One would think that after dealing such a devastating blow to the Narkals, they'd become fearful. Or at least attack more cautiously.
No such thing happened. If anything, it was the opposite. Their aggression only intensified, and so did their numbers.
As the battle raged on, Ashen found himself relying on every part of his body. His hands became as lethal as the tip of his spear. His legs no longer served only for fancy footwork; they now lashed out to finish off his enemies. Even his knees and elbows became deadly weapons, making him feel more and more like a Muay Thai fighter.
This wasn't solely due to the exponential increase in the number of his enemies.
It was also because of his spear, Mel.
He cast a worried glance at the shaft, his eyes tracing the spiderweb-like cracks running across it. The blade was in no better condition.
This was all because of the Salvation strike he had unleashed back then. The combined might of him and Lola had, unsurprisingly, been far more than the spear could withstand.
'I'm sorry...'
He gently caressed it in grief, and the spear vibrated softly, as though trying to console the very person who had broken it.
Back then, all his thoughts had been consumed by vanquishing his foe. He hadn't spared a moment to consider what that strike would do to Mel.
'Damn it...'
He could replace it with another spear at any time, and with the amount of mithril he had on hand, the new weapon would probably surpass Mel in every practical sense.
But it wasn't about practicality anymore.
Mel had accompanied him through one of the loneliest periods of his life. Back then, when he had begun hallucinating the phantoms of his family and lovers just to cope, it had been his only real companion.
It had absorbed his melancholy, his depression, and his self-destructive thoughts, allowing him to keep moving forward with a sane mind.
It had fought beside him through countless battles, aiding him, silently cheering him on, and vibrating happily whenever he needed encouragement.
For Ashen, it had long since ceased to be a mere weapon.
It had become one of his closest friends.
Vrrmm.
'Even now... you're trying to console me...'
A bitter smile found its way onto his face.
The only reason he still wielded it, albeit far more carefully, was because it was Mel's own wish.
From what he understood, Mel believed it was its duty to be his weapon, and if it couldn't even do that, then it was better off dead.
Being wielded by you is my purpose.
Breaking while fulfilling that purpose is the right way to go...
The smile on his face turned even more bitter.
"I guess fulfilling your wish is the least I can do. I'm sorry for being such a terrible wielder... Mel."
Ashen didn't get to drown in his depression for long, as someone pulled aside the flap of his makeshift tent.
Seraphine entered slowly and greeted him with a soft smile. He wasn't surprised by her presence since he was the one who had called her here.
After advancing for three more days, they had reached a stretch of ruins that offered good natural cover, so Cornelia had decided to camp there for the night.
Ashen intended to use this opportunity to address her issues.
"It seems that spear really is that precious to you."
Seraphine was the first to break the silence after noticing the broken weapon resting across his lap and the heartbroken look in his eyes fixed upon it.
"Should I be jealous?"
He answered with a helpless sigh.
"Not you too..."
She grinned lightly, knowing the others had likely teased him enough already. Still, everyone could tell Mel was far more than just a weapon to him, so they hadn't gone too far and had given him the space to 'grieve.'
"Well, you can't really blame us. You delayed the whole march by an hour, standing in the same spot while waiting for it to fly back down. That's some dedication."
"It is what it is. Mel is my precious friend. I can't abandon it, especially since I was the one who threw it that far away."
He lowered his gaze to the cracked spear.
"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't at least wait for it?"
"...Right."
Seraphine nodded as though befriending a spear was a reasonable development.
Even as they talked, she had already circled the desk and dropped into his embrace.
Ashen accepted her naturally, his hand drifting to caress her back without conscious thought.
"So... what's on your mind?"
Seraphine seemed to have been waiting for those very words. A flood of emotions surged to the surface, making her face scrunch up as she desperately tried to hold back her tears.
But no matter how hard she tried, no words left her mouth. It was as though something had lodged itself in her throat.
Eventually, she managed to speak, even as her voice trembled.
"Do you... maybe... think... it's because of me?"
"Huh? Why would you think that?"
Ashen understood that she was talking about Maria's transformation, but he didn't quite catch why it would have anything to do with her.
"I ran my mouth like I knew it all, but look where that got Maria!" Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. "To live up to my idealistic thoughts on love, she became a cultist! Why wouldn't I think that?!"
"..."
"Not only did I harm her, but her lover and family died so miserably... I should've just kept my mouth shut..."
"My God..."
"I'm so sorry..."
"Please... forgive me..."
Sniff... sniff...
Ashen didn't know how to deal with this.
From his point of view, Maria had simply been a deranged individual. No matter what Seraphine had said to her, it wouldn't have been her fault that the woman ended up becoming that flesh monstrosity.
What's more, he had been present for most of their conversation, and he knew there had been nothing wrong with her views or ideals.
He wanted to point that out clearly, but it was obvious the crying mess in his arms had no room for logic right now.
That was how guilt sometimes worked.
Your own mind would trap you in an endless cycle of what-ifs. It replayed every scene over and over, wondering whether things would've changed if you had worded something differently... explained yourself more clearly... or never approached in the first place.
Maybe...
Maybe things would've turned out differently.
It was an affliction peculiar to a certain kind of person: The kind who cared too much. The kind whose kindness extended beyond friends and family until it reached complete strangers.
'Kindness is hard to live with...'
In the end, he simply let her vent the emotions she had been suppressing, offering no consolation.
Sometimes...
That was exactly what someone needed.
***
That night, Seraphine refused to let go of him, so he had no choice but to carry her onto the mattress and hold her as the night deepened.
He had tried to console her gently, reminding her that everything she had said to Maria had been said with the sole intention of making her happy.
Maria had listened because she wanted to hear those words.
The one who had truly twisted her thoughts had never been Seraphine.
If someone used a prayer to justify murder, did that make the prayer evil?
The same applied here.
Seraphine simply held him close and listened in silence. In the end, she only said one thing.
"Sometimes, I wish I could be as indifferent as the Consort."
"My dear... that would be like using a hammer to swat a fly. There's no need to go that far."
Ashen's lips twitched.
He was suddenly afraid she'd actually call out her other personality and hide away.
So he tried to distract her, hoping to keep her occupied long enough for her emotions to settle.
"By the way... it's been a while since I've seen your status window. How about you show me? Just like old times?"
Seraphine finally perked up at that.
The tutorial days had been some of the happiest of her life, largely because that was when she had met Ashen.
Back then, one of their little rituals had been showing each other their status windows, even though they had been repeatedly warned never to do so, not even with their own families.
The thought that he trusted her more than people normally trusted even their families had always made her heart flutter.
"Okay..." She looked up at him with her puffy, tear-stained eyes.
"Only if you show me yours too."
Ashen looked at her timid expression and couldn't help but ruffle her hair.
"Deal."