The moment I reached the bus stop, the bus arrived and I got inside it without thinking anything else in my mind. But there is only one thing going around in my mind continuously, and that is I can't make him get trapped in my own fuss. He is such a big actor and person; he has many things to do in his life. I can't just let him get involved in it. I can't, I really can't. I thought all these things and thoughts in my mind while sitting at the window seat of the bus, my usual spot to sit here.
Then after forty-five to fifty minutes I reached my dormitory and got inside it. The moment I opened the door of the room, Wang Ruoxi was waiting for me, and she just attacked me and said very excitedly, "Zhao Shiza, do you know we are going to have a farewell? We are about to leave this university. We have never thought that this day would come so soon. It seems like it was yesterday when we got enrolled here, and you were stressed about how the journey of these long four years would get passed, and look now today—it's ended. Everything has come to an end—our memories together, our studying in classes together, the way we both got scolded by professors—everything has just ended now. We don't have to wake up at seven in the morning to attend the class."
Wang Ruoxi kept on saying these things without taking a breath while holding both my hands in hers.
"Wang Ruoxi, take a deep breath," I said to her. "You are continuously saying things, just relax a bit. I know what's going on in your mind after hearing the news of our farewell party. And the main thing is that we have to say goodbye to this university which used to be our home in all these four years of journey. I know. Even I also think that these four years have just flown away like a free bird who gets out of its cage. I know. But the thing that makes me a bit worried is not that our journey here is going to be over, but the thing is what's next. I mean, what will we do next? Will we go back to our respective homes or we'll just stay here and do a job here only? I know, Wang Ruoxi, in every moment, every bit of my life, you were always there with me. Even you took this major of interior designing because of me, even when we both knew pretty well that you are really not interested in drawings. But you took it for me and came here in Shanghai with me, leaving your family behind. You have really done a lot, so now I want that you should think about yourself. Do what your heart wants to do, what it asks you to do. I just… I just really want that you should follow your heart from now onwards, not me. Live the life the way you want to live," I said to her.
"Did you want to say that I should leave you?" she asked me in a quiet tone of her, which only comes when she gets a bit upset.
I smiled and said, "I won't allow that. And you are really so stupid expecting that I'll ask you this—that you should leave me. No, I won't even allow that. After all, you are my only friend since childhood. How can I even lose such a big treasure of my life?" I said to her.
"Then what are you saying, I mean trying to say?" she asked me.
I took a deep sigh and said, "Wang Ruoxi, I really want to say that you should follow your own path. Don't get your life stuck around me wherever I go. Yes, we will remain the same childhood besties till the last day of our lives, but till then, in this journey of our lives, I want you to achieve your dreams that you always dreamt of—to do the things that you enjoy doing, not because I am doing that. Look, Wang Ruoxi, you have already dedicated your whole life and especially these long four years of journey to me here in Shanghai, so I don't want that you do this again. And especially I want to say that from now onwards you should enjoy your life the way you want to, not because I want to or I am in that particular thing…"
I was about to say something, but she stopped me and said, "I know what you are trying to say to me. I understand everything and every bit of the sentence that you have said to me. I should and I will definitely follow my heart and what I want to do."
I smiled and said, "And that's like my Wang Ruoxi. This is the thing I really wanted to say. We have a very short life span and we really shouldn't waste it. In fact, we have to cherish every bit of it, every second of it, as much as we have. This is the only thing I want to say to you, and my bestie is already so much intelligent—she already understood it without taking a lot of energy from me."
She laughed and said, "Now what are we going to wear for our farewell party?" she asked me.
I smiled and said, "We'll think about it later at night. We'll open up our cupboards and think what to wear on that day. But now there is one more very important thing that I want to say to you."
"What?" she asked me.
"The thing is that you should not—in fact, don't you dare to tell about our farewell party and that our university life is ending—about all these stuffs to Yuan."
"Why?" she asked me.
"I don't want him to waste his precious time on me and to get involved in the fuss and chaos of my life. I really don't want that it affects his career. He needs to focus on his career well at this time."
But Wang Ruoxi was about to say something, and I stopped her midway and said, "I know you are his secret agent for me and giving him all the news about me, like what's going on here with me. But now I want you to play the role of my bestie more than his secret agent, and don't tell him—not even this. In fact, from now onwards stop giving him any information about me and what's going on in my life."
"But what if he asks me?" Wang Ruoxi said.
"Then just tell a lie to him or avoid him or just make him confused and make him believe that you really don't know. I know you are good at misguiding people with your acting skills," I said.
Wang Ruoxi smiled and said, "You are really something, Zhao Shiza—wanting me to tell a lie about you to your own boyfriend. You are such a something," she said.
"Yes, whatever you call it—it's only for him. It's only for his betterment. And if his betterment means telling him a lie about me or not giving him the news about the fuss or chaos of my life and what's going on, then yes, I would love to do this for him. Anything or everything for him is just the way of showing my love to him, both internally and externally," I said to myself.
Then like this the night arrived in Shanghai and hit its streets. The spring season is about to arrive; it's an early summer season here. Like this, Wang Ruoxi drifted off into her deep sleep. I was also a bit tired, as today's day was quite hectic—whether emotionally or mentally, both. I thought all these things while lying straight on my bed, and I really don't know when I also drifted off into my sleep.
After sleeping for a while, I saw him sitting next to me, smiling like usual—his usual smirk—and he said to me, "My silly girl, do you really think that you can hide away your things from me? No, that's not possible—not in this life span."
Then I woke up. "Oh, so it was my dream—just a dream," I said to myself while scratching my head with my hands. "What did I just see?" I asked myself. "Did I… did I just see him in a romantic dream—just me and him in a romantic dream? Oh Zhao Shiza, stop your thoughts. This is really ridiculous of you thinking these things at midnight. This is not supposed to do or to think. Oh Zhao Shiza, sleep back and stop your thoughts."
Wang Ruoxi changed her side on the bed while saying to me in her closed eyes, "Zhao Shiza, stop your self-talking. Let me sleep peacefully," and then she drifted off again.
This is what she really does—she is the one now who talks in sleep. But I should also sleep now. Tomorrow I need to go on set also…