SUNDAY
Today, mom decided we should all dress in purple for Sunday Service. Chill girl, I didn't mind it at all. In fact, I absolutely love it when we match. Weirdly, it makes me feel like a reality TV baddie. Especially when I'm walking through those long-ass aisles in the church with my family.
You know, it's crazy how nobody's made an edit of us... I think I'll need to have a word with whoever made TikTok.
Anyway, the problem with matching is that mom is indecisive as hell. Most of the time, she'd make everyone sit in the living room, watch her try on almost 30 different dresses— then pick something different from what we'd suggest. If that already sounds annoying and utterly miserable to you, imagine what WE have to go through?
We finally arrived, after 200 hours of obligatory fashion-related suffering, and our regular seat was occupied by another random family of people with... um... interesting hairstyles. I'm not even being figurative when I say I felt my ghost leaving my body at the sight of that crime scene.
OK, maybe I'm being just a 'little' too dramatic (-ish). If I was really dead, I wouldn't have been able to write all this. I do wish I was a little quieter with my thoughts though. I could have sworn one of them turned around when I ACCIDENTALLY called them lost artifacts...
Since our regular seat was taken, the fam had to split up. And I'm glad we did, 'cause that's how I ended up sitting at the back with Lex!
I know what you're thinking... Lex is the pastor's nephew. I got you girl. He's 18, around 6 foot, absolutely Haitian, with an ACCENT, and sooooooo freakin' handsome! Bless the Lord!
Don't ask me how I know all that, and don't worry, he's the only guy in my life I find attractive. I'm not like the other thirsty dorks y'all love to read about (LIES).
You can't judge me, a lotta girls in church are seriously crushing on him— he doesn't seem to give a damn though. LMFAO. Now that I think about it, I've never seen him talk to girls. EVER.
The only time he ever did was when he rejected this soprano singer named Jessica, and ooh— God forbid a BOY embarrasses me like that in PUBLIC. That one's a story for another day, y'all are messy.
Wait, what if he's gay? OMG!!! I need more gay people in my life honestly. So if that's the case, I'm down as the floor!