"I'm so nishi'an tired of putting this off, being interrupted, holding back, of almost, almost—" he growls against my neck and then his teeth sink into my skin. His hands squeeze and roll my breasts and I gasp. His hips press forward and he grinds himself against my ass. "I'm going to take you to our room, locking that door, and I fis'iahn kehzhki lo' if Master himself knocks on the door." His voice is rough and strained and desperate. And, despite myself, it sends a bolt of heat through me.
I reach back and tangle my fingers in his hair, holding him close. I tilt my head to give him more access to my neck and shoulder. "You'd just. Ignore him?"
He growls against me and his tongue licks a line down my neck. "I'd ignore the Emperor of the galaxy if he tried to interrupt us right now. I'll deal with the consequences after."
I let out a shaky laugh. That's...
This is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. And yet I'm so on board.
He lifts his head and looks at me in the mirror. His eyes are burning with lust and love, and his veins are glowing brightly. He's so beautiful. So intense.
He kisses me again, this time on the mouth. It's a deep, hungry kiss. He devours my lips and tongue and makes me weak in the knees.
I moan into his mouth and clutch his hair. He tastes like salt and mint. He tastes like home.
He breaks the kiss and pants against my lips. "Let's go. Now."
I nod and let him pull me away from the mirror. He takes my hand and leads me down the corridor. His steps are quick and eager, and his grip on my hand is tight. He doesn't let go of me, even when we pass by other people. He just glares at them and they move out of his way.
I feel a thrill of excitement and nervousness as we get closer to our room. I've... obviously. I've never actually done this before. And I don't know what to expect. What if I'm bad at it? What if I disappoint him? What if—
He stops in front of our door and presses a button on the wall. The door slides open and he pulls me inside. As soon as it closes behind us, he pushes me against the wall and kisses me again.
His hands roam all over my body, squeezing and caressing every curve. His tongue explores my mouth and his teeth nibble on my lips. His knee parts my legs and presses against my core.
He doesn't have an iota of my hesitation. It's... thrilling, exciting, intimidating. I want to match him.
I want to give him what he wants. What he needs.
What I need.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back with equal passion. I moan and rock my hips against his knee, seeking more friction. He growls and moves his hands to my thighs, lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. He carries me to his bed and lays me down on it. He climbs on top of me, his body covering mine.
He looks down at me with those golden eyes. His hair falls around his face like a curtain, framing his features. He's so beautiful I can't take it. The way he looks at me... I don't know how to describe it.
"Look. At me." He whispers, his voice husky. "Look at what you do to me. Please. I want... I'm inviting... you."
I swallow and let my gaze drift down his face, down his neck, down his chest. I can see the blue-white glow of his veins under his skin. I can see how bright they are, how fast they pulse.
It's not like I haven't seen his veins before. They're constant. I've completely adapted at this point to registering those colors as 'emotions' and not something foreign and bizarre. But I've...
He always gets fussy if I stare at them. He gets embarrassed. Annoyed. Angry. But now he's...
He's showing them to me on purpose.
He wants me to see.
He's...
Inviting me.
I slowly reach up and touch his chest. His skin is warm and smooth under my fingers. I trace the patterns of his veins, feeling the heat of his blood. I watch as they glow brighter under my touch.
He sucks in a breath and closes his eyes. His hands grip the sheets on either side of my head. His jaw clenches and his ears flick back.
"Sarah..." He moans, his voice strained.
I...
I feel a strange surge of power and also embarrassment. I've never... done this before. But he's making it clear that he's... familiar. With all this. With this process.
And...
I don't know if I'm good enough at... whatever. He wants me to do.
He opens his eyes and looks at me with a mixture of lust and confusion. "What's wrong?"
I shake my head and look away. "I.. just... J—just—I need a—"
His hand lifts and I quickly shift, sitting up and looking... anywhere other than at him. "Just—I'll be back."
He grabs my arm before I can try to run away. I look at him, and he looks... hurt. "What's wrong?" He repeats.
I bite my lip. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to explain it. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't want to ruin this moment. But I can't help it. I feel... scared. And insecure. And...
"I—how many... did you... do this with? Before? I mean—I guess girlfriends, but—"
"What?!"
I flinch at his tone. He sounds... offended.
"I—I'm not mad or—or jealous!" I raise my hands, shaking my head, "It'—just... that... I... I've never... and you're. So confident that... I just... n—need you to know. Because. I will disappoint. You're probably used to—"
"Absolutely not." He interrupts me, his voice low and tight. "Absolutely not."
I stare at him. He looks at me like I've just said something outrageous. Like I've insulted him.
He lets go of my arm and runs a hand over his face. "You are—you... Where did you get that idea?" He asks, his tone dry and incredulous.
I blink. "I just. I mean. You're so..." I glance at him, and then away. I don't want to embarrass him by saying it. But it's true. He's... He's... "Attractive. And... hot and confident and... w—who the hell wouldn't at least—"
He scoffs. "How can you have mixed signals even now, hetchki?" He sighs. "Look at me."
I look at him hesitantly. He meets my gaze with his own. His eyes are serious and sincere.
"There has been no one. Else. I have not been with... anyone. Not here. Not before."
I blink. "But—why?"
"Why?!" He repeats, his voice rising in indignation. "You... Sarah, when I said I wanted you, I didn't mean in some passing way." His ears flick back. "I. Wanted. You. Only you. Always. I've always wanted you. Since you got in my face and yelled at me for the first time, I've never wanted anyone else."
My heart thuds in my chest. I feel a rush of emotions. Relief, happiness, guilt, confusion, love.
I'm...
I'm so stupid.
Of course he wouldn't have been with anyone else. He's... he's been alone as much as I have. He's been waiting for me. He loves me.
I feel tears prick my eyes and I bite my lip. "I'm sorry... I just... I thought..."
He shakes his head and reaches for me. He cups my cheek and wipes away a tear with his thumb. "You once gave me a requirement for being.. .friends." He says, his voice softening. "This is my requirement. For—for being my... lover. My... whatever." He shakes his head, an expression of frustration passing over it briefly, before those gold eyes settle on me. "You. Must. Stop. Deciding how I feel for me. Trust me enough to ask. Or I—" His voice breaks and he clears his throat. "If you don't want that... I will try to restrain myself, but..."
My hand immediately clasps over the one on my cheek. I'm shaking my head before I even realize it. "No! No. I don't—I won't. I promise. I'm just... sorry." I summon a small smile. "I'll do my bes—"
I can't complete the sentence because he cuts me off with a kiss. It's not hungry or demanding like before. It's... gentle. Loving.
It makes me melt.