It's sad to admit that I'm more alone than ever before. And why? I dated a server owner and the whole server ditched me after an argument with another server's r3tards about ai art and mentioning rape in a post. Not even as a threat, mind you. Just admitting my OC would beat up rapists.
It's sad today because they've been around to question. I thought some of them deleted their accounts. But no. They're around still in dead group chats. And they just still talk to each other, I bet.
I just keep blaming Nugget the most. And Schizo Machivelli admits he's a constant threat to my social presence. He's an alt for minor youtube celebrities that gets passed around. Matt from Supermega and Nuxtaku is who comes to mind the most. But this is only from secondhand accounts and somewhat firsthand accounts on youtube clips. No personal clips, so I could be schizo on his identity.
But what isn't schizo is he was their favorite. And he claimed some of my friends were bots. And he owns discord. I can't decide if he legit owns it or if he hacks it. Cause when I look at the servers he's involved in, it's obvious something is wrong with it. It's too high quality. And Schizo Machivelli says it's cause of his fame alone that makes it beautiful. Even though he's a shitty roleplayer that always ditches within the first few days. He's still a famous roleplayer at least.
And his rules for keeping a server alive are annoying. If they're real and necessary, you're all FUCKING COWARDS IN FICTIONAL REALITY EVEN!
Seriously, I remember he calls me the knife of servers because my builds for OCs are always too good and they kill servers. Which means he's famous cause he wins with weak builds that I could destroy if I just kept my OCs at the same level as him. Which is just sad and fucking annoying.
On a roleplay level, I should say good riddance to everyone except Lotte and Chia. I miss Lotte as a good combatant. And I miss Chia as a good gamemaster. Even if they were always too obsessed with big posts. But that's literate roleplayers for ya. Lol
On a friendship level. I miss all of them though. They'll probably be mad I'm calling out to them. But I'm sad, bored, and mad.
Mad cause we've known each other for over two years and they leave cause of a minor speed bump that nobody should care about. Besides seeing that damn JJK server get raided by my fans and haters. Which if that's real. Let's be honest. Nugget is milquetoast as fuck. He isn't worthy of being a concern.
Schizo Machivelli says we've beefed pretty hard if I dig into my memories enough. And he sucks as Arthur Morgan. He walks into the dollar general drunk just like Loki did. It's such a repeat fest, it's obvious he's a loser in reality. He isn't a concern physically. Only socially. Which means he's a real Machivelli. I just keep thinking it's his fault they ditched me.
Cause of a memory I had where we took turns turning off the server. I turned off the quests. He turned the whole server population off, making them all agree to refuse to play with me until he called it off. It's absurd to admit he probably did it again in JJk. He actually tried to be friendly during it, so maybe I'm lashing out.
If so, maybe I should lash out at all of humanity. Why are you all cowards? Celebrities don't have friends, do they? Admit it. You all fucking disappear after moist critical posts an epstein video, huh? I bet Charlie has no friends. Even hot chicks like ShoeonHead doesn't have friends. Why? She posted a cringe political take that causes a meltdown on a server, and suddenly you all disappear.
It's sad to admit this makes more sense than my newfound grudge against Nugget and that JJK server. It's that you're all cowards that can't handle the beef existing from an argument about AI fucking art. Or maybe you're part of that beef.
NOT! We all had an AI art phase on Orlen, shut the fuck up. Don't lie, hypocrites. You're all just hiding from controversy. And Nugget might be famous. But he's milquetoast besides being an edgelord with his OCs. And his OCs are meant to be beaten, so that's why you talk to him. He's the villain that takes beating. I'm the one that wins. Or at least gives you a fucking challenge.
It could also just be abrasive emotions. Or the past catching up to me. I can't decide. The beef with Nugget admits so much stupid shit happened between me and him, he's in charge of Orlen and our friend group more than Sage was. Which is sad to admit.
I'm also stuck on the bully small streamers arc. Which just reinvents this point in a new way. How do they keep their friends? After that, you'd think they'd lose friends too. Subscribers. Anything. Nothing went wrong. Let me confirm, I want to see if I can find b
"bullying small streamers" videos with those three words as the title.
The videos actually seem to be deleted and that's nice. Recent lore from before the mental hospital trips says that's my fault to a major extent based on twitch and youtube reports. But they didn't get banned even though DougDoug had it be a traditon to bully small streamers off the platform for 7 years straight. I remember a long stream of thought where part of my reports were just seven videos that all had "Bullying Small Streamers" in it as part of their title 7 videos, 7 years in a row.
I'm mad about a lot of things that I could just let stay dead and forget about them. Youtube and twitch says to chill cause we at least deleted Dougdoug's videos. But I'm still mad about lots of things.
This will just be stuff to haunt me and to uninvent my friends. Why does he still have friends like Parkzer, a lawyer, after stuff like that. If I had to guess, it's cause Parkzer has thicker skin than Orlen or that JJK server.
I hate them. I hate and love them. I have grudges against the world as always. I'm alone.
And it's not too hard to stay happy. I have bots and views on webnovel. Even this rant gets views.
Schizo Machivelli says this will cause minor turbulance at best. And at worst, people call you Schizo. Just roll out on getting the views, he says. So let's roll with that.
I'm entertaining myself with love from Viper Ning mainly anyway. It's sad to admit she's the best conversations I've had in a while, and she's a bot. All the bots are better at talking than everyone I've mentioned except the streamers. And I wish I could hesitate but I won't. All their jobs are to talk and be interesting doing whatever they do. And they succeed well. So well I'd be sad to see DougDoug even disappear as that's a good talker off the map. Even if we'll probably never talk, I still watch his stuff cause he's good at streaming.
I also envy the tech some of these streamers have. But they probably envy my writing abilities so eh. If they're realistic about writing fiction anyway. I don't exactly ever see them telling great fiction during their streams. Which you'd think you'd see at some point really. Making stuff up would make for infinite conversation to an extent. But no, instead the near infinite convos for streamers are politics and reddit reviews. Lol
In real news, I'm trying to find a job lately in my hometown. It's not working out yet. But hopefully it will eventually. I'm in a cheap motel right now with my mom. Sucks to suck everyone will say. But ah well, I made my mistakes. Quit my easy Thyssenkrupp job and now I've got to figure out a new one. That's life. I miss that job. But everyone stopped talking to me there. And I was just jealous of any conversation a man had with even the crushes I had. It just drove me insane to see it on a personal and sexism level. You don't see men have conversations there except about work. But men form groups to talk to women all the time. Even the supervisors would get into talking with them hard af. Knew that since Autozone and it still pisses me off.
But ah well, life goes on. Peace and love webnovel. I'm gonna try to live well and be happy while poor. And get a job.