And I said to his photo while looking at his photo that why you always make me feel like you are here, just here near me, soothing me with your voice and touch, but it's actually not. I back out from his account and start scrolling the Weibo, and while scrolling it I saw one of his videos that was posted by his fan pages a few days ago when he flies to Hangzhou for shooting the variety show, and he visits some shop there with his colleague or team member and ordered Luó Sī Fěn there and started eating it. And he also went live on Weibo that day for his fans, so him coded always taking care about his fans first.
In that video he is eating the noodles which were spicy, and I remember when before, a few years ago, he wasn't able to eat too spicy food. But now, when he is growing and adulting, he is able to eat those spicy foods. And in this video also he is a little bit coughing due to his flu; even before that also he was unwell. He is looking so admirable in this video wearing a grey hoodie with his grey cap, eating peacefully. Whenever he eats, he looks so cute and adorable. And he is saying in the video that after eating this he will be bloated next day but he won't regret it, and he is doing gym so he atleast can eat this today. And also saying that he is here in this shop for his colleague because his colleague wants to eat something, but now he is the one who is eating here and his colleague is filming him. I laugh a little while watching it.
Then he picked up BAO PIAN YA TUI from his chopsticks which is there in the noodles and starts eating it, looking like a cute baby. He is enjoying it so much. And then his live video gets ended. Then I scrolled down the Weibo more and see another video of him wearing a black sleeveless jacket with a black full-sleeves t-shirt with black loose pants, typical his style, and most attractive his black goggles which he wears half on his nose. Like that look is enough to make any of his fans' hearts flutter. And he moved in his car with his lots of bodyguards and the video ended.
I put down my phone again on the side table beside my bed and look into my hands, my empty hands which didn't have any lines that will meet him, no lines at all. People say the lines on our palms show our future, but my lines don't have any line that can ever meet him. But I am not looking into my hands now for seeing the lines. Now I raise my hands to pray for him.
I joined my hands and closed my eyes. The room is quiet, there is no one other than me here, the room is filled with my breathing only. I started praying to God and said that God, I have never asked you to make him mine, but the only thing I asked you for was to make him live healthy and happily in his whole life. But look at him now, what happened today to him, he is not okay, God, he is really not. If you want then you can take everything from me, but please make him fine, make him fine.
My tears start forming in my eyes while praying for him. I continue my prayer and said if I ever had even a single piece of happiness in my life, then give it to him. And give all his pains, problems, everything to me. He doesn't deserve any kind of pain, I repeat it—any kind of pain. You know God, he is the one who makes me smile when I was upset through his drama series. Since I knew him, I never watch any scene of his drama where he was suffering or admitted in hospital, so you know it that I can't see him in pain. Not even in his drama series where I know he was acting. So tell me God, how can you even think that I can see him in real pain with my own eyes? I can't, I really can't. And tears start splashing from my eyes, drop by drop like rain.
Please, please make him well. I can't handle this. I am already bearing the pain of him being someone else, now I can't bear this pain of him being ill, how could you even think that? You know since long that his happiness is my happiness. Wherever he is happy, I am happy too for him. But at least I can have this feeling that he is fine, he is okay, he is good. Please. I won't ask you anything more than that, please.
I have started crying badly, but I put my left hand on my mouth so that no one is able to hear my sobbing and crying. Then at that moment Yang Lulu came into the room. I immediately turn my face away slightly from her side and wipe out my tears with both my hands, and then again turn my face towards Yang Lulu and give a forced smile on my face and said, "Yes, Yang Lulu."
Yang Lulu sits on the chair that is placed beside my bed and said, "Shiza, can I ask you something?" I got a little confused about what she is going to ask me, but I said, "Yes, of course you can."
She said, "I have seen a side of you today that I have never imagined ever existed in you. It's just like you have a dual personality in you that never showed to anyone."
I take a pause of 7 seconds and said in my calm voice that my this personality only comes when I get angry or someone tries to hurt someone important to me. My inner Zhao Shiza screams in that situation and it comes out to protect my important person. It doesn't have relation to having dual personality but it's just like if you hurt me or my loved ones then you'll see the side of Zhao Shiza that you haven't seen ever. This Zhao Shiza only comes to protect herself and her loved ones from danger.
"So Xu Yuan is your loved one?" Yang Lulu asked this after taking a pause after whatever I said to her.
I got a little panicked because I didn't realise it that while explaining her about my different side of personality I mistakenly told her that how Xu Yuan affects me and matters to me. I started breathing unevenly. Then the door opened of the room and…