Nox's POV:
"Well, that was rude!" I said, as I pulled the golem ghost out of the ground.
Just as I was striking up a conversation with this dead guy haunting a robot, some rude asshole with the plague decided to butt in, destroy the robot and send me flying into the horizon while clutching his soul.
"Now where am I?" I said, as I wondered what was up with this trippy ass place that makes me wonder if I'm high on LSD. Colors were shifting, and going into my nose and out my eyes, while I could taste my own feet as they started retracting into my body before coming out my mouth.
'UGH! We're in the continental barrier!' Said the ghost guy I was holding in my hands as his soul was turning into a pretzel for some reason.
"Oh? So, that's why this we *Gag*!" My words were interrupted by the sudden mushroom that decided to grow out of my mouth.
The continental barrier of the 3rd continent is, from what I've heard, a huge rift in reality itself where basically any random anomaly could happen out of nowhere. It's kind of like the short instance before an imaginary space collapses, only this is a constant state fixed within these spatial coordinates.
*Chomp*
"Mm! Tasty!" I said, as I grew shark teeth to chomp down on the spontaneous mushroom in my mouth.
'I don't think! Hehe! You *giggle* Should be eating that! AAAAAAHHH!' The pretzel ghost said, as he kept switching between chuckling and screaming.
"Hm? Nah! This place got nothing on me!" I said, as I morphed the giant carrot that replaced my legs back to regular legs.
While this place is incredibly trippy and kind of messes with the laws of physics, I'm pretty familiar with it as this isn't my first time getting lost inside a reality bending LSD space. The only issue is backtracking without ending up in the past, the future, or a parallel universe again. It was pretty weird seeing a boy furry mutant version of me hooking up with his mutant furry girlfriend. There was so much fluff in their butt and they turned into a ball, and I think my brain is being messed with right now.
"Hm? Maybe I should ask Steven for help! Wait, no that's the future talking! Okay, I need to get out of here before I remember things I'm not supposed to know yet and end up dragging a whole paradox with me back out!" I said, as I turned my mouth eyes back into eyes, and took a dip in the time vortex I saw forming.
If I got the swirls right and position of entry right this should send me back in time to right before I entered this place. And judging by the kaleidoscope wall in front of me and the lack of sound in my taste buds, I was right. I then moved about two meters to my right.
"weeeEEE!"
*Swoosh*
"Bye me! See you earlier!" I said, as I waved at my past self, flying into the rift.
'Huh? What just happened?'
"Don't worry about it!" I said to the ghost guy.
I then turned to make my way back to the mainland, but …
"Whoa! Well, that's not good!" I said as I saw the purple spider web in the distance.
"Seems one of my kids is having a meltdown! Let me see, judging by the color I know it's not Crybaby or Slowpoke, so, it's either Wimp's or Meathead's! Well, either way I should probably take care of it before they break! Hm? Oh! Now I remember you! You're wimps blind old baseball bat, who can't find his way out of a paper bag!" I said, as I finally recalled who this former pretzel of a ghost used to be.
'What was that about breaking?'
"Oh, right! My kids are dying! HOLD ON MY BABIES! BIG MAMMA NOX IS HERE!" I said as I just teleported back in an instant using the finished spatial cube replica.
'Aiko?'
Before me stood my Wimpy daughter, with a much of burning strings shooting out of her head in every which direction, drilling holes through anything in their way until they reached their target. My baby girl was clutching her head in pain as the spontaneous guitar strings shooting out of her brain was giving her an Ouchy in the head.
"Hm? Yeah, this is definitely bad! HEY, WIMP! IF YOU ARE STILL CONSCIOUS, YOU NEED TO TUNE IT DOWN A BIT OR YOUR SOUL IS GOING TO BREAK! HEY!"
'WHAT DID YOU SAY!?'
*Thwonk*
Unfortunately, my Wimpy daughter didn't hear me as one of the purple flaming guitar strings just latched on to me instead and started tugging on my soul and sucking out my body's nutrients. Meanwhile, in order for her to not suck up little old grandpa baseball bat, I lit his soul on fire with my aura and threw into a trash bin to warm the homeless, … corpses, I guess.
'HEY, WHAT IS THIS! WHY CAN'T I MOVE!'
*thwonk**thwonk**thwonk*
*sizzle*
'Whoa! what was …?'
As I stopped listening to the old burning trash fire, I walked up to my little girl and gave her a nice warm hug, as I lit us both on fire so I could yank out the various souls as well as the absurd amount of energy going hog-wild inside her body right now. The energy was a mix of everything, ranging from magical, to physical. I used the elemental energy to quickly upgrade my core to greater spirit rank, finally, before sending the rest back via the energy network I just hijacked from her along with the various souls she had stolen, effectively resurrecting most of the city's residence.
"You kids are such a pain you know that!" I said, as I swept princess Wimp off her unconscious feet.
I then walked over to the trash fire to give her a lap pillow head patting while I repaired her damaged soul.
'HEY! WHAT HAPPENED? I CAN'T SEE! THE STRINGS STOPPED! IS AIKO OKAY?! …! ARE YOU THERE? …? Am I alone?'
"Yes!"
'SO, YOU ARE THERE!'
"No?"
"Very funny! IS AIKO OKAY? ANSWER ME!"
"Uh! Define 'okay'!"
'Oh god no! How bad is it? I should have come here sooner! If onl-!'
"Would you quit whining? It's just some hair! She can just dye it back to normal later!"
'Huh?'
While there was some damage to her soul, I have literally been training them to take this kind of spiritual punishment since before I adopted them. So, even though my Wimp basically just went on a soul binger that would shatter the souls of most girls her age 100 times over, the only long term damage her soul suffered was more from her not knowing how to wield her own powers correctly, than her basically scarfing down a whole city. Her body on the other hand took some hefty punishment that more or less evaporated her organs. I mean, I can fix it all, but due to my core still being a bit unstable after speedrunning an advancement, I had to keep the healing thing to a minimum, hence I fixed her insides, but left the streak of silver hair on her head caused by a mix of stress and accelerated hair growth.
'WOULD YOU LET ME OUT OF THIS BLASTED FIRE!!!'
"But my baby girl needs the fire to keep warm!"
'Then just light a normal fire! I'm pretty sure this thing doesn't even generate any heat!'
"Fine, but I'm not taking care of her if she gets a cold! That's on you!" I said, as I let the old guy out.
Soon after, the ghost of the baseball bat came crawling out of the trash. He then just floated there like a weirdo as he watched me stroke my baby girl's head.
"You're not getting off on this are you?"
'What's wrong with you?'
"Schizophrenia, childhood trauma, reality warped gray matter, general insanity, time confusion, some assholes messing with causality, paranoia from all the interdimensional pervs peeping on me right now! It's a pretty long list! You wanna hear the rest of it?"
'…! No!'
"Suit yourself!"
'What happened to her?'
"Who?"
"AIKO! YOU NIMROD!"
"Hm? Never been called a nimrod before! I guess I can finally add that one to my list of things I've been called!" I said, as I pulled out my book of insults to check the nimrod box only to find that I had in fact been called a 'nimrod' before. Fortunately, it was in a different language so I still got one step closer to collecting all the insults for my completionist run.
'HEY!'
"WHAT?! YEAH, I CAN YELL TO!"
'AIKO! WHAT HAPPENED? TELL ME!'
"Oh, right! You weren't reading my mind while I was explaining it to my mind pervs! Well, to put it simply, this was all your fault!"
'Huh?'
"Okay, so basically, when I adopted my kids I kind of shoved something into their soul that would help speed up their spiritual development, which kind of went haywire cause Wimp accidentally activated it while having a mental breakdown after watching you get your ass handed to you!"
'Wait! THEN THIS IS YOUR FAULT!'
"Nuh-uh! If she had gone to summer camp with her brothers like I wanted, she wouldn't have lost control like this, but you insisted on sending her to your family mecha retreat instead! So, this is all your fault! Now eat this sandwich!"
'…? That's a rock!'
"Huh? Oh! Oh right! Sorry, parts of my brain are still warped! Anyways, this is all on you for insisting she go to her family get together instead of summer camp!"
'WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT SOMETHING THIS DANGEROUS IN MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S SOUL, YOU MANIAC?!'
"STEVEN! *Bang* me llamo es *Bang* Ich bin ein, … Nain! *Bang* Okay, let me see! Right language, and time-space continuum! Okay, now what were we talking about?" I asked after hitting myself in the head until my brain stopped jumping between time and space.
'WHAT-!'
"WAIT HOLD ON!" I said as I shoved my hand through the side of my skull and into my brains.
I then pulled the glitchy color shifting psychedelic rainbow rock out of my gray matter and plopped it into one of my patented rift containment tubes, before it started freaking out again while flashing images of different animals eating and pooping in the wild.
"*sigh* That's much better! Now you were saying?" I said, as I felt my mind slowly return to the familiar screams of before rather than the sounds of the universes moving around in the void.
'WHAT DID YOU PUT IN AIKO, AND WHAT DID YOU JUST RIP OUT OF YOUR SKULL?!'
"Oh this? It's a piece of the continental barrier! It's called a rift crystal! It's essentially one of the many, many different manifestations of a reality warping substance that can be created or appear when you mess too much with the space-time continuum and the laws of physics start to break down. It probably got lodged in my brain while in the time-swirly earlier? Later? No I think its earlier now. Now, for the latter, I mean former! Sorry, there are still traces of it in there somewhere! So, to answer your other question, it's a precaution!"
'Precaution?'
"Anything can happen, at anytime, anywhere. I don't have the time to look out for them 24/7, so, this is a little something to help them get by whenever I'm not around to hold their hands!"
'So, you're saying you turned Aiko into a timebomb out of concern for her safety, then it's all good then oh wait, no, IT'S NOT! SHE COULD HAVE DIED!'
"Only because she didn't know how to control it, which she would have been able to, had she gone to summer camp instead!"
'ONLY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THIS! HAD I KNOWN THERE WAS A POSSIBILITY OF SOMETHING SO DANGEROUS, I WOULDN'T HAVE INSISTED SHE GO TO THE INHERITENCE FIRST!'
"Well, I didn't tell you cause I knew you would get even more upset if I told you!"
'DAMN RIGHT I'M UPSET! AIKO COULD HAVE DIED!'
"Yes, and what do you think would have happened if I hadn't shoved that thing in her soul?"
'…'
"The fat guy over there was already dying from all the cholesterol! They would have rushed to try and finish the ritual and killed her in hopes of prolonging that fat assholes life! The only reason they didn't was because the moment we blew out of her psychic network's range, she mistook it as your soul being destroyed and started rampaging! You're complaining that she could have died from what I gave her, when she could have died without it. Look, I respect your opinion on how to raise her because I know you want the best for her, but just like you have reasons not to trust me, I have my own reasons for not telling you everything."
'…! I'm sorry!'
"Sorry for what?"
'I'm sorry for getting angry at you, and for not trusting you more!'
"Don't be stupid you, old fart pretzel! You're just worrying about Wimp, same as me! That is nothing to apologize for! Anxiety is part of the job description of being a parent! In that respect, you've been a better father to my daughter than that ex-fatso over there ever was!" I said, as I pointed at the now slimmed down guy snoozing peacefully now that his heart is not attacking anymore.
'You know, I think your disciples would be much happier if you showed them the same care you give them while they are unconscious!' He said, as I stroked my Wimpy daughter's head.
"Attachment is a weakness others will try to exploit! If they knew just how many string's I've been pulling behind the scenes to look out for them, they could grow attached to me and might hesitate to turn on me should it be necessary!"
'…! You're pretty depressing when you're not acting all crazy you know that!'
"Well, depression is on the list of things wrong with me, and besides, all I want is for them to not turn out as miserable as me! If that means I get stabbed in the back some day, then that's on me! Anyways, I'm pretty sure everybody's gonna start waking up soon! So, now's the question, do I kill them, or do I leave them for later!" I said, as I looked over at the asshole who just tried to sacrifice my daughter just so he could spend a couple more years in this shitty world.
Because I didn't care enough to figure out how much got taken from where, I decided to take the quick and easy way out and evenly distribute all the things Wimp liposuction-ed out of everyone, with the exception of souls and elemental energy to avoid qi-deviation and Freaky-Fridays. Some went up a couple pounds, while others like the fatso emperor and my loud neighbor over there got that perfect beach body they wanted. Must be the good karma from all the fat they so generously donated to the starving masses.
'Is that even a question? So, many people are dead because of them!'
"Yeah, but that's nothing new! All monarchs have some blood on their hands, even if it was unintentional, or indirect!"
'They violated and killed my daughter!'
"Not to be rude or anything, but I didn't really know her, so that's more a you problem, and I don't really feel like taking revenge on behalf of a dead guy who could probably do it himself anyways!"
'But worst of all they even tried to take away Aiko! They deserve to d-!'
"Would you stop trying to make up my mind for me? I was probably going to kill them, but now I'm even less motivated to do it! Forget it! I'll grab my kids and bail! If they start kicking up some shit later, I'll have Wimp and her brothers go deal with it to help them mature! Also, as usual, this conversation is between you, me, the voices in my head, and the other pervs!"
'Who are the pervs? You know what, I don't think I want to know!'