Chapter 187: There's Still a Long Way to Go
Facing Subaru Natsuki's words, Echidna let out a wicked laugh. Regarding the gaze fixed on her face, she simply laughed to herself and began walking in circles around Subaru.
"You mean that silver-haired half-elf? You didn't see her condition. If you had seen it… no… even if you didn't see it, you should understand that she couldn't possibly pass the trial."
Saying this, Echidna stopped walking, looking at Subaru with a half-smile, half-smirk, and continued, "I've seen countless people of all kinds. Although you're strange and there are many things I don't understand about you, I know this: you'll come here again and pass the trial once more. Don't rush to deny it; I heard everything you said during your trial. So I know you'll enter here for the person you care about~~"
"Ah, so easily seen through, huh?" Subaru laughed at this.
Indeed, Echidna was right. In his heart, he didn't believe Emilia could pass the trial—weak, powerless, lacking confidence—she seemed like someone who couldn't accomplish anything.
But how is this Emilia any different from his past self? If there is a difference, it's probably that she hasn't met someone to pull her out of the abyss—or rather, she hasn't encountered a guiding light to show her the way.
If that's the case, what reason does he have to look down on Emilia? Compared to her, he just had a little bit of luck.
Having realized this, Subaru raised his hand, and under Echidna's half-smile, half-smirk gaze, he placed his palm on her head.
"So you can make that expression too, huh." Seeing the shock, confusion, and disbelief on her face made his heart a little joyful.
With a sense of mischief fulfilled, Subaru gently rubbed her hair.
"As you said, I am very easy to see through. This situation must be closely related to Kamijou Touma, but in the end, he and I are two different people. I cannot become anyone else. When did I start realizing this? And when did I start forcing myself constantly?
None of that matters anymore. Even if I cannot become him, as long as I can make everything end perfectly, I will have no hesitation, no matter what I do. This is just a dream of a pursuer… I am not anyone else, but I can become someone similar. I am me—a stubborn, foolish idiot."
Subaru withdrew his hand, looking at Echidna, whose expression seemed to have disconnected. He felt as if he had transcended… no, rather, he had once again decided the path he would take. Call him an idiot if you will, a foolish imitator if you like.
Some things are a hundred times, ten thousand times more important than life itself! Yes! Maybe one day he will truly die, no longer trapped in endless cycles, or perhaps collapse mentally before death in a different sense.
But none of that can stop his steps. Even if his body were on fire—so what? Doesn't that mean he is approaching that light? If he falls on the road, so what? Were his actions before falling all in vain? No… that's not true!
He would walk firmly, believe in his correctness! Regardless of others' opinions, he would just look ahead! Just move forward. Then, when he falls, there would be no regret—only the lingering thought of not having completed the journey, but without torment.
"…"
"Looks like it's almost over." Subaru looked at the surroundings, which seemed to begin tearing apart, and shifted his gaze back to Echidna's face. He put away his smile and asked seriously, "Echidna, why do you want to live?"
"Huh? Oh… you're asking this at this time? Aren't you already very clear on the reason?"
"To satisfy your endless curiosity? That's why you want to live, right?"
"You think so clearly, but asking knowingly like that won't make you popular~"
"I don't need to be popular. But actually, I don't think that's your true answer. There must be something I don't know, something I haven't discovered. So please wait. Once I understand enough, I will come back to you."
"What do you mean?"
Looking at Echidna, who furrowed her brows tightly, Subaru smiled mischievously and left her with a remark: "Isn't that your desire for knowledge? Go ahead, guess, verify—after all, I can't just throw the answer in your face. Wouldn't that be boring? For me, sure, putting the answer directly on the test sheet is fine, but for a witch like you, gaining it after unraveling the unknown is much more important. So, thank me quickly, bye~~~"
"…"
Echidna—silent—watched Subaru disappear. The surroundings changed back to the scene of the tea party. She slowly moved to sit in her chair, picked up the teacup, and took a sip.
Then, without a word, she stared at the empty seat opposite her. The teacup there, steaming, hadn't changed a bit, just like the first time they met. Supporting her chin with her hand, Echidna recalled everything from meeting Subaru to now. Her previously emotionless face suddenly showed a trace of annoyance.
A soft murmur escaped her lips: "That guy is really annoying…"
She continued to stare at the empty seat, waiting quietly for whoever would enter this place again, at an unknown time.
"Has he returned…" Subaru rubbed his eyes, looked around recalling what had just happened, and then placed his hand over his heart.
He felt an incredible calm. Of course, he hadn't yet reached conclusions on what he needed to think about, nor completed what he needed to do—but it was an incredible calm. He even felt a little relieved.
"Right! Emilia!"
Coming back to his senses, Subaru quickly looked to his side and saw Emilia lying on the ground, her face full of pain. Clearly, she was going through something very bad. Subaru realized that the first trial was about facing one's own past… and if Emilia was like this, her past must have been very painful… just like his own past.
Thinking this, Subaru didn't immediately wake Emilia. He simply sat beside her and took her hand. Though it didn't calm her expression, it made Subaru understand that this gesture was deceptive.
Even so, Subaru didn't intend to wake her immediately. Although waking her up immediately would have been the optimal approach, the past isn't impossible to face. No matter how painful the past, eventually it must be confronted. Perhaps for Emilia, it was still too early.
But he was not Puck. He wouldn't spoil Emilia unconditionally. She needed to face her past. If she couldn't, then let him—the "villain"—force her to confront it… When under pressure, people either overcome, collapse, or give up… As long as he was there, like the close friend who once intruded into his world when he was about to break.
Ah… there's still a long way to go…
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