"Quiet!" the leading guard roared, his forehead full of black lines.
Luffy turned his head and asked blankly, "Who are you?"
The guard straightened up proudly. "We are the White Beret Unit, directly under God's Enforcers. I am Captain McKinley of the White Berets!"
As he spoke, McKinley pulled out a photo taken by the surveillance officer, Amazon. "There is no room for denial! We've received visual dial evidence from the Heavenly Gate's surveillance—"
Before he could finish, Sandy suddenly interrupted, grinning. "Hey, everyone, check it out! My photo's the most handsome!"
"Roar!" Sanji barked, furious. "Mine's the most handsome, you idiot!"
Sandy: "Mine!"
Sanji: "Mine!"
Sandy: "Mine!"
The back-and-forth argument made McKinley feel offended for the second time today!
"Quiet!" McKinley snapped again—then froze mid-sentence. Wait… what was he even saying just now?
The Cloud Coast fell into dead silence. Everyone just stared at each other awkwardly.
Luffy broke the silence first. "I'm not interested in what you're saying. If there's nothing else, we're going on an adventure."
He turned to Sandy with bright eyes. "Hey, Sandy, is there really delicious food on that island?"
Zoro added, "If there's sake and a good sword, that would be perfect."
Sanji's eyes filled with hearts as he sighed dreamily, "Beautiful ladies… beautiful ladies…"
And Nami was already muttering with sparkling eyes, "Treasure… treasure…"
McKinley, standing to the side, suddenly wanted to find a block of tofu and smash his own head against it.
Completely enraged, he shouted, "Enough! You've committed two crimes! First—illegal entry into God's Country! Second—obstructing our duty!"
Luffy clapped his fist into his palm. "Ah, I remember now! Sandy said you guys came to cause trouble! Move aside!"
Usopp immediately covered Luffy's mouth. "You know that but don't say it out loud!"
"Mmmph! But they are here to cause trouble!" Luffy mumbled through Usopp's hand. "Let go of me, I wanna beat them up! Mumble mumble—"
Ignoring McKinley's darkening face, Usopp just kept his hand over Luffy's mouth.
At that moment, Sanji asked, "What the hell does 'illegal entry' even mean?"
Robin calmly explained, "To enter God's Country, each person must pay one billion Iku. According to what Conis told us earlier, one billion Iku equals one hundred thousand Belly. We didn't pay when we came in."
Usopp blinked. "But didn't that old lady say we could enter without paying?"
McKinley replied coldly, "Excuses are useless. Just admit your guilt! But you don't need to panic—illegal entry is only an eleventh-level crime under the Heavenly Judgment. If you accept the punishment, you can immediately become safe travelers."
Sanji frowned. "You scared the hell out of us for that? Then what's the punishment?"
"It's very simple," McKinley explained. "You just need to pay ten times the entry fee. As long as you pay on the spot, your crimes will be cleared. That's one person—one hundred billion Iku."
"What did you just say?!" Nami went berserk instantly. "So you want us to pay eight hundred billion Iku—that's eight million Belly?!"
She lunged at McKinley, but Sandy grabbed her before she could hit him.
Sanji yelled, "That's way too expensive! Eight million Belly could buy tons of rice! Who the hell can afford that?!"
McKinley replied, "What are you talking about? Wasn't it enough to pay eight hundred thousand Belly in the first place?"
"That's still too expensive!" Sanji argued.
Sandy sighed. "Man, Sanji, why are you getting so worked up?"
Luffy nodded sincerely. "Yeah, didn't Sandy say they were just here to cause trouble? Stupid Sanji."
Sanji spun around and snapped, "What did you say, you rubber-brained idiot?!"
Usopp raised a hand nervously. "Hold on. This is our first time here, and we don't know anyone. So why exactly are you picking a fight with us?"
Luffy and Chopper echoed together, "Yeah, why?"
Before McKinley could respond, Sandy smiled slyly. "Actually, I know the reason."
"You know?" everyone exclaimed in unison.
The Straw Hats and the White Beret Unit all turned to look at him—especially McKinley, who was completely thrown off. How does this Blue Sea guy know what we're doing?
Sandy clasped his hands behind his back, looking dramatically up at the sky.
The Straw Hats exchanged glances. Why did this feel so familiar?
Sandy spoke in a solemn, weathered tone. "Ah, it's all my fault. It's because I'm too handsome. They're clearly jealous of me."
Everyone immediately fell over in disbelief.
"What kind of joke is that?!" McKinley snapped, but before he could continue, Sandy cut him off.
"A joke?" Sandy stepped forward, expression serious.
"Someone as handsome as me speaks nothing but truth. You think I'm joking? You dare say such outrageous things?"
He jabbed a finger toward McKinley. "In my hometown, there's a saying: you can eat nonsense, but you can't—no wait, you can say nonsense, but you can't eat—ah, whatever! The point is, don't talk nonsense!"
"In Windmill Village, I'm the most handsome guy there! Luffy can testify to that!"
Luffy nodded cheerfully. "Yeah, that's true."
Sandy continued passionately, "Think about it—right after meeting us, you accused us of two crimes. Let's forget the second one. Just the first—how much is your monthly salary?"
"Me?" McKinley stammered. "Uh… less than a billion Iku."
"So you can't even afford that much yourself," Sandy pressed on. "And you expect us to pay it? Look at us! Do we look rich to you?"
He pointed at Luffy. "Especially our Captain! He eats more than ten pigs a day! The villagers literally kicked him out because they couldn't afford to feed him!"
"Do you know what that feels like? Being abandoned because you eat too much? Do you know the pain of starving at sea, barely surviving day after day?!"
"Our lives are already hard enough! And now this bastard is trying to rob us blind? You're clearly just jealous of my handsomeness, aren't you?!"
McKinley stood frozen. Who am I? Where am I? What's happening right now?
But Sandy didn't let up. "You have the right to remain silent, but no matter what you say, you can't hide your jealousy!"
He turned his back again, clasping his hands behind him and gazing wistfully at the clouds.
"In the end, being handsome is also a crime! You don't need to be jealous of me. Honestly, I'm also troubled by it. Time flies, looks fade…"
Then, to everyone's horror, he started singing, "Spring goes and spring comes back, Flowers wither and bloom again…"
Cough cough—off-key.
Everyone shuddered.
The entire Cloud Coast fell silent again, everyone staring blankly at Sandy.
Was this guy for real? Was he actually that pitiful? That handsome? Could being handsome really be this tragic?!
Thankfully… we're just average-looking.
No! This guy is toxic!
"Oh!!" Luffy, the first to recover, pointed at Sandy. "Everyone, this guy's brain is amazing!"
"Baka! Is now really the time to say that?!" Sanji yelled. "And wait—what were we doing again? I totally forgot…"
Good heavens. Truly good heavens. Being shameless was one thing—but Sandy had actually managed to confuse his own crew too.
...
Author's Note:
The fanfic One Piece: My Flirtatious System Adventure is now fully completed.
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