"September 28."
"Daylight."
"Something ran me over in the city."
"Somehow… I'm still alive."
Those were Akira's thoughts as he woke up in the infirmary.
He was alone, wrapped in a few bandages and lying on a small bed. His head still hurt; it felt like he'd been run over by Truck-kun and sent to an isekai… again.
"This is starting to get worrying…" he muttered.
As he sat up, he noticed two notes tucked beneath a flower vase.
"'For Akira, from Aoi'…" he read under his breath.
When he opened it, he wasn't surprised at all.
"You're an idiot."
That was it.
"Ah… what a sweet wife. I love you too, my darling," he said with a forced smile, before crumpling the paper and tossing it into the trash can.
Then he picked up the other note. It had hand-drawn flowers on it.
"'For Master Akira'…"
He read it carefully.
Master, we've gone out to look for a few things. Aoi went straight to city hall to speak with the mayor of Snowy Town.
Minu also seemed to have some business to take care of with the magical assistants company; something about retirement contributions and a dental plan.
We'll see you later.
Cecilia
A sincere tear rolled down Akira's cheek.
"Thank God… someone has mercy on me."
He got up in one swift motion and began stretching, ignoring the lingering pain.
"If Minu and Aoi get lost, I honestly wouldn't mind…" he said with a shrug. "But anyway, time to get out of this place."
And so, without adult supervision, without medical clearance, and with an extremely high chance of passing out again, Akira decided to continue with his life.
And to escape. Just because. He didn't have health insurance.
He snuck out of the small building, making sure no one saw him. However, the moment he stepped outside, our bargain-bin otaku hero felt a gaze drilling into his back.
The SPN's floating panel flashed urgently, dyed in an alarming red.
[SPN: DANGER!]
[Proximity alert detected.]
[Extremely dangerous entity approaching.]
[Recommendation: escape immediately.]
[Do not initiate combat.]
[Classification: Type-T Combatant.]
"Alert for wha—?" Akira muttered, turning his head nervously.
Then he heard it.
FOOTSTEPS.
Heavy. Metallic. Slow… but steady.
CLANG.
CLANG.
CLANG.
Something was approaching.
Something big.
Something different.
A chill ran down Akira's spine. The SPN's warning made every hair on his body stand on end.
And then he did what any teenager with a minimum of common sense, completely broken powers, and zero heroic instinct would do in an isekai.
"I'll use the secret technique of the Usagi family!"
The SPN blinked
[SPN: Warning: unknown ability.]
"Running away in terror!"
[SPN: …Confirmed.]
And so, our brave hero took off running without looking back, like a terrified rabbit fleeing from his destiny, his responsibility… and a mysterious armored figure that kept advancing with slow, relentless, and surprisingly polite steps.
From inside the armor, a shy voice barely slipped through.
"W-wait…"
Akira didn't hear a thing.
Because when the chase music starts playing, no amount of dialogue can save you.
"Wow… the SPN really has everything, even its own soundtrack," Akira thought as he dodged dwarves of all kinds who were running away or watching the scene like it was a tourist attraction.
"I'll hide in there," he decided when he spotted a large building that looked abandoned.
He rushed inside and slammed the door shut behind him.
[SPN: Sure, because hiding in an abandoned building is always an excellent option.]
"I don't have time to think, SPN!" he replied as he shoved a heavy bar into place to block the metal door. "That thing looks relentless! What does it want from me?!"
Akira's imagination did the rest.
"Is it going to insert a parasite into me and turn me into a mutant creature? A zombie?!"
[SPN: Warning: the main door will not hold for much longer.]
The metal door shook violently.
PUM.
PUM.
Akira backed away and hurried through the building's reception area, panting.
"Is this a library?" he looked around with disappointment. "Now I get why it's abandoned… there's no manga."
The pounding didn't stop.
PUM.
PUM.
Akira, now completely on edge, grabbed a key ring from the counter. Each key had a different shape engraved on it.
"Heart… spade…" his eyes lit up. "Club!"
He sprinted toward a wooden door with that symbol and yanked it open.
On the other side, he found a large room filled with disorganized books, banners that read "Happy Birthday," and jugs of alcohol scattered everywhere.
It looked like someone had abandoned a half-finished party… a long time ago.
Suddenly, the pounding on the main door stopped.
"Okay…" he swallowed. "Now what do I do? What do I do…?"
He started going through abandoned papers and notes on the desks.
"'Today is Victor's birthday. He didn't ask for exotic dancers, but we're going bankrupt.'"
Akira frowned and tossed the note away in indignation.
"'The library will go bankrupt due to unnecessary expenses… please stop buying snow rabbits.'"
"That makes no sense at all…"
He picked up another note.
"'The only available phone is in the S.T.A.T.S. office. They're the only ones who don't waste the budget.'"
Akira lifted his gaze to the building map hanging on the wall.
"Second floor, huh…?" he murmured.
At that moment, something slowly scraped against the metal on the other side of the main door.
The SPN blinked again.
[SPN: Warning: the entity has not left.]
[Probability of continued pursuit: 99%.]
Akira clenched his fists.
"Great…" he whispered. "This isn't an isekai anymore."
This is survival horror.
And in that moment, a burst of static filled the air.
Akira's vision distorted and vanished abruptly.
"W-What happened next?!"
"Damn it! The signal's gone!" Uzaki shouted, clutching his head. "Right at the best part!!!"
Because yes, even gods get their cable cut for nonpayment.
"Curse you, cable company!" he bellowed. "Now I definitely have to wait a whole month for the next chapter!"
There, our femboy god remained, furiously hitting the magical television with childish rage, as if the device itself were to blame for his terrible financial management.