"Excuse me, is Junior Sister Lu Xueqi from your noble clan here? Could the peerless beauty please spare a moment of her time and grace me with a few words?"
A high-pitched, almost operatic male voice suddenly pierced the tranquil silence of Xiaozhu Peak. Outside, the courtyard immediately erupted in a cacophony of nervous whispers and bustling activity.
Inside the quiet sanctuary of her room, Lord Pig was deep in his experience-gathering slumber, nestled securely in Lu Xueqi's cool, spiritually potent arms. He twitched, his little ears flattening against his head. He rolled over, forced his sleepy eyes open, and muttered with deep, porcine dissatisfaction etched into his chubby golden face: "Oh my heaven, who is the absolute peasant who dares interrupt Lord Pig's sacred nap?!"
"Pay him no mind," Lu Xueqi's voice was colder than the glacial ice atop Tongtian Peak. She gently rubbed his head with an absent gesture, a soothing motion she had become accustomed to, the small, rhythmic pressure helping to lull him back to sleep. "He is merely a persistent nuisance, a scoundrel who mistakes audacity for charm." Clearly, such disruptive visits were no longer surprising to her.
"What? A scoundrel?! Disturbing the peace of Xiao Qiqi's lair?!" Zhu Hao's big, golden eyes instantly snapped open, now crackling with excitement instead of sleepiness. He rolled completely over, sitting up quickly, his tiny paws waving with enthusiasm. "Come on, Lord Pig will personally help you beat him until he regrets the day he was born!"
"There is no need," Lu Xueqi stated, a familiar icy edge returning to her tone. "I can handle such trifles myself."
"Nonsense! Let's go, Lord Pig must go and inspect the cause of this ruckus!" Zhu Hao declared, allowing no room for debate.
With the Grandmaster's command issued, Lu Xueqi had no choice but to lift him gently and head outside.
The moment they stepped out, the exterior of Xiaozhu Peak was a bizarre theatre of spectacle and judgment. Groups of female disciples had congregated, their faces a mixture of curiosity, disapproval, and sheer entertainment. They pointed, whispered, and giggled at the scene unfolding before them.
Standing opposite them was a young man, dressed in ostentatious robes, holding a folding fan that he flapped with theatrical grandeur. He was Zeng Shushu, the son of the Fenghui Peak Head Master, and he was posing with an air of self-satisfied coquettishness, loudly demanding to see Lu Xueqi.
Behind him, curled up on a large, empty wooden barrel—presumably used for carrying something ridiculous—was Zhang Xiaofan. He looked utterly miserable, ashamed, and speechless, praying that the ground would open up and swallow him whole.
"Junior Sister Xueqi is here!"
"And look! Grandpa Pig!"
"Oh my heaven, Lord Pig is absolutely adorable! I desperately need a hug!"
The moment Lu Xueqi appeared, cradling Zhu Hao close to her chest, the disciples of Xiaozhu Peak collectively gasped, then screamed. Their fiery, intense gazes immediately fixated on Lu Xueqi's chest—not at her, but at the golden fluff resting there. Zhu Hao was not only powerful but famously playful, fueling the collective, audacious desire among the female disciples to commit grand larceny.
They are so frightening! Zhu Hao's neck shrank into his ample fur, and his tiny body trembled slightly. Being this handsome and this cute is genuinely perilous! Lord Pig could be kidnapped at any moment!
"Xueqi!"
Across the way, the theatrical young man's eyes lit up like lanterns. Zeng Shushu fluttered his fan, struck a heroic pose he clearly thought was magnificent, and smiled the most charming smile he could muster. He spoke in a clear, ringing voice, thick with artificial sincerity.
"Junior Sister Xueqi, the beauty who is so overwhelmingly exquisite that she could make the moon shy and the flowers blush, and cause the fish to sink and the geese to fall from the sky in awe of her radiance! I have made the journey to Xiaozhu Peak today because I carry something from the very bottom of my sincere, burning heart that I must confess to you!"
"What did you say?" Lu Xueqi's voice was dangerously cold, slicing through the air. "I do not believe I heard you." She knew exactly what drivel he was about to spout, and she was already exhausted.
Zeng Shushu, prepared for her standard disdain, acted as if her words were mere static. He puffed out his chest and began reciting a loud, poetic declaration of love, his voice echoing across the courtyard:
"There are trees upon the mountains, and upon the trees are branches green, I love you dearly, but your heart remains unseen! Junior Sister Xueqi, I have admired you since the day I first saw your ethereal form, and I have longed for you! I think of your peerless visage day and night! My spirit is restless, tossing and turning in the fires of lovesickness..."
"Junior Sister," Wen Min whispered urgently, seeing the murderous intent gathering in Lu Xueqi's eyes. "Zeng Shushu is notoriously mischievous and utterly hopeless. Please, just ignore him and let him tire himself out!"
Hearing this, Lu Xueqi turned, ready to retreat back to her room. She could not tolerate another second of Zeng Shushu's nauseating, cringe-inducing performance, which was giving her literal goosebumps.
"I suspect this idiot is not here just to court her," Zhu Hao thought, watching the spectacle with a mix of disdain and morbid curiosity. He had to give the boy credit: the sheer thickness of Zeng Shushu's skin was a powerful spiritual defense in itself.
"Wait, Junior Sister Xueqi! Please, one moment! I have prepared a sincere gift for you! This is but a token of my devotion!" Zeng Shushu shouted desperately. He then barked a command at his miserable accomplice: "Xiao Fan! Light the spark!"
BOOM!
A colossal firework shot into the sky, exploding into a magnificent, fiery phoenix that spread its wings high above Xiaozhu Peak. The beautiful display, temporary though it was, was utterly gorgeous. The female disciples immediately erupted in renewed screams of delight.
Zhu Hao watched. He had to admit, the planning was elaborate. Unfortunately for the suitor, Lu Xueqi despised the public spectacle, and the fawning admiration of her peers only compounded her rage.
Her face set in a grim expression, Lu Xueqi summoned her flying sword, stepped onto it, and zoomed toward Zeng Shushu with frightening speed.
"Run!"
Seeing the sword-wielding goddess charging at him, Zeng Shushu and Zhang Xiaofan abandoned their props and bolted, running for their lives.
"Xiao Qiqi! Hold the sword! Lord Pig will handle these bandits for you!"
Zhu Hao declared, not wanting to miss the fun. He flapped his tiny golden wings and zipped off Lu Xueqi's shoulder, transforming into a flash of golden light that sped after the fleeing duo.
"Lord Pig!" Lu Xueqi called out, feeling a familiar twinge of worry, but it was too late. She had only meant to terrify the persistent nuisance, but she truly hoped Zhu Hao wouldn't actually—you know—beat him to death.
"Don't worry, Junior Sister Xueqi," Wen Min soothed, seeing the concern in the Ice Maiden's eyes. "Lord Pig knows exactly what he's doing. He probably just thought Zeng Shushu was funny and wanted to join the chase for some entertainment."
Lu Xueqi merely nodded, said nothing more, and retreated back into the sanctity of her quarters.
"Ha! See that? She just loves me so much!" Zeng Shushu laughed nervously, panting heavily as they rounded a secluded corner of the mountain path. He elbowed his companion.
"Love?" Zhang Xiaofan sneered, his face still red with embarrassment. "Are you blind? Did you not see her coming at you with a massive sword?"
"You don't understand the complex dance of courtship, Xiao Fan!" Zeng Shushu insisted, desperately trying to save face. "Beating is love, scolding is affection, and kicking is a prelude to kissing and passion, do you understand?"
BUMP!
The moment the ridiculous words left his mouth, a sudden, powerful force slammed into Zeng Shushu's rear. He flew forward, spitting out a mouthful of dirt as he landed face-first in the dusty path.
"Owww! Hey! Who was that?! Do you even know who I am?!" Zeng Shushu yelled, scrambling up and spitting mud.
"Lord Pig!"
Zhang Xiaofan's astonished voice caused Zeng Shushu to whirl around. There, perched regally on a smooth gray stone, sat a small golden pig. Zhu Hao looked at him with playful contempt in his big, intelligent eyes.
"Hey, isn't this Lord Pig? Of course, I know you! I, Zeng Shushu, am honored to give you a complimentary leg massage!"
The anger evaporated from Zeng Shushu's face instantly, replaced by a ghastly, practiced sycophancy. He dashed over to Zhu Hao, fell to his knees, and began massaging the piglet's legs with exaggerated reverence.
"Xiao Fan! Where is the mandatory roast chicken I ordered you to prepare?" Zeng Shushu hissed urgently, maintaining his frantic massaging.
"Here it is," Zhang Xiaofan muttered, pulling the perfectly roasted chicken from a large, protective cloth. He mentally noted the sheer cunning of his senior—He guessed that Lord Pig would come out and beat him up, and he still managed to prepare a roast chicken for bribery! Truly prepared for humiliation!
Zeng Shushu sprang up, snatched the chicken, and held it out with a sickeningly sweet smile. "Lord Pig, I have admired your profound strength for ages! This humble roast chicken was prepared specifically for your distinguished palate! Allow me the honor of feeding you!"
"Hand it over!" Zhu Hao commanded, swatting the chicken with his tiny claws. "Your hands are filthy! Do you think Lord Pig is some common farm animal that eats from dirty paws?"
"Yes, yes, my mistake! A thousand apologies!" Zeng Shushu whimpered, immediately going back to massaging Zhu Hao's legs.
Zhang Xiaofan turned away, burying his face in his hands, utterly mortified. He genuinely wanted to disown his senior brother.
"Lord Pig," Zeng Shushu asked, his voice dripping with curiosity as Zhu Hao began tearing into the roast chicken with gusto. "I heard that Xueqi has been holding you tight in her arms when she sleeps these past few nights. How does it feel? Is her spiritual energy as cool as jade?"
"Of course, it is..." Zhu Hao paused dramatically, chewing slowly.
"What?! Tell me!" Zeng Shushu's eyes widened, his ears pricked up, his face full of desperate anticipation.
"I'm not telling you!" Zhu Hao replied with a strange, secretive grin, taking another massive bite.
"Mmph!" Zeng Shushu screamed internally, his heart longing for roast suckling pig and braised pig trotters. He managed to keep the smile plastered on his face while his hands continued the forced massage.
"Uncle Zhu," he continued, changing tactics. "You are such good friends with Xueqi. Do you know what gifts or pleasures she secretly enjoys? Tell me! I will dedicate myself to sending you delicious food every single day!"
"Of course, I know!" Zhu Hao declared, puffing out his chest.
"What is it?!"
"She likes Lord Pig, you idiot!" Zhu Hao rolled his eyes, looking at Zeng Shushu as if he were a particularly dense block of wood.
"Pfft!" Zhang Xiaofan covered his mouth, unable to hold back a burst of choked laughter. He realized that this arrogant, overconfident senior brother of his had finally met his comedic match in the form of a golden pig.
"I know she likes Master Zhu! Obviously!" Zeng Shushu forced himself to contain his volcanic anger. He managed to maintain a flattering tone as he patiently asked, "But who else does she like, besides Master Zhu?"
Looking at Zhu Hao's smug, oil-covered little face, Zeng Shushu truly wanted to slap him across the mountain, but the memory of the Water Qilin being pummeled was a powerful deterrent. He was a big shot he absolutely could not afford to offend.
"She likes no one else except Lord Pig," Zhu Hao continued, spitting out a chicken bone with casual contempt. "My Xiao Qiqi is a devout and loyal person! Do you think she is a fickle, unreliable scoundrel like you?"
"Go to the Nine Hells!" Zeng Shushu screamed silently, his internal mind cursing and sputtering. He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I must endure! Endure the shame, endure the insults!"
Zhang Xiaofan, watching the humiliation, struggled to contain his malicious pleasure, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
Seeing that flattery and food were insufficient, Zeng Shushu's desperation reached critical mass. He made a final, grand play.
"Lord Pig, let us be frank!" he whispered conspiratorially, leaning in close. "I possess a peerless treasure book! It is a rare, unique copy—the culmination of profound human wisdom! How about a direct exchange? This unique, valuable insight for simple, actionable information about Xueqi?"
With a dramatic flourish, Zeng Shushu reached into his robes and pulled out his highly guarded personal artifact. It was a well-thumbed, leather-bound volume that he held with a meaningful, determined smile—a smile that promised secrets and forbidden knowledge.
Zhang Xiaofan, standing nearby, leaned forward, his curiosity finally piqued. He stared intently at the book. Could it be a hidden manual of ancient sword techniques? A map to a secret spiritual spring? The culmination of years of intense spiritual research?
Zhu Hao stopped chewing, his head cocked slightly. Even a bored, divine Grandmaster could appreciate a good treasure. His eyes narrowed, contemplating the offer.
--------------------------------------------
What unknown secrets did the Fenghui Peak scoundrel hold that were worthy of Lord Pig's time and attention? The stakes of this comedic exchange had suddenly, dangerously escalated.