Over and over, over and over, over and over, over and over, over and over again.
It doesn't matter how many lives we reincarnate if in the end, we always end up at the same point where we started.
This is not how palingenesis, which I have begged that demon for so much, was supposed to work.
How many times do I have to repeat this until I can break the cycle we started with?
That's the question that hasn't left me since I signed this "contract".
This is the 49th time I have reincarnated into the same life, and the 49th time I have failed to save him.
[Are you here again?] The demon who helped me with this, Doepul-i, watched me arrive in his domain once again. [You're fucking close to the limit, human, and once you reach the limit, you'll have to pay me for borrowing my power.]
The limit is up to the 51st reincarnation; once I exceed that limit...I will stop repeating the same life and will have to reincarnate in other worlds, with other bodies...
And I'll never see him again.
"..."
[So tell me, what did you think of this life? Would you give it five stars?] The demon took a human form, a man in a suit with horns and blue eyes, appearing in front of me.
I know that being a demon, he doesn't care about what I'm suffering.
"..."
I am sinking into my own penance.
[Hah...you had to be human...although, if it makes you feel better—]
"Why is it that every time I see him in a different life, I feel like he's not the same as before?" Doepul-i stopped his senseless taunts for a second. "What is it that's changing inside him with each life I see him that I can no longer change? No matter what new words I say, what actions I take...in the end, we always end up in the same end."
Doepul-i remained silent for a few long seconds, perhaps contemplating an answer to give me.
And without further tormenting me with intrigue, he answered my question.
[I told you my power worked like...if this world were a story, right?] I nodded. [Before you met me, the life you had was the original story; when your friend died, his soul died with him.]
"Do you mean that the soul I've seen in him through all these reincarnations...is now extinguished?"
He remained silent, and then crossed his arms. [Yes and no. My power makes everything repeat itself, the world, the souls that inhabit it...but in the case of Moon Ji-Hael, with each reincarnation, his soul becomes corrupted by the impure energy he accumulates by killing himself.]
"In each reincarnation...you say he ceases to be himself?"
[The soul is the main point of every being; if it is corrupted...he will become like me. So yes; in each reincarnation, he ceases to be himself.]
So...
Is reincarnation only worse for him? Am I corrupting his soul...without realizing it?
"...What should I do?"
[Are you asking that to a demon, Azrael?]
I looked at him. Since I met him, he doesn't call me by my name, but instead calls me Azrael. "Stop it. I'm not Azrael."
He hissed, and then he grinned, his fangs and eyes gleaming like a mischievous cat.
[You still don't understand? Why is it that you can keep reincarnating without your soul suffering the same as your friend's soul?]
"..."
That was a concept he told me about before, however, I didn't see its importance and quickly forgot about it.
Or so I thought.
A normal human possesses a balanced amount of 'pure energy' and 'impure energy'. The amount of one element in excess will determine the type of person the human will be; if they have a lot of pure energy, they will be kind and benevolent, and if not...they are usually the humans who steal, kill, and cause pain to others.
He said I was in the first case.
However, it's hypocritical to think that when I was one of the reasons my friend sadly committed suicide more than once.
That's why I don't believe the words of this demon.
[...Your soul belongs to Azrael, the archangel who went after Lucero after his exile.]
"It was Lucifer who was exiled, not Lucero, and Azrael isn't even mentioned in the incident."
[I'm a demon, and besides...I'm capable of being anywhere at the same time, in any timeline...do you think you know much about something that humans themselves imposed?] He smiled. [I don't understand how you went from being an archangel to becoming a human.]
He is certainly a demon, so that's why the fact that I cannot trust him.
[I can see that Azrael doesn't want to tell you that part of himself yet despite you being his favorite reincarnation.]
"Are you making fun of me?"
[Hahaha! Yeah!] Then, he floated behind me, placing a finger on the back of my neck, where I had a red birthmark. [You were blessed with Azrael's soul...but he still refuses to teach you how to use his powers...]
I turned away, pulling his hand away. "Do not touch me."
[...]
Although perhaps I shouldn't have done that.
[The answer to all that...maybe lies in convincing him to trust you.]
"I told you that no matter how hard I try—"
[I'm referring to Azrael.]
And he snapped his fingers.
My eyes opened, and I had been reincarnated again, again as a baby.
«Azrael?»
He keeps babbling about Azrael, it's strange, he's a demon but still...why does he want me to communicate with an archangel who could kill him?
«If my soul truly belongs to Azrael...could he at least try to use his powers to prevent him from dying?»
***
[Ah, welcome back.]
"..."
The same error.
[I'm giving you the opportunity to surrender, you know, having me as an enemy is very, very difficult.]
"I won't do it."
[...]
During that life, before I failed, I think...I had a vision? Or perhaps, was I crazy?
I swear I saw the color of Moon Ji-Hael's soul the night before he committed suicide. And maybe I'm crazy, but there was a bright spot amidst all the darkness.
And I believe I have an answer to succeed this time.
[Do you think you can do it? You haven't even formed a bond with your own soul, you can't even prevent a soul from facing its destiny.]
"Doepul-i," I managed to silence him by calling him by his name. "If I die before meeting Moon Ji-Hael, will his fate change?"
[...Will you reincarnate in your last chance, and kill yourself as soon as you do? Are you stupid?]
However, that wasn't what I wanted to hear, and he knew it.
[Yes, it will change.]
"So...I want to ask you a favor in this last life I have left," Then I stretched out my hand toward him. "Lend me your power, just for this life."
Certainly, when I reincarnate again but without repeating my life, I will forget all this, so for him, it's a win-win.
[...] He hesitated, but in the end he took my hand, and smiled. [Fine, I will lend you my power...but it will not be my power of time, I will lend you my impure energy, once you combine it with your archangel energy, you will be able to unleash your archangel power.]
And when my body began to glow, and then faded away, I knew that...he had fallen into my trap.
***
I needed to find a way to heal Moon Ji-Hael's soul; a way to bring back the light to his soul.
Perhaps it must be a way of coping with the fact that it was I who increasingly corrupted his soul until reaching this point.
But it doesn't matter, if I could heal his soul now...
It doesn't matter if we don't reincarnate in this same life, I will continue searching for him in all subsequent reincarnations.
No matter how long I have to search for him, I will always try to find him and prevent his soul from becoming corrupted.
That's how it was, like in my last chance, I spent my time fleeing from Doepul-i's surveillance once he discovered that I hadn't committed suicide as I told him.
However, this time, I didn't interfere in Moon Ji-Hael's life.
"...We would appreciate the help of a doctor, someone...an expert who can help us with our son's condition..."
"..."
It was the sign I was waiting for; I knew Moon Ji-Hael's parents more than 50 lifetimes before, I knew they would seek help once Moon Ji-Hael's condition reached its limit.
And what do I mean by that?
The point where he was as empty as an shell.
That was the last step before his soul was completely corrupted.
It was similar to depression, I could say it was a very advanced depression, however, it does not behave that way.
He's not thinking about dying, he probably isn't even thinking about anything at all.
He lives because...he can.
He has no motivation, because in past lives...I destroyed that motivation of his.
"...With the Moon family?" So, I would use the borrowed power of Azrael, to be able to heal him, from afar, from the shadows. "I can help your son."
Some pills that were filled with my pure energy, my blood.
That was his only cure, despite all the damage I caused him...I was still his salvation.
I never introduced myself to his parents in person; doing that would mean he would know me, and I didn't want that.
"Moon! Did you take your pills before leaving?" She was Moon Ji-Hael's sister, Moon Ji-Leena. At least in this last life, she is more interested in her brother than in her career.
It was exactly what he wanted before he died.
That his family will be interested in him.
"...Yes."
So, at least, he was better without me.
«...»
I thought that if I just kept going like this, no problems would arise.
Well, I was wrong.
"We started September finding bodies of various criminals from small gangs, all showing the same thing: mutilations and small fragments of diamonds. It is believed that larger gangs may be responsible."
This month started...strangely.
More strange deaths.
The worst part is that these are people I had done...some business with.
I usually use their pure energy to harness Doepul-i's power; if I use it with my own, he'll find me. However...
Perhaps he's already sent someone after me? No, even worse, if he's after me...won't he also be after...Moon Ji-Hael?
"..."
I'll just keep an eye on him, that's enough.
_
"What's your name?"
Apparently, my plan to just keep an eye on him failed, even though I almost got killed trying to run away...he managed to find me.
"..."
Why are you still talking to me?
He's stubbornly refusing to stop following me, but...why?
"...Ayun."
Will you finally say my name this time?
And at the end of the day, I ended up cooking for him. I'm not lying when I say I haven't seen him that confidently in years.
And I still don't understand why he's the one who wouldn't let me go now.
"..."
Even so, in a few days there would be that event where he would commit suicide, so after this, I won't see him again, anyway, I have to deal with Doepul-i.
_
It was September 27th and I did the same thing I've been doing for Moon Ji-Hael for over five years.
I've been sending him his medicine, and at least now, his light doesn't seem as extinguished as before.
Even so, I have a bad feeling.
Especially because...Doepul-i found me.
[You said you will die...]
He was using a human body, but it was obvious that the human body couldn't withstand all his power, and it seemed to be melting more and more.
Every step he took inside my apartment was like every piece of skin that fell from the body of his vessel.
"To him I'm dead."
[That's not what I mean...] He raised his hand, the flesh of his fingers slipping. [You tricked me...what on earth are you thinking?]
Before he could touch me, his body fell to the ground.
"My plan is going perfectly. There are two days left and he's still alive."
[But you're corrupting this temporary thread!]
I looked at him. Thread?
"You didn't warn me about any of that."
[By lending you my power, we made a deal. You said that in this life, you would die...if you don't die now, this world will undergo more changes.]
So all those strange deaths...were caused by the change I made by making a direct deal with him?
"Not now."
[If you don't do it now...the prophet will come and force you to do it.]
"Prophet?" He never warned me about that, if only he had...I would have thought things through. "Who is that prophet?"
[A being capable of outsmarting my power...]
And with that, his body finished melting.
A being capable of outwitting the power of a demon?
And I didn't believe his words.
***
The long-awaited day arrived; September 29th in the morning.
I was on the top floor of the apartment building where that ending was supposed to take place, and in this life...it didn't happen.
"..."
I won.
Now, what do I have to do?
I should continue healing his soul, of course, however, once I finish doing that...what should I do? Where should I go?
He is my reason for living, however, if I were to be with him again...would I not repeat the same thing?
"..."
In the end, will everything repeat itself without me even noticing?
«Even when, after so many lifetimes, I finally achieved what I wanted, but in the end...did I never make any progress?»
He doesn't need to know all the times I tried, and now he can live withoutme.
But what will I do without him?
"Thoughtful?"
An unfamiliar voice was behind me, and when I turned around...I saw a man with dark skin.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't know him, his name is Kwang—but before I could think about why my college classmate was behind me, I felt something sharp pierce my chest.
«Diamond.»
"I'm sorry, but I have to get out of here no matter what..." He said it, and the last thing I saw of him was a smile.
Black.
"Finally we see each other, archangel."
I opened my eyes; everything was desolate, a dark place, me tied to a chair and in the shadows there it was the silhouette of a man, with the peculiarity that I could see tentacles around him.
This guy definitely wasn't human, but even worse...
Looking down at my chest, I could see that I was bleeding.
"Who are you?"
The man emerged from the shadows, and then, he slightly raised his hand, the tip of one of his tentacles resting lightly on it.
"Yumiko Enver, the Prophet."
«Shit...»
I had been found.
Again.
And if I don't hurry...I'm going to end up dead.
"...What do you want from me?"
"I've been keeping a close eye on a demon...a demon capable of causing a life to repeat itself..."
He's definitely talking about Doepul-i, so why is he looking for me instead of him? "He has nothing to do with me," I said. "I haven't even seen him."
He looked at me, and then clicked his tongue.
"I know that, however, you are capable of repeating your same life, that's what interests me...how can you stop doing it?"
How do I stop reincarnating? I remember Doepul-i telling me...
"...Is there anyone else like me?"
I know the answer is yes, however, where is this prophet from? And why does he want to know that?
Did what Doepul-i warned me about happen in his world?
"I'm the one asking the questions, answer me first."
«So that's how it is.»
I'm afraid.
But, for some reason, that made me feel...some hope.
If there are more like me, more who made deals with Doepul-i...that means, if I modify every world I go to...to the point of...making it suitable just for the two of us...wouldn't that be better?
He will never feel alone again, because he will only have me.
And if I am his everything, he...will never commit suicide again.
I smiled.
"He has to...suicide...using impure energy with archangel energy..." If I'm correct, that's why Doepul-i lent me his power; he planned to help me die by using my pure energy with his power.
But what does it matter? I already have the answers I needed.
"..." He looked at me. "Prove it to me."
"..."
What will happen if I do it? I'll die, but...
What will happen to him if I don't give him his medicine?
However, I think it's too late, since the archangel's energy was already beginning to flow away from me.
Perhaps this is the life where I will also fail.
All this repetition only to fail in the end, as always.
"..."
Perhaps that is...mydestiny?
The impure Doepul-i energy that I had stored shot out of me, combining with it, and thus creating my death.
「Death of Archangel.」
I felt wings sprout from my back, and a light illuminate everything around me, above all, a tremor begin.
The prophet from before vanished into the shadows, and me? I flew to the sky.
And before losing consciousness, I looked one last time at that building where it all began; where Moon Ji-Hael died.
"...!"
And there, I saw him, at the top of the building amidst all the destruction around me.
What was he doing there?
I don't understand.
I saw his mouth move, however, he was too far away for me to hear him.
What did he say?
I didn't know.
Of one thing I was certain.
Randy Bornman was trying to relive that same moment now.