At this moment, without a doubt, Qingque's state was utterly abnormal, Yu Xian thought.
It was precisely the moment right before winning the tile game, yet Qingque showed no joy of victory whatsoever. She wasn't cheering and leaping for joy as usual, nor was she waggling her eyebrows to boast to him. On the contrary, Qingque at this moment seemed to have fallen into her most profound nightmare.
She had remembered something more terrifying than death.
Now, Qingque was clutching that jade-white Tile in her hand, refusing to play it for a long time.
That tile was originally the final piece needed for Qingque to secure victory in the game. Just by playing it, she would win. So why was there not the slightest intention to let it go from her grip?
Yu Xian was somewhat puzzled, but the next moment, his eyes widened abruptly.
In the next moment, a shallow crack actually appeared on the tile clutched in Qingque's hand!
Correspondingly, a touch of crimson suddenly appeared on Qingque's already clenched, pale, tender hand.
Drops of bright red blood trickled from Qingque's palm, instantly staining the pristine, flawless Jade Tile with red.
Yu Xian sprang to his feet, unable to believe what he was seeing.
Yet at this moment, Qingque suddenly smiled.
With a face ghastly pale and dripping with cold sweat from the pain, Qingque instead revealed an indescribable smile.
Without any further attachment, she fiercely slammed the now crimson-colored Jade Tile onto the floor. In an instant, the already cracked jade tile shattered into pieces upon impact, scattering fragments everywhere.
"I... actually don't want to win." Immediately after, Qingque suddenly spoke without any warning, her trembling voice escaping her lips.
"Winning at tiles isn't any good... I don't want to win anymore... I don't want to keep winning..."
Qingque's eyes were dull and lifeless, while her petite, cute body trembled slightly like a wounded little animal, unable to calm down for a long time.
"I, I really want... to lose just once more."
"I want to lose heartily like before, I want to go back to the past, I want to nestle in the tile parlor and lose carefree for a whole day, I want..."
Qingque braced herself against the gaming table, struggling not to collapse to the floor.
"Yu Xian... I want so, so much to see you one more time..."
Qingque choked up, her words gradually becoming somewhat incoherent, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
This is a dream.
Qingque understood.
Yu Xian was still by her side, Yu Xian could still happily play tiles with her in the tile parlor, her luck was incredibly good, winning effortlessly...
This was a dream.
Yu Xian was already gone. What she saw now was merely an illusion constructed by the dream.
Qingque stretched out her hand and looked at it. The palm that had been bleeding earlier was now completely healed. Apart from the bloody, somewhat frightening appearance, Qingque knew that this minor injury had no effect on her at all.
But, what about Yu Xian?
Qingque closed her eyes in pain, remembering Yu Xian's condition in reality: covered in terrifying wounds, the space where his heart should be was now an empty void, the body that once made her feel warmth had long turned cold...
What was she doing when Yu Xian's body turned cold?
She was nestled comfortably in the tile parlor playing games. That day, she kept winning, and winning, and winning... but...
Thinking of this, Qingque clenched her jaw, her vision blurring once more.
No.
That day was actually the day she lost most painfully, a heartbreak that pierced her to the core.
She could never forgive herself.
She never wanted to win again.
"If only I could have foreseen the danger you were in..."
"If only I could have put down the tiles and rushed to save you."
"Yu Xian." Qingque suddenly raised her head, looking at Yu Xian's face, her own expression indescribably complex.
"I... I don't want to..."
An intense surge of emotion erupted from the girl's petite frame. The dream shattered instantly in that very moment, and Qingque's remaining words became indistinct amidst the ensuing chaos. Yu Xian reached out, wanting to pull her close, but Qingque silently shook her head, tears streaming down her face, and took half a step back, leaving herself within the empty, dark rift of the dream.
The dream... was about to end...
In the end, all Yu Xian could see was the girl's rapidly blurring figure. He could only barely piece together her final message from the shape of her lips.
"Don't want... to pretend it never happened..."
"...Don't want to."
In that instant, an indescribable emotion overflowed from Qingque's eyes—a multitude of thoughts spilling out from that single, tiny gaze.
She didn't want to pretend that nothing had ever happened.
She could never again play tiles with the same carefree joy as before.
Every time she picked up her beloved Jade Tiles, Qingque would uncontrollably recall Yu Xian's image. She couldn't help but remember the past where she held Yu Xian, weeping bitterly—back then, his body was colder than the Jade Tiles themselves...
She wished more than anyone else that she could return to the past, to that time when she didn't need to think about anything and could simply enjoy moments of happiness.
But the past was gone, and Yu Xian was gone too.
In the dream, Qingque watched the scene around her rapidly crumble and shatter. She watched the tile parlor, which held countless memories for her, dissolve into points of fluorescent light, and she smiled faintly.
She gazed fixedly at Yu Xian's figure, which was being pulled further and further away.
It was wonderful to see you again in my dream.
"Crack————————"
...No matter what, Yu Xian.
Being able to see the partner who occupied her every thought in her dream, a sense of release and contentment, long absent, emerged within Qingque's heart amidst the pain.
And now, the dream needed to end.
Following a sound as clear and melodious as shattering glass, the dream—already fragmented and washed away by the torrent of Qingque's overflowing emotions—finally vanished completely.
Consciousness returned to reality.
Qingque's eyes snapped open. Fresh from the vivid dream, she could feel her once hazy consciousness gradually becoming clear.
Then, as Qingque realized she had been moved back to her own home by someone, the exceptionally clear memories from the dream also began to rapidly replay in her following this, Qingque suddenly felt a sharp pain in her heart. In an instant, she curled her petite body up.
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A/n: Hey over on my patreon there are currently two for the time being exclusive books which are
Life Simulator: Starting in Genshin Impact!
Zenless Zone Zero: Loving Daily Life Starting in New Eridu
patreon.com/deadlygoober