Kai Langford - July 2120
I had to get out of that office. My head started pounding again, and the walls felt too close, too heavy. I needed the cold air on my face just to think straight.
Too much has happened far too quickly. For years, all I ever did was follow orders, follow the rules, and keep my head down. Hope was something I let go of a long time ago... eventually even the hope of seeing Noah again.
Deep down, I knew my father had been lying about giving me the chance to see him. But by then, my life had already collapsed into routine. The days slipped by like I was living on autopilot. I convinced myself that the reason Father wouldn't let me see Noah was because Noah despised me.
But now… now I know he had no idea I was even alive all these years. And if he went through even a fraction of the devastation I felt when I thought Ethan had died, then all I can think is how desperately I wish I could've done something, anything, to spare Noah from that kind of pain. And out of everything that's happened today, that was the moment that finally broke something in me.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that feeling. It's sharp, unfamiliar, almost frightening. I've been empty for so long that anything real feels too big, too loud. Part of me wants to shut it down, to retreat back into that numbness where nothing could touch me. But another part… another part is waking up, painfully, like thawing from ice.
Anger. Grief. Relief. Confusion. It's all tangled up, pressing against the walls I spent years building. And I don't know whether to let it happen or force it back down.
All I know is that today has torn open things I hadn't felt in years, and I'm not sure I'm ready for any of it.
I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out what comes next, and even as night falls, I still don't know. The facility… my father… they made me into this monster, and a part of me keeps whispering to go back, because it's all I known. But then there's what Edmund said, and the way people actually seem… happy here, and… Ethan. Just thinking about him makes me want to stay, even if every instinct screams that I don't deserve it.
The cliff is quiet and the wind carried the salt of the sea, cold and sharp. I've been sitting here for hours, long enough for the dark clouds in the sky to cover the stars.
It looked almost exactly like the dream I'd had this morning. The same crashing waves. The same endless sky. The same feeling of standing on the edge of something I couldn't see. Only now, it felt real… painfully real.
I let the breeze soak into me. The numbness and the cold helped ease my mind. It made the chaos in my chest feel distant, like it belonged to someone else.
I didn't hear Ethan at first, not over the waves. But eventually his footsteps broke through the sound, slow and careful, like he was trying not to scare me off.
"Kai?" His voice was quiet, uncertain. He never used to sound uncertain around me.
I don't turn around. I'm not sure I can look at him without something inside me cracking open again. And a part of my dream creeps into the back of my mind. Of Noah covered in blood before pushing me off the clift.
He comes closer anyway, stopping just a few paces behind me. "You've been gone for hours. I was… worried."
Worried. That word shouldn't have meant anything, but it scrapes against something raw.
"Sorry, I just needed space" I mutter, eyes fixed on the horizon. The stars blur slightly as they try to break through the clouds.
Ethan exhales softly, and I can hear the relief buried in it. He hesitates before sitting down beside me, close enough that I felt the warmth of him, but far enough that I knew he was trying now to crowd me.
"You picked a hell of a spot" he murmurs, looking out at the sea. "Beautiful. Bit dangerous, but… beautiful."
I give a humourless huff. "Danger hasn't bothered me for a long time."
He glances at me, but I keep my eyes on the sea. The waves hit hard against the rocks below.
"You look cold" Ethan says gently.
I hadn't noticed.
"I'm okay" I say automatically. The words feel mechanical, like a reflex I couldn't shake.
But Ethan doesn't buy it. "Everything that happened today… it was a lot. Anyone would need time."
I swallow, my throat tight. "I don't know what I'm supposed to feel."
"That's okay."
"It doesn't feel okay."
The wind blows harder then, pulling at my hair, chilling my skin. My chest feels too full again, too many emotions trying to force their way through cracks I thought were sealed shut.
"I've been numb for so long" I say quietly. "Today it's like… everything came back at once. And I don't know what to do with any of it."
Ethan doesn't rush to answer. He looks out at the water with me, letting the silence breathe between us.
"You don't have to do anything" he says eventually. "Just... You don't have to make sense of it tonight."
I finally turn my head to look at him. He isn't pitying me or trying to fix me. He is just there, steady, patient, warm as always, in the cold night.
The sea roars beneath the cliff, the stars start to break through the clouds. Shining bright above us. And for the first time all day, the emotions didn't feel like they were swallowing me whole.
They are still there, sharp, tangled, frightening. But with Ethan beside me, they feel just a little less impossible.
Ethan looks up at the sky, and suddenly a lump catches in my throat. The stars… they seemed to split the sky, like they have come out just to see him. I turn my head quickly, forcing my gaze back to the dark sea before he can notice me watching him.
We sit in silence for a while, letting the wind and the distant crash of waves fill the space between us.
Finally, Ethan brakes it. "This sure as hell beats my badly drawn stars in that blankey fort" he laughs.
The memory hit me like a punch. Me and Ethan, lying under that fake sky he'd made to help me escape the reality of the facility. That night… the night we kissed. My chest thumps, catching me off guard.
"I don't know" I say quietly, turning my gaze on the real stars above us. "Those stars… they were pretty special to me."
He doen't answer at first, and when I finally glances at him, he is smiling. Wide, but almost shyly. And my heart… it skips a beat.
He looks exactly like he had the day I first met him, but somehow different. Lighter... Freer
"I still think of that day all the time" he says, turning his gaze toward me. "The facility was awful… but those days with you were some of the best since I lost my parents."
Every word feels deliberate, like a bulldozer against the walls I'd spent years building. I freeze for a moment, words caught somewhere between my chest and my throat.
And then, slowly, I feel a fragile confidence rise. "Ethan, I'm-"
But just like that, it slips away.
He must have seen the hesitation, because he stays looking at me, calm but patient, his presence somehow urging me forward. Waiting.
Finally, I let it out. "I'm glad you're alive."
The words hung in the air between us, heavier than the sea breeze, heavier than the stars themselves. I hadn't expected it to feel so… exposed, like saying them had stripped a layer of armour I didn't even know I still had.
Ethan's smile softens, and for a moment, the world seemed to shrink to just the two of us. The space between us felt smaller somehow, not by distance, but by weight. Every subtle shift he makes, the brush of his sleeve against mine, the way his gaze lingers, sends a jolt through me I wasn't used to feeling anymore.
"I'm glad you're here, Kai" he says quietly, almost a whisper.
I swallow, my chest tight. My hands fidget at my knees, trying to anchor myself to something solid, anything other than the pull I felt toward him. His proximity was dizzying, every part of me is suddenly awake in ways I hadn't let myself feel in years.
Ethan leans back slightly, but I can see it in his posture, deliberate, measured. There is a tension there, unspoken but palpable, like a cord stretched tight between us, ready to snap. I feel my heartbeat spike, ears hot, and I knew I wasn't imagining it.
The wind whips around us, carrying the scent of salt and seaweed, and I have to turn my gaze back to the stars. They are beautiful, yes, but even the sky couldn't compete with the pull I feel towards him.
Every glance he throws me felt deliberate, every small movement a careful tease. My body is alert in ways I hadn't let it be in years, tense, aware, craving, even though my mind screams at me to stay still... Don't get close again.
"I know you still need time to think, but I really want you to stay here… with me" Ethan says quietly.
Can I really stay here? Do I really deserve the same freedom as these people?
"I don't-" I start, but my voice cuts off as a sudden beam of light blinds us.
"You two better not be doing anything funny!" a loud, squeaky voice shouted.
Ethan sighs, and glances at me with an apologetic half-smile.
"Jack… shouldn't you have, I don't know, rats to chase or something?" Ethan tease, while standing up.
"I'm on important business! Who else is going to keep an eye on the new guy?" Jack shouts back, swinging the torch in dramatic circles before pointing it right at me. I squint, trying to protect my eyes from the beam.
"Don't shine the light in people's faces!" Ethan smacked Jack lightly on the back of the head, sending the torch tilting and the beam dropping. "You could make him go blind!"
"Ow! That hurt!" Jack whines, rubbing the spot.
"Stop being dramatic and go back inside" Ethan says, his tone is flat but clearly suppressing a laugh.
I can't help but watch the two of them spar. Part of me finds it ridiculous, and part of me finds it amusing. Maybe it was the absurdity of seeing a 12 year old act like… well, a 12 year old.
"Fine! Fine! But not because you told me to" Jack shouts, starting back toward the school building. "It's because it's getting past dinner time, and you!" he whipped the torch back toward me, his face serious "you better not cause trouble for others... Miriam made something special for you since you skipped breakfast and lunch!"
Then, just as quickly, he spins on his heel and sprints off, torch swinging like a tiny knight with a sword.
What just happened?
Ethan shakes his head, holding his nose in mock frustration.
"Sorry about him" Ethan says, turning back to me. "That's just his way of looking out for you."
Looking out for me? He's treating me like a criminal.
"Come on, we better get some food in you" Ethan says, holding out his hand. His smile is soft, almost coaxing.
I hesitate for a second but I let him pull me to my feet.
Walking back toward the school, I feel a weight lift from my chest. My worries from this morning has somehow slipped away, and it had only taken a little conversation with Ethan to feel lighter.
"Don't worry" Ethan says, glancing sidewards towards me. "It's late, so there won't be many people in there." He hesitates a bit, though, like the idea of entering the building still make him slightly nervous for me.
"It's okay. I think… I feel better than this morning," I admit, the warmth of the night seeping in.
_________________________
We steps into the canteen, and I fall a step behind Ethan. It is quiet compared to this morning, far calmer, the chaos replaced with a gentle hum.
Jack is near the door, giving me a quick, warning look before turning back to a younger girl in front of him. She looks no older than eight, with dark skin and matching hair and eyes, completely absorbed in the board game between them.
Ethan leads me to the same corner table as this morning. Slightly off to the side, it feels almost private.
Scanning the canteen as we walk through, I spot Tessa sitting alone in the middle, a book open in her hands. She gives a small wave as we pass, but her eyes return immediately to the pages. Her focus on the story seemed absolute, as if the rest of the world didn't exist.
I must apologies to her later about this morning.
We sit, and Ethan checks his watch. "Luckily we just missed dinner time, so everyone else already left."
Guilt pricks at me. He'd missed his dinner because of me.
"Sorry for making you miss your dinner" I say quietly.
Ethan blinks at me, a moment of confusion passing over his face before recognition dawns.
"Oh no!" He waved it off, grinning. "We can have food whenever we want here."
I nodded slowly, remembering that's supposed to be normal for most people, but it's became alien to me after years of rules.
"Well… apart from the sweets" Ethan added with an awkward laugh, "they lock those up."
We fall silent, and I found myself staring at him. He seems distant, like he is lost in thought. A flicker of sadness crosses his features, and I feel guilt rising again. Had I made him think about the facility?
"Sorry… I didn't mean to make you think of the facility" I murmured.
He freezes for a moment, locking eyes with me. Then he shakes his head, a small, careful smile tugging at his lips.
"No… don't worry. I wasn't thinking about that. I was…" he trails off, cutting himself short.
The pause hangs between us. My stomach twists with curiosity, and something else I hadn't expected, a tension, subtle but electric, that made it hard to breathe. Whatever he had meant to say, it was still there, unspoken, leaving the air between us charged.
Just then, the doors at the back of the canteen swing open, leading from the kitchen, and Miriam appears carrying two plates, one in each hand.
She walks over to us and sets the larger plate in front of me with a warm smile and a wink. "Here, Kai. You didn't have breakfast or lunch, so I made sure to add a little extra to your dinner."
I stare at the plate, unsure what to say. This… this is new. Even back before the facility, even when servants used to tend to me at home, no one ever did something like this. It feels strange... unearned almost.
"Erm… thank you" I manage.
Miriam places the other plate in front of Ethan, who immediately digs in.
"Well, a strong guy like you needs a lot of calories" she says, lightly patting my back.
I swallow hard and look at the food again, then back at Ethan and Miriam. A knot forms in my stomach, a mix of guilt and discomfort.
Ethan notices. "You better eat up, or you'll break Miriam's heart. She's such a good cook" he teases. "And if you don't, Jack over there will blind you again."
I glance back to see Jack pretending to aim his fingers at his own eyes, then pointing at me, clearly warning me he's watching.
Miriam laughs, a warm, hearty sound, and just like that, the knot in my stomach loosens. I pick up my fork and start eating.
The food is… incredible. Better than anything I've had in years. Maybe it's the contrast to the bland, basic meals at the facility, or maybe it's just the care Miriam has put into it. Before I know it, my plate is empty.
Miriam collects our plates, before reaching into her pocket to pull something shiny out and placing it in my hands. I stare at it for a moment before opening my palms, a round sweet, wrapped carefully in foil.
Ethan's eyes light up immediately. "Whoa! Where did you get that from? That's not fair! I want one!"
"You don't deserve it" Miriam says with a playful tone, though there's authority behind her voice.
"You can have it" I say quietly. "I don't mind."
"Don't you dare," Miriam says softly but firmly. "That's yours."
Ethan smiles, shrugging. "Yeah, you deserve it, Kai. Treat yourself."
I can't remember the last time I've had sweets, but I've never been particularly interested in them. I've always been used to giving my sweets to Noah. So, quietly, I slip it into my pocket, intending to save it for Ethan later.
After finishing, Ethan leads me back upstairs, and back toward his room.
I hesitate outside his door. I suppose I should head back to the room I stayed in this morning, but Ethan notices and turns.
"What are you doing? Come in" he says.
Feeling awkward, I follow him in. He's rifling through the pile of clothes before handing me a fresh set and a towel.
"There are showers downstairs, on the right" he says. "You'll probably want to wash up after everything that's happened since yesterday."
He's right, I've been desperate for a shower all day, but I haven't had the chance.
I follow his directions to the showers and it is surprisingly warm and strong for an abandoned school. The old locker rooms are clearly maintained. Individual cubicles line the wall, all clean.
After my shower, I approach the mirror and take a look at myself. I look the same as yesterday, yet somehow different.
Is it because the collar is gone?
My fingers trace the faint line around my neck where it used to sit. It's more sensitive than the surrounding skin, it will probably never fully heal. But I don't care. It's just another scar, a reminder, and nothing more.
Back in the bedroom, Ethan lies on the bed on his back with a book in his hands.
"Feeling better?" he asks as he turns to look at me.
"Yeah… a lot better. Thanks" I say.
He looks me over, making me feel self-conscious.
"You must be tired" he says.
I nod. "Yeah… it's been a long day. I guess I should head back to the room down the corridor?" I ask, assuming it will be my space while I'm here.
But something in Ethan's expression shifts as he sits up and I pause.
"What? No. You're staying here."
Stay here? In his room?
Seeing my confusion, he lets out a small laugh. "We used to be roommates, right? So it's nothing new." His smile twists into something playful, something sneaky.
A lump rises in my throat, but I swallow it.
"Oh… okay. I don't mind sleeping on the floor" I say, nodding toward the rug that sits next to the bed.
But as I'm about to sit, Ethan reaches out and grabs my arm. "What are you doing? You can't sleep on the floor."
I look up at him. Does he think I'll be uncomfortable?
"It's fine. I've done it before" I say, trying to ease his mind.
He looks down and shakes his head with a sigh. "Kai… get in the bed."
I freeze. I know he's just trying to be considerate, but my chest still aches, from our conversation by the sea . I'm not sure I can handle any more.
But when he gently pulls my arm, I let him guide me onto the bed.
I feel self-conscious, unsure of what to do, but Ethan just pulls the blanket over me like i'm a child and returns to his book.
He seems completely calm, unbothered by the closeness, while I lie there, feeling unsure about myself.
But as I listen to the ocean crashing in the distance, watching the dim light play over his face as he reads. Gradually, a sense of calm washes over me, and my eyes finally close as darkness claims me.