Basel, November 1940.
The front door slammed shut, and I suspected Ruth had gone to Suzanne after such a magical night, to tell her everything. I can't believe we did it, as soon as she told me she loved me, I didn't know what to say so I preferred to act, and I don't regret it at all and her little tantrum from a few minutes ago made me laugh, it will surely take her some time before acting normally. I finally decide to get up and enjoy my day because François gave me a day off and I admit that for several weeks I've been chaining up work hours, but well at least, we live in better comfort.
I'm happy that Ruth made friends with Suzanne, it allows her to see other people and also I feel like seeing her again. I don't know what will happen now, I don't know what she really wants, and I'm also afraid of how she will react when she learns what Hitler plans to do, when I was still a soldier, I heard my general talk about the great project he was planning, and at that moment, he was still looking for the technique by which they would exterminate the Jewish race, but I imagine that now, they already have ideas.
A few days ago I learned from François that some Jews were taken to a camp in Poland, the newspaper quickly disappeared from the radars because of the Nazis. But I clearly saw the photos, and it was awful, they had ropes on their hands, their clothes were almost torn off. Fortunately, Ruth hasn't heard about it because I especially don't want to worry her about her family, but I don't even know if they are still alive today.
Hours later.
The door opens.
-You're finally back?
-Yes, I know, sorry, we talked a little too long.
-I saw that, you had fun then?
-Yes, it was great, Suzanne showed me how she made her sugar pie so I'll probably make one tomorrow.
-I'm already hungry.
-Say, I wanted to apologize for my reaction earlier, I panicked and…
-I know, don't worry, it's normal, it was your first time.
-Yes. She said, with her gaze drifting.
We decide to go to the kitchen to prepare our meal, in one afternoon, I discovered that Ruth loves to cook, while cutting onions, she told me all the anecdotes of her family during family meals. She had tears in her eyes, I know she blamed the onion, but nostalgia had taken over. I don't like to see her like that. That's why I don't want her to know anything about Hitler's plans because I know she will be devastated.
-I think it's ready, we can sit down to eat.
We bring everything to the table and start our meal, I still don't know what she has in mind regarding our eventful night and I admit that I would like to know.
-You...
-You...
-Oh excuse me, go ahead, you start.
-No, you start.
-Uh alright, I wanted to ask you what you think... about what happened between us?
-Euhm, I actually wanted to ask you first to get an idea.
-Ah but I was thinking the same thing, I don't really know what to think, I loved our night and I would like it to continue like this, euhm I mean not in that way, I don't want you to think I'm obsessed.
-That's not at all what I think of you, and I also loved our night.
-How would you like us to consider ourselves?
-I don't really know, we could consider ourselves a couple, anyway, most people think we are.
-It's true that everyone, at least those in the building, call us the newlyweds.
-Yes, and that never bothered me, on the contrary, I loved being considered your wife.
-Well then I imagine it won't bother you to be my girlfriend,
-No, not at all. She said with a big smile.
Her answer immediately brought a smile to my face, I'm so happy to know I'm here, with her, I'm sad about the circumstances in which we met again but now that she is close to me, I will do everything possible to protect her. The rest of the meal is spent in Ruth's great explanations, and her childhood, I listen to her with all my attention.
She fascinates me, I can't really figure her out, I don't know what she feels, I think she especially doesn't want to show it but I need to know it to be able to help her overcome all this. I know that she also wants to help me, especially to know what I've been through, but I myself find it hard to believe what I've done, so if she sees it, I'm absolutely sure she'll resent me. One day, we will have to tell each other what we have experienced, because of our past, we risk hiding too many things from each other, and in the end, we won't dare to tell each other anything at all anymore.