Chapter 186: Successful Experience
"Sorry for making you worry, but I really don't have any problems now." Subaru Natsuki smiled awkwardly at Kenichi Natsuki. This expression made Kenichi both relieved and slightly angry.
"Really, don't scare your old man like that all of a sudden. You almost gave me a heart attack."
"I was just feeling a little unwell for a moment, but now I'm fine." Subaru lifted his hand and tugged at Kenichi's sleeve, indicating for him to sit down with a gesture as Kenichi looked at him in confusion.
After Kenichi sat down, Subaru didn't speak immediately. He looked at the cherry blossoms in front of him, full of memories. After a while, he slowly said, "I've always made you worry."
Kenichi was stunned for a moment, unable to react, and before he could say anything, Subaru continued in a quiet tone.
"Actually, when I was a child, I was proud to be Kenichi Natsuki's son. Because of that, I used my little cleverness to get first place and receive praise from others, and I worked hard for it. But… this pride became a burden when I realized I wasn't special.
At some point, whether in studies or sports, I could no longer get first place. At that time, I was very disappointed. I did try my best, but I still couldn't get first place. So I changed my approach and started doing mischievous things to convince myself I was number one.
Looking back now, it really was stupid. The result was that after doing one thing, I had to make the next one even better. During that time, I really caused you a lot of trouble. Eventually, when I realized it, the friends who had followed me one by one disappeared. At that time, I thought they were all idiots—if they didn't play with me, then there was no way to have fun with me."
Subaru touched his nose and smiled helplessly.
"When there was no one left by my side, I couldn't feel happiness anymore. After that, I stopped attracting attention and lived my elementary and middle school years quietly. Then, when I entered high school, I thought about starting over…
The result, of course, was failure. A kid who couldn't communicate well with others in elementary and middle school—how could I possibly handle high school social relationships well? So I became a weirdo. One day, I was late… but I felt calm. From that moment, I understood that I didn't want to go to school. So I skipped a day a week… then two days… three days… and eventually, I just stopped going altogether."
At this point, Subaru couldn't help but laugh.
"Looking back, I really was incredibly foolish. I only wanted to be a child you'd be proud of, only wanted the attention of others. When I couldn't achieve that, I gave up on everything—even skipping school was my way of making you give up on me.
At that time, I was so embarrassing. I was really ashamed to call myself your child. And yet, even though I could do nothing and was so humiliating, you still cared for me as always. What I really wanted to do… it's completely incomprehensible."
"…"
"That time should be considered the darkest period of my life. If I hadn't met Kamijou Touma… In my most helpless and painful moments, Kamijou Touma appeared, intruding into my world without permission, and forcibly opened the door to my heart with his actions and words.
He was really strange, completely unlike a human. In him, I saw the sun… it's a bit cheesy, but even now, I still think of him as the sun.
His existence is like a lighthouse, guiding ships in the vast, dark sea on where to go. He saved me, so I wanted to be able to proudly call myself his close friend. For that, I constantly imitated his actions, accomplishing things I could not do on my own.
I forced myself and kept moving toward his direction. The process was painful and sad… But when I saw the people I had saved smiling genuinely, laughing, chatting, and joking with me, I realized how fulfilling it was to witness that happiness."
Subaru paused, then stood up and stretched. Turning to look at his father who was looking up at him, he smiled and said slowly, "Alright, that's enough for today's chat. I still have a lot to say, endless longing, endless gratitude… and apologies. But please allow me to explain them after I return."
After saying this, Subaru turned and left.
"Hey! Subaru, where are you going?"
The voice behind him should have felt familiar, nostalgic… but now it didn't. He didn't stop, only pretended to be cool, raising his hand to wave while shouting, "To where I need to go! Facing everything I must face! I'll come back! Definitely!"
Lowering his hand, straightening his body, he walked forward step by step. The surroundings began to tear apart as if the world itself was splitting.
"How strange… why did you think you had passed the trial?"
"Who knows? Maybe it's because I look cool?"
Saying this, Subaru stopped and turned to look at the white-haired witch standing in the middle of the path.
"Really? I don't think you're very cool."
"That's just because you have no taste," Subaru shrugged and smirked at the witch. He spoke slowly: "This is your so-called 'qualification'? The qualification to participate in the trial? Just to let me reminisce about the past and see my parents?"
"You're really cruel. You know this is a trial to face the past, yet you make a face as if it's all simple."
"After all, the one who made this trial is a witch like you. If I can mock you, I will, even if it's self-deception. You lack the emotions a normal human should have. No matter what I do, you won't have the feelings you should."
"Perhaps that's your misunderstanding~~~" The black-haired witch slowly walked in front of Subaru, drawing circles on his chest with her hand. Tiptoeing, she leaned close to his ear and said in a soft, seductive voice, "Do you want to try doing something to me, to see if I have the feelings a girl should have?"
Facing the witch's provocation, Subaru sighed helplessly, stepped back to keep his distance, and after staring into her eyes for a moment, lowered his head. "Thank you."
"Huh? Why are you thanking me?"
"Because of you, I was able to see the people I most wanted to see. Even if it was all fake, even if my longing, my feelings, and my pain couldn't reach them, being able to see them, even if it's false, was a kind of salvation for me. Not to mention, for me now, it was salvation in understanding my own heart."
Subaru lifted his head, showing a bright smile.
"I let go of the past in that game. I'm someone who cannot move forward without chasing others' shadows. That may not be a good thing, but I accept it willingly. The past was a failure, but it was also an experience that led me to success. There's nothing wrong with accepting that. This trial just made me understand this truth even more."
"Oh, really… with that, I have nothing more to say. After all, saying it would be useless."
"Then, we'll never meet again."
"Huh? You don't think the trial has only one stage, do you?"
"Huh? Isn't that so? Well, even if it isn't, the next time someone comes to challenge it, it certainly won't be me."
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