is a force that can not be measured and cannot be broken, it is the very thing that keeps a man to keep on going, and it is the thing that gives humans strength during desperation. Love is boundless.
Eric smiled at Akeer, and she smiled back, shackily before retreating in the other room with Nyangdeng to tend to both Atem and Thon.
"Eric, are you ok?" Arop asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Eric nodded, wiping his eyes.
"Arop, one day I will show you that you're wrong. No matter how many years it takes me. I promise."
Arop steered at him for a moment before replying with a chuckle.
"Ok Eric, I will be waiting."
A half a hour later.
The warmed smell of food seeped into Eric's nostrils. He swore that it seemed like it was a eternity since his last meal even though his last meal was several hours ago. He watched as Akeer's hands scooped up spoon after spoon of jollof rice and pieces of chicken. She passed plate after plate around until Eric's plate finally reached him. The warmth of the food enveloped his face, further warming him. As he took his first spoon of the rice his tongue danced in his mouth, savoring every chew.
"Thon what happened to your leg." Nyangdeng asked, glaring at him.
"Oh me and Eric were at a shop, but soldiers ended up being there. And the only way to get the first aid kit for Atem was to break it so I did."
"You did what." Akeer said, her voice propelled by her surprise.
"Yeah and I told Eric to bring to go and bring the first aid kit back, just incase I didn't make it back. But luckily I did, I got lot and hid from building to building and got shot in the leg, but I managed to make it back."
The whole room went quiet for what Eric seemed like seconds until Nyangdeng grabbed Thon's arm and said.
"Oh that so bravely stupid of you."
Thon chuckled.
Throughout dinner everybody shared memories and their own individual experiences, some about home, some about school, some about sports and some about Bentiu. Eric looked over at Akeer and noticed something off about her, she seemed bothered by something. He could tell because she doesn't strike him as the quiet type around her friends, so why was she quiet then. The only logical conclusion Eric came up with was that something was bothering her. It's how he would act when something was bothering him. But he didn't pay it any mind, he assumed she was just worrying about her brother Atem.
Of coarse she is worried. He thought. Her brother was burned really badly by a flying molotov. Of coarse she is sad.
After everyone fell asleep, Eric was up, sitting on the cold floor, covering himself with a blanket, thinking about what he saw earlier. Every time he closes his eyes he could see flashes of it, of those little girls faces, as they were burned in the furnace. He remembers how their faces morphed and burned into something ugly and unrecognisable. Eric shivered.
He sees the flashes of that girls face, frame by frame, as she realised she really was about to die. And again…I couldn't do a thing, he thought, as he clamped down on his teeth. Then suddenly Eric could feel the tugging of his blanket.
"Hey. Could I lean on your back?"
Eric recognised that voice, it was Akeer.
"Sure." He responded.
She sat down behind him, wrapping herself with his blanket and leaning on him.
Eric skipped a breath, he could feel Akeer's warm back against his. They leaned next to each other in silence, before Akeer broke it.
"Well, I don't think we had a chance to talk one on one before,...So hi." She said, awkwardly.
"Hi."
The room returned to silence. Neither one of them sure about what to say to each other.
"So how was your day? Was it terrible?"
"It was. It was like a rollercoaster of shock, fear, and anger."
"Oh, really."
Silence once again returned to the room. Eric frantically made a effort to dispel it, he wanted the conversation to last.
"How was your day." Eric asked.
"The same. I'm constantly on the edge whenever my brother moans."
"Oh."
Akeer was silent, then all of a sudden Eric could here sniffles coming from behind him.
"Why. Why did this have to happen to my brother. Out of all the people in the world. Why, him. This wouldn't have happened if weren't for the." She said, slamming her fists against Eric's back, until she suddenly stopped.
"I'm sorry. she said.
"It's fine. Now we have both seen a really embarrassing moment for each other, so now we're even."
Akeer chuckled slightly, still sniffling.
"Akeer, are you apart of the revolution too?" Eric asked.
Akeer was silent for a moment surprised and unsure whether to answer truthefully or not.
"Did Arop tell you?"
"He did." Eric said.
"No, not really our parents are a part of it, but me and Atem are not. …Why? Are you judging us?"
"No, no, of course not. I was just honestly curious that's all." Eric said, hastily.
"Can I ask you a question."
"Sure."
"Do you think what's happening is our fault?" Akeer asked.
He hesitated to respond unsure of the answer, but in truth, he knew the answer, he was just trying to find the right way of saying it.
"It's everyone's fault. I will say that."
"Everyone's fault." Akeer repeated.
"Everyones fault. Maybe you're right." She said, resting her head on his back.
"You know Eric, we knew each other for a day and a half, wait no that's not true. …Oh, I remember now. You were that little boy who ran out in the rain naked. My memory from back then is kind of foggy, but I remembered my older sisters covering my eyes when they were laughing."
Eric took a moment to respond, embarrassed.
"I really hoped you would have forgotten that." He said.
Akeer chuckled.
"I knew I recognized you from somewhere. I just didn't know from where and when. …But as I was saying, we knew each other for a day and a half, but talking to you now, it kind of feels like I've known you my whole life. Other than that one other time. Did we by any chance meet again?" Akeer asked.
"No, I don't remember us ever speaking to each before yesterday."
"Oh ok then. Do you mind if I sleep right behind you? The ground is kind of too hard for me to sleep on."
"Sure."
And in a few minutes she was already a sleep. Eric could feel her body move with each breath she takes. Eventually his eyes began to grow heavy until one after the other they began to shut.
The silence was loud in the room, the only thing that could be heard were the breaths of the sleeping. Everyone breathing regularly except Arop who was very much awake, listening to Akeer and Eric's conversation.
He let out a soft sigh, before finally closing his eyes.