Infront of you was a corpse. It was rather light compared to others. It's eyes held fear in them yet you ripped that mass of flesh with your ungues. It was no more than a prey after all. Prey has no feelings, prey has no consciousness, they are just prey. You must kill to survive as the insect that you are. You don't blame yourself but rather feel good about it don't you?
"Ohh man I thought you died or something I was really worried.it took so long are you running out of fuel or something? There were 6 more so l handled them too. Guards were kind enough to give us a ride back."
John took a few steps back and threw a few punches and kicks in the air trying to imitate the things he did while making funny effects with his mouth.
Diarmuid looked around with his tired eyes only to see the familiar office. He was laying on the couch with his left hand and feet touching the ground and the rest looking up to the sky.
"Was it that hard to put me properly here? So how much do you think our bonus will be?"
"Well not sure but only a random guy died which is pretty good considering these bugs normally never appear inside the city."
"Yeah that was weird what do you think is the reason? You think they found a way through the sewers or something?"
Diarmuid sat on the couch and tokk his clothes off to check the wound which was already healed long time ago.
"Maybe since none of them had wings amd guards would have shot them if they climbed the walls. Xio would probably know she kinda knows everything. Maybe she doesn't know anything but we just believe her answers as right."
"That's the stupidest thing l heard in my life."
John started laughing and stopped only after things got awkward.
"Would have called that ingenious if Xio said it."
"Yeah yeah whatever so how did you take them down? Never knew you could do all that why need me if you are that good? Gonna lose my job for sure."
"Ooooo don't worry think of yourself as the morale boost that we need and well story time will come later we have to wait until everyone is here after all."
"They didn't come yet? Wait what's the time?"
Diarmuid got up and looked at the clock on the wall.
"Wait 8:13? I was out for like 4 hours? Well well well is this what I get for relying on it dear all loving Mother."
"You believe in the lady of melancholy? Well sorry for thinking of you as a believer of the Father. Even introduced you like that to her."
Diarmuid looked at him with a shocked face before speaking.
"To who? Out here talking behind my back huh. At least tell me you didn't tell them about the pen right?"
"Eww who do you think I am? I won't just say something like they stabbed this guy with a pen in a barfight and this dude went to random people on the street and scared them with the pen in his throat."
"Come on you gotta have some fun once in a while and it was kinda your idea in the first place."
"Didn't expect you to go to the homeless and call yourself the collector of dead souls... It was kinda good though."
"Yeah yeah but just say it already who is she?"
"Yes sorry I kinda forgot to mention her before. My fiance had a sister and you know I am sure she is better than Xio. Look I am not trying to judge you or something but Xio is... look l am just saying this as a view from outside."
Right at the moment someone slammed open the door and walked inside. It was Xio covered in what looks like clotted blood all over her. Instead of coming all the way she stopped and started talking in a sarcastic tone.
"Wait are you alright miss Xio? What's that all over you? Did something happen?"
"Well well well am I intercepting a romantic moment? No courtesy whatsoever, not one person in this generation has some decency."
Diarmuid quickly got behind the couch and tried wearing his coat again only to miserably fail after all his coat was beyond ruined and was nothing more than a rag.
"Boo!"
Diarmuid jumped back in fear as Xio jumped from over the couch.
"Look at that face of your's!"
She started giggling as the Diarmuid got up and tried covering his torso with one of the pillows.
"You don't expect someone to just do that you know..."
"I expected you to act different, I mean I expected you to be worried at least look at me I am covered in blood. Don't you at least wonder what happened?"
"Yeah I do but you seem rather fine. Did you find the person that kidnapped him by any chance?"
With a tired voice she started talking while getting ready to leave again.
"Yeah...I am kind of tired so l will leave. Aaron and Andre decided on drinking together after today's success."
"We met some bugs in the city today. Diarmuid kinda got turned into a kebab but it went fine other than that. We didn't learn much too people there were weirdos l can say that"
"Look at the one talking."
"Well enough talking I got better things to do see you two later."
Before Xio could even get back to the door John rushed out as if he has been waiting for this moment his whole life.
"Hey Xio can you wait for a bit?"
She stopped in her trachea and sat on the couch without saying anything. Diarmuid returned a few minutes later wearing a shirt.
"Let's go."
They both went out together towards her house. Streets were rather calm with little to no people other than the homeless walking around. All of them stayed away from the two for obvious reasons as they walked together with silence keeping them apart.
"How did you know it?"
"I am lucky. But l am really suprised how did you figure it out with your eyes?"
"My eyes? What is wrong with them?"
"Your eyes are blind. You see yet ignore things. Your eyes see no more than the bare minimum of anything. Why does the shape of something matter for you but not the color?
"I don't know... It is just that I don't wanna put unnecessary importance on things. The more you see the more they matter for you."
"You don't trust me do you? Why wouldn't you want to value everything otherwise?"
"It is not like that...."
"You are hungry aren't you? I probably have some leftovers so you can come in, it would be better than going out to eat at this hour."
Silence broke them apart again as they reached her place. It was an old building. 1 floor and that's it. It didn't seem to have anything different or unique. As they entered inside the air filled with smell...filled his lungs. He stayed still for a few seconds to try and get used to the smell while Xio walked in and dissappeared from his sight.
"I will take a bath. Check the fridge for the leftovers and change it's gas after eating."
Diarmuid walked in.
Diarmuid turned left.
The door was open.
He reached and closed the door of the room.
He saw a lot.
Yet he refused to process or even think.
He walked to the fridge and opened it.
All the leftovers looked delicious.
He found a spoon and took a few bites before putting it back.
He closed the fridge and opened the hatch on the left.
He searched around to find a new tube and changed it.
He sat on the couch.
He leaned forward to the radio.
It wasn't working.
He couldn't lay on the couch.
He got up and went to the first room.
He lay on her bed.
Time passed.
"You seem unbothered."
"Why?"
"You are always like this. You are blind, ignorant and more importantly selfish."
Diarmuid was about to say something yet stopped himself.
"Did you really think that I wouldn't realize it? You saw her and went out like nothing would happen. A fucking gas AT rifle too not just some hunting rifle. You planned this from yesterday didn't you? You must have realized it when you saw that girls picture yet no! Well at least the card was right you didn't die not that you were going to anyways. He probably paid for her while knowing the meaning of that card, what an idiot!
"Change."
"Yeah but well even in the worst case you were moments away from changing into a pile of blood and flesh. Second ignition bullet too. Once she lured those insects inside her plan was complete. One shot and bam! Heart pierced with the impact and no torso after the second impact. No coming back nothing."
"That was my plan...wanted to die in a meaningful way, by taking responsibility."
"You don't even remember what you did right? Biased like always, naive like always! She fucking deserved it! She was no more than a filthy liar that played with them all"
"I am sorry..."
"For what! You shouldn't say that you are sorry l didn't do all this for you to rip off that naive, innocent smile off your face!"
She took a step forward and grabbed his head from both sides before lifting it up. In the relatively dark room which only had a oil lamp on the corner lighting it up not much was visible other than her eyes. Dark, filled with something Diarmuid would never know.
"I just want you to stop ignoring things... I want you to see fucking see! Who do you love? Can you even see me? Do you love the version of me in your head? Or me! Do you even see me? What do l look in those eyes of your's? A saint? What does this house look like in them? The leftovers were moldy yet you ate them. There is a pile bottles and a bloody knife on the couch yet, yet you still have that naive smile on you....why!
"I..."
I don't know, how can l know? You are the first person l saw in my life, the one l fell in love with at that second yet you expect me to see faults in you?
"Sorry. I am blind, biased, scared out of my mind because every action of mine can be a mistake. I wanted to remember everything in a simple way. I don't want to regret or feel bad about something, I am sorry. I think l wanted to see you as perfect, someone that is beyond everything."
She pulled back her arm before punching him in the face with all her strength causing him to take a few steps back as blood as dark as ink dripped down from his nose.
"I am not, no one is. So I will give you two choices. Number one is that we act like nothing happened, you are normal I am normal everyone is normal and as dear friends we can live our life until you die with that naive smile like your's like all the other times."
"Let me see you..."
Silence words no more than a whisper left his lips, words heavier than the world. They shattered her soul and her will. The look on her face was conflicted. Happy, sad, hopeful, filled with despair, she started shedding tears while looking at the Diarmuid's face already covered in tears taking the shape of somethingshe would neverlike to see. She took a few steps back in an almost panic. She whispered to herself.
"She was right...."
She was wearing a shirt with long sleeves and pants. She unbuttoned her shirt in an almost panic. With her thin fingers struggling with each one yet Diarmuid didn't come forward do help. He had his right hand on his forehead with his eyes filled with pain yet he refused to step back or run away. With his eyes filled with primal fear he watched as the figure infront of him wore nothing more than it's skin.
"Here... Like what you see? This is who l am."
Before him stood a destroyed figure. Her skinny body was covered in cuts all around, some new still red lines some old gray lines. Her ribs were visible and her skin pale even under the dim light. She had needle marks near her shoulders mostly on right and a word was carved on her abdomen. It was remember. Her frame was petite her shoulders narrow her arms thin. Her slightly pink thighs because of the wiped blood covered in fresh cuts still slightly bleeding.
"Do you like what you see? You were hoping weren't you? Thinking that I will just be ok, I am not more than a saint in your eyes after all. No I won't, do you know why I write everything in those shitty notebooks? Cause I want to remember you and all the others but especially you. You are the only thing I want, the only thing I could ever ask for. Do you know all the things I am ready to do just to see that naive smile of your's again when I open the door? But no matter how much I love it I don't want you to hide your feelings behind, using that same smile to hide things."
"I love you."
She lifted her hands to wipe her tears before taking a step forward.
"Well I would feel even worse if you died now...so don't or l will always blame you."
She hugged him and pressed her head to his chest.
"You are the only reason this soul inside me burns. So please don't extinguish it and let me save my reason of being."
He lifts his arms and hugged her. Instead this very moment he was for the first time happy that something wasn't just black and white. He learned the beauty of red and grey and cried alongside her. This was the happiest day of his short life, he finally had the courage. The walls of the fake world his own mind created, the vision of the perfect Xio got destroyed as the fake world drowned in their tears.