Sayuri woke up with a weight in her chest.
For a moment, she just lay there, staring up at the ceiling of her small room. Warm strips of sunlight fell through the pastel pink curtains, but even that couldn't chase away the images from last night.
Hana. Covered in blood. So drunk she could barely stand.
Sayuri sat up and rubbed her eyes. She had barely slept. Every time she closed them, Hana's face was there again. That soft "Satsu," as if she had been seeing someone who wasn't even there.
"Who is Satsu?" she murmured quietly to herself.
She got out of bed and padded barefoot to the kitchenette. Her apartment was the complete opposite of Hana's. Bright, tidy, with pastel-colored cushions scattered everywhere and little plants lining the windowsill. Normally, the sight of her cozy little space calmed her down.
Not today.
As she started making coffee, her thoughts drifted back again. The chaos in Hana's apartment. The empty bottles. The stench of alcohol.
How could I have been so blind?
All those times she had run into Hana in the hallway. The way she always flashed that peace sign and smiled. That cool, confident attitude. Sayuri had admired her. Had thought Hana had her life together.
But all of it had just been a façade.
The coffee bubbled softly to itself. She leaned against the counter and stared at the wall separating her apartment from Hana's. It was quiet.
Too quiet.
Is she okay…?
The thought made her flinch. Last night, she had seen Hana in a state that could have ended in death. And then there was Lyra, sleeping in the bed. Who was she? A friend? A coworker?
Sayuri had so many questions, but no answers.
She poured herself some coffee and sat down at her little dining table. Normally, this was when she'd do her morning routine. A little yoga, a face mask, maybe a few K-pop videos. But today, all of it felt wrong. How was she supposed to just go on as if nothing had happened?
She took a sip of her coffee and grimaced. It tasted bitter, despite the sugar.
"I can't just pretend nothing happened," she muttered.
She stood up and walked to the window. Down on the street, people were passing by, heading to work, walking their dogs, living their normal lives. None of them had any idea that only a few meters away, someone had almost died.
Sayuri bit her lower lip. She wasn't good at reading people. She was naive. She knew that. Too optimistic. Always assuming everyone else was just as happy as she was.
But now she had seen the other side. And it was terrifying.
Her stomach growled, but the thought of food made her feel sick. Still, she had to do something. Something "normal," just so she wouldn't lose her mind.
She quickly got dressed — light jeans and a pastel yellow sweater — and left the apartment. The morning sun made her squint as she stepped out onto the street. Everything looked so peaceful, so ordinary.
As if the night had only been a nightmare.
At the small convenience store around the corner, she bought the basics. Cereal, milk, a few onigiri.
Has Hana tried to kill herself before? Was it an accident...?
"Can I help you?" the cashier asked.
Sayuri startled. "Oh— no, thank you. I'm fine."
But she wasn't fine. None of this was fine.
On the way back, she impulsively bought some warm taiyaki from a street stand.
Hana likes sweet things… right?
She'd seen her pull a chocolate bar from the vending machine once.
Maybe Hana would be happy about something sweet. If she was even awake. If she—
Sayuri shook her head. She couldn't think like that.
Back in her apartment, she set down the groceries and stared at the wall again. She could hear muffled voices. Very quiet, but they were there.
That's a good sign… right?
She paced back and forth through her little apartment, the bag of taiyaki in her hands. Should she go over? Would that be intrusive? But what if Hana needed help?
Stop being such a coward.
With trembling hands, she grabbed the taiyaki bag and stepped out of her apartment. The short walk to Hana's door felt longer than it was. She stopped in front of it and raised her hand to knock.
Then she hesitated.
What if I'm bothering her? What if Hana doesn't want to see me? What if…?
"Stop it. Just do it," she whispered to herself.
She knocked. Softly.
From inside, she heard movement, then footsteps. The door opened a crack.
Hana appeared in the doorway. She looked different than usual, but better than last night. Pale, with red-rimmed eyes and a bandage around the back of her head. She was wearing a gray hoodie that was clearly too tight—definitely not hers—and nothing else?
"Sayuri?" Hana's voice caught. "What…"
"I just wanted to…" Sayuri lifted the bag a little higher. Her cheeks grew warm. "I bought taiyaki. I thought maybe you'd like some… I mean, after last night…"
Hana just looked at her for a moment.
Then her eyes filled with tears.
"You don't have to take care of me," Hana whispered.
"But I want to," Sayuri said softly. "Are you feeling better?"
Hana nodded and pulled one corner of her mouth to the side. "A little."
"And… your friend? Lyra?"
"She's…" Hana glanced back over her shoulder into the room. "She's still here."
Sayuri nodded. She didn't know what to say. The silence stretched.
"Do you want to come in?" Hana finally asked.
Sayuri stepped inside carefully, still clutching the bag of taiyaki. The apartment looked better than it had last night.
Did they clean up?
"Lyra?" Hana's voice barely carried into the room. "Sayuri's here."
"What?" came from inside. There was a rustle, and then the girl with silver-white hair appeared in the bedroom doorway. She was wearing an oversized black hoodie that almost reached her knees, and no pants either. Her eyes were just as red-rimmed as Hana's.
Lyra stopped in the doorway when she saw Sayuri. Her cheeks flushed instantly.
"Oh—" she stammered, tugging at the hem of the hoodie. "I… uh…"
"Couldn't you have warned me first?" Lyra shot Hana a quick glance. "Then I could've at least gotten dressed properly."
"I-I did…" Hana avoided her eyes.
Sayuri felt her own face heating up again. "Sorry— I didn't know… I just wanted to…"
"It's fine," Lyra said with a shrug. "It doesn't matter." She walked over and stopped beside Hana.
"So…" Hana gestured toward the tiny kitchen table. "Breakfast?"
The three of them sat down around the little table, the taiyaki in the middle. Sayuri added the onigiri too. For a moment, no one said anything.
Then Lyra reached for a taiyaki.
"Cute fish shape," she murmured, taking a bite. "Red bean paste?"
Sayuri nodded eagerly. "Yeah! They're from the stand on the corner. That man makes the best ones in the area."
"Tastes good." Lyra glanced down at the taiyaki. "I haven't had one in forever."
Hana took one too and smiled faintly. "Me neither. Thank you, Sayuri."
The tension in the room slowly began to ease. Sayuri told them about the old man at the taiyaki stand, how he started cooking every morning at five. Lyra mentioned that her grandmother used to make them too. Hana listened, nodding, eating slowly.
"So, uhm… have you two been friends for a long time?" Sayuri asked, glancing between them.
Hana and Lyra exchanged a brief look.
"Yeah," Hana answered after a moment. "A… very long time."
"You can kind of tell— I mean, uhm…" Sayuri smiled a little. "You two just seem… familiar with each other."
"And how exactly would you know that?" Lyra asked, curious.
Sayuri turned red. "K-dramas," she admitted. "I watch way too many."
All three of them laughed softly. It was the first time in hours that anything had felt normal.
"Which ones are your favorites?" Hana leaned forward a little.
"Oh, there are so many!" Sayuri's eyes lit up. "But right now I'm watching Hometown's Embrace. It's about two women who meet again after years apart and then fall in love—"
She cut herself off abruptly as she realized what she had just said.
"Sorry— I…" she mumbled. "I always talk too much when I'm nervous… not that I'm nervous—"
"Hey," Lyra said, surprisingly warm. "Keep going. It sounds interesting."
Sayuri looked between the two of them, then smiled and started talking about the show. Her enthusiasm spread to the room. Even Hana started smiling as she bit into her taiyaki.
Suddenly, everything felt a little less heavy.
One hour earlier
The first thing Hana felt was the pain.
A dull, pulsing hammering in her skull. She lay there with her eyes still closed, letting the memories come back. The stairs. The blood. Sayuri. Lyra's panicked voice.
Something warm around her wrist.
The messages. Syon. Oh fuck.
Her eyes flew open. Panic hit instantly. Where's my phone?
"Hana?"
Lyra was sitting beside the bed, her head resting against the mattress. Her hand was still resting around Hana's wrist. Her face was blotchy with dried tears.
"Hana! How do you feel— Are you—"
"My phone," Hana croaked. "Where is—"
"Here." Lyra handed it to her. "It was on the floor next to you."
Hana's fingers trembled as she took it. She turned slightly away, as if from dizziness. The screen lit up.
Still there. All the messages are still there. With a few quick movements, she deleted the chat. Then the number from her call log. Gone. All of it.
"Everything okay?" Lyra raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I…" Hana quickly put the phone aside. "I just wanted to check the time."
She turned back to Lyra and tried to smile. "How… how long was I asleep?"
"Hana." Lyra's voice softened. "Did you do that to yourself?"
Her eyes stayed fixed on Hana's face.
"I…" Hana lowered her gaze. "Mhm… I had… a relapse."
"That was more than a relapse."
"I know…" Hana's voice broke. Tears spilled down her face. "I'm sorry…"
"Hey." Lyra squeezed her hand. "It's okay."
Hana wiped at her face, but the tears wouldn't stop.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "That you had to… see me like that."
"It's okay." Lyra brushed a sticky strand of hair out of her face. "Really. It's okay. But let me help you, Hana."
"O-Okay…" Hana's eyes dropped to the floor.
"What triggered it?" Lyra's eyes searched hers. "You were okay when I fell asleep. What happened?"
"I… I don't know," Hana forced out. Her fingers unconsciously clawed into the thick fabric of Lyra's hoodie. "Suddenly everything was too much. The last few days. My parents. The lies."
"Your parents?"
Shit.
"I… I told them I was clean. Two months already." Hana avoided her gaze and stared instead at her own trembling hands. "The thought of what'll happen if they find out the truth… I just couldn't take it anymore."
Lyra gently stroked her upper arm. "You don't have to be perfect for them."
"I know," Hana whispered.
Hana shifted a little closer and buried her face in the curve of Lyra's shoulder. She breathed in the familiar scent of Lyra's skin.
"Do you really feel better?" Lyra asked softly.
"Yes." The answer came a second too fast. "With you here… I feel better."
"Hana?"
"Mm?"
"You're shaking."
Hana pressed her teeth tightly together, trying to suppress the quiet chattering.
"I'm just cold," she mumbled into Lyra's hoodie. "And my head hurts."
Lyra pulled the blanket higher, covering both of them up to the shoulders. "Better?"
"Yes," Hana whispered, closing her eyes.
In her pocket, the phone vibrated once. Her entire body tensed, and her heart spiked until every beat made the dull throbbing in her skull even worse.
Shit. No. Stop. Please just stop.
"Everything okay?" Lyra asked.
Hana squeezed her eyes shut.
"Just a cramp," she lied, her voice thick. "In my legs. Probably still from yesterday…"
She didn't dare move, let alone check the phone. With Lyra lying this close beside her, any movement would be a risk.
"We should clean up at some point," Lyra said after a while, her gaze drifting through the dark room. "All the bottles… the blood on the floor…"
"In a bit." Hana tightened her arms around Lyra.
"Let's stay like this a little longer. Please."
"Okay," Lyra said softly. "As long as you want."
The phone vibrated again.
Hana bit down on her lip until she tasted blood.
I'll protect you from all of this.
She clenched her fingers tighter in the black fabric of Lyra's hoodie, as if she could hold onto reality that way.
Even if I have to lie to you to do it.